Sunlounger Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 (edited) - I have the job I want, make more money than I could have possibly hoped for by this age, - have a very exciting lifestyle and great friends - very happy with how I look - great family - have hobbies and interests that I love Despite these seemingly positive traits, I have atrocious luck in dating. I just don't meet women in my day to day life and when I do encounter somebody I like, they're never interested in me for whatever reason. I don't know what to do at this point. I love family/kids so I really want that to be a reality at some point but I can't even get that process started in the first place Should I continue living my life and hoping something happens naturally or make some drastic changes? I feel like I find everything else in life to be relatively manageable or even downright easy but dating is impossibly difficult to me. Women just have astonishingly high standards and just trying to get a date for me is so damn hard Edited November 25, 2014 by Sunlounger Link to post Share on other sites
CatalystNX Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 Have you tried online dating? Link to post Share on other sites
you_can_not_see_me Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 - I have the job I want, make more money than I could have possibly hoped for by this age, - have a very exciting lifestyle and great friends - very happy with how I look - great family - have hobbies and interests that I love Despite these seemingly positive traits, I have atrocious luck in dating. I just don't meet women in my day to day lie and when I do encounter somebody I like, they're never interested in me for whatever reason. I don't know what to do at this point. I love family/kids so I really want that to be a reality at some point but I can't even get that process started in the first place Should I continue living my life and hoping something happens naturally or make some drastic changes? I feel like I find everything else in life to be relatively manageable or even downright easy but dating is impossibly difficult to me. Women just have astonishingly high standards and just trying to get a date for me is so damn hard Sounds pretty similar to me. I used to think someone would come along eventually if I enjoyed the rest of my life but I have been disappointment time after time. I have realized that nothing will change unless I approach more women and put my self out there more. waiting for an opportunity to arise by itself is a recipe for disappointment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunlounger Posted November 25, 2014 Author Share Posted November 25, 2014 Have you tried online dating? yea, I found it to be truly awful It's just too heavily one sided. Real life dating is one sided too of course (much easier for women) but it's not as extreme as OLD Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunlounger Posted November 25, 2014 Author Share Posted November 25, 2014 Sounds pretty similar to me. I used to think someone would come along eventually if I enjoyed the rest of my life but I have been disappointment time after time. I have realized that nothing will change unless I approach more women and put my self out there more. waiting for an opportunity to arise by itself is a recipe for disappointment. I try here and there but the women are never interested I just don't get it. I've had so many people tell me that I was extremely handsome and even gorgeous but there are seemingly no women who are ever attracted to me Personality wise, I'm not some social reject either. Most people say I'm very fun to be around. It's baffling really Link to post Share on other sites
CatalystNX Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 Well, if all that is true then something isn't adding up. What are your standards like? Maybe you're being too picky? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunlounger Posted November 25, 2014 Author Share Posted November 25, 2014 Well, if all that is true then something isn't adding up. What are your standards like? Maybe you're being too picky? I'm looking for someone who is decent looking so say a 7/10 or better I don't think I have crazy standards. I see women all the time who I would date Link to post Share on other sites
you_can_not_see_me Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 I try here and there but the women are never interested I just don't get it. I've had so many people tell me that I was extremely handsome and even gorgeous but there are seemingly no women who are ever attracted to me Personality wise, I'm not some social reject either. Most people say I'm very fun to be around. It's baffling really how many girls do you ask out every three months on average? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunlounger Posted November 25, 2014 Author Share Posted November 25, 2014 home many girls do you ask out every three months on average? how many reasonable opportunities do I get every 3 months? The answers to both questions are very low Link to post Share on other sites
LoveIsMyReligion Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 None of that matters with first impressions amigo. Looks aren't everything but I would definitely recommend packing on a bit of muscle? This definitely helps with chatting up random strangers. Otherwise you will have to meet someone through friends and/or family. I personally hit the gym on occasion and now I feel very comfortable talking to random cashiers or baristas. You don't have to necessarily do it to try and get their number but maybe just start doing it to practice on your "cold" approaches? This is just what worked for me personally - some people may disagree. Link to post Share on other sites
you_can_not_see_me Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 how many reasonable opportunities do I get every 3 months? The answers to both questions are very low While how many opportunities you have depend on where you are, it also depends even more on whether you are willing to go out and meet new people. A lot of the time you have to make your own opportunities. Link to post Share on other sites
you_can_not_see_me Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 None of that matters with first impressions amigo. Looks aren't everything but I would definitely recommend packing on a bit of muscle? This definitely helps with chatting up random strangers. Otherwise you will have to meet someone through friends and/or family. I personally hit the gym on occasion and now I feel very comfortable talking to random cashiers or baristas. You don't have to necessarily do it to try and get their number but maybe just start doing it to practice on your "cold" approaches? This is just what worked for me personally - some people may disagree. Yeah you definitely need to look your best if you want to have an easier time in dating, especially if you are looking for attractive people. Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 Have you tried online dating? What? And put him through tons of rejection and non-responses? LOL Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 None of that matters with first impressions amigo. Looks aren't everything but I would definitely recommend packing on a bit of muscle? This definitely helps with chatting up random strangers. Otherwise you will have to meet someone through friends and/or family. I personally hit the gym on occasion and now I feel very comfortable talking to random cashiers or baristas. You don't have to necessarily do it to try and get their number but maybe just start doing it to practice on your "cold" approaches? This is just what worked for me personally - some people may disagree. Well, you're saying this under the assumption that the OP doesn't have any muscle mass. Chances are, it doesn't work either with cold turkey approaches. Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 Positive long-term qualities about your personal life are all good and great, but it doesn't mean the ladies are going to come screaming at your door. You still have to do the work of pursuit...unless you got the right "advertising". Especially since like you said, a lot of them already have high-standards...so a girl who dates a guy who's already got the car, the job, the looks/sex appeal and is willing to take her out on a date and sleep with her for one to three months but never really was going to commit anyway...well she thinks that's now her level, now her standard. She might have even had a "relationship" with him. So now every guy after that, might have to meet that level/standard, because that's what she "deserves"...she's not thinking (yet) to go "backwards", or necessarily will value your "qualities" so much now, she just simply expects it. That's now her base level. Or..it might not even matter to her at all. If she doesn't have the attraction to your personality and other attributes especially...you know, the ones that actually have to do with you as a person. Your best bet is OLD, it's the most superficial platform, but it's still heavily in favor of women, they can feel like supermodels and you can feel like a schmuck (guys always complain about this in OLD)...well maybe there's like Tinder and things like that, but it's still generally where you sell yourself on the internet hoping someone will appreciate you for what you do (hobbies, work, interest), have or whatever....without actually knowing who the person is or necessarily even seeing them as one...yet. But you still, have to be able to have the other qualities that guys who drive a shoe-box and work at Walmart already can do, even they're not single. That's because they have the confidence, sense, attitude, charm...and the rest of the qualities that women will generally be attracted to because of the laws of nature. But without a particular reason or issue that you are having, we can only generalize and speculate here that this is even the problem you are having...if you're being passed up by women, then it's obviously something to do with you...those other positive things about you are not going to hurt you, so you tell me what is it about you that tends to lose interest...how do you act? how do they behave? how do they respond? these are the important factors here...not what you have, that's never just going to bring women to your doorstep. Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 Your best bet is OLD, it's the most superficial platform, but it's still heavily in favor of women, they can feel like supermodels and you can feel like a schmuck Yes, you'd be surprised how many average Janes that I've contacted through this platform only to be ignored or if I do get a response, "Sorry, not interested." I tend to go for the more down to Earth, average women, but apparently with the online platform they aren't aware of who is equal to them in looks or just don't take that into consideration. Link to post Share on other sites
Dallers Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 (edited) OP you don't need muscle or money you just need confidence. Number one on getting women is confidence. Everything else is just a sub category. When you don't care about anyone but yourself you will get whatever you want. You say you have the perfect life at 26 apart from dating but I disagree. You have the perfect life in your opinion and based on numbers but you are unsure of yourself and display insecurity by questioning why you are suffering at dating and blaming the high standards of women as the reason you cannot get one....big red flag. The answer is that you are the reason as luck only gets you so far. I have a good job, life, looks etc blah blah means nothing when it comes to dating because women don't care what's on paper they just care about how you make them feel. What I do have is an independent nature and love of being alone. I love myself and it comes across as cocky, arrogant and over-confident and I remain calm and hide all of my insecurities. I have several women to pick from and could walk up to anyone on the street and ask them out without a care in the world. My life is not perfect and there is no such thing as a perfect life because getting women does not mean you find the right woman. But simply you are the reason why your dating life sucks, not because you have no muscle or because OLD sucks and is one sided it is and we all know it is but that does not stop you from getting dates. Edited November 25, 2014 by Dallers Link to post Share on other sites
TouchedByViolet Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 I have a similar problem. Outside of dating my life is great. I got a career, friends, nice place, car, hobbies, etc... getting a date is insanely hard and then finding a girl romantically interested is rare. I feel like your story is very common around men who have their **** together. Just the way life is when you don't have enough looks.... need to play the numbers till you get lucky. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunlounger Posted November 25, 2014 Author Share Posted November 25, 2014 Looks aren't everything but I would definitely recommend packing on a bit of muscle? . I'm 5'10 205 with around 17 inch arms. Been working out since I was 13 Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 OP, to me, your attitude sounds like it's exactly where it needs to be. You're in a good position to start a relationship if you're satisfied with your life and confident in your direction. That vibe rubs off on people in a positive way. But it seems like maybe you just don't have enough opportunities to meet new women, and/or you aren't taking advantage of those opportunities. Suggestions: - When you're out and about (since you said you have an active social life), put more effort into approaching women, and being bold enough to ask for numbers, etc. Don't expect that to fall into your lap. - With these "hobbies and interests you love," try to explore group activities that will put you in contact with women who share those interests. (i.e. if you loved snowboarding, join a snowboarding club or start mingling with the girls in the lodge.) - Don't entirely dismiss online dating. I think maybe you should put up a profile highlighting your best traits, showing off your best pics, and laying out specific (though not picky) qualities you look for in a woman. Then, just let that bait dangle in the water and do nothing. Let the women come to you. In OLD women can be very specific in their searches, qualifications, so if someone's reaching out to you they're interested, and you have the ability to filter it out yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunlounger Posted November 25, 2014 Author Share Posted November 25, 2014 OP, to me, your attitude sounds like it's exactly where it needs to be. You're in a good position to start a relationship if you're satisfied with your life and confident in your direction. That vibe rubs off on people in a positive way. Thanks, Yea I feel like I have a good attitude. I'm happy with myself and my direction in life - When you're out and about (since you said you have an active social life), put more effort into approaching women, and being bold enough to ask for numbers, etc. Don't expect that to fall into your lap. Honestly, in my experience, the only time I've had any luck whatsoever with this is when a girl is clearly all over me and she was the first to show signs of interest or make a move When I try to make a move on a girl who is not all over me and showing huge signs of interest before hand, it never goes anywhere. They're just not interested, I dunno I feel like the majority of women go out without any intention or interest in meeting a guy anyways. If you talk to them, you're annoying the hell out of them anyways. They just wanna hang out with their friends and have a good time - Don't entirely dismiss online dating. I think maybe you should put up a profile highlighting your best traits, showing off your best pics, and laying out specific (though not picky) qualities you look for in a woman. Then, just let that bait dangle in the water and do nothing. Let the women come to you. In OLD women can be very specific in their searches, qualifications, so if someone's reaching out to you they're interested, and you have the ability to filter it out yourself. OLD is just a lot of work for very little result. It also tends to be extremely one sided of course The other problem is I look like crap in pics compared to real life. I've had a few of my friends comment on how much better I look in real life. And with online dating, if you don't look like a male model in pictures, you're fighting a very stiff uphill battle Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 I have a friend who walks up to random people and just starts talking to them. Grocery stores, bars, movies, restaurants... You name a place I've seen him do it. He does it partially because he LOVES meeting new people, and partially because he is single. And boy does he get numbers. Now to be honest, it is maybe a 5-10% success rate. But if you talk to 100 random women a month and get 5-10 new numbers a month...that is doing awesome. And he doesn't just chat up random women in his target range, we left him at a restaurant once because he was chatting with a couple in their 70s. So occasionally a woman he was chatting with will see him chatting with others and will change her mind and go over and start up a new conversation with him. Im not saying you should go that far...but dating is a numbers game. The more times you try the better your chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 Honestly, in my experience, the only time I've had any luck whatsoever with this is when a girl is clearly all over me and she was the first to show signs of interest or make a move When I try to make a move on a girl who is not all over me and showing huge signs of interest before hand, it never goes anywhere. They're just not interested, I dunno I feel like the majority of women go out without any intention or interest in meeting a guy anyways. If you talk to them, you're annoying the hell out of them anyways. They just wanna hang out with their friends and have a good time OLD is just a lot of work for very little result. It also tends to be extremely one sided of course The other problem is I look like crap in pics compared to real life. I've had a few of my friends comment on how much better I look in real life. And with online dating, if you don't look like a male model in pictures, you're fighting a very stiff uphill battle Well, your responses above are revealing a pretty defeatist attitude toward dating. Like you've shut your mind down to the only natural ways to meet women. Don't get me wrong, I hear what you're saying... it's a tough game with a lot of annoyances. But if you want to have a relationship, what choice do you have but to put yourself out there? You have to let the failures and frustrations slide off your back more. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 Sunlounger To some extent it's a numbers game. You say you don't have the chance to meet a lot of women. Since you are otherwise happy with your life, I think you just need to tweak a few things, particularly you need to do something that will enable you to meet more people & more women. If there aren't a lot of women where you work, make sure you go out for lunch. Become a "regular" somewhere & see if you notice any other regulars. Join some kind of group that does something you enjoy or are passionate about. Go speed dating. They never have enough men. Tell friends & family you are open to being introduced to new women. There was some guy on LS who said he put it on his FB that he wanted introductions & his friends came through. You never know who knows somebody who will be perfect for you. Some acquaintances took me to an event where I met my husband Go to industry events or chamber or commerce meetings for your job. Take or teach a class Join a co-ed sports team Volunteer somewhere: at your church; to raise money for a cause / disease you care about; to get your favorite politician elected; even sweeping out kennels for animal rescue Consider getting a pet; many women will talk to a guy about his dog. I used to belong to a now defunct group called Leashes & Lovers where you could bring your 4 legged friend to events. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunlounger Posted November 25, 2014 Author Share Posted November 25, 2014 Well, your responses above are revealing a pretty defeatist attitude toward dating. Like you've shut your mind down to the only natural ways to meet women. Don't get me wrong, I hear what you're saying... it's a tough game with a lot of annoyances. But if you want to have a relationship, what choice do you have but to put yourself out there? You have to let the failures and frustrations slide off your back more. I guess I am pretty defeatist I just don't see women as ever really being interested in meeting men. Most of the cute ones are taken and the ones who are single are seeing 10 different guys anyways I feel like I'm annoying the hell out of them if I approach somebody, even though I think I'm a good guy who is primarily interested in a relationship Dating for men is just so damn difficult Link to post Share on other sites
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