NO TRUST.Long story,Please help.

[Springs7]

Ok so here's the story.My girlfriend of about a year. We were intimate with each other for a few month's before she was my girlfriend.About a month after we started being intimate she had some guy sleep over her house,partied with him on spring break probably had sex with him,she would never tell me if she did anyway but besides that. So i find out we stop talking for a few days then we start being intimate agian and both agree to be exclusive with one another. Then about a month after that or a few days before we make the big transition to her being my girlfriend,she goes out with two sort of friends of mine two guys i knew and another girl,gets drunk with one of the guys i know.Calls me while she's in the car riding home with him,there both wasted. Shes telling me how much she likes me then he gets on the phone and says how shes been talking about me all night.So im like whatever im back home out with friends on the phone with her im not sure what happend but her phones off for the night around 3 or 4.Next day she swears she went home she starts being my GF a few days later for about a month and a half,i find out diffrently that she slept over with the guy,she swears to god they only kissed,I break up with her cant trust her also i have to deal with the shame of looking like a B*tch to some friends who know what happend.She's calling me all the time pursuing me were broken up for a month and a half during that time which she said she would prove to me i could trust her she,hooked up with her ex boyfriend,hooked up with a ugly a** guy from work and he slept over,kissed some guy right in front of me at a club,so i freaked out cause i like her alot and i just wanted her,another month went by she didnt do anything else so we get back together,together for like 10 months.I find out more about the night just before we started dating (night her phone was off).I already had trust issues with her and i wasnt gonna leave her if she had sex with the kid i just wanted her to admit it so i would know.I had to literally have a person that knew what happend stand there with me and her and say to her you had sex with him then finally after a million fights about it over 10 months and people telling me diffrent stories.I find out she was intimate with him.Now since she swore on so many things,lives,to god,ect.ect. Lied so many times and just couldnt admit anything to me im having extreme trust issues,I literally think she is having sex with someone every few days.Were almost living together now and shes a huge part of my life.She is very apologetic about lying saying she didnt want me to leave her but now theirs no trust also i know that while we were together for the 10,11 months she didnt cheat.She is working with me alot to regain trust but its just getting worse and worse for the last month i dont trust her at all.Its getting very ugly fights and me verbally abusing her.I just have it in my mind now that shes slutty for doing that and letting me look so bad for so long in front of friends,I would never do that to her.Is there anyway to regain trust?What should I do?I have no idea.Please give feedback.

[Donut]

Sorry, I'm finding your post a bit hard to read.

 

Has she cheated while you've been together exclusively? Do you feel happy when you're with her?

 

If you think she's a slut, liar and making you look like a punk why did you get together with her?

 

This relationship didn't have a good start.

[Springs7]

Sorry my grammer and it being a really long story mad it hard to explian.

 

She never cheated on me while she was my girlfriend.The relationship had a very bad start.Im happy being with her and want to continue but I cant trust her in fact i distrust her.I think she's out with other guys all the time now.Like i said she's trying to get me to trust her agian but its not working.

[Donut]

Ooooo, tricky.

 

The thing is if you're happy together with her now and truly do want it to work, you believe she does too, you have to trust her until she says or does anything to make you believe otherwise.

 

I know it's hard but you're going to have to resist checking up on her, or any such activity or verbal abuse that will actively show your mistrust. It won't help.

 

Perhaps it would be a good idea also to not live together, or see each other all the time until you can get the trust thing back and you notice the change in the relationship for the better.

 

Being together alot can escalate the situation and cause you to concentrate on that one area of your life too much. Making things seem worse, leading to constantly arguing about it. It'll also give you both space and time to miss each other, start getting the romance back, or realise it's not for you.

 

If you feel she's worth it, good luck.

[Cecelius]

I think what Donut said is what you think: she's too wild, she maybe too morally challenged for you. You are wrapping it up in making it sound as if your objection is to lies or that she won't tell you the truth but the truth is that while you like her (for whatever reason) you think she's a ho.

 

I agree that the dopey phone call with the guy to you was odd.

 

I'm not sure why you would stay in this relationship.

[GirlDown]

i don't think you can be sure she didn't cheat on you for those 10, 11 months...

 

this doesn't sound good.

 

and she slept with a friend of yours while you too obviously had something, if not a relationship, going on?

 

ew.

 

i say, drop her like she's hot.

[Springs7]

Well she says that she didnt tell me about sex because she doesnt really remember it,she did take a pill or two that night along with heavy drinking.Don't get me wrong i know girls say that they dont remember because they try to make themselves feel better when confronted about a skanky act,but she did always say that they could have done more but not sex no way and very seriously doubted doing anything other then kissing.Im sure that she did not cheat on me during the 11 month's because she took a polygraph test herself after all this happend to prove that she had not.She is going to extreme length's to show me she will tell me things now instead of lying.Yeah the polygraph thing was kinda crazy to me to.haha.Anyway she calls from work alot to comfort me and she stays with me everynight because she had previously done so before i knew of what really happend but it also shows me she isnt staying anywhere she shouldnt be.I think your right about the moral thing.I normally wouldnt be so open but its the internet so whatever,she had an abortion early december and i remember her swearing on our passed baby that she had not had sex with him.This leads me to believe that she either doesnt remember or she has TERRIBLE morals.She argues one of the reasons she didnt tell me they possibly could have had sex is because she buried herself with all the fights and swearing on things.I sort of see where shes coming from but me personally i would have admitted it but she has a very stubburn personality and i think after the first month of lying it was to late for the truth in her mind.My major issue is i cant trust her for **** now.All i have to go on is that she didnt do anything while we were together,which i know is a big thing but ****,when i look into her eyes and she tells me something i think i would believe a complete stranger way more then her.I dont know what to do.She tells me she was stupid then and that she is so lucky to have me,she says she's changed and that she changed as soon as we started dating thats why she never cheated.I just cant trust her and its definatley consuming me because were togther so much but if im not around her i get worried shes going to do something thats gonna force me to leave her.Its just so messed up because i used to never care about girls mentally they were just objects to me,never needed any of them for anything but sex.Now i need her and i love her more then i ever felt for any girl before.

[GirlDown]

if she doesn't remember anything, saying "i don't think this could have happened" is pointless. obviously anything could have happened. she just doesn't want to think it might have. i don't blame her.

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=58242

 

here's a take on my situation. nothing i'm proud of, of course. but it shows what can happen whether you realize it or not. keep in mind, however, that i had not engaged in any shady behaviour before this...if your girlfriend has, it's more likely something similar may have happened.

 

 

i'm sorry to hear about your abortion situation, that's tough. but she also swore on lives, to god, etc and you found out she was lying then. how is swearing on a child she chose not have make it truth? (not judging, i am totally pro-choice, i'm just not getting the connection.)

 

i don't know. it just seems like you're setting yourself up for disaster with this girl. i hope you're not, it seems like you really care about her. i just don't think it seems like she knows whether she's coming or going.

[Springs7]

Im sorry you had to go through that.One of my big issues was if she woke up naked or not i figured that would be a good give away but she said she was wearing clothes when she woke up.Also she still says she didnt feel like she had sex.I just always had a problem believeing that could happen but i guess it can.As far as if shes coming or going she's had alot of semi long term relationships no longer then a year or two but i think she was going through some kind of phase and now i can say with all emotions to the side that i think she wants stay.I mean why wouldnt she,she can do whatever she wants to me right.Thats were im torn.I just need to figure all this out.But like i said its been about a month since i found out and she is continually doing all type's of things to rebuild us.Its to the point that im almost feeling quilty for still no trusting her the slightest bit.

[GirlDown]

i also woke up clothed. i don't know how my clothes got on but they did.

 

do not let her do anything she wants to you. she feels like she can, and that is half the problem.

 

you seem like you really care about her, but i think your feelings would be more appreciated by her if you showed her you will not be treated this way.

 

stand up for yourself, because you deserve better than what you're getting. you would make another girl very happy, maybe a girl who knows what she wants and knows that it's you that she wants.

 

i wish you luck, relationships are so freaking complicated, aren't they?

 

 

keep your head up. i think you're worth more than this.

[Cecelius]

GirlDown's story is unique (and, for better or worse, most of us have gotten that bad off once or twice, I just think that the consequenses come down on girls a little harder); your g/f's story is too fishy.

[GirlDown]

Originally posted by Cecelius

GirlDown's story is unique (and, for better or worse, most of us have gotten that bad off once or twice, I just think that the consequenses come down on girls a little harder); your g/f's story is too fishy.

 

thanks cecelius, it makes me feel better that i'm not the only reject.

 

and my point of having him read that was so he would understand that even if she "didn't remember" it doesn't mean it didn't happen.

 

how could she say "welll i don't remember, but i doubt this part happened" when she is saying that she had no clue?

 

either way, she was dishonest.

 

you don't pick and choose what you remember for your own benefit.

 

this girl is not worth the trouble.