Soooo...does friends with benefits actually work?

[goldbond]

There was a guy I THOUGHT was interested in me, being very cuddly and asking me to do things with him, and seemed hurt when I said I was busy and the like-and we finally hooked up last weekend and I told him I liked him and he told me he is still in love with his ex girlfriend (they broke up a YEAR ago, wtf?) and they visit each other sometimes.

 

Now, half of me is like, this is effing great! I was so hot and cold with him in the beginning because my last relationship was SO ****ty and I want to be single for a while and I *thought* he wanted to date me. Also, he is 22 I am 26 (different places in life).

 

The other half of me is a little sad because I was growing pretty fond of him, but I LOVE his honesty in letting me know where I stand in his life.

 

And I REALLY miss affection, I miss sleeping with someone and cuddling.

 

So, is this a potentially dangerous situation? Another thing he mentioned is it potentially getting weird because we have TONS of mutual friends and are in the same community. Except I've hooked up with another guy in our community who is now engaged and I'm not weird around him, I know I can get over it. (I'm a little weird around his future wifey tho, because I feel like I'm keeping a secret from her, well, and I still want to **** her future hubby )

 

I mean as long as he is upfront and honest, I feel like it would be fine??

 

Another question, if we decide to pursue this, is a cap on FWB healthy? I think I would have to limit it to 2-3 times month for my sanity. Any more than that and I know I would get attached.

 

Is it normal to cap those things? I've never done this before so I'm curious. And I know I want to remain friends with him no matter what so we may not pursue it anyway...

Edited November 25, 2014 by goldbond

[mammasita]

Never works. Someone is always emotionally invested and you are already there even before its started.

[goldbond]

Normally I would agree...but since I've already done it once I'm like hmmm maybe

 

Also, I think keeping it to a rare occasion would he helpful. Honestly I'm so damn affectionate I need to be loving on someone so I'm not sure I give a **** if I get a little hurt!

[d0nnivain]

It can work for some people but more often then not somebody develops feelings, they are not reciprocated & then that person gets hurt.

[Absinthe]

It can work but you have to back out as soon as you feel yourself developing feelings. And be honest with yourself.

 

I have a FWB right now, I cannot see myself seriously dating him, but I've been single for a long time and without any other prospects. I keep any wayward emotions in check by only being with him when I'm with him. I never message him to ask how his day is, I never initiate anything other than the fun times. I think I can get 6 months max out of it before I have to slam the brakes on.

[ASG]

It can work.

 

The way I've made mine work without getting too attached is by either not seeing them often, not contacting them at all except for sex or having more than one FWB on the go.

 

I always found that the not being exclusive made things completely different in my head and I never got attached.

 

Off the top of my head, all my FWBs reached a natural end, with the time between meets getting longer and longer and at one point just not bothering to reach out. Don't remember ever getting hurt... OH! I remember rage quitting one FWB because he was just so terrible at replying to my texts. He chased me for months after that (figures...)

[Omei]

I have a friends with benefits situation and so far I can tell you I dont think about all that emotional stuff your talking about, my Fwb is hot but the only thing I think about is how he will do me next.

 

I really wanna fall in love someday but I entered my fwb situation knowing he wasn't going to be it.