QueenBuzz Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 All of the sudden (past week or two) I have been having trust issues with my boyfriend. We've been together for about 7 months now. But over Christmas I am going to meet one of his long-term best friends who happens to be a VERY attractive blond girl who he has had some kind of sexual relationship with in the past....And I know he has slept with a lot of HER friends as well (he was very promiscuous at one point in his life). He has a thing for blondes and I am not nearly as attractive as a lot of his girl friends. Fast forward to last week, he told me a couple of his friends are going to be in town for Christmas and he would love for me to meet them. When I asked who and he mentioned her, I said "Oh that's the one you slept with right?" (non accusatory), and he said no....I was like wait, you told me you slept with her???? He said no. I said I don't care if you did but it seems weird you're changing your story...? He said no I 'might have made out with her in 6th grade or something'. So I said ok maybe you didn't mean sex when you said hook up? He said no. But now I feel like I don't know the truth. Fast forward to yesterday, I grabbed his phone to get my pictures off of it and saw her name on the phone...Well I did a naughty (this is SO NOT LIKE ME) and read through their conversation. He mentioned two different times about how she was "a cute blonde girl" and well, the two of them text a LOT. About relationships (about me), about girls and hookups and things. So now I can't get it out of my head, which I swear is unlike me. I have never been the jealous type so I don't know why this is bothering me so bad!! But I don't want to meet her and her friends this holiday season now....I am dreading it...Why am I all of the sudden having these doubts and suspicions? Maybe it's because of his womanizing past? Maybe it's because he's hands down the most attractive guy I've ever been with....? I don't know. But now I am afraid I've sewed this terrible seed of distrust and worried I will always be suspicious of him and other girls. Now I find myself wondering who he is texting when I never used to care before, and I find myself thinking about picking up his phone when he is away from it (I don't though). How do I deal with this? This is NOT something I am accustomed to at all....And I am at a total loss as to WHY I feel this way and WHAT I should do about it?! In the beginning of our relationship he avidly pursued me and I had no interest in dating him for almost 2 months but he tried very hard. Said the L word after just a month of dating and told a lot of his friends about how awesome I am. I have never felt so insecure in my whole life!! We've already talked about it a little so it's to the point where I would be annoying if I brought it up again. Just looking for some thoughts/opinions so I can get out of my own head and figure out why the hell this is bothering me so bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 All of the sudden (past week or two) I have been having trust issues with my boyfriend. We've been together for about 7 months now. But over Christmas I am going to meet one of his long-term best friends who happens to be a VERY attractive blond girl who he has had some kind of sexual relationship with in the past....And I know he has slept with a lot of HER friends as well (he was very promiscuous at one point in his life). He has a thing for blondes and I am not nearly as attractive as a lot of his girl friends. Fast forward to last week, he told me a couple of his friends are going to be in town for Christmas and he would love for me to meet them. When I asked who and he mentioned her, I said "Oh that's the one you slept with right?" (non accusatory), and he said no....I was like wait, you told me you slept with her???? He said no. I said I don't care if you did but it seems weird you're changing your story...? He said no I 'might have made out with her in 6th grade or something'. So I said ok maybe you didn't mean sex when you said hook up? He said no. But now I feel like I don't know the truth. Fast forward to yesterday, I grabbed his phone to get my pictures off of it and saw her name on the phone...Well I did a naughty (this is SO NOT LIKE ME) and read through their conversation. He mentioned two different times about how she was "a cute blonde girl" and well, the two of them text a LOT. About relationships (about me), about girls and hookups and things. So now I can't get it out of my head, which I swear is unlike me. I have never been the jealous type so I don't know why this is bothering me so bad!! But I don't want to meet her and her friends this holiday season now....I am dreading it...Why am I all of the sudden having these doubts and suspicions? Maybe it's because of his womanizing past? Maybe it's because he's hands down the most attractive guy I've ever been with....? I don't know. But now I am afraid I've sewed this terrible seed of distrust and worried I will always be suspicious of him and other girls. Now I find myself wondering who he is texting when I never used to care before, and I find myself thinking about picking up his phone when he is away from it (I don't though). How do I deal with this? This is NOT something I am accustomed to at all....And I am at a total loss as to WHY I feel this way and WHAT I should do about it?! In the beginning of our relationship he avidly pursued me and I had no interest in dating him for almost 2 months but he tried very hard. Said the L word after just a month of dating and told a lot of his friends about how awesome I am. I have never felt so insecure in my whole life!! We've already talked about it a little so it's to the point where I would be annoying if I brought it up again. Just looking for some thoughts/opinions so I can get out of my own head and figure out why the hell this is bothering me so bad. You had no interest in dating him for two months and he wore you down. You had no interest for some reason . . . Link to post Share on other sites
Author QueenBuzz Posted November 25, 2014 Author Share Posted November 25, 2014 You had no interest in dating him for two months and he wore you down. You had no interest for some reason . . . Yes because I had just gone through a nasty divorce and was not emotionally ready. During that time I did not feel any emotions, I was shut off to the world and I called it "robot mode" where I just had the inability to feel attached to someone. He knew that and agreed not to pressure me but made it clear he liked me as much more than a friend. He would do his best to cheer me up and when I told him to back off (like when he tried to kiss me), he would. He was understanding and patient. We both were kind of dating other people during this period. Then we started spending more and more time together and I started to open my eyes and see him in a romantic light. Link to post Share on other sites
Emerald_11 Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 Why is your man telling other girls especially his ex-girlfriends they are cute? I would have a problem with that too!! You have every right to be upset even if you snooped a little to see that.... Also why does your man insist of keeping relationships/friendships with girls from his past who he may or may not have been with? In my opinion that does not sound good at all!!! Jealousy is a perfectly natural emotion & you shouldn't feel like its your fault for feeling that way. It is what HE is doing that causes you to feel that. If I were you I would tell him you don't really care to meet or know his ex-girlfriends since you are dreading meeting them anyways. Maybe follow that up by telling him how much he means to you and maybe even tell him that you worry he may go back to one of his exes. You might have to let him hang out with his old friends without you depending on how important it is to him to see them. I personally would not go and would make other plans to entertain myself while he does that..if he must... Are you still in contact with your ex husband? how would your boyfriend feel if he saw a text from you to him saying how good looking he is?? Maybe ask him lots of questions and share your dreams and plans for the future to help get him mind out of the past and more focused on the future hopefully with YOU!! Good luck!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author QueenBuzz Posted November 25, 2014 Author Share Posted November 25, 2014 (edited) Well I don't really have the grounds to bring up him calling her cute...Since I only know that through snooping. He also said it in the context of her not having a problem finding a job at a specific firm because she is "a cute blonde girl". He also told her about how awesome I am and was bragging about some of the cool things about me right before we started dating... I guess what I will do is go out with everyone and meet her and see what I think. I don't really want to go all that bad but I feel like it would seem odd if I didn't go and I don't have any friends here anyway so it's not like I can make other plans... I have no reason to believe he is being unfaithful...And I feel like flirting is human nature. My ex used to flirt but he was open about it with me and it didn't bother me. For whatever reason this does and now I can't stop wondering when he will get tired of me and look for another woman. And I have never been insecure like that or had any of these kinds of emotions in any of my other relationships...I don't get it. Edited November 25, 2014 by QueenBuzz Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 Seven months in all of this stuff wouldnt be worth it to me id just find someone who isnt still in contact with their ex. Im serious even 7 months in id walk away knowing I could find someone that id be happier with. Link to post Share on other sites
Emerald_11 Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 He has a thing for blondes and I am not nearly as attractive as a lot of his girl friends. Why are you putting yourself down??! If you go hang out with all of these other women from his past I do not think you will have a good time because you will be so involved with comparing yourself to all of them. It will most likely make the problem worse. Do you really want to pursue a friendship with his ex? Why? You don't have to tell him why you don't want to go. You could just say something came up or even fake being sick- just say you don't feel good. & that wouldn't be completely lying since you don't feel good about the situation anyways. That's what I would do... It sounds like you need to make some friends of your own to spend time with. Maybe friends from wherever you work at? Or go to school or church with? If I were in that situation I would rather be at home alone than go meet ex girlfriends!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author QueenBuzz Posted November 26, 2014 Author Share Posted November 26, 2014 Seriously....You guys think I should dump him because of some girls he slept with in the past? Yes he is still good friends with a girl he had some old history with....But aren't there any girls out there that are platonic friends with guys they have slept with in the past? And I am not going to meet people he's dated, only people he's slept with. I met one girl he slept with this summer and it didn't bother me. She was blonde too, but mostly I didn't care because he was open and honest with me. He said they slept together one time, and she wanted to date him but he turned her down. They have a lot of mutual friends so they wind up hanging out sometimes (I am always invited). I have good guy friends who I have made out with or slept with before and we are nothing more than friends now. Can't the same be said for his girlfriends? I mean, if he wanted to be with her why would he have pursued me so hard? And he was venting to her when we were in our courtship phase... I dunno....I am thinking I should go and meet them. If I get a weird/bad vibe then it's bye bye, I don't need any more stress in my life. But I don't feel like I can pass judgement before I see their relationship first hand. This guy means a lot to me, I don't have a valid reason to leave him him. Link to post Share on other sites
labayer Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 Seriously....You guys think I should dump him because of some girls he slept with in the past? No. As long as it's in the past. Yes he is still good friends with a girl he had some old history with....But aren't there any girls out there that are platonic friends with guys they have slept with in the past? Yes, of course. I know people who have slept with other people and now they're friends. Not best friends, not hanging out all the time, but on good terms and talking to each other once in a while. Personally, I don't consider it a big problem that he told her she's a cute blonde girl in the context of her saying she doesn't find a job. I mean, it's not bad if she said 'God I will never find a job' and he says 'Don't worry, as a cute blonde girl you'll find something soon'. He's just cheering her up. What I see as more problematic is that he's texting her so much and seems to be really good friends with her. That would definitely bother me too. I think when you're in a relationship you should let go of all exes. You can be on good terms and talk once in a while, but not be close friends and text all the time. At least this would bother me if my bf did that, and neither would I do this to my boyfriend because I know it's disrespectful. You should talk to him about it. Don't say you snooped around, just say that you feel like he's texting a lot with that girl, that you saw her name popping up a few times on his phone and that you're a bit worried about that. Ask him how he would feel if you were in close contact all the time to ex-boyfriends. I guess he wouldn't like it either.If he doesn't change that in the future, I would reconsider the relationship because it's clearly disrespectful to you and you will always fear that he might be cheating. That wouldn't be a happy and healthy relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
taryntan Posted December 5, 2014 Share Posted December 5, 2014 Ok im gonna get a lot of hate for saying this...but stay away from guys that first, keep in contact with a lot girls they've slept with and second, has female friends more attractive than you, a guy like that isn't going to be faithful to you mentally and physically because there are better options surrounding him. This guy isn't boyfriend material Link to post Share on other sites
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