Are dating sites harder for men or women?

[Armegoggon]

I've seen plenty of blogs claim that women get a lot of incoming messages and lots of men seem to rarely get replies if any profile views. Why is it like this on most dating sites? I'm talking about sites where the gender ratio is nearly balanced. Why is this a lopsided result where men get nothing in return but women get everything in return?

[kolleamm]

Because women believe it's the mans job to approach them, and use that as an excuse to do less work.

[mammasita]

Because women believe it's the mans job to approach them, and use that as an excuse to do less work.

 

Not all women.

 

I met my BF because I messaged him.

 

In general, I always approach men. I say it all the time to both men and women. ASK ASK ASK

 

To the question at hand, yes unfortunately OLD seems to be more advantageous for women, sure it might be because many women are afraid of making the first move - but a lot of men are too.

Edited November 25, 2014 by mammasita

[kolleamm]

Not all women.

 

I met my BF because I messaged him.

 

In general, I always approach men. I say it all the time to both men and women. ASK ASK ASK

 

To the question at hand, yes unfortunately OLD seems to be more advantageous for women, sure it might be because many women are afraid of making the first move - but a lot of men are too.

 

Definetly not all but 99.99% yes. OLD also has a very computerized interaction thus making attraction bland and monotone reducing the chances of two people liking each other.

[hotpotato]

By evetything, do you mean how women get dink pics, solicitations for sex, and messages from men who are generally dishonest?

[serial muse]

Women always say this like it's a bad thing. I wonder how many men would complain that they received numerous naked pics and solicitations for sex?

 

They do complain when they found out the solicitations come from robots.

 

Point being, nobody likes getting endlessly inundated with unwanted messages that offer nothing but an annoying distraction (at best) from the goal of finding someone to date.

 

So, in short: They totally would, if that was the bulk of their messages.

[hotpotato]

Women always say this like it's a bad thing. I wonder how many men would complain that they received numerous naked pics and solicitations for sex? As for the dishonesty, that is true on both sides. I never met a woman from OLD who had an honest profile.

 

Most men wouldnt complain about solicitations. They would take up the offers for sex- then complain about sluts messaging them.

Most women dont want to be treated as pieces of meat. If im on old, I want to date and get to know someone. If I wanted sex, I would go on a sex personals website.

Maybe thats why men do more of the work, there is more for men to gain.

 

Most of the time old is a waste of time. I dont need sex. I can stay home. I dont need to deal with horny, lying men. Thats most guys on old. Its not fun for women just because women get more messages.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Indeed much harder for men. I sometimes wait a week or 2 to re email them again in case it got overlooked.

 

I've been in the online dating scene on and off for a few years and pretty much exhausted who I already emailed.

 

Sadly still seeing the same faces online. Lol

 

I've seen plenty of blogs claim that women get a lot of incoming messages and lots of men seem to rarely get replies if any profile views. Why is it like this on most dating sites? I'm talking about sites where the gender ratio is nearly balanced. Why is this a lopsided result where men get nothing in return but women get everything in return?

[GemmaUK]

I think it's difficult for both.

When I have used OLD I tend to get 5-20 mails a day.

 

 

I just did a check on an old OLD account for the figures..

 

 

The vast majority of mails are from men who are 15-30 years older than me (so are in their 60's to mid 70's), the next bracket is those who are 15-27 years younger than me (age 18 to 30).

Neither of whom I would want to date. I'm 45 and we'd be at totally different life stages for one thing.

 

 

I also do get mail from within 15 years of my age which makes up about 18%.

I honestly would rather date someone plus or minus 10 years though due to my own personal preference.

This then takes it down to 5%.

 

 

Then out of that 5% I get in the main nasty first mails or outright sexual ones.

We go down to 1.5% at this point.

 

 

I reply to those who are not rude/nasty.

From the 1.5% many turn sexual or just want to have a dig at me for something within about 3 mails.

 

 

Usually I am left with less than 1%.

 

 

Then if we seem to get along (again another lesser %age here) I meet them and they look nothing like their photos. It is a real bonus if they actually look like their pics!

 

 

I had a date with a gorgeous guy (he was normal but yum to me in his pics)and we got on really well. When we met I walked past him 3 times as he had gained 4 stone and I didn't recognise him.

We sat down and the first thing he told me was that he has had an affair with a married woman, had moved to Singapore when she and her hubby moved. Hubs found out, they moved in together and 2 months later he is back in the UK.

 

 

Then later we were talking about convenience stores and for some reason out of the blue he said he was rampant.

Jeez! I love sec but...um...this was plain weird!

 

 

At the end of the night I said that I had had a laugh (because I did along the way) but that we were not a match.

He asked me if he could just come back to mine for sex as a one off.

 

 

I declined, said goodbye and went home.

 

 

The next day he sent me a text asking for another 'date'.

[Frank2thepoint]

The next day he sent me a text asking for another 'date'.

 

Aww don't leave us hanging, finish the story. What happened next?

[bluestealth]

Most of the time old is a waste of time. I dont need sex. I can stay home. I dont need to deal with horny, lying men. Thats most guys on old. Its not fun for women just because women get more messages.

 

Unfortunately because most men on OLD are like this women don't seem to know when they've actually found a good one since they're never willing to pursue it far enough. That's been my experience at least. For example, I had a girl give me her number and all she wants to do is take it slow and text. She's not even willing to talk on the phone after a week. On top of this she's terrible at texting and won't carry on the conversation or ask me questions. I've suggested talking twice since you can't get to know someone with texting alone, but she's not been willing.

[insert_name]

By evetything, do you mean how women get dink pics, solicitations for sex, and messages from men who are generally dishonest?

 

Trust me, I would take sifting through all that crap in a heartbeat trying to find the genuine messages over coming home to an empty inbox, messaging a few girls that night with a genuine message tailored to their profile , coming home the next day wondering if you have had a reply...only to find an empty inbox. So message a few girls that night with a genuine message tailored to thwir profile, come home the next day wondering if you have had a reply....only to find an empty inbox. Rinse and repeat.

 

Seriously, every woman complaining about number of spam messages should give receiving no messages at all a try and see how that feels.

 

I am pretty sure that all the complaints about dick pics will pale into insignificance compared to the feeling that you are invisible on OLD.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Recently got a response from a woman, age 52. She lives out in the boonies where pickings are slim anyways. Even though she was Christian and we had some interests in common, both looking for something long term she said she simply wasn't physically attracted. Yes, she told me this. She wasn't rude about it...but just saying.

 

With all the tips you could possibly give on how to improve your profile I've read here, the only thing that typically matters is the picture. People just thumb through them like a magazine at a dentist's office.

 

That being said, with an inbox full of suitors, that's how the selection process starts. At the pictures.

[insert_name]

They do complain when they found out the solicitations come from robots.

 

Point being, nobody likes getting endlessly inundated with unwanted messages that offer nothing but an annoying distraction (at best) from the goal of finding someone to date.

 

So, in short: They totally would, if that was the bulk of their messages.

 

That really does sound like first world problems. Do you really think an inbox full of a mix of genuine messages and spam is on a par with regularly getting no messages at all? Ive no doubt weeding through it is not nice, but its the lesser of the evils and a small price to pay for not having to be the gender that risks the rejection by having the onus on them to initiate contact.

[ascendotum]

I think it's difficult for both.

When I have used OLD I tend to get 5-20 mails a day.

.....

 

I declined, said goodbye and went home.

The next day he sent me a text asking for another 'date'.

 

lol on your last date, though probably not for you. It was a waste of time for you though, but I guess it was entertaining on another level. If you had done online dating at 35 or 25, I'm sure it would have been better for you. People's experiences will be different because of their age brackets and I did see a fairly significant difference in demographics on a site I had used.

 

For every woman that finds success on OLD there will be a corresponding guy. It depends on peoples definition of success. For many guys success is not finding true love but clocking up notches or for quite a few other just STRs are fine, unless they are lucky to strike a great woman (in their eyes). A certain % of guys will do the rounds with lots of women, and others will get squat. I would say there is a greater imbalance with men in terms of satisfaction then women. For some women even if they are going on lots of dates with okay guys, they will still consider OLD a flop because they have not found their 'omg amazing guy'. For guys who are getting a small % reply rate they will be jealous of that outcome.

A female friend of mine who is in her 40s and is looking for something long term is complaining now with OLD but 3-8 yrs ago when younger/slimmer and not looking for anything long term, was loving it. I bet a lot of women will relate to that.

[hotpotato]

Trust me, I would take sifting through all that crap in a heartbeat trying to find the genuine messages over coming home to an empty inbox, messaging a few girls that night with a genuine message tailored to their profile , coming home the next day wondering if you have had a reply...only to find an empty inbox. So message a few girls that night with a genuine message tailored to thwir profile, come home the next day wondering if you have had a reply....only to find an empty inbox. Rinse and repeat.

 

Seriously, every woman complaining about number of spam messages should give receiving no messages at all a try and see how that feels.

 

I am pretty sure that all the complaints about dick pics will pale into insignificance compared to the feeling that you are invisible on OLD.

 

Cereal? Im actually about to delete my profile. I guess that will get me down to zero responses. Id rather be alone tyan deal wity a man who has the morals and behavior of a pubescent boy.

 

Honestly, I think I could do the rest of my life without sex or random dink pics.

[hotpotato]

@ the idea that women should be happy with any kind of message even if its vulgar and disrespectful.

 

so far men are complaining about quantity

women are complaining about quality

[Targetlock]

Any message for me would make a nice change, would prefer something over nothing. but yes i understand women being frustrated with the crappy messages they get from some men, give the rest of us who actually after the real thing a bad name and make women less likely to give them a chance.

[insert_name]

Cereal? Im actually about to delete my profile. I guess that will get me down to zero responses. Id rather be alone tyan deal wity a man who has the morals and behavior of a pubescent boy.

 

Honestly, I think I could do the rest of my life without sex or random dink pics.

 

Without wanting to be all NAWALT I dont act like that, I am nothing if not respectful, well I often throw in a teasing/playful observation on their profile or whatever if their profile is playful in nature. And I cant be the only guy out there like this otherwise I suspect I would have had a bit more interest by now. So there must be some genuine messages in amongst all the crap that every woman has to deal with.

[sillyanswer]

When I have used OLD I tend to get 5-20 mails a day.

 

I can believe that. Sometimes I might send 5-20 mails in a day.

[bubbletea]

It's not like all women get tons of attention or messages on OLD. The last time I tried only a few guys message me, I messaged back, then it goes silent.

 

I felt very unwanted after that short time on OLD and haven't been back since.

 

TBH I had an attractive picture up, but nothing revealing. Did they think it was a fake profile? I have no idea. I don't get asked out in RL either. It makes me question my looks sometimes.

[Thegreatestthing]

It's much easier for women we just sit their getting messages and choose which ones we want. I've never got any vulgar messages ever.

[hotpotato]

They do complain when they found out the solicitations come from robots.

 

Point being, nobody likes getting endlessly inundated with unwanted messages that offer nothing but an annoying distraction (at best) from the goal of finding someone to date.

 

So, in short: They totally would, if that was the bulk of their messages.

 

Exactly. Exact I dont think I ever got a dirty message from a bot!

 

Besides, if a woman wanted sex there are plenty if sites for that.

 

Think about it like this guys. Suppose you make it clear you only want sex, but women keep pressuring you for commitment. Those women are wasting your time and not respecting your desires.

[hotpotato]

It's much easier for women we just sit their getting messages and choose which ones we want. I've never got any vulgar messages ever.

 

Ive gotten vulgar messages. Ive also gotten messages from men who seemed nice but would then ask for sex on the first date. Ive also had a man in particular feign liking me because he wanted sex. Ive had men several decades outside my upper age limit message me.

 

I'm gonna have to disagree with you. I have never heard a man complain about seeing boobs or having women offer sex. If I did hear a guy complain about those things, I would assume he was gay.

 

I agree, but men and women are different. What makes men happy doesnt alwats make women happy.

 

I think it's difficult for both.

When I have used OLD I tend to get

 

I dont get that man e-mails. Do you live in a big city?

[Armegoggon]

So isn't it pretty clear? Good men just want to be given a chance, while good women need to learn how to reply more often on top of the messages that are supposed to have a chance of replying.

 

This society is really messed up. Women are taught to ignore almost all incoming messages, while men are taught to send messages randomly. What kind of maroon tradition did this society invent; "A man is expected to approach a woman 95% of the time". What if a man is too shy? Why don't it just be 60% of time a man approaches a woman first, 40% of the time a woman approaches first. How about a more balanced first approach? This society pressures a man way too much.

 

How about blogs learn how to teach women to actually message first more often and reply more often and teach a man how to message a lot less often? How about this instead? This is clearly imbalanced that's why both men and women are actually complaining about completely different things. Men complain about the lack of given chances, while women complain about the lack of "good" chances.

 

Now what I post here isn't going to change the society in one day but come on, there needs to be more initiative for "balance" with most dating sites.