Just cant over my boyfriend cheating on me with his ex.

[2posh]

This past may ,I was horrified to learn that my boyfreind cheated on me with his Ex...I shouldve seen it coming to be honest since hes never gotten over her and over the last ten years have kept in regular contact.They have both been highly disrespectful of me and her husband over the years with flirt messages and nude pics being sent...My boyfriend was always very protective of her even when id protests but always denied having any feelings for her!! He would go thro great lengths too sneak to talk to her by making up seperate messangers for her,etc etc...He would always lie to me about what they talked about etc...Years ago I found out he was telling her how much he still loves her etc...But then tells me hes not even tho ive caught him red handed..!! at that time tho they never saw each other but just talked via facebook etc....

 

Fast forward to that night in May when my world shattered!! a freind of mine joined this site called Fetlife and recognized his ex on there and told me that she had written and very interesting post about her fanstasy that came true,but she was upset by it..In this post in went on in great details about her fantasy about how her husband granted her one wish ,and her wish was to do her EX in front of her husband while he was tied and blind folded to a chair!!!IN this she changed the names but it was my man..Even then he told her he should have never let her go etc etc...I was devestated!! I call him up ask him and at first he denies,but when i went into details,he finally fessed up! Now mind you my man hasnt ever been totally faithful to me,he had lots of women he was interested in and even went out on dates behind my back and would always lie with great idignation and tell me hes sick of ME acting like that but meanwhile he was always creepin...He would be so mean to me and very unapologetic.SO i was shocked he actually admitted this to me!

 

He seemed very remorseful so i took him back and so far it doesnt seem that hes talking to her but in the back of my head i know ill never be free of her and neither will he!! He holds on to his past with dear life and anyone in it and since shes the love of his life,he will NEVER go without speaking to her for too long and i dont care what he says..shes his crack!!

 

WHAT BOTHERS ME IS THIS...I never seem to be good enough for him in any way...If its not other women its a serious porn addiction he has...Its like he cant relate to women properly and he treats his main one like **** but never wants to do anything sexually exciting for me.Ive asked him several times what his fantasies are and he says he has none..But yet he went over there to fullfill one of hers!! But would never fulllfill any of my desires!! Even after all this he never checks in with me too see what i want nor need so ive shut down from him sexually,even before i found out about the cheating because it didnt matter what i did in bed ,he always went to porn or to flirting with everyone else anyways.I just dont matter to him that way!! But yet if i were to "look " around then im a hypocrite according to him,but in some ways he leaves the door open for me to cheat!! He doesnt care what i do during my days or nights,hes more about appeasing his own needs and his own hobbies and its always been like this so now i just do my own thing...He ;loses people because hes so out of touch with others emotional needs except his own.But when he gets hurt he wants all kinds of apologies and vindications,but yet still ignoring everyone elses needs,,,Hes very narcisssitc...Anyways i stay because i do love him or maybe i stay because one day maybe he will learn to appreciate me and try to make me happy emotionally...He great with support in other ways,like freindship and someone to talk to and he helps me with my family and money but still im lonley and sexless and i think ima stay that way...I show more interest on him then he does me sexually,ill ask if hes cheated or keep tabs like most couples do.He doesnt even ask me if im getting tempted or anything about my needs..SO whats a girl to do!! I just shut down that way and dont wanna be touched UNTIL someone really wants to know how to open me up and show me interest about what makes me tick!! My boyfreind will NEVER do this...But yet if i were to flirt then hed be intersted but not because he fears he could lose me,but just so he can get up on a soapbox and say Ha ha I TOLD YOU SO YOUR A HYPOCRITE!! THEN HE CAN WHINE TO EVERYONE ABOUT YET ANOTHER WOMAN HAS CHEATED ON HIM....He always plays victim,but never tells people the shade that hes done...He even wanted to screw his best freinds wife and i caught him trying to do that!!

 

So people ask me,why am i still with him because he clearly has issues,and i still dont know why ...I think i have issues around abandonment and try to make sure it doesnt happen..But its clear that no matter what i do ,it will never stop him loving his ex and or philandering ways!! Just last night i saw how many pictures of women he has on his comp...It let me down because i was about to sleep with him again...Now im shut down..He doesnt care what I want or need ...Just feel lost,because i want to feel like a women again and like sex..

 

I just dont understand why he doesnt want me that way but yet doesnt want to ever leave me..so confusing

Edited November 24, 2014 by 2posh

[Misty_Knight]

Hey Girl,

 

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. Why we sometimes get so caught up in feeling like we need the wrong one, that we let the rest of life pass us by is beyond me. Don't let this nonsense with him rule your life. Give your heart, mind and spirit to other things. Maybe devote ten minutes a day to thinking about him and his cheating ways. The rest of the time, focus on yourself.

 

Start doing the things you love. Start getting yourself in a position, financially, where you don't need his help. Find a friend to talk to for support. Do rely on him for validation. Learn to find that within yourself. Distance yourself from him in every way then physically walk away completely.

 

Your can't give your heart to someone who only wants to break it. Don't waste your life on him.

 

Make sure you get a full STD panel and never sleep with him again unless you use a condom. He won't change. You deserve better. You can do better.

[smackie9]

Step one: get some self esteem. Never measure your self worth by how he or anyone for that matter, treats you.

 

Step two: get rid of him, he is a loser and is of no worth.

[tobrieornottobrie]

I'm really sorry that you are hurting, it sounds like there is a lot going on in your relationship. You mentioned some of the issues that you feel like you are personally dealing with and I'm just wondering if you have considered doing any sort of individual counseling? Maybe working through some of those things would enable you to have a little more clarity about how you should handle the situation? I hope it gets better for you, blessings.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the brie's cheese knees

[Omei]

I have troubles sympathizing with you because you knew full well what he was like before he even slept with her he was already cheating with the flirtation and nudes.

 

You decided to keep this relationship under the knowledge that he cheats

 

This man has no love for you why you stay is beyond me you arnt to blame for his cheating but you are certainly to blame for having no self worth.

 

And you took him back after some tears? Comon ! After hes cheated over and over ?

 

At this point the only person to blame for your unhappiness is you, for staying.

 

I just cant bring myself to sympathize if you're going to pick to waste your years on someone who's shown you time and time again he doesn't care for you its like you don't have a set of eyes and ears or something.

Edited November 25, 2014 by Omei

[insert_name]

In the time it took to type that you could have dumped him about 20 times.

 

Man, it never ceases to amaze me how people get treated like **** and instead of getting some self respect and ditching them they come on here to rant about how badly they have been disrespected. What sort of magic power do these people have that allows them to get away with this sort of stuff?

 

I can only imagine this dude has the trappings of the bad boy and is therefore worth being treated like **** over when there are probably a number of dudes who may not have the same status but would be a far, far more respectful boyfriend. Ah well, as ye reap, so shall ye sow, etc.

[max5050]

He's still your boyfriend. Why?

[max5050]

Step one: get some self esteem. Never measure your self worth by how he or anyone for that matter, treats you.

 

Step two: get rid of him, he is a loser and is of no worth.

 

Switch the steps.

[No Limit]

Dump him. You should never be in a relationship with someone who is still drooling over his last one. Not to mention when they're so sick that their ex goes along with that behavior, and even married! Ewww.

[KatZee]

Of course you can't get over him cheating on you. He's been lying to you from day one, so why on earth do you think you should have any iota of trust in this person?

 

I'm also confused why you're actually still with him.

 

That's fantastic, he says some pretty words to hook you back in, but then what? He sneaks messages to her, and all this other garbage you've written here.

 

Do you think if you wait around long enough that one day he'll stop being a jerkoff? I'll spare you the wait and just give you the answer now. He's a jerkoff. He's always been a jerkoff. He always WILL be a jerkoff.

 

I think you really need to wrap your head around what a giant piece of s.hit your boyfriend is. He will never respect you, cherish you, or be a source of comfort and support for you. He's a liar. He's a cheater. He's pretty much the lowest of the low.

 

Is it going to suck if you leave him? Yep. Especially since you obviously have no self esteem and you don't particularly think you're worth anything. I'm sure being alone is going to be your own personal hell. But it's something you're just going to have to do.

 

This guy will never do right by you. This guy will never not have his ex in his life. This guy will never be faithful to you. This guy will never put you first.

[krooton25]

girls can't stand having to share with another woman!

 

dump him. tell him you are tired of it...

 

find someone who is SERIOUS about you. Not using you or manipulating you for weird reasons.

 

He may love you too..but his mind is messed up because there is someone else in it! if you can't handle that, move on! Nothing good will come out out of cheating. it will continue...until he can cheat. When he's fed up with u, he might just leave u? do u want that.

 

Make him work for u. Move on from now..and let him be where he wants to be/ let him go.

[smackie9]

Switch the steps.

 

Need self esteem and self worth to have the strength to get rid of the source of their misery.

[No Limit]

girls can't stand having to share with another woman!

 

Men don't really like sharing their women either. Even kill them for infidelity in some cultures.