girls - your thinking being ldrs with guys you havent met yet. a female perspective!

[fred123]

why is it that girls say that guys should come first to visit but when i offered and planned to go she changed her mind and came to me with her friend!!

 

also some girls on LS said its normal for a girl to say lets see what happens and bring a friend but i see girls on here who are posting threads about guys online in other countries and seem really interested in their guy and would meet them alone and probably wouldnt tell the guy "lets see what happens"

 

i also see that these girls make time to talk on the phone and skype.

 

i also see that they dont mind being asked to be their gf before they meet and respond with "lets see when we meet because you may not like me when you see me"

 

can someone explain the truth? was my girl never interested compared to these girls or was i too pushy. it looks no different to what these girls are all doing!

[d0nnivain]

Are you still asking about the same girl?

 

Seriously she was messed up & you have to get over her.

 

Let's clarify something. An LDR is when you had a relationship with somebody in real life but one of you moved, example going of to college or getting transferred. An OLR is this fantasy where you claim to have a "relationship" with somebody you have never met through a computer & maybe the phone or Skype if you are lucky. That is a great bit fantasy. It's pretend. It's not real. It will not become real until you meet in person.

 

Most women who value their own safety are not going to travel to see some stranger they have never met unless they have another reason to be in the guy's city or at least near it. Hence, CW says he travels to her 1st.

[mariekatie]

why is it that girls say that guys should come first to visit but when i offered and planned to go she changed her mind and came to me with her friend!!

 

I think it's because it is more dangerous for a girl to travel over to meet a guy in a foreign place. I would want the guy to visit first. I think it's because she had a friend and feel "safer" or she's just making use of this to have a holiday.

 

also some girls on LS said its normal for a girl to say lets see what happens and bring a friend but i see girls on here who are posting threads about guys online in other countries and seem really interested in their guy and would meet them alone and probably wouldnt tell the guy "lets see what happens"

 

Maybe it's because you only met her for 2 months and you don't have a strong emotional bond yet. People have fears, this doesn't necessary means she don't like you. Maybe she's not ready. As for my case, i will meet him after knowing him and talking for 1 year so i wouldn't bring a friend along. I want a "WE" time with him. BUT since she's coming, it's normal that she brings someone. Imagine that you both ain't suitable or you get turned off by her looks or so, she will be all alone in your country. It's scary.

 

i also see that these girls make time to talk on the phone and skype.

 

Of course we have to make time to talk as it's the only form of communication that we have. In a LDR, communication is really important. How often do you both talk? I don't think LDR will work if she disappears for a few days and come back pretending nothing is wrong.

 

 

i also see that they dont mind being asked to be their gf before they meet and respond with "lets see when we meet because you may not like me when you see me"

 

Not everyone can accept dating a "online boyfriend". They might be opening out their options for fear that it would fail. "You may not like me when you see me" is my fear as well. I'm afraid he wouldn't like me when he sees me, i'm afraid that he would imagine me to be better than who i really am. She might be afraid too or you're pushy. It's only 2 months.

 

can someone explain the truth? was my girl never interested compared to these girls or was i too pushy. it looks no different to what these girls are all doing!

 

I feel it can go either way. We don't know how you act in your relationship or your situation. But judging from this, 2 months is still early. If she's not interested, why is she still talking to you? Everyone is different. Some people love to talk whole day, some don't.

[fred123]

we used to message every day all the time.i wanted 'we time'too.

you said that its normal she brings someone just in case she dont like me. same advice to you. why dont you bring someome just in case?

 

also why didnt she let me fly to her country? surely thats the gentleman thing to do?

 

she hardly talked to me the last week before she came. also you said 2 months isnt a long time to build an emotional bond.

 

but explain this: her first boyfriend after 2 weeks lost her virginity to him.

after me and her ended she met a guy on a night through a friend. he lived 2 hours away from her. they talked for a month and she invited him to hers for a whole weekend for their first date. he hadnt even taken her on a date.

i asked her and she said "sometimes you meet someone for the first time and they understand you"