Gagirl Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 Over the years my spouse and I have watched the kids while the other one goes to the movie, shopping or something not kid related. Starting this year we've been able to actually go do stuff together. When I talk about the things we did over the weekend or whatever, there is always some old woman who asks "so who took care of the kids while you did that?" Seriously, why is that relevant to what I was talking about and why is it their concern anyway? Are they jealous, wanting to end the conversion or just looking for a reason to report me to child services? It's all I can do not to say"if it was a problem, the state would get involved and they aren't. So what business is it of yours?" How do the rest of you deal with question? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 I'd probably be sarcastic and say something like they were chained up down the basement or we took them with us but kept them in the trunk. Something like that so that she knows you don't take her prying seriously. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 Just say something vague like "Oh, whoever's available to sit with them." And change the subject. Maybe some of them are looking for babysitting jobs, possibly? Or maybe they just have kids and are too cheap or too clingy with them to get a sitter and wondering if you've found some magic wand. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 They're probably just being nosey. I'd be passively aggressively sarcastic though and say something like amaysn suggested "We locked them in the basement....don't worry though, they ate before we left" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 I've asked friends that. Not to be nosy, but so I can understand their lives better. Seems like a simple getting-to-know-you question to me. OP, are you somehow ashamed of the answer? Who does watch your kids? Do you leave them alone or with a grandparent or with a friend or nanny? Why does it matter who you leave them with as long as you know they are safe? I'd give the asker the benefit of the doubt next time and just answer honestly. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gagirl Posted November 24, 2014 Author Share Posted November 24, 2014 I've asked friends that. Not to be nosy, but so I can understand their lives better. Seems like a simple getting-to-know-you question to me. OP, are you somehow ashamed of the answer? Who does watch your kids? Do you leave them alone or with a grandparent or with a friend or nanny? Why does it matter who you leave them with as long as you know they are safe? I'd give the asker the benefit of the doubt next time and just answer honestly. I'm not ashamed of my answer and honestly have never cared what people think of my parenting. It's no one's business!! I just don't like some busy body trying to start something because of me time. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 I usually answer matter factly. My kids were babysat by relatives mostly. So there wasn't ever a reason to be anything other then forthright in such an inquiry. Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 Ask "why do you want to know?" Or just look at her, blink a couple of times, and say, "anyhoo......". It is one thing to ask a friend in a friendly manner, but I have a feeling this bitch is being nosy and jealous because you dared do something that did not involve kids *gasp*. Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 (edited) I think you're overreacting, its a question every parent gets many times. I am a single parent I get asked this question nearly every weekend im out because my parents like to take her nearly everyweekend and I say that and the reply usually is "oh thats nice of them to give you a break like that" Do you often get judgmental responces or something ? Why are you so paniced about your kids being taken by the state? You mentioned it a few times. Edited November 25, 2014 by Omei 2 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 OP, some people are: A. possibly envious of the time you get to spend together? or B. Are of the mindset that the marriage relationship stops being important once you have kids With women, it is usually the latter. Their world becomes their kids, and then they are shocked that the husband they forgot about is unhappy. Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 How old are the kids? Here is the thing, if you have always started these "what we did this weekend" stories by saying I went here and hubby watched the kids or Hubby went there while I watched the kids and now your stories are we went here. I would probably ask the same question just because your situation has changed. Im wondering how old the kids are because if I leave my teens home alone, nobody would think of calling CPS...but if I left my younger kids home alone I might not want to be advertising that because someone might think about it.... And if they are younger and have babysitters, what is the problem with saying got a sitter? And how defensive you are about what most people consider a normal unoffensive question also makes me wonder if you are doing something you realize might be on the left side of parenting 101. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 And how defensive you are about what most people consider a normal unoffensive question also makes me wonder if you are doing something you realize might be on the left side of parenting 101. I'm also having a hard time understanding the defensiveness to an otherwise normal question. It's about offensive and intrusive to me as "what do you do for a living?" or "Are you married? Do you have children?" Maybe the OP has something against the specific person asking the question and therefore has her defenses up? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 How did I answer this question, either one of two ways. 1) Mum/dad/aunt/friend/neighbour looked after the kids. (whoever did). 2) Why? You offering to have them next time? I don't think it's prying. If you're willing to share what you are doing with this person, I don't see the big deal in asking who looked after the kids........unless your kids are exceptionally difficult and it's well known they're difficult kids, then perhaps it may be inappropriate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beatcuff Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 I'm also having a hard time understanding the defensiveness to an otherwise normal question. add me to this list. seriously, maybe they are looking for a good sitter, maybe they are wondering themselves at what point they can leave THEIR children alone, maybe they are jealous, maybe they are JUST MAKING CONVERSATION. ask childless persons about the persons with children "they go on and on about their kids". and it makes sense because they dominate our lives. so then it would follow you would ask another about their children. you did not give the ages but our 'group' had a period of time (about 2 years) in which some left them and others had sitters (of some type) while we socialized. and it was talked about. that time passed and the discussion moved high school 'issues' (boy/girl friends) then college/career issues... get the hint. don't like it --- stop socializing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jakrbbt Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 I don't think it matters why they ask, but I do think that (if they're always old ladies) it might be that their own kids are often imposing on them to watch the grandkids and/or they're just proud of watching their own grandkids and want to make conversation. I know what it's like to feel that others lack tact when asking personal questions, especially if it's always the same question. But I also agree with other posters that the defensive stance really stands out. It's not within the range of expected reactions, even if the person considers the questions prying. You'll probably feel a lot better if you refrain from saying defensive things in response (in person, that is-- I'm not meaning to criticize you telling us online strangers how you feel). Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 Maybe that person wants to offer to babysit and earn extra money...? Link to post Share on other sites
HopelessRomantic1979 Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 A similar thing that I find friends and acquaintances saying is when describing a movie or show with mature content they make sure to let me know it's not for kids. I usually feel like saying something like, thank goodness for telling me that I had fully intended on taking the kids to see Nympho maniac at the movie theater. I guess they think I don't have time to know which movies are appropriate, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 You're reading WAY too much into it. If a normal question prompts you to think that they're going to report you to child services ... there's clearly something wrong somewhere. Reminds me of someone who posted here some time ago - he got all up in arms whenever women he was on a date with asked him, "So, what do you work as?" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 I just say, "Oh, I chained them both to the water heater". Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 Over the years my spouse and I have watched the kids while the other one goes to the movie, shopping or something not kid related. Starting this year we've been able to actually go do stuff together. When I talk about the things we did over the weekend or whatever, there is always some old woman who asks "so who took care of the kids while you did that?" Seriously, why is that relevant to what I was talking about and why is it their concern anyway? Are they jealous, wanting to end the conversion or just looking for a reason to report me to child services? It's all I can do not to say"if it was a problem, the state would get involved and they aren't. So what business is it of yours?" How do the rest of you deal with question? I don't understand why someone would even ask that! Isn't obvious that there was a babysitter? Really, I'd be tempted to say "actually we drugged the kids and put them to bed." or something smart assy like that. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 I've asked friends that. Not to be nosy, but so I can understand their lives better. Seems like a simple getting-to-know-you question to me. OP, are you somehow ashamed of the answer? Who does watch your kids? Do you leave them alone or with a grandparent or with a friend or nanny? Why does it matter who you leave them with as long as you know they are safe? I'd give the asker the benefit of the doubt next time and just answer honestly. I too get confused by how offended and defensive some people get about being asked certain questions. I'm anti social and introverted and even I don't get upset about being asked a question about myself or my family. Obviously nobody likes to be interrogated and I wouldn't care for it if somebody approached me and just started asking me a bunch of random questions, as in 'did you go out this weekend? Where did you go? how did you get there? where were your kids?' LOL..now that would be offensive. But if I'm freely talking about my weekend and what I did I certainly wouldn't get offended if someone piped up with a question. What's the big freaking deal about saying something like "oh I got my mom to watch them" or "my neighbor babysat". Link to post Share on other sites
Shepp Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 Any malice in that kinda statement would go over my head I think! I'd just answer and carry on with what I was saying. Don't let people get to you 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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