catt Posted February 24, 2001 Share Posted February 24, 2001 Hi everyone. I would really appreciate any advice you may have on my dilemma. I am currently engaged and we are in the process of choosing a date. The thought of being married fills me with complete bliss however, the thought of having a huge wedding, white dress, etc, is essentially my own personal nightmare. I have never been one to want the whole shebang for a wedding. The thought of running away and eloping is becoming more and more attractive by the minute. What I'd like to know, from any of you who have gotten married the traditional way or eloped, is what I might regret in the future. What do you consider the pros and cons of each option? Thanks in advance, catt Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 24, 2001 Share Posted February 24, 2001 Have a tiny ceremony and invite close friends or the people you want. Have a reception at a nearby hamburger joint...then go to a nice lounge for drinks. If in a year or two or twenty, you decide you want to have a really big wedding, you can do so. You'll be in a better financial situation to afford one and your kids can come and see mom and pop walk down the isle. What a trip!!! Link to post Share on other sites
gas1158 Posted February 24, 2001 Share Posted February 24, 2001 Catt I was married in 1980 and I had a church wedding,the pictures in the park, the reception with about 100 guests. I have always regretted that I didn't elope. The pressure and stress from putting it together gave me a migrain on my wedding day. If you saw Run Away Bride that was her delemia. Some of us are just private people and there's nothing wrong with that. Hi everyone. I would really appreciate any advice you may have on my dilemma. I am currently engaged and we are in the process of choosing a date. The thought of being married fills me with complete bliss however, the thought of having a huge wedding, white dress, etc, is essentially my own personal nightmare. I have never been one to want the whole shebang for a wedding. The thought of running away and eloping is becoming more and more attractive by the minute. What I'd like to know, from any of you who have gotten married the traditional way or eloped, is what I might regret in the future. What do you consider the pros and cons of each option? Thanks in advance, catt Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Mojo Posted February 24, 2001 Share Posted February 24, 2001 is someone putting pressure on you to have a huge white wedding? if they're not, don't worry about it. you don't have to have one. but if they are, then i think some serious compromising might need to be done here. your wedding day should be as blissful as the thought of being married is. there are many options you can choose from - a small garden wedding, a wedding in the registrar's office, a small church wedding, a vegas wedding....you don't have to get dressed in an over-the-top white dress. there are many beautiful simple gowns to choose from today. you can wear what colour you like - ivory, white, pink....the choice is yours. you can have a reception wherever you want, without going over the top as well. i have a friend who is getting married in october, and her and her fiance have just realised that money is going to be an issue. they have cut back the guest list to only close family and close friends. they are settling for what they can afford, and it is going to be a simple affair, yet a really lovely one. no big shebang. no one can say if you will live to regret anything. you might live to regret eloping, you might live to regret having a ceremony. but i say go with your heart, go with what makes the both of you happy, and with what you can afford financially. then spend what's left over on an awesome honeymoon!! Link to post Share on other sites
WGirl Posted February 25, 2001 Share Posted February 25, 2001 I have never been married but I would like to add my input. If I ever end up getting married, my preference is to elope also. It just wouldn't be me to do the big white dress with two hundred people around. I think it is so over done. It is very expensive. I would rather spend thousands of dollars on a nice vacation, downpayment on a house or just save it for a rainy day. I think weddings are way overpriced and stressful. One idea, elope and then throw a wedding party for your friends and relatives or just have a small intimate wedding. The problem with that is more than likely there will be hurt feelings if some people don't get invited. Hi everyone. I would really appreciate any advice you may have on my dilemma. I am currently engaged and we are in the process of choosing a date. The thought of being married fills me with complete bliss however, the thought of having a huge wedding, white dress, etc, is essentially my own personal nightmare. I have never been one to want the whole shebang for a wedding. The thought of running away and eloping is becoming more and more attractive by the minute. What I'd like to know, from any of you who have gotten married the traditional way or eloped, is what I might regret in the future. What do you consider the pros and cons of each option? Thanks in advance, catt Link to post Share on other sites
catt Posted February 25, 2001 Share Posted February 25, 2001 Thanks for your input but your sarcasm is getting old. Link to post Share on other sites
catt Posted February 25, 2001 Share Posted February 25, 2001 I'm sorry that the stress and pressure of organizing your wedding gave you a migraine! That's terrible! I am a private person and I just couldn't imagine standing in front of 100+ people acting all day long. It's just not for me. Thank you for sharing your story. Link to post Share on other sites
catt Posted February 25, 2001 Share Posted February 25, 2001 Thanks for all your suggestions. You asked if i was getting pressured into having a big wedding. The truth is, my family has made a number of comments which have put me on edge about the wedding. I am currently living abroad and my fiance has agreed to leave his country and move to mine. The trouble is, if we get married here, my family will lose it as they all couldn't afford to come here (and I'll be the first child to get married). I believe that if he is willing to leave his home for me, then we should get married here. But I know how my mother will react to that. She may never speak to me again. I feel like I'm stuck between the proverbial "rock and hard place" where this is concerned. Link to post Share on other sites
catt Posted February 25, 2001 Share Posted February 25, 2001 Hi WGirl, Thanks for the suggestions. The idea of eloping and then having a reception is just what I have been considering. It seems to be the only way to make everyone 'happy' (read: not pissing everyone off completely). My situation is difficult (outlined in my response to Miss Mojo) and it is stressing me out. It'll all work out, I'm sure. It's just nice to hear that there are others out there who believe that the traditional way is not the *only* way. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 25, 2001 Share Posted February 25, 2001 I didn't mean at all to be sarcastic. I thought it was a great question and a good answer. But I did word it extremely poorly, it does sound sarcastic and for that I am truly sorry. I have taken lots of pictures at backyard and park wedding ceremonies that were extremely low cost and extremely nice. The wording of my post was totally uncalled for. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Mojo Posted February 25, 2001 Share Posted February 25, 2001 ...you eloped and married in a registrar's office...and then had a special wedding party for your family and then one for his...this way, not a single person will be able to feel as though a game of "favourites" was being played. everything turns out equal in the end. sure, your family might be upset that you didn't have a tradtional wedding, but who says you have to? what is most important here, is that getting married is meant to be a special occassion for you and your husband, more than anyone else. it's *your* wedding with him, no one elses, and it's your special day with him. please try not to let what anyone else wants put pressure on you. ultimately, the two of you have to do something that you can both look back on with such fond memories and know that you did the right thing. what counts in the long run is your happiness. if your family can't accept the situation you're in, then they are going to have to learn to, which they will eventually. it's not their time or place to be selfish about something that is so important to you. your happiness counts the most. i think you're only being fair by not wanting to upset anyone, and it would appear that eloping is the way to go. you don't have to follow what is conventional or convenient, when it is your special day. i hope it all turns out to be the most wonderful day of your life. i'm sure it will Link to post Share on other sites
WGirl Posted February 28, 2001 Share Posted February 28, 2001 I hope whatever you decide to do works out for you in the long run. Hi WGirl, Thanks for the suggestions. The idea of eloping and then having a reception is just what I have been considering. It seems to be the only way to make everyone 'happy' (read: not pissing everyone off completely). My situation is difficult (outlined in my response to Miss Mojo) and it is stressing me out. It'll all work out, I'm sure. It's just nice to hear that there are others out there who believe that the traditional way is not the *only* way. Link to post Share on other sites
WGirl Posted February 28, 2001 Share Posted February 28, 2001 I think it is a great idea to have a ceremony in both places if you want to please both families but make sure it is something you both want to do. ...you eloped and married in a registrar's office...and then had a special wedding party for your family and then one for his...this way, not a single person will be able to feel as though a game of "favourites" was being played. everything turns out equal in the end. sure, your family might be upset that you didn't have a tradtional wedding, but who says you have to? what is most important here, is that getting married is meant to be a special occassion for you and your husband, more than anyone else. it's *your* wedding with him, no one elses, and it's your special day with him. please try not to let what anyone else wants put pressure on you. ultimately, the two of you have to do something that you can both look back on with such fond memories and know that you did the right thing. what counts in the long run is your happiness. if your family can't accept the situation you're in, then they are going to have to learn to, which they will eventually. it's not their time or place to be selfish about something that is so important to you. your happiness counts the most. i think you're only being fair by not wanting to upset anyone, and it would appear that eloping is the way to go. you don't have to follow what is conventional or convenient, when it is your special day. i hope it all turns out to be the most wonderful day of your life. i'm sure it will Link to post Share on other sites
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