I've been emotionally cheating on my boyfriend for a month. I am an awful girlfriend

[poppy1]

 

Op what happened are you guys still together ? Are you still in contact with the "friend"?

 

My bf and I are still together and I am still in contact with this other guy. When I tell my bf what I get up to socially, he says 'you can do whatever you want and see where it gets you'.

 

I do want to break up with my bf, but 1) it's close to christmas 2) we are going home together in february 3) we rent a flat together and the lease is until april 4) we bought a house together in another country and are paying the mortgage 5) i have a lot of stuff at his house

[Chemist]

My bf and I are still together and I am still in contact with this other guy. When I tell my bf what I get up to socially, he says 'you can do whatever you want and see where it gets you'.

 

I do want to break up with my bf, but 1) it's close to christmas 2) we are going home together in february 3) we rent a flat together and the lease is until april 4) we bought a house together in another country and are paying the mortgage 5) i have a lot of stuff at his house

 

There are always excuses, and in 2 years, you'll be engaged, and 2 more years, you'll have kids.

 

If you want out, stop being a baby and do it!

[Clay]

My bf and I are still together and I am still in contact with this other guy. When I tell my bf what I get up to socially, he says 'you can do whatever you want and see where it gets you'.

 

I do want to break up with my bf, but 1) it's close to christmas 2) we are going home together in february 3) we rent a flat together and the lease is until april 4) we bought a house together in another country and are paying the mortgage 5) i have a lot of stuff at his house

 

Once he figures out your cheating all those things you times you had the ability to change things will all come crashing down.

 

I hope someone tells him soon. He needs to get away from you. It sounds like your a very destructive person.

[smackie9]

My bf and I are still together and I am still in contact with this other guy. When I tell my bf what I get up to socially, he says 'you can do whatever you want and see where it gets you'.

 

I do want to break up with my bf, but 1) it's close to christmas 2) we are going home together in february 3) we rent a flat together and the lease is until april 4) we bought a house together in another country and are paying the mortgage 5) i have a lot of stuff at his house

 

You can settle the estate by closing your mortgage, sell the property, take a payout, rent it till it's finacially feasible. Christmas is no excuse. He or you can find a roommate till the lease is finished. Call in some favors and have your s hit picked up and store it temporarily at a family member's garage or rent a storage locker, or sell off some of your stuff. Cancel plane tickets, or reserve a differnt flight. It's do-able, no excuses.

[NateGrey]

My bf and I are still together and I am still in contact with this other guy. When I tell my bf what I get up to socially, he says 'you can do whatever you want and see where it gets you'.

 

I do want to break up with my bf, but 1) it's close to christmas 2) we are going home together in february 3) we rent a flat together and the lease is until april 4) we bought a house together in another country and are paying the mortgage 5) i have a lot of stuff at his house

 

I see posts like this and then I can't help but wonder how any members on this board can ever ever be upset when someone gives a cheater a harsh reply.

 

When your sugar coat things for people their entire life this is how they turn out. Not only selfish, but so very "matter of factly" selfish. There is no emotion in this post, not even a tinge of regret, remorse, or any hint of being willing to take responsibility for their own actions.

Edited December 2, 2014 by NateGrey

[Chi townD]

News about the other guy:

 

I am not delusional and things have gotten too flirtatious for me to ignore his intentions and put it down to friendship only. If we hang out he likes to look into my eyes, ask me deep questions, he likes to hold me, rests his head on mine, and he will hold both of my hands in his and rub my fingers for a while until I pull away. He also likes to smile and look at me a lot. He always wants to hang out with me for coffee/food and asks if I'm free. He has even suggested us visiting his house. He wants me to teach him to dance ( but not the steps, only the embracing part). He always wants to hug me. He texts me good night and good morning every day. He texts if I'm ok, and how I'm feeling etc.

 

I had a deep chat with another guy friend (who is into me but I'm not into him) what I should do. He tells me to make a clean break with my current bf, but stay away from this other guy since he is of super flirtatious character and basically tries his luck with anything that moves and is female. They've been working together for one year so he knows him.

 

 

 

So, break up with your boyfriend. You don't find him attractive and you also find him a bit boring. So, break up with him.

 

 

So, go chase after the pretty bad boys and they'll give you what you want (but, I speculate nothing more than that). I mean, you'll be free to do so. Nothing will hold you back. Hell, you've already started dating other guys, you just haven't cut the cord between you and your boyfriend. If you're not dedicated to him, then don't you think he deserves a girl that will? That will stand by his side through thick and thin?

 

 

You seemed concerned about his weight. Well, he's got a lot of stressors in his life right now. Busy with work and on top of that, he see's he's losing you. He feels you already pulling away. Perhaps, he's making himself sick waiting for the day that you're going to dump him. So, do him a favor and end his misery.

 

 

But, the kindness thing you can do for him is that when you dump him, lose all contact with him. You're making the decision to have him out of your life. So, don't call him, text him, text him or write him and email. And ignore all his calls and texts. You are not his friend! I'm sure you didn't get into a caring and loving relationship with him for the end result is that he is nothing more than a really good friend to you. That's not fair to you or him. You'll fill him up with false hope. You need to lose all contact with him so he can heal and move on with his own life.

 

 

But, you said he's a great guy. You described him as kind, generous, loving, caring, hard working, goal orientated. You won't have to worry about him. Once other girls see those attributes in him.....I speculate he won't be single for long.

[Diezel]

My bf and I are still together and I am still in contact with this other guy. When I tell my bf what I get up to socially, he says 'you can do whatever you want and see where it gets you'.

 

I do want to break up with my bf, but 1) it's close to christmas 2) we are going home together in february 3) we rent a flat together and the lease is until april 4) we bought a house together in another country and are paying the mortgage 5) i have a lot of stuff at his house

 

#1: Excuse

#2: Excuse

#3: Excuse

#4: Excuse

#5: Excuse

 

Pathetic. I feel for this guy.

[poppy1]

Ok, so I've told the other guy today that I cannot see him anymore. Now I'm going to focus on repairing my relationship with my boyfriend.

[Justanaverageguy]

Ok, so I've told the other guy today that I cannot see him anymore. Now I'm going to focus on repairing my relationship with my boyfriend.

 

Why ? The day before you wanted to break up with him. Is this just because the board told you your actions were selfish so now you feel you need to waste more of your BF's time ?

 

I've lacked sexual attraction to him for many years (since I was 22). I just didn't do anything about it since I didn't fancy any other guys around me so thought it was just best to stay put. Now in the new country where my own race is predominant rather than the ethnic minority (I am Asian) I find so many other Asian guys who are attractive and attracted to me. In my home country, even though I am pretty/hot, the white guys didn't pay attention to me and I didn't fancy them either.

 

You said that you had not been attracted to him or wanted to have sex with him for more then 5 years. That seriously makes my heart bleed for your boyfriend. He has wasted 5 years of his life with a person who seems to barely be attracted to him, only stayed with him because she didn't have any better offers on the table in that time and seems to have zero regard for his welfare.

 

Seriously if you are not attracted to him and do not want to be with him end it. Dragging him through the process of you slowly pulling away from him, disrespecting him and seeing other guys behind his back is just wrong. So many people prolong relationships because they are too scared to end it and too scared to hurt their partners feelings. What they don't realise is that by delaying it they make the process infinitely more painful and do so much more damage to their partner then if they just made a clean break.

 

You are seeing other people behind his back, complaining about everything he does or doesn't do right, complaining about his appearance, complaining about his performance in bed. You may not say this directly to his face .... but you do say it to him through your interaction with him, through your body language, the way you treat him and speak to him, the way you avoid sex, the way you exclude him from activities. You are slowly destroying his confidence and self-esteem which will take him a long time to rebuild.

 

Let him go so he can find some one who appreciates who he is.

[Clay]

Ok, so I've told the other guy today that I cannot see him anymore. Now I'm going to focus on repairing my relationship with my boyfriend.

 

Now tell your BF so he knows and can make his own decision. You cant fully repair your relationship if its not built on trust and honesty.

 

Anything less than that is simply a lie and a relationship built on lies will never last.

 

Clay

[aliveagain]

Your a keeper. just the kind of woman I want to better myself for just to give her the life she deserves. Yup, I want someone like you in my life. What will you do when the next pretty boy comes along?

[NateGrey]

Ok, so I've told the other guy today that I cannot see him anymore. Now I'm going to focus on repairing my relationship with my boyfriend.

 

You know, I give you props for at least taking a step in the right direction. Most people would just run away and not post anymore. I still think you need to tell your BF too. I saw one reason you said Christmas was soon. Well, isn't something always on the horizon? If it's not Christmas it is New Years, and then you have St. Patrick's Day, and Easter, then the 4th of July, etc.

 

My point is there is never going to be a good time to drop this news, you know? Nobody can force you to do the right thing, but if you will not tell him then please..let this be a lesson learned, don't let it become a habit because you got away with it once. Think about what you could of truly lost.

 

Though I will still always maintain truth is better. Who knows if in the future he might find out, and it would be better if he did from you, but it is your choice.

[Itspointless]

So many people prolong relationships because they are too scared to end it and too scared to hurt their partners feelings. What they don't realise is that by delaying it they make the process infinitely more painful and do so much more damage to their partner then if they just made a clean break.

So true. I guess often they are afraid of the hurt that it also causes themselves as they often love the other in some sort of friendly way. Breaking an attachment does hurt no matter what.

 

But hey, who ever said doing the right thing was easy

[Diezel]

Ok, so I've told the other guy today that I cannot see him anymore. Now I'm going to focus on repairing my relationship with my boyfriend.

 

When you say "repair my relationship with my boyfriend", you really mean "repair myself". Right?

[poppy1]

Why ? The day before you wanted to break up with him. Is this just because the board told you your actions were selfish so now you feel you need to waste more of your BF's time ?

 

 

 

You said that you had not been attracted to him or wanted to have sex with him for more then 5 years. That seriously makes my heart bleed for your boyfriend. He has wasted 5 years of his life with a person who seems to barely be attracted to him, only stayed with him because she didn't have any better offers on the table in that time and seems to have zero regard for his welfare.

 

Seriously if you are not attracted to him and do not want to be with him end it. Dragging him through the process of you slowly pulling away from him, disrespecting him and seeing other guys behind his back is just wrong. So many people prolong relationships because they are too scared to end it and too scared to hurt their partners feelings. What they don't realise is that by delaying it they make the process infinitely more painful and do so much more damage to their partner then if they just made a clean break.

 

You are seeing other people behind his back, complaining about everything he does or doesn't do right, complaining about his appearance, complaining about his performance in bed. You may not say this directly to his face .... but you do say it to him through your interaction with him, through your body language, the way you treat him and speak to him, the way you avoid sex, the way you exclude him from activities. You are slowly destroying his confidence and self-esteem which will take him a long time to rebuild.

 

Let him go so he can find some one who appreciates who he is.

 

Actually we have had a very loving relationship all the way until 2 months ago. I was actually very deeply in love with my boyfriend from the start, but I think the monotony of the relationship has just made me feel a bit bored recently. Yes we haven't had sex for two months but before that it was about 4 times a week.

I feel that I need more excitement in my life and it can't just be about work. My boyfriend is kind of the opposite. He doesn't crave excitement and literally his goal in life is to achieve career success. When we are together the only thing he can talk about is work, how to get better at it and what our future career goals are. Our relationship was fine up until 2 months go when I was opened up to a wider social circle. Now I'm making a new friend everyday and having a lot of social interaction. I feel that I've been missing out a lot on life. Everything was fine until guys started paying me more attention. I really don't fancy them more than friends. They are all very nice people but I wouldn't do anything with them.

[Chemist]

Actually we have had a very loving relationship all the way until 2 months ago. I was actually very deeply in love with my boyfriend from the start, but I think the monotony of the relationship has just made me feel a bit bored recently. Yes we haven't had sex for two months but before that it was about 4 times a week.

I feel that I need more excitement in my life and it can't just be about work. My boyfriend is kind of the opposite. He doesn't crave excitement and literally his goal in life is to achieve career success. When we are together the only thing he can talk about is work, how to get better at it and what our future career goals are. Our relationship was fine up until 2 months go when I was opened up to a wider social circle. Now I'm making a new friend everyday and having a lot of social interaction. I feel that I've been missing out a lot on life. Everything was fine until guys started paying me more attention. I really don't fancy them more than friends. They are all very nice people but I wouldn't do anything with them.

 

In most relationships, especially long term ones, it is better to hold things in until you're unhappy and quit it. Marriage is all about it.

 

 

I mean a long time with him, and you can't tell him that you want more? At least give him the option to make changes to give you what you need and want? Is he a mind reader?

 

Maybe he works his ass off so you feel comfortable and safe with him? So that you see him as your equal (I mean you complain this newbie kid is socioeconomically below you)....?

[ponchsox]

This is exactly why I'm single. Women in my generation are entitled liars. And the next guy who is new and exciting, you will toss him aside too.

[Javelin]

Poppy,

 

You obviously love your boyfriend, and you care about him! You want to stay with him, because you see potential in him. But, have you communicated the key points that NEED to be addressed for your relationship to work?

 

Key Points:

• You're bored in your relationship.
  
• The Sex is awful.
  
• You want to experience new things in the world, with him.
  
• and, work isn't everything in life!
  

 

I only ask, because you've flipped several times throughout the life of the thread and I swear you are just doing what people tell you to do!

[NateGrey]

Poppy,

 

You obviously love your boyfriend,

 

What do you feel the OP has done to portray this? Where is the obvious love at?

[Javelin]

What do you feel the OP has done to portray this? Where is the obvious love at?

 

For one, she blatantly made claims that she still loves him.

 

and lets not beat around the bush - she LOVES him, but she is falling out of love with him. Why else would she post on LoveShack? To come clean with cheating? If her story is true, then she did not cheat physically nor emotionally. She came to LoveShack because she is crying out for help, to save her relationship, and fall in-love with her boyfriend again.

 

and not to be mean, but the two of them seem like stumps. However, one of the stumps started growing limbs and leaves while trying to branch out...

 

(Correct me if I'm wrong!)

Edited December 10, 2014 by Javelin

[NateGrey]

For one, she blatantly made claims that she still loves him.

 

and lets not beat around the bush - she LOVES him, but she is falling out of love with him. Why else would she post on LoveShack? To come clean with cheating? If her story is true, then she did not cheat physically nor emotionally. She came to LoveShack because she is crying out for help, to save her relationship, and fall in-love with her boyfriend again.

 

and not to be mean, but the two of them seem like stumps. However, one of the stumps started growing limbs and leaves while trying to branch out...

 

(Correct me if I'm wrong!)

 

The cheaters always claim to love the people they betray though. Go look at most threads here from cheaters, they all insist they love their partners. Just..you know, not enough to not betray them.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Prove yourself through action, reflect on your actions through thought,

Take this advice or leave it here, it really matters naught.

No one here can tell you how you feel, only you have the wheel to your life,

But it's clear to me that you do not want to be this mans wife.

 

You cheated on him and you don't even care,

It's that fact right there that gives me a scare.

**** happens in life, it really does and in a way,

They can become your undoing, or your first step to being great.

 

If you love your boyfriend, truly love him, as you say,

Then you need to understand that you're hurting him this way.

Stringing him along, but complaining about him too,

It sounds like you are just using him for comfort....shame on you.

 

You need to make a choice, moreso than just cutting contact with your fling,

You need to ..woman up and make a decision, regardless of the sting.

Become this man's girlfriend, or break it off with him for good,

Either way you choose, go all-in and do not look back....understood?

[DrReplyInRhymes]

The cheaters always claim to love the people they betray though. Go look at most threads here from cheaters, they all insist they love their partners. Just..you know, not enough to not betray them.

 

Although you are right, there are instances of this,

Understand that mistakes happen and life isn't black and white, it has a twist.

Some people are truly ashamed of the cheating act,

And some are just ashamed they couldn't keep it intact.

 

You can't proclaim to know if she loves him or not,

But she's obviously asking for advice and seems very distraught.

To point out the behavior without offering advice,

Seems to be counterproductive and like cutting bread without a knife.

[NateGrey]

Although you are right, there are instances of this,

Understand that mistakes happen and life isn't black and white, it has a twist.

Some people are truly ashamed of the cheating act,

And some are just ashamed they couldn't keep it intact.

 

You can't proclaim to know if she loves him or not,

But she's obviously asking for advice and seems very distraught.

To point out the behavior without offering advice,

Seems to be counterproductive and like cutting bread without a knife.

 

Being ashamed doesn't equate to love. It's also not about what I proclaim, but about reality and her actions, which tell us all we need to know.

 

But hey, since we are rhyming, I have one:

I've posted before on this thread and already given advice,

Before you say I've offered none perhaps you should read the thread twice?

Yay, rhyming is fun! But are we done?

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Being ashamed doesn't equate to love. It's also not about what I proclaim, but about reality and her actions, which tell us all we need to know.

 

But hey, since we are rhyming, I have one:

I've posted before on this thread and already given advice,

Before you say I've offered none perhaps you should read the thread twice?

Yay, rhyming is fun! But are we done?

 

You're right, love and shame are different emotions indeed,

But you claim she doesn't love him, even after her deed.

Mistakes do happen, no one lives in a glass house,

And please understand that I'm not calling you out.

 

I saw your advice, and as sound as it is,

She didn't heed that advice and instead is doing this.

And to think she doesn't love him, well everyone has their own thought,

But to claim to know the answer better than herself...you do not.

 

Your display of mocking me was cute as well,

I'm sorry I upset you, my apologies, please don't dwell.

I'm not calling you out, and I repeat, your advice was great,

But she chose something else, no need to spew your hate.