Are dating sites harder for men or women?

[Mangina]

Go for big girls they r more responsive

[GemmaUK]

lol on your last date, though probably not for you. It was a waste of time for you though, but I guess it was entertaining on another level. If you had done online dating at 35 or 25, I'm sure it would have been better for you. People's experiences will be different because of their age brackets and I did see a fairly significant difference in demographics on a site I had used.

 

For every woman that finds success on OLD there will be a corresponding guy. It depends on peoples definition of success. For many guys success is not finding true love but clocking up notches or for quite a few other just STRs are fine, unless they are lucky to strike a great woman (in their eyes). A certain % of guys will do the rounds with lots of women, and others will get squat. I would say there is a greater imbalance with men in terms of satisfaction then women. For some women even if they are going on lots of dates with okay guys, they will still consider OLD a flop because they have not found their 'omg amazing guy'. For guys who are getting a small % reply rate they will be jealous of that outcome.

A female friend of mine who is in her 40s and is looking for something long term is complaining now with OLD but 3-8 yrs ago when younger/slimmer and not looking for anything long term, was loving it. I bet a lot of women will relate to that.

 

The first time I did OLD was when I was 36 and it was much the same as it is now.

 

 

One of the main problems I have with OLD is that guys seem to get way too involved way too fast.

I tend to take each day as it comes and when I have dated from OLD the guys were all about moving in with me and talking about marriage within weeks.

I find it a huge turn off and the fun of getting to know someone just disappears and the pressure is piled on.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Go for big girls they r more responsive

 

I've done that, just to see what would happen. No response. lol

 

I also get a kick out of how some attempt to BAIT you into emailing them with headlines like "I see you peeking! Say Hi!" to "Don't be shy, if you like what you've read email me! (Even though I'll never actually reply).

Edited November 26, 2014 by LookAtThisPOst

[Armegoggon]

Go for big girls they r more responsive

 

I go for big tall girls but still don't get a good reply rate either way.

[Phoe]

This society is really messed up. Women are taught to ignore almost all incoming messages.

 

I don't think women are taught to not respond. I certainly wasn't taught that. My mother taught me to be polite to everyone who talks to me, and give everyone chances.

 

I responded to every message on OLD that was polite. I ignored the sexual ones, but they weren't common. I can recall 2.

 

I got about 8 messages a day. I responded to all. Easy. I literally had no reason not to. Not everyone responded back, but everyone who did, I had a nice time chatting with. The first one to ask me on a date, got the date, and then I left OLD.

[Targetlock]

I don't think women are taught to not respond. I certainly wasn't taught that. My mother taught me to be polite to everyone who talks to me, and give everyone chances.

 

I responded to every message on OLD that was polite. I ignored the sexual ones, but they weren't common. I can recall 2.

 

I got about 8 messages a day. I responded to all. Easy. I literally had no reason not to. Not everyone responded back, but everyone who did, I had a nice time chatting with. The first one to ask me on a date, got the date, and then I left OLD.

 

shame there isn't more like you on there then they rarely give me a chance, though most look at my profile but never bother responding.

[insert_name]

Well, the monotony of sending messages without reply was spectacularly broken this evening when I got an email from OK Cupid to say that someone likes me! The excitement started to build, could this be the breakthrough......

 

Oh.

 

Its a dude.

 

Not even a fake profile, or a transexual, an everyday guy who had set his profile gender to be female.

 

Other than that, nothing else in the inbox apart from the chirping of crickets and a bit of tumbleweed looking for a way out.

 

Although I'm sure this sounds like heaven to the women round here

[insert_name]

The men who are disappointed with OLD feel that way because they can't meet anyone. The women who are disappointed with OLD are upset that they can't meet the man of their dreams on there. That's the gist of it, as far as I can tell.

 

You have hit the nail on the head there. I honestly can't believe that 'which gender has it tougher on OLD' is even up for debate, but that response puts it to bed imo.

 

In terms of outcomes neither sex are likely to meet the partner of their dreams so thats a level playing field, but women will *generally* get more opportunities to actually date and potentially meet that partner whilst, weirdly, having to put in less in to the whole process.

[LookAtThisPOst]

You have hit the nail on the head there. I honestly can't believe that 'which gender has it tougher on OLD' is even up for debate, but that response puts it to bed imo.

 

In terms of outcomes neither sex are likely to meet the partner of their dreams so thats a level playing field, but women will *generally* get more opportunities to actually date and potentially meet that partner whilst, weirdly, having to put in less in to the whole process.

 

What are to men's non-response from women is the equivalent to the "pen*s pictures, and booty call requests" are to women.

[Armegoggon]

I don't think women are taught to not respond. I certainly wasn't taught that. My mother taught me to be polite to everyone who talks to me, and give everyone chances.

 

I responded to every message on OLD that was polite. I ignored the sexual ones, but they weren't common. I can recall 2.

 

I got about 8 messages a day. I responded to all. Easy. I literally had no reason not to. Not everyone responded back, but everyone who did, I had a nice time chatting with. The first one to ask me on a date, got the date, and then I left OLD.

 

Yeah you could easily be right that women are taught to be polite. However, it seems like most women perceive themselves as being nice by not responding. They were probably like "If I respond by telling them a no, I'm being mean to them and they'd shoot back a rude message". I understand that but it's not really fair that men don't know what they're doing wrong on their message. I'm talking actual messages that aren't asking for sex-related talk.

 

More importantly men need to realize that dating sites aren't for hook-ups. I think that could easily be another reason most women just glare at it for 10 seconds like a resume. All the messages I've sent to women are messages I would most likely talk in real life.

[LookAtThisPOst]

 

More importantly men need to realize that dating sites aren't for hook-ups. I think that could easily be another reason most women just glare at it for 10 seconds like a resume. All the messages I've sent to women are messages I would most likely talk in real life.

 

Right, except in real life, there's no ignore or block button.

[Armegoggon]

Right, except in real life, there's no ignore or block button.

 

I wonder what they do, run away? Or perhaps if a man was too desperate and tried to talk to her more she could call stalking police? Technically there is no block button but the punishment they could bring may be a lot worse than an online block button.

[MercuryMorrison1]

I think both men and women suffer separate difficulty's when it comes to OLD.

 

 

While it's true, physically attractive women most likely generally get the most messages and responses, it also mean's that (depending on what they are looking for) they have to weed through a bunch of creeps and horny kids in order to find the right man for them.

 

Speaking from my experience's with OLD as a man...Well years ago I made two accounts one on OKC and one on PoF...I made them as a younger less experienced man, I took some stupid vanity pictures and wrote up a totally contrived profile for myself and got very few messages.

 

However I recently re-entered the dating scene, and decided that since I hadn't touched my OLD accounts in years I'll just start fresh and make new one's.

 

I did this, and put up much more reasonable pictures of myself, as a matter of the fact the one I'm using here on Loveshack is one on my profile, I wrote a quick and to the point profile that sum's up my personality in as few sentence's as possible, while still providing enough information to give people an idea of who I am.

 

And guess what...

 

It worked! I've been on three dates with three different women in the past week and a half, all of them sweet enough, but one in particular I've become closer with and we are already talking of moving onto the next level.

 

 

My point is...For men at least...It's heavily dependent on how you present yourself, not only in your pictures but also in how you compose your profile.

[EngnimaticResponse]

@ the idea that women should be happy with any kind of message even if its vulgar and disrespectful.

 

so far men are complaining about quantity

women are complaining about quality

 

Ok, fine.

 

She states right in her profile that she is "looking for good/quality converstation". You message with a paragraph, she answers with a short sentence. You message a sentence, she gives a 1-2 word response. She does not ask any questions, or if she does it is one that you answered IN YOUR PROFILE. Which means she did not even read it.

 

Shall I go on? Sure. Why not.

 

It has been said here many times that you should not lollygag. A few messages back and forth and then get a face-to-face. Women arn't looking for a pen-pal. But the second you mention meeting (in a very public, and non-threatening venue) *POOF* She's gone like a fart in the wind.

[EngnimaticResponse]

Right, except in real life, there's no ignore or block button.

 

What OLD sites need rather than an ignore/block button (which only helps the one recieving the message) they need an "unsolicited sex button". Clicking it would mark the sender of the offending message. If X number of women mark that sender, his account is blocked from sending any more messages. That would clean things up pretty damn fast!

[lino]

So isn't it pretty clear? Good men just want to be given a chance, while good women need to learn how to reply more often on top of the messages that are supposed to have a chance of replying.

 

This society is really messed up. Women are taught to ignore almost all incoming messages, while men are taught to send messages randomly. What kind of maroon tradition did this society invent; "A man is expected to approach a woman 95% of the time". What if a man is too shy? Why don't it just be 60% of time a man approaches a woman first, 40% of the time a woman approaches first. How about a more balanced first approach? This society pressures a man way too much.

 

How about blogs learn how to teach women to actually message first more often and reply more often and teach a man how to message a lot less often? How about this instead? This is clearly imbalanced that's why both men and women are actually complaining about completely different things. Men complain about the lack of given chances, while women complain about the lack of "good" chances.

 

Now what I post here isn't going to change the society in one day but come on, there needs to be more initiative for "balance" with most dating sites.

 

 

Good luck with that.

 

Approaching the opposite sex, be it in real life or online, takes guts and work. 2 things that the majority of women are averse to.

 

If the route from point A to B is already the shortest possible, why do you think they'll be willing to take a longer one?

[Targetlock]

it also annoys me when i get an email or message saying someone wants to meet you and then when i contact them they ignore me, very confusing :/

[MissBee]

I've seen plenty of blogs claim that women get a lot of incoming messages and lots of men seem to rarely get replies if any profile views. Why is it like this on most dating sites? I'm talking about sites where the gender ratio is nearly balanced. Why is this a lopsided result where men get nothing in return but women get everything in return?

 

How do you know if the gender ratio is balanced? Do dating sites have this stat somewhere on the site?

 

I also don't really understand how simply getting messages is getting everything in return, when most often the complaint of women, certainly my experience and my friends whom I've spoken to, is that majority of the incoming messages are not worth much. So having 20 men message you saying ridiculous things for example, how is that getting "everything"?

 

Messages I'll get in a day include: "Let me get you pregnant", "Come to my house and watch netflix", "Sexy", "Nice lips"....okay...so should I be grateful and consider this getting everything? I may get other messages that are just boring and I'm just not interested but also a lot of them are offensive or strange.

 

I don't message a lot of guys but when I do it's with something well thought out and not any of those things...sometimes they respond and sometimes they don't. That's how it goes.

[Phoe]

I agree with missbee that the message content is sometimes a struggle.

 

I only got 2 sexual messages. One saying "sexy ass lips, girl" and another one was a long novel about how I'm a below average girl who should be grateful a stud like him is messaging me offering to ride in on his white horse, lay me down on flowers in front of a tire, and take me.

 

There were also the handful that just said "hi". So I'd try to start a convo back and they'd write back "sup?" And it was like pulling teeth trying to get words out of them! Haha.

 

Luckily that wasn't too common. I'd say 80% of the messages I got were polite and engaging.

[MissBee]

Women always say this like it's a bad thing. I wonder how many men would complain that they received numerous naked pics and solicitations for sex? As for the dishonesty, that is true on both sides. I never met a woman from OLD who had an honest profile.

 

Desperate guys just looking for sex might be thrilled but normal men who are actually looking to date would be put off by a woman they don't know sending them unsolicited pics of her P^%sy!

 

It's awful that people make it seem like all men just think about getting sex regardless of who it's from or the circumstance, including when you make statements like this, when it's not true. There are lots of decent guys who would be more suspicious than anything else of a woman randomly sending them such pics. Even if they decided to take her up on it many would not proceed with anything serious after.

 

But, point is: if you as an individual like it, great. But don't act like women are supposed to be happy or grateful to see the dick of some dude they don't know. How is this NOT a bad thing? However it does sort of make sense that some men truly feel they're giving you a gift by doing this or some who want women to do this think if they do it first we'll reciprocate when most of us are creeped out by it.

[MissBee]

Hot guys get whatever they want.

 

Not from me. But okay.

[FitChick]

I only got 2 sexual messages. One was how I'm a below average girl who should be grateful a stud like him is messaging me offering to ride in on his white horse, lay me down on flowers in front of a tire, and take me.

I bet he looked like the Michelin Man.

[insert_name]

How do you know if the gender ratio is balanced? Do dating sites have this stat somewhere on the site?

 

I also don't really understand how simply getting messages is getting everything in return, when most often the complaint of women, certainly my experience and my friends whom I've spoken to, is that majority of the incoming messages are not worth much. So having 20 men message you saying ridiculous things for example, how is that getting "everything"?

 

Messages I'll get in a day include: "Let me get you pregnant", "Come to my house and watch netflix", "Sexy", "Nice lips"....okay...so should I be grateful and consider this getting everything? I may get other messages that are just boring and I'm just not interested but also a lot of them are offensive or strange.

 

I don't message a lot of guys but when I do it's with something well thought out and not any of those things...sometimes they respond and sometimes they don't. That's how it goes.

 

Nobody is saying that women should be pleased about getting dick pics.

 

The point I am trying to make, as evidenced by your comments, is that the dick pics do not make up the entirety of the messages you receive. There are probably a handful of respectful emails from decent guys on top of the dic pics, the male posters in this thread are testament that respectful guys exist and are sending messages so we are out there.

 

So the srgument is that a woman will have decent guys to choose from, all she has to do is delete the spam so she can find the decent emails. So, to refer to my earlier point, whilst ultimately they may (in her opinion) be unsuitable options, she still has options if she wishes to compromise on some things, or she can wait for a better man to come along and she can do so in the knowledge that she has a high chance of more contact without her having to do anything to her profile.

 

I have left my dating profile stagnant for the last 5 days, I came back to it tonight. How many unsolicited messages have I had in that time? None. 0. Zilch. Nada. If I ever want to go on a date again I will have to risk more rejection and message a load of girls to see if I get anything back and even then there is no guarantee of it reaching a date. So I am currently in the middle of my 3rd profile re-write, not really sure if what I'm doing is 'right', just stumbling around in the dark trying to make it work.

 

At times I don't mind doing this when its working, but when I am on a run like I am now with no date in over a month I get really tired and fed up and would gladly rather have the problem of trying to find 5 good messages in a stack of 20 or 40 and take my chances with those girls. People with good intentions are actively trying to find you, no-one is trying to find me. You just can't understand how depressing that feels some times.

 

I wish there was some magical compensation that could be done, for every 3 messages I send out, I get one unsolicited. Sorta keeping the OLD eco-system ticking over if you see what I mean. But we all know it doesn't work like that, its all about the guys doing the initiating (unless your profile is truly exceptional) fair enough. But thats exactly why it shouldn't really even be open for debate that guys have it harder, always having to work from a standing start.

[sillyanswer]

How do you know if the gender ratio is balanced? Do dating sites have this stat somewhere on the site?

 

What I've done on some sites is do a search for, say, women aged 35-45 within 10 miles of me and then a search for men aged 35-45 within 10 miles of me and compare the number of results. On some sites I found that I had to be more specific with my search (eg narrower age band, or even add in additional options like brown eyes) to get few enough results to be able to count and then extrapolate from there.

[Friskyone4u]

I think the reason OLD does not work for a lot of people is because it is so superficial. People looking for real relationship and not just sex hook ups unfortunately rule out people who do not either resemble GQ male models or Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders. Online profiles say nothing about what is in a persons heart.

Since cave man days, men have pursued women. Most OLD sites have a preponderance of men and a lot of the women on them I believe are actually in a lot of cases just curious and for safety reasons still do not feel comfortable not meeting strangers the old fashioned way. Bars have " ladies night" because men will follow. Ladies of average appearance have no trouble meeting many men if they want to where men fight the numbers games even if their looks are comparable.

It may not be fair but it's a fact . Not likely to change anytime soon guys. So deal with it