Evanni Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 I don't like my cousins and I don't feel like cooking for them this year (We're all in our 20s). Every year I'm the one that cooks and they come over to eat. If they're not bragging about their material wealth, they're typing away on their phones, not even much of a thank you for dinner. They don't even help clean up. They just eat and then rush off to Black Friday shopping. My mom is very "traditional" and believes that family should be together during the holidays. She thinks my dislike for the family members outside our immediate family is irrational. Even when I did convince her one time that it is not so, she would say, "How other people treat you is their karma. How you react is yours." Am I wrong for not wanting to cook for people who are ungrateful? All they care about is getting their thanksgiving food then rushing off to shop. They even texted me yesterday asking if I'm cooking anything for thanksgiving because they're making their Black Friday plans and needed to know if they'll stop by my house for food. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 I'd pass on tradition and expect some pushback. Life goes on. Doesn't sound like there's much giving thanks for you opening your home and hearth. I've got some friends like you who've tired of that milieu and we'll be BBQ'ing a turkey at the beach while everyone else does what they do. Just me and them. They're the pilgrims and I'm the Indian Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 Tell your mom to cook her damn self if she is so worried about it. Good lord I hope you don't live with your mom. I say go out and get a meal at a restaurant or go hang with a friend. Do your own thing. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 Totally not wrong, but you can still be together without you having to cook for everyone. Hold a potluck where everyone brings a dish. Or eat out and split the bill. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 Totally not wrong, but you can still be together without you having to cook for everyone. Hold a potluck where everyone brings a dish. Or eat out and split the bill. Yep, you can tell everyone to bring something.....better yet say "thanksgiving at my house, I need you to bring stuffing". Tell each person to bring something different. OR eat out but definitely not wrong for not wanting to cook. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 If the event is being hosted at your place, set some guidelines. No phones at the table or during the dinner phase. All topics are to be light and congenial. Most adults respect the hostess guidelines. Should anyone wish to eat, bring a side dish . The hostess can ask for clean up help but it should not be a requirement. In my family... its just a natural thing to help put things away... Sometimes limiting the time can keep the stress down. Such as , dinner from 2:30 til 4:00. plan accordingly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 (edited) I don't think it's wrong exactly, but personally, I'd still do it. Not worth causing a fuss over in my opinion. It's important to your mother to have family together on Thanksgiving, and this is something you're able to help with. I'm assuming your mother helps out with the cooking and cleaning? If not, then ask her to. A relatively small annual sacrifice that would make my mother happy would be well worth it for me. Excluding cousins from the festivities would do more harm than good in my opinion. I'd just suck it up, and don't let them get to you. You're not doing it for them, you're doing it for your mother. Edited November 25, 2014 by almond Link to post Share on other sites
StrongLass Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 I don't like my cousins and I don't feel like cooking for them this year (We're all in our 20s). Every year I'm the one that cooks and they come over to eat. If they're not bragging about their material wealth, they're typing away on their phones, not even much of a thank you for dinner. They don't even help clean up. They just eat and then rush off to Black Friday shopping. That is so rude! I can't believe you've tolerated it this long. My mom is very "traditional" and believes that family should be together during the holidays. She thinks my dislike for the family members outside our immediate family is irrational. It isn't. they're inconsiderate & rude. An a-hole's an a-hole regardless of blood relation. Even when I did convince her one time that it is not so, she would say, "How other people treat you is their karma. How you react is yours." Her viewpoint is valid in the aspect that you ARE in control of how you respond to people's behavior but that doesn't mean you should but up w/ BS. Do thanksgiving YOUR way. Non-contributors need not apply. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 I second just telling them you're having a potluck. Say you'd be happy to have them over, but they each will need to bring something. I don't think you should have to put up with that inconsideration. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 If the event is being hosted at your place, set some guidelines. No phones at the table or during the dinner phase. All topics are to be light and congenial. Most adults respect the hostess guidelines. Should anyone wish to eat, bring a side dish . The hostess can ask for clean up help but it should not be a requirement. In my family... its just a natural thing to help put things away... Sometimes limiting the time can keep the stress down. Such as , dinner from 2:30 til 4:00. plan accordingly. My dad invites us over once in a while for dinner and always asks us to do the dishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 Evanni, This sounds like a ruddy nightmare ;- I don't like my cousins and I don't feel like cooking for them this year (We're all in our 20s). Every year I'm the one that cooks and they come over to eat. If they're not bragging about their material wealth, they're typing away on their phones, not even much of a thank you for dinner. They don't even help clean up. They just eat and then rush off to Black Friday shopping. and you must be some kind of a saint for putting up with this ungrateful bunch. They sound like a bunch of whininng, entitled kids - gee whizz! Am I wrong for not wanting to cook Thanksgiving dinner this year? Absolutely not! They even texted me yesterday asking if I'm cooking anything for thanksgiving because they're making their Black Friday plans and needed to know if they'll stop by my house for food. They are treating your home like a fast-food outlet - you need to put a stop to this now. Arrange to go out for dinner without these ungrateful hangers-on and let them sort themselves out. If your mother has a problem with that, then let her cook the ruddy dinner. Be firm and brace yourself for all the whining and guilt trips that will be thrown at you, but be sure they'll learn that you're not going to be a convenience any more! Stay strong and enjoy the day ! Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 I think it's kind of late to try to make it a potluck now. It's a good idea for next year, but you'll have to give people more time, like at least two or three weeks, to arrange to bring a dish. I know it absolutely sucks to cook for someone you don't like. But usually there are other people who you do want to cook for, like your mom. Surely aunts and uncles and maybe grandparents or family friends will attend your Thanksgiving dinner, not just your ****head cousins. Focus on making a nice meal for everyone else. Your cousins are just lucky to have relatives who will provide a nice meal for them. They are unfortunately part of your family, and holidays are all about spending time with family. Fortunately, it seems that they will buzz off fairly quickly and you won't have to deal with them for that long. Fingers crossed. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 I wish my own family would do a potluck. I agreed to bring a dish instead of a financial contribution and my brother is being an absolute prick about it, even though he's never contributed any previous years. Link to post Share on other sites
Gary45 Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 Hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving day!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts