Great girl wants to take it slow, but mixed messages

[rumncoke]

So I basically met this great girl several years ago, smart, beautiful, funny, we had talked briefly on fb and I was able to keep her interested to a certain extent. Then she invited me to her birthday party and we ended up talking in the corner for 30min, the only thing was she got really drunk and blacked out the whole night, but their was a lot of chemistry and sexual tension. She didn't sleep with anyone or anything, she basically fell asleep in her suite while we all just partied the night away in the main room of the suite. After that night, she got off FB and hunkered down and she dropped a lot of her college friends. I, for some reason, did not KIT, and lost contact after that as well. Not sure why, I was just starting up in my career and my aspirations were and are still really high. Anyway, I thought about her more recently and started searching for her phone number, I found my old phone and there it was. I texted her and she responded and we became reacquainted. I had thought she was for sure taken 3 years later, but luck would have it that she was single and hadn't dated anyone in the last 5 years and is looking to be hitched in a years time give or take. So I began to pursue her, and make her laugh and convinced her to go out with me. She is very self-deprecating and doesn't think she is very beautiful, which I find ridiculously attractive in a beautiful woman. We ended up meeting up 1 on 1 for the 1st time this past weekend at a winery, this is not a great choice fyi as it is not a private setting. I had to go back and forth between her and the guy pouring the wine. We ended up going to another winery and the same thing happened, so I suggested we head to dinner before we part. Mind you, we had met up around 2:30pm, and we started dinner at 6:00ish.

 

Dinner went GREAT imo, i teased her and she loved it. I made her laugh a lot and we ended up sitting there and talking for 3-3.5 hrs. We played footsy and I read her palm and basically destroyed the touch barrier. I did sexually charge the conversation here and there and I could tell she liked it based on the look she was giving. Basically all the cute stuff was working. She had mentioned that she is going on dates with other ppl and she encourages I do it too right now. I brushed it off as a way to scare me off at that time. Anyway, we get up to leave and we are in the parking lot looking to go our separate ways. She says ok, I should go, but she lingered in front of me, and I said "If you have to go now, then you aren't leaving without this...::kiss on the cheek::" she slightly pulled back and closed her eyes and made an expression of pain. But then she opened her eyes and she started looking at me in the eyes deeply, her eyes were darting back and forth between mine furiously. Then I kissed her softly on the lips, and she didn't pull back at all. Then we began to make out for another 30 min or so out in the cold. She was clearly not used to this on a 1st date. But I continued to grab her and kiss her passionately and basically told her how I wanted her for the last 3 years. We ended up in her car talking and kissing for another hour, and I joked that I should follow her home, and she joked back that maybe I should with a hint of truth in her eyes. But then she began to pull back when I started trying to touch her special body parts. She said she wants to take it slow, but we basically sucked each other's face in the parking lot and car. After that, I headed home which was about a 3 hour drive for me. She got back before me and called me while I was driving. She said she was in bed and alluded to that she was completely naked, and she wanted me to have that image in my mind while I drive home. I joked that I should turn around now, but obviously didn't.

 

Sorry for the long buildup, but I feel it is important. On sunday, she went on a date with another guy, but mentioned that there was an awkward moment between him and her when I called her to chat. She didn't pick up, but so far the last couple days we haven't talked as much as usual. I made an innocent sexual joke that wasn't disrespectful at all, and she tore into me that she didn't appreciate me doing what I did in the parking lot, and being a little grabby to say the least. She did participate and I did feel that connection when it happened. I apologized to her to let her know my intentions were mainly to get to know her, and I have no issue slowing things down. But i adamantly said I do not apologize for kissing you. Before, she was asking me a lot of questions about me, now I find myself asking the questions in the last 2 days. I am not feeling good about that, but we made a plan to meet up again. I feel that, in person, I can awaken her feminine side and that she enjoys my company. I also feel like I could have sex with her if I wanted to if I invite her to watch a movie and drink wine. She didn't say no to this idea btw, but she did mention that wouldn't it cause problems for us trying to keep things slow? I said, "Absolutely not." and laughed it off.

 

I know she's a sensitive girl, but I really do care about her. I am seeing my future with her in my mind and how it will go. I feel like she is THE ONE. I took it slow with my ex, but then a month in, I broke her rule and just took her and ****ed her hard and we were in a great relationship for 3 years before we broke up amicably due to her school being in another state. My ex complained that this other guy tried moving slow, but it was TOO SLOW and she lost interest. With me my ex said she hated that I simply took her, but she also said it was really hot and that she sorta liked it. I am really confused as to what I should do. There are other guys in the running, and I do not live very close to this girl. I am about 3.5 hrs away from her by car. So I feel like every date needs to progress faster than normal because I can't easily see her. Like our next date is in mid December. Women say a lot of things, but they truly don't mean all of it. It's like the guy has to know exactly what mix she wants without telling him.

 

What should I do? Should I listen to her? Or should I move a little faster than she wants? I am thinking a public date, but then suggest we go back to her place for a movie, which I know she will agree to. What do you think? All respectful empathetic answers would be greatly appreciated. I do not want to lose her.

[CC12]

Women say a lot of things, but they truly don't mean all of it.

 

I think you should act as though women actually do mean all of the things they say. Just take the things they say at face value. Why not.

 

 

 

You said she tore into you about how grabby you were, then a few sentences later, you're saying "I also feel like I could have sex with her if I wanted to if I invite her to watch a movie and drink wine." It seems as though you're not listening to her or respecting her boundaries at all. Here's another example:

 

she did mention that wouldn't it cause problems for us trying to keep things slow? I said, "Absolutely not." and laughed it off.

 

And the fact that at least two women have now communicated to you that you were too forceful and that they didn't like it should give you a hint that you should back off and quit with the "I destroyed the touch barrier" and "I sexually charged the conversation" and "I can awaken her feminine side" horsesh*t.

 

Should I listen to her?

 

Yes.

 

Or should I move a little faster than she wants?

 

No.