wtf is going on here

[eye of the storm]

I have all my fingers crossed for you. Heck, I'll even braid my hair.

 

If she terminates this pregnancy AND moves out....Go buy a lottery ticket because you are the luckiest SOB on the planet.

 

Say calm and see what happens when you get home. Have your cousin on stand by to come over if she is still there. If she is there,,,do what you have to in order to get her out.

 

I am hoping the best for you.

[ktya]

I don't go through people's phones. If I feel the need I dump them. I don't give out my pass codes anymore for my computer or mobile devices in the same vein. My ex went through my stuff and started grilling me on my Google searches, I nearly dumped her and changed all my passwords. She was looking for evidence that I was cheating - I wasn't.

 

I'm not sure if your right or wrong on how she lives. I've encountered girls who do that, stay with friends or family on the couch and get out and cling onto a quasi boyfriend for as long as they can until moving onto the next one... but never one as old as 42 with adult kids.

 

I know mutual friends who she was neighbors with and others who worked with her in the past at a hospital, so if that's her MO she would have to have fallen pretty far.

 

Anyway I have put together a list of things I want to see to verify her story, without outright accusing her of lying.

 

Visit the doctor with her (to determine how many weeks this baby really is), to see her place (to ensure its hers and find out the deal on the car), etc.

[beach]

Whatever your end result is - it should include you taking back your ow home as your own.

 

She should be willing to respect you enough to leave today.

 

And I don't blame you for wanting to verify her info.

 

Have you met her adult kids?

[ktya]

Whatever your end result is - it should include you taking back your ow home as your own.

 

She should be willing to respect you enough to leave today.

 

And I don't blame you for wanting to verify her info.

 

Have you met her adult kids?

 

Haven't met the kids but ive seen pictures of them.

 

TBH if she's now making plans to be in a place to live for the weekend and is deciding not to have the baby I don't mind her sticking around another day or two. I'm at work all week, if I can have the place to myself over the weekend works for me. Plus it isn't a bad idea to be around her while she makes the call to not have the kid, do if she changes her mind again at least I'm not side swiped.

 

I will hopefully not see the one more day one more day dragging anymore.

 

I mean, hey, I don't mind having a girlfriend stay over for a few days, in certain circumstances a week or two even. Just this is damn near 2 months with her living off me the most of it. If she had her own money it wouldn't have been do disruptive.

[beach]

Don't back peddle now and say she can have more time.

 

Just stick to dropping her off today.

 

That way you get room to breath.

[TigerLilly78]

From your opening post it kinda sounded like you were inclined to cheat the way you were going on about how you couldn't "sneak in time" with ex booty call girls. I guess this women picked up on that and tried to claim what she thought was her territory. You thought you could play all sides and come out on top but I guess not so now its time to accept responsibility if she so chooses for the life you both created..with how you talk to your exs all the time wouldent surprise me if she tricked you into this pregnancy to get you pinned down so to speak..

[ascendotum]

TBH it seemed cute at first.....

 

As the situation with the pregnancy unfolded .....

 

She was quite adamant that she did not want to go there ....

 

Last night was another crazy night. I casually mentioned that my office is having a christmas party .....

 

demanded to know who I was talking to...

Then she wanted to check my computer to verify ....

 

I feel so sorry for you man. Your world have been turned upside down in just a matter of little over a month. Those care free days did not last long enough. Of 9 other women you were seeing and this one, you ended up with this one alas. I know you didn't see it coming because she was all sweet to begin with and most guys would have thought her baby days (+ her health issues) were well in the past. There has been quite a few stories that I've heard now of women who can never get pregnant, but somehow ends up with a oops with a new guy. I know..hindsight. She'll have it, to keep with you.

[Toodaloo]

This is so messy..

 

Good luck.

[Els]

I feel so sorry for you man. Your world have been turned upside down in just a matter of little over a month. Those care free days did not last long enough. Of 9 other women you were seeing and this one, you ended up with this one alas. I know you didn't see it coming because she was all sweet to begin with and most guys would have thought her baby days (+ her health issues) were well in the past.

 

Actually, I'm pretty sure most guys who are thinking with their upper head would have known that SOMEthing is not right when a woman moves in with you and starts redecorating your walls and doing all your housework after dating for a few weeks (and did not even give you her number).

 

Sorry, but this trap really had a 10-foot "I'M A TRAP PLEASE STEP ON ME PLEASE PLEASE" sign staked right on top of it.

[beach]

What nationality is she?

[ktya]

Elswyth you missed where I explained that it was day by day. At no point did she "move in". She just stayed one more day then one more day. It wasn't until the unplanned pregnancy when I really wanted 24 hours at least alone to think about it that what I thought was odd (ie don't you want to check on your place? Why would you let your son keep your bank card for do long when you are out of money? ) became downright freaky (ie. Why do you refuse to go home don't you want to get some time to think yourself??)

 

We had talked specifically about not moving in together in the beginning.

 

As for nationality she is white born in the same small town I grew up in. As was stated early in the thread she was the neighbor of my parents for 20 years.

 

She's not some random. While I never knew her before the number of mutual friends we have is staggering - and I don't mean facebook friends I mean high school, friends of my family, old neighbors etc.

[beach]

Did she head to her place yesterday?

[Els]

Elswyth you missed where I explained that it was day by day. At no point did she "move in". She just stayed one more day then one more day. It wasn't until the unplanned pregnancy when I really wanted 24 hours at least alone to think about it that what I thought was odd (ie don't you want to check on your place? Why would you let your son keep your bank card for do long when you are out of money? ) became downright freaky (ie. Why do you refuse to go home don't you want to get some time to think yourself??)

 

Do you really think that someone who is planning to remain casual will be in your house day after day, redecorating your house and cooking all your meals for you? Even two nights is a long time for a casual gf to stay over. You let it go on (while having unprotected sex with her) for weeks, if I read your OP right. Surely at the one-week mark you might have thought, "Wow, she's kinda moved in even though we talked about not moving in"?

 

I get that hindsight is 20/20, but really, I don't get how you continue to insist that there were no red flags at the start. It sounds to me like you are so blinded by your ego (my gf of a few weeks is so awesome, she cooks every lunch and dinner for me, I'm da MAN baby!) that you do not see the actual implications of the actions. For as long as you refuse to see them, you will be manipulated over and over and over again by such women. Ignore this advice if you like - your loss.

 

Anyway, I sincerely hope you managed to make her leave today, and that the eventual paternity test shows that the baby is not yours.

[elaine567]

Don't let the naysayers on here force you into jettisoning this relationship, it may not have been what you planned, but I have a sneaking suspicion you are not so against this relationship as you have made out.

 

Moving in, taking over the place and making you comfortable are not necessarily bad things, life is give and take and some women are not so giving of their time and energy to any relationship. Pregnancy yes a bit of a shock, but not a disaster. You also have a lot of things in common with this woman, same background and mutual friends, you also seem to be able to talk things through.

 

Be careful of what you wish for here.

[Els]

Moving in, taking over the place and making you comfortable are not necessarily bad things, life is give and take and some women are not so giving of their time and energy to any relationship.

 

This is totally fine and normal when both parties have agreed to moving in (usually after a longer period of dating than a couple of weeks), not so fine and normal when they have explicitly discussed it and said it would not happen.

 

There are many women who are giving in relationships with no ulterior motives - those women do not behave as the OP's gf did.

[ktya]

Don't let the naysayers on here force you into jettisoning this relationship, it may not have been what you planned, but I have a sneaking suspicion you are not so against this relationship as you have made out.

 

Moving in, taking over the place and making you comfortable are not necessarily bad things, life is give and take and some women are not so giving of their time and energy to any relationship. Pregnancy yes a bit of a shock, but not a disaster. You also have a lot of things in common with this woman, same background and mutual friends, you also seem to be able to talk things through.

 

Be careful of what you wish for here.

 

TBH I took a lot of this behavior as normal for someone from my hometown. Back there it's not uncommon for even friends to show up unexpected and stay for days. It's a town where everyone leaves their doors unlocked and it's not really very crazy that your friend stops by your house walks right in, grabs a beer from your fridge and waits for you while watching your TV.

 

They do go home when asked though. The women there are women and cook and clean because it's a logger/mill town and that's the way it is even if they work a good job.

 

Do yeah a couple days didn't set off alarm bells. It was the refusal to go home when I needed time.

 

If I can get assurance that she is who she says she is and that I'm not getting led down primrose lane then this can be saved

[Radu]

I don't recall your other threads [bad memory].

 

However every since page 2 i've had the impression you are literally ... a welcome mat.

You do not have a spine when it comes to relationships.

 

Frame it any way you want it to protect your fragile ego but it's what it is.

 

Out of 9 women you ended up [again] with the one who was forceful and took control of your life against your will.

Your words may be different but i am not the only one thinking that what you truly 'seek' deep down is a 'mommy'.

A woman to take care of you or control you ... hence my intial statements.

[eye of the storm]

If I can get assurance that she is who she says she is and that I'm not getting led down primrose lane then this can be saved

 

Isn't this the woman who threw a fit over you attending a work function.

 

Isn't this the woman who is making you support her after only "casually" dating just a couple of weeks.

 

Isn't this the woman that would not go home and give you some time to yourself so you can gather your thoughts.

 

Isn't this the woman who demanded access to your private computer history so she can "check on you" but refuses to give you her phone number.

 

And last, isn't this the woman who has demanded you give up your female friends.

 

This is the relationship you want to save if you can just verify who she is..............

 

Wow, I have met doormats before but not one sooo aggressive about finding ways of being walked on.

 

If she is what you want, then be aware ALL of her behaviors will continue. You already have shown her they are acceptable. They will not stop they will get worse and more will appear. And when they do, look in a mirror and say "I chose this".

[beach]

I'm assuming she didn't go home- since you won't answer the question asked.

 

 

Why wouldn't she plan to see her kids on thanksgiving anyway and cook dinner with them?

 

It's odd. But you have allowed too much and now you need to take control back of your personal space.

 

You've basically supported her for 6 weeks when you said no to that to begin with - that's doormat behavior.

[TigerLilly78]

Every one is kind of vilifying the gf in this instance but lets not forget the OP had alot of Exs around calling/texing him and so on while they were trying to be in a exclusive relashionship. Thats a big motivator for most women and might lead some to do rash things to try and claim what they think is rightfully theirs..Sure sounds like she was a little over the top at times but I wouldn't be surprised if that fact wasn't one of her motivators in alot of her actions including quite possibility getting pregnant..

[Toodaloo]

TBH I took a lot of this behavior as normal for someone from my hometown. Back there it's not uncommon for even friends to show up unexpected and stay for days. It's a town where everyone leaves their doors unlocked and it's not really very crazy that your friend stops by your house walks right in, grabs a beer from your fridge and waits for you while watching your TV.

 

They do go home when asked though. The women there are women and cook and clean because it's a logger/mill town and that's the way it is even if they work a good job.

 

Do yeah a couple days didn't set off alarm bells. It was the refusal to go home when I needed time.

 

If I can get assurance that she is who she says she is and that I'm not getting led down primrose lane then this can be saved

 

This made me laugh as this is what its like at home for me. If the door is locked some of my friends know how to break in...

 

Think about it though. They may wait for you to come home but they don't decorate your house and get pregnant with out KNOWING you for several years first do they? I bet every person you have found sitting on your sofa hasn't outstayed their welcome and you haven't needed to ask them to leave.

 

Time to get real.

 

Has she gone yet and are you still alive and in one piece?

[ktya]

It's not thanksgiving here. That was in October.

 

She is not gone yet, no. Its a tough call bc with the money and the pregnancy I'm kinda stuck riding it out.

 

Forcefully boot her and I'm out cash I can't afford to lose and risk her going dark and serving me cs papers in 9 months.

 

Keep her around and hope she comes up with cash to pay me back as promised and keep informed of the prego situation.

 

As for the exes no they arent swirling around as bad as tiger put it. It was a few off color texts from a treasured person I've never met and a girl who stopped by who has a boyfriend who lives out of town. (she tried calling first but my phone was dead). None of which would have been a problem if the girl had gone home after 2 weeks.

 

Normally, when you start a new relationship you get some time to yourself and are not with your new gf 24/7 for two months. This time allows you to wind out and reframe any loose ends with exes whether that be cut contact or keep it to strictly friends and to deal with any drama or after math that ensues on your own in private. In this situation I am stuck either going suddenly dark on them or sneaking around, neither of which I like.

 

Plus it's kind of stupid to cut the cord on people you have known for a year for someone you've known for weeks. I'm not saying mess around but...

 

Anyway onto the matter at hand. I'm playing the tightrope right now. Hopefully today will reveal more there are a few things in play that should come up today.

[Radu]

Personally, if you kick her out ... i don't think she's going to keep the kid.

 

If she keeps the kid it's because it's a link to you.

 

And you will never see that money anyway.

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

This is the craziest thread I've read in long time.

 

Your excuse for not booting her is that you won't get the money she owes you?? So the easier route is to just keep supporting her when you're already strapped for cash?

 

At first I felt sorry for you, but the more I read, the more it seems you are inviting and enjoying this drama in your life.

 

Your original question was "Wtf is going on here?" That question has been answered many times over, yet you still seem content to stay on this train and see how it rides out with her at the wheel. Good luck. Maybe you'll be married by summer.

[Toodaloo]

Good luck. Maybe you'll be married by summer.

 

Why wait? At this speed it will be before Christmas.

 

Your letting this go on so its your own grave your digging...