Author ktya Posted November 28, 2014 Author Share Posted November 28, 2014 Trust me, this weekend is the end of waiting around. This gambit isn't going to go on much longer. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 Ok, I was blaming her for doing that to you. But I can see it's your own fault because you won't do anything to change it. There's not one reason why she shouldn't go home - yet you are too weak to drive her there? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 (edited) Trust me, this weekend is the end of waiting around. This gambit isn't going to go on much longer. SO what's the plan then? I really don't understand the difficulty in this situation either, excluding the pregnancy. What is so difficult about sitting her down and saying, "I like you, but I think this whole situation has moved way too fast and has become more than we originally discussed. I'm not comfortable with the fact that you've basically moved in with me without any prior discussion or my consent. I'm sorry if it upsets you, but I believe I'm being reasonable when I ask you to move back home and give me some space to work through this." Stop feeding her emotional outbursts as well. When she lashes out, walk away, leave a couple hours if you have to, but stand firm. Unless of course, you're happy to let this keep snowballing even worse than it already is. Edited November 28, 2014 by Smthn_Like_Olivia 4 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 And why are you writing in a timeline that's a month behind? So she's been there another month? Don't blame anyone but yourself for allowing it to be this way. She's taking advantage of you because you let her. When you change yourself - and stop allowing it = that is when it changes! What are you changing TODAY? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ktya Posted November 28, 2014 Author Share Posted November 28, 2014 SO what's the plan then? I really don't understand the difficulty in this situation either, excluding the pregnancy. What is so difficult about sitting her down and saying, "I like you, but I think this whole situation has moved way too fast and has become more than we originally discussed. I'm not comfortable with the fact that you've basically moved in with me without any prior discussion or my consent. I'm sorry if it upsets you, but I believe I'm being reasonable when I ask you to move back home and give me some space to work through this." Stop feeding her emotional outbursts as well. When she lashes out, walk away, leave a couple hours if you have to, but stand firm. Unless of course, you're happy to let this keep snowballing even worse than it already is. Yes. I have brought this up a few times and during the last outburst over the office party I actually did exactly what you described - took an hour long walk after chilling in my office and went straight to bed, I wasn't about to engage that. This weekend it will be dealt with. The money and the pregnancy have been the sticky points that have kept me trying to ride it out until it gets better. I've been bottomed out financially waiting for her to get her own money so she can pay me back. It's been a month now with her broke with me waiting one more day one more day living on nothing waiting. I can't afford to be out what she owes me but I can afford to put her up while I wait even less. If she's interested in me and not my charity or my house, she will come up with it whether she is staying at my house or not. Otherwise she wouldn't pay me anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerLilly78 Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 As for the exes no they arent swirling around as bad as tiger put it. It was a few off color texts from a treasured person I've never met and a girl who stopped by who has a boyfriend who lives out of town. . Ok since you seam to like basically calling me a Liar here are some of the exerts from your threads both this one and the last one in were you talk about the almost non existent Exs..? "Had a huge fight with her last night, first actual fight I've had with her. I was ready to dump her and walk. I have no problem getting with women, I was multi-dating just months ago and was dating up to 9 girls at once (full disclosure: no lying or playing them out, they were well aware I was seeing other people)". "She tells me to tell her I'm out with my gf and to deal with it another time" "Instead I get the whole "were out together and your texting some chick you slept with?" "I have managed to remain friends with most of the girls I dated. Some I slept with some I didn't. I dont want to be going back to where I left off. I love having female friends" "At 38 I have a large harem of exes. They are all good women or I would have never been with any of them. Just because I was with them at one time or another doesnt mean that I suddenly hate them because I'm no longer sleeping with them" "Further complicating matters is that after a year of casually dating, I am still friends with a bunch of the girls that I met over the course of the year." "My relationship with the girl did blur way beyond pure friendship sometimes and then pull back" "There's another girl I dated January - March of last year who lives in another town who shows up in town and calls me sometimes. She has been in town twice and tried to see me but obviously I can't exactly have her over when my girlfriend is here" "Because my girlfriend has never been at my house I have been unable to have the kinds of conversations you might normally have - its incredibly insensitive to dial up a girl who came over for booty calls once in a while and have a conversation with her in front of your girlfriend - and normally this kind of stuff would happen when the girlfriend was at home between visits" Honestly its your life kryta and if you want to live it in denial of what the real issues might be go for it more power to you. But I think you will find if you start looking at yourself more and do less less blaming others for how your actions affect them then you might start having better interactions def with your gf and possibly now the mother of your child.. I am saying this to genuinely try and help much as you prob think im just being a bitch..alot of people have tried to be honest with you about a few things thu out your last two threads and you have ether glossed over it or dismissed what they had to say all together.. I hope things work out some how but I also hope you might realize what some of us were trying to say.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 Forget about the money. Seriously, in the grand scheme of things, it is only money and the longer you let her stay because of $$$, the worse it will be. Just chalk it up to the cost of learning an expensive lesson. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 Yes. I have brought this up a few times and during the last outburst over the office party I actually did exactly what you described - took an hour long walk after chilling in my office and went straight to bed, I wasn't about to engage that. This weekend it will be dealt with. The money and the pregnancy have been the sticky points that have kept me trying to ride it out until it gets better. I've been bottomed out financially waiting for her to get her own money so she can pay me back. It's been a month now with her broke with me waiting one more day one more day living on nothing waiting. I can't afford to be out what she owes me but I can afford to put her up while I wait even less. If she's interested in me and not my charity or my house, she will come up with it whether she is staying at my house or not. Otherwise she wouldn't pay me anyway. I doubt she will pay. Just know she's not going to pay whether she stays or goes. Have her go. Make her go if need be - that will tell you something when she has to go. My money's on she has no money and no place to go. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 Personally, if you kick her out ... i don't think she's going to keep the kid. If she keeps the kid it's because it's a link to you. And you will never see that money anyway. Its hard to know. If he kicks her out she could very easily get bitter and may actually go on to have the baby out of spite or she may not get bitter but play dirty and have it just to stay tied to him and as a way to get her back in his house to play family. I don't think the OP wants to get nasty on her and tell her to GTFO out his life. If he did that its hard to know if she will get spiteful and have the baby or look at pragmatically that she will be a single mother (and grandmother) in her 40s with a young baby. Tough being a single mother at 30 let alone in your mid 40s/50s. While the OP is currently not flush with funds, I think he downplays the woohoo factor for lots of women when they can tell their gfs they are dating an investment banker. I suspect he can write of the $ as well (for the time being then go see judge judy later or deduct it off cs). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 The thing that stands out, apart from the fact that you'd still like to keep the other girls on the line in the background, is that it's moved too fast and is a level of commitment you don't want and never said you wanted. It's weird that she doesn't go back home. It sounds like she's making excuses not to. It's your house and you are entitled to have it to yourself sometimes. If the two of you haven't agreed to commit and move in together, then she should respect that. The pregnancy is a concern because suddenly you two are linked by that too. If you two had sex without contraception based on her saying she couldn't get pregnant then either she didn't know she could or she lied. If she didn't lie and you made assumptions, then it was a risk you took. If someone is giving a lot, doing nice things for you and so on, then it's easy to take and forget about the consequences. I'm not talking about pregnancy here but in a relationship in general. If she hadn't been doing all those helpful things for you, would you still have allowed her to stay? You seem to like a lot about this relationship but have serious concerns about her reasons for not returning home and how fast this has happened. Also, the accidental pregnancy is also forcing you into considering a longer-term commitment than you appeared to have started out with. Generally, having some time apart would help you to clear your head and it's not unreasonable to ask for that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 If its the smell of money she's after, its not coming off of me Let's see, a couple of posters in the beginning mentioned this had a money angel and you posted how it couldn't be. But now the story changes. Now money is involved. Shocking. Even more shocking is that you are trying to convince strangers on the internet that you let her stay so you could get your money back. As if throwing more and more and more money (by supporting her) will get back your original investment. You really must not be a good investment banker if that is your mindset. Or were you trying to lie to yourself so you didn't realize how much of this is your fault. She isn't going home, and you aren't going to make her. And you will be posting for years how she trapped you and is making your life a he11. You will act and talk like you are just a victim and was unable to do anything. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 It was easier when he had imaginary girlfriends. Now he has a real one. Be careful what you wish for. I agree that the OP likes being a victim and the center of attention, getting sympathy. Maybe NONE of this is true. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 The only thing I can believe is that you are a willing doormat that unable to take action to help yourself. People only take advantage of you because you keep allowing them to by not saying NO! You have known now for several days you definitely should drop her off - yet you haven't done it. That shows you just keep being weak... That's why she keeps taking advantage of you. If it's not you she will move on to her next prey. Stop being such easy prey. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ktya Posted November 29, 2014 Author Share Posted November 29, 2014 (edited) Its hard to know. If he kicks her out she could very easily get bitter and may actually go on to have the baby out of spite or she may not get bitter but play dirty and have it just to stay tied to him and as a way to get her back in his house to play family. I don't think the OP wants to get nasty on her and tell her to GTFO out his life. If he did that its hard to know if she will get spiteful and have the baby or look at pragmatically that she will be a single mother (and grandmother) in her 40s with a young baby. Tough being a single mother at 30 let alone in your mid 40s/50s. While the OP is currently not flush with funds, I think he downplays the woohoo factor for lots of women when they can tell their gfs they are dating an investment banker. I suspect he can write of the $ as well (for the time being then go see judge judy later or deduct it off cs). And the winner is... ascendotum LOL. Ok so my plan was to get my rent money from a tenant, take off to my boat (which I need to go and check on anyway because the weather has turned cold) for the weekend and take my money with me. Starve her out of cash if shes a leech she will go somewhere else if she just adores me she will stick around. Girl offers to grab some cigarettes and asks if she can grab some food before I go and bolts with my bank card with my tenant. I sensed something was off and texted my tenant shortly after they left to tell me if she took cash out of my account and by the time I texted him I checked and she cleaned me out of $160 already in short order. He said nothing because he either didnt know or didnt get the text in time or didnt want to say anything. She shows up and right away says she took some cash out of my account. Offers to give me $60 back and I demand the whole thing, adamant because listen chick you didnt ask - you ask first otherwise it's called theft. After much debate I get all my money back because I know how much she took right down to the dollar. Needless to say I didnt make it to my boat ( :-( ) ended up going out with a buddy to blow off some steam. Done with this tightrope walk. I'm not going to see any of this money. Her big excuse was she needed money for the pills to not go through with having the kid but if they cost what she says is $200 and shes broke why take $160? thats not enough and she was going to need cigarettes and food while I was gone. Plus abortion is free here covered by medical as long as you go to a clinic - I've never heard of straight up going to the pharmacy for this sort of thing even for a pharmaceutical abortion there are clinics the dr can refer you to with counselling and support services and everything is free and confidential. She is out of here today and I told her so last night. I must admit I have been played like a river its costed me hundreds and hundreds of dollars waiting for this money that will likely never come. One more day one more day.. yeah. Last night I gave her one more day to GTFO. Im pissed. Yes I was played and yes thats my fault and yes it was stupid of me to fall down this rabbit hole. Edit: I looked it up. The pills cost $80-$100 and you have to go to a clinic to get them with 2-3 visits. Not a pharmacy. She told me they would cost $200 and wanted me to pay half. Edited November 29, 2014 by ktya Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 How far along did a DOCTOR say she is? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 Sorry, to hear that Ktya. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ktya Posted November 29, 2014 Author Share Posted November 29, 2014 How far along did a DOCTOR say she is? Ill never get in front of a doctor with her to talk about this, I'm afraid. I just cant see it happening Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 OP, glad you were able to stand up for yourself. Look at the bright side: Hundreds of dollars is not THOUSANDS of dollars and in the grand scheme, you may have gotten off cheaply. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 Would the medical team have tested her for pregnancy prior to commencing this recent pelvic surgery? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 So now we know she's also getting to know your tenants too. I doubt any baby is yours. And why wait "one more day" to drop her off? Why not RIGHT NOW? Please consider counseling - as you really have conflict avoidant issues you can work on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 (edited) After much debate I get all my money back because I know how much she took right down to the dollar. So now you've got $160 in cash in your hand. Go buy new locks. Edit to add: and change the code on your bank card and any other bank/payment cards and any bank account passwords. Edited November 29, 2014 by sillyanswer 4 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 Anyone remember a poster called GoldPile? This episode sounds like one of his fanciful stories 2 Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 Do you always give your bank card and pin to women you've only been dating for six weeks? 7 Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 TBH it seemed cute at first. A little over the top but cute. There was never a "I'm going to stay at your house for two months" statement. Its been kind of nice having someone make me lunches and cook me dinner so its been easy to have her around. It has been a situation that has developed one day at a time. Hindsight is 20/20. After a few weeks I was starting to politely make notions that maybe she might want to check on her place. How large was her suitcase when she came to stay for just a night? Or has she really been wearing the same clothes for 6 weeks? She hasn't left in 6 weeks (apart from very recently to empty your bank account) according to another post. As the situation with the pregnancy unfolded I got more firm and outright asked for it thats when the situation became more apparent, that this was not a case of a girl who had outpatient surgery who just wanted to hang around with her boyfriend but rather had no intention of going anywhere. It was not until I asked for 24 hours that whatever her "living situation" at her house actually is was obviously something other than that her son and his girlfriend were just staying at her house with her car. She was quite adamant that she did not want to go there - that was when the alarm bells and claxton started going off - the whole temper tantrum. Of course the fact that here she was pregnant and supposedly "couldnt get pregnant" was the first strike of terror but these things do happen. What's the reason she doesn't want to go back to her house? Sounds like it isn't her house, or some sort of ex lives there. Link to post Share on other sites
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 Do you always give your bank card and pin to women you've only been dating for six weeks? Scary right? My guy and I have been together over a year and living together 6 months now and I have never had his bank card or pin and vice versa. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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