End up feeling like a 3rd wheel when my friend picks up when we go out.

[ziggue]

My friend. She recently became single again. She wants to go out, pick up and have fun.

 

That is all good and fine. She can meet whoever she wants, have sex with whoever she wants.

 

At the end of the night though this seems to be starting to happen every time we go out. I get dragged along to the guy she meets place or a hotel so they can have sex.

 

I would make my own way home but either drink too much and can't drive or miss the last train of the night while in another city and have to stick around till I can get home.

 

I even said the 1st time for them to drop me off and she was like, your bags are at my place you might as well stay. Seriously? The 1st time it happened the guy had a friend and luckily I found him attractive but when I am intimate with someone I would rather have privacy. Not have someone else lingering around while that is going on.

 

There is no way I want to be around her while she is having sex with someone. It is even awkward enough watching someone make out with someone else let alone that.

 

When I was in my twenties I had a bit of fun as well but never dragged anyone else along with me and made them sit in another room while it was happening or pay for another room to crash in while waiting for me.

 

Anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you deal with it when your friends picked up, while you did not?

Edited November 24, 2014 by ziggue

[preraph]

Sounds like you just need to arrange your own transportation when you go do something together and then either not be driving or not drink too much so you can get home.

[ziggue]

Yeah I was thinking of that. We are going out again and have arranged to share a room.

 

Even wondering if that is a good idea. If she brings someone back I will not be happy as I will definitely be in the same room as them. Just hate I have to worry about this stuff every time I go out with her.

 

I am happy for her to meet whoever she wants and stuff. Just not do things like that.

 

I would never put a friend out like that just to have a guy boost my self esteem for the night. If she meets someone they night. She can go home with them. Not bring them back or they get their own room. Will have to talk about it with her.

[preraph]

Yeah. No. LOL. Let her pickup guy pay for them a room. Good idea to have a room nearby, but only if the agreement is she goes with him wherever and NOT to your room. You need to just tell her you're tired of hearing her have sex. Thing is then she might decide that if she doesn't sleep in it, she doesn't have to pay half, so I'm not sure that's a good plan unless you're sure she wouldn't pull that on you. I had a roommate who I had to quit riding anywhere with because she'd disappear and I'd be left waiting and wondering if she was ever coming back. I just completely stopped riding together with her anywhere, even if I was driving. Separate cars.

[ziggue]

That has only almost happened once where I had to be in the same room while I was with the guy and his mate I hooked up. With. We we're not happy about that at all and it was very uncomfortable for everyone.

 

The second time with another guy it was just 3 of us. I was stuck with them. I would have gotten my own room if they had gotten their own and had to fork out money for my own pocket. I mean what if I had no money?

 

I have 2 other friends staying in another room. 2 girls. But I won't mention crashing in there's. If she wants our room to herself she is gonna have to pay for the whole room. There is no way I am paying for half a room for her to have sex in lol.

 

If am fine with her going 2 the guys place. Not sure what to do then. If it is just us 2 going out we are getting out own rooms next time. She is a single Mum so she can't afford to get her own room but I am not sleeping next to 2 people having sex for a room I half paid for.

 

Who does she think she is if she thinks I am okay with that? Haha.

 

How hard iis it just to get a guys number and wait till later? That is what I would do. I would not ever out a friend out just cause I want to get laid . Like I said it's better whe their is privacy.

[darkmoon]

wondering if she controls more than this, i bet she does, ignore me if i am wrong

 

but one bad night out would be enough for some, yet there you are, knowing your bad fate on your night out and still you act as her companion

 

 

suggest a movie next outing or a meal, stop playing the game, as in stop saying ok when she invites you

Edited November 25, 2014 by darkmoon

[Tayla]

Yes. Best thing to do, abruptly end the scenario and pretend friendship. Genuine friends don't behave that way.

[ziggue]

Actually I am the one inviting her out. To these things for Halloween, an album launch last time.

 

If I did not invite her out. She would not be meeting any guy lol.

 

Like a I said before. She can meet whoever while we are out I don't care. Not threatened or jealous at all.

 

I just don't want to be stuck with them at another guys house, some hotel or in the same room if she wants to hook up with them at the end of the night. Surely anyone would see how uncomfortable it is for a person to be on the out in that situation.

 

You guys are right we will have to find our own way home or different rooms or something next time.

 

Other then this she is a amazing supportive friend. Obviously a bit rusty with going out and ending up in this kind of situation.

 

Something I do not want to get caught up with again.

[Arieswoman]

ziggue,

Personally I wouldn't want to be associated with someone who went out looking for pick-ups as I wouldn't want to be "tarred with the same brush".

 

When I was single and wanted to go out on the town with friends we had a system.

One person was the designated driver (and we took turns at this). The driver's job was to stay sober all night and drive everyone home afterwards. We had a pre-arranged rendezvous point where everyone that wanted a lift home had to be at a certain time. Anyone that wasn't there, didn't get a lift and had to sort out their own transport home.

 

Some of the other girls waited up to half-an-hour for people to show up - which really annoyed me. I waited 10 mins and then went. I left 3 out of 5 girls behind one night - they were mad as hell but they never messed me around again!

 

If I did not invite her out. She would not be meeting any guy lol.

 

What? She can't find her own guys? Are you some kind of unpaid matchmaker?!

 

I think you need to make some boundaries and stick to them.

[ziggue]

Yeah. I probably won't go out with her much during the night anymore.

 

I did talk to her about. Slightly. It was funny when she came back with "are you in love with me or something?" Thinking I wanted her to myself and that I did not want her to pick up. I just thought wow. This girl sure has tickets on herself.

 

I mentioned I did not care who she met or whatever while we we're out. Just that I did not want to be stuck with what I mentioned up above when she goes home with the guy. She was like "so I will have to pick up guys in my own time?" As if she was saying that I was not allowing her to do that when we hung out.

 

Reckon she is playing dumb there?

 

I had to explain it again in a much simpler manner and she finally got it. I also mentioned "when we go out on my birthday. While we are sharing a room, if you pick up. You either go get another room or go to the guys house. You are not bringing a guy back here." She seemed fine with that.

 

I then get a text on a few hours later. That she did not feel like going to a bar or a club after that. Hmm... Makes me wonder. She used not having enough money as an excuse but she was fine with the idea before. She is tight with money though. I knew that and could not argue it.

 

I do not think I will go out with her again at night after my birthday. At least a bigger group of girls is going this time.

 

She can find guys online. But yeah it does feel like she uses me inviting her out as a way to find guys. Like that is the whoe purpose for it. Even my friends I met in another City never did that.

 

Keeping an eye on her. Might talk to her more in depth about it. In a way that does not offend her.

 

I am usually good at picking up on manipulation and stuff now so if I feel she is doing that will definitely call her out on it.

 

Just not liking how she uses us going out as a catalyst to find men. Whatever happened to just going out with the girls and enjoying yourself, not worrying about needing validation from some hot guy to make yourself feel better about yourself? Or just getting a guys number during the night and calling him back later? I mean she can do it while I am not stuck with her. Even when we are out. I just don't wanna be stuck with them at the end of the night. That's it.

 

Glad I am not like that when I go out. I just think if I pick up I do if I don't I don't. I don't actively go out looking for it every time I go out. I just go out to have fun and enjoy the company of who I am with.

Edited November 25, 2014 by ziggue

[preraph]

I guess there's nothing wrong with her wanting to get laid, but she needs to raise her standards just a hair and let these guys she's hooking up with foot the bill and possibly leave you out of it. Is it cheaper to rent a room or take a cab home? I know where I live you can't even get cabs except around downtown (where nothing is going on at night) and from hotels to the airport because we're a big spread-out town so they won't go anywhere unless they can pick up a fare going home. It might be cheaper to pay a friend with a car who doesn't really go out or drink to drive you, you know, give them $20 or $30 or something to drop you and then call them to pick you up. I had one person I did that with back when I was going out partying all the time. It could be someone who maybe is a stay-at-home mom and doesn't make her own money and would be glad for the pocket change or even a teenager with a license. Guess you don't have Uber there? Look online to be sure.

[ziggue]

No I don't think there is nothing wrong if she wants to get laid either . At times I might wanna hook up with a guy as well but I would not if I had her or anyone else with me just. I would just get his number and go home with my mates. Not drag them with me.

 

Public transport in my area is pretty **** to. You go out and end up waiting 3 or 4 hours for a Cab and after it ends up being $50, $60 just to get home. I hate waiting hours to get home and would rather get a hotel room.

 

Could do that with my cousin. Good point. But yes when it comes to this I am going to have to set some boundaries and find my own way home. It's to uncomfortable for me in this situation and don't understand why you would even want to hook up with someone while another person is stuck with you.

[ziggue]

Do you think that what my friend does regarding this is rude though?

 

When she is drunk and wants to have sex she seems to forget about everything else.

 

I mean the last time we went out I got stuck with them after there were no trains around.

 

We went out looking all night for a room. What if there was 1 room available or I had no money for an extra room.

 

It also pissed me off that I would have had to pay for my own room when she would have gotten one for free lol.

 

Before that I was in a situation where we both had someone and 1 room. It was still awkward! The guy and I ended up getting the ****s cause we both hated the situation lol. Very uncomfortable for everyone and she still did not care after I spoke to her about it and I almost got into that same situation again. Roll eyes.

 

This has seriously stopped me from wanting to go out with her at night now. Refusing to share a room with her again as well to.

 

Sex is a private intimate thing for me.

 

Pretty desperate if you ask me lol. That you can't get the guy's number and wait till you 2 are alone instead.

[Million.to.1]

Eww, she sounds gross.

[ziggue]

I know right?

 

She tells me not to mention this to anyone. I wonder why?!!!

 

I have cause I am upset about it. Only who I trust won't say anything.

 

They pretty much say the same thing that was said on here. Make other plans to get home, separate rooms or not go out with her at night.

 

Now when she mentions going out at night she suggests we go in a big group now so I suppose what we spoke about did not ressignate with her.

[anika99]

I don't understand how this is even a dilemma. It would be obvious to me the first time this happened that I could not trust my friend for transportation home or to agree to no hook ups. You keep saying she should no how much of an imposition this is but how should she know? You keep going along with it so why should she change anything. YOU are creating the problem by continuing to allow it, not her.

 

 

Also I don't understand why you are not more worried about this friends behavior. Not only are unconcerned you seem to encourage it by tagging along. You two are leaving the club at night with virtual strangers and going to a hotel or even to the house of these strangers? That's very dangerous behaviour. I'm not judging your or your friend so your sex lives but leaving a bar with a stranger when you are inebriated is inviting trouble.

[SpiralOut]

She doesn't sound like much of a friend. If you still want to see her, keep it to events where she can't screw you over like lunch or a movie.

[newmoon]

could it be a safety thing? if she is picking up people fairly random then having you nearby is a source of comfort/protection, maybe, if something goes wrong w/the guy?

[ziggue]

That is true ankla99. I am the one inviting her out to come with me though. Not the other way around.

 

The second time this happened it made it evidently clear to me she only goes out at night to pick up. Not to just hang out.

 

I have never encountered this with other friends who are girls that I have gone out with before so gave her the benefit of the doubt the second time we went out. Won't again.

 

Won't go out with her to bars or clubs so she knows I don't tolerate that ****. It uncomfortable when we even had 2 couples hooking up in the same room. It will be worse with one and another just sitting there. She just does not think about that and just wants to have sex no matter what.

 

For me when I go out with the girls. I go out to hang out with them. If I pick up bonus! But I don't actively go out looking to like she does and the rest of us get stuck in the awkward position of having to stay in the same room cause there are no more trains, Cabs are too expensive or cause we have drank to much to drive home.

 

I thought that to newmoon but when I have told her 4 or 5 times that it makes me uncomfortable to be there. She should respect my boundaries. I have never fought anyone in my life not thrown a punch. As if I would be any help in that situation if something bad happened. Hahaha.

 

I brought up that I don't like getting involved as well cause of safety reasons to! Yet she does not seem to care after she drinks and wants sex.

 

Straight after telling her I was uncomfortable with it all when she and this guy went looking for rooms she goes and buys condoms. Shakes head. I was like seriously? What if I had no money for a room? I definitely not getting caught up with that bull**** again. I do think she is gonna get herself in trouble if she keeps doing this one day as well.

[preraph]

Could do that with my cousin. Good point. But yes when it comes to this I am going to have to set some boundaries and find my own way home. It's to uncomfortable for me in this situation and don't understand why you would even want to hook up with someone while another person is stuck with you.

 

Since you can do it with your cousin, you do it, but of course be ready to pay for it all yourself when she goes home with someone -- and she can worry about her own ride home.

[preraph]

Do you think that what my friend does regarding this is rude though?

 

When she is drunk and wants to have sex she seems to forget about everything else.

 

I mean the last time we went out I got stuck with them after there were no trains around.

 

We went out looking all night for a room. What if there was 1 room available or I had no money for an extra room.

 

It also pissed me off that I would have had to pay for my own room when she would have gotten one for free lol.

 

Before that I was in a situation where we both had someone and 1 room. It was still awkward! The guy and I ended up getting the ****s cause we both hated the situation lol. Very uncomfortable for everyone and she still did not care after I spoke to her about it and I almost got into that same situation again. Roll eyes.

 

This has seriously stopped me from wanting to go out with her at night now. Refusing to share a room with her again as well to.

 

Sex is a private intimate thing for me.

 

Pretty desperate if you ask me lol. That you can't get the guy's number and wait till you 2 are alone instead.

 

There's no reason you can't just refuse to go when she goes or refuse to go with her but just meet here there, arranging your own transport and don't let her use you for that. I mean, it sounds like she just wants a friend to go out with so she doesn't feel awkward while she hangs out and gets picked up. Just don't go along with her once she has the man. You should hire your own transportation, safe driver cousin, and then not agree to share ride or room with her at all. And if that means going out half as often to afford it, that's probably for the best under the circumstances!

[stillafool]

Why don't you just stop going out with her? Another option would be to bring another friend along so when she hooks up you will still have a companion to party with.

[Sugarkane]

I don't understand why she can't just go to the one night stands place instead?

[ziggue]

Decided to only go out with her when with a group of people now and to not share a hotel room. If none of this is possible. Then I won't bother going out with her at night at all now and just hang out with her during the day.

 

I don't want her to feel like she can't pick up if I am around but I don't want to be stuck with her when she does. So coming up wig alternative ways that can work if we go out at night again lol.

 

Thanks for the advice guys. I am just more surprised she does not seem to care if I am in the same room with her or not or she expects me to wait outside the room while she hooks up or something. Eww.

 

Definitely want to avoid being in that situation again. Never encountered this before going out with friends.