That rebound guy feeling

[Invictus01]

Let me break it to you now - IT WILL NEVER MAKE SENSE. So get that thought out of your head. The sooner you realize this little fact, the quicker your recovery will be.

 

 

She's an immature person. Doesn't matter if she is 26 or 46. She did exactly what she said she would never do, and used you in the process. Maybe she did it on purpose, maybe it was never her intention to do it at all. But SHE DID IT. And Now the ball is IN YOUR COURT.

 

 

You're a 37 year old man. Let that sink in. Before you met her, you were confident and attractive. AND GUESS WHAT, you still are! It's just hidden now under your shame and hurt. You're probably embarrassed, embarrassed that it could happen to you. But don't be. You play the game, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.

 

 

BUT, in the end you will win. How? You'll grieve the loss of what could have been, and then understand that you dodged a bullet. It will never make sense, and the pain will never disappear, just get more numb with time. You're doing the right steps - DO NOT break NO CONTACT. This girl showed you the door, now it's time for you to show her that DOOR IS CLOSED.

 

You know, all of this makes total sense. I just haven’t reached THAT point. The one where you can feel something almost physically breaking off in your chest, then you go numb and your brain kicks in with all this logic. Until then…

 

I have never had problems attracting women. Older, younger, white, black, Hispanic… At 37, before this girlie, only twice in my life I let myself go way too deep and get hurt (mostly because I stuck around as a “friend”). The rest… Just couldn't find a good fit and frankly, run if I was getting too far. Plenty one dates and nothing more. Maybe a few 1-2 month relationships. And, to be honest, a fair number of drunken one night stands and random hookups.

 

And here you are looking at your new weekend conquest. You are in town for a couple of days, what else could it be, right? You get her number, go out… and that one day just turns your life upside down. This one is different. This one matters. Huh, what?!? You had interest in some other women. They don’t matter anymore. Some women had interest in you. Nope, doesn't matter either. Holy crap, you don’t wanna run!

 

She makes you do things you’d laugh at just a few months ago. Long distance dating? Sure! Dating a woman in mid 20s? Why not! As you find out more and more about her, yeah, sure, she isn’t perfect. But you sure as hell aren’t either. Is she in just for the money? Nah, her family is loaded. Two of you start talking in “we” terms and in the future. Granted, it’s only a few months in the future but you have been seeing each other only a few months. You get each other. You click. You have this intoxicating chemistry. (And she admits it too) What in the world has happened to you, you selfish cynical bastard? Could it be you finally found that one who makes others not matter? Is this how it supposed to feel? I don’t know, I haven’t felt like this in a long while.

 

And then just like, she disappears in a manner that knocks the wind out of you and makes you feel like a rag doll thrown against the wall and punted a mile away. No fights, no reasons, just silence. She is gone. How the…? What the…? You go from a happy guy to a disoriented zombie, overnight. Just like that, boom.

 

And as you sit there, trying to figure what just happened to you, how should you feel – angry? sad? what the hell was that crazy $hit I just went through??? A dream maybe? You KNOW that you can’t do $hit about it. You can’t chase her back or do anything about it. You were a collegiate tennis player. Nope, no shot here. You have two Masters Degrees. Nope, no strategy available. You run a freaking company. Nope, it isn’t your decision to make. You are completely and utterly helpless.

 

I know how no contact works and why it works. It is like taking a blow torch to an open wound. It hurts 10 times more immediately after but heals much quicker and better than keeping it raw, open and poking it on a constant basis. Eventually the one who mattered doesn’t matter anymore. You are free to go pick up chicks who don’t matter. No worries, You won.

[Invictus01]

Day 15. My favorite part of the day these days are those few seconds right after I wake up. I think my brain still isn't kicked in. Once it does, there is that pain in the left side of my chest and the lump in my throat alive and kicking. Aw, come on, man, those 10 seconds were pretty awesome!

 

Yesterday, I talked to my BFF (the one she met the first day AND whose baby she met when he was 2 weeks old) and told him I thought that maybe I should break NC and reach out to her while I'm in town. He told me that his wife and a few other friends of mine will kick my a$$ if I ever talk to her again after the way she acted and treated me the last 4 weeks. I got the same response from a few other friends who told me she doesn't deserve a second of my time after the way she walked away the way she did. That they just can't compute how a woman can introduce a guy to her parents and pretty much dump him within 2 weeks without a fight or an explanation.

 

I always think back at trying to give other people relationships advise and somehow you see things so much clearer from the side, when you only brain is involved. There are so many people (granted, they are kinda biased) who without talking to each other tell me the same thing. For now, it is really tough for me to see it the same way, but I am sure it has something to do with the pain in the cheat and the lump in the throat...

[Invictus01]

DAY 16: I think $hit has finally clicked in my head. Not on its own though, with the help of a friend. She has been helping me through all this stuff over the last a couple of weeks, through tears and snot and feeling worthless and sulking and binge drinking. She knows the whole story, A to Z. And finally, a couple of days ago, she told me "You are dealing with a very good passive aggressive narcissist, my friend". And of course I was like "WHAT? Not THAT girl, she was so sweet to me for 6 months, something must have happened, blah blah blah" And my friend told me - "Do yourself a favor, and go read up on it."

 

And so I did. And my jaw dropped on the floor because... um... well... my friend is right. That awesome girl I met back in May, the girlie I thought was soooo into me, soooo loving, soooooo caring for me... yeah, THAT one. She didn't exist. It was a front to con me, use me for her own purposes and then discard me like a used square of toilet paper. Interestingly enough, that realization actually made me feel much better.

 

Gawd, there was so many red flags. As perfect and awesome as she seemed, right off the bat ALL my friends told me - "She is a bit too self-absorbed, don't you think?" Oh, of course not, she is just so awesome, she can't help it, give it a break! After a while, you start thinking - why is it we mostly talk about her and her life? Ah, no worries, she is perfect. Why does she never asks me anything about my life - names of my sisters, how to say words in my native language, nothing? All other girls always wanted to know something like at least how to say "thanks" or what not. Ah, don't worry, time will come! Um, why is she dramatic when she kisses me, like we are shooting a movie? Ah, she is just young, don't worry, she is awesome. Why is her cat appears to be the center of her world? Ah, no worries, that's how girls are sometimes. And then you get to that last stage before she dumps you 'cause you fed her ego enough. And THEN you really see who she is. One day, I told her that my German accountant lady lost her husband that day. Her response - "Poor German" and went on talking about herself. I was like "huh?" Fer f@ck's sake, the last text I got from her, the one where I was declared a good friend after 6 months of mind f@cking me into a completely disoriented sack of crap, she ended it with a smiley face. What normal human being dumps somebody with a text that ends with a smiley face???

 

Tell you want. I will not break my no contact ever (because that's what they want you to do, they wanna see you crawl on your knees back, it feeds their ego)... unless she shows up thinking that she can play me again, thinking that I am dumb enough not to figure out who she is. Hopefully, it happens after I move on. Because then, game on. I wanna play this game one more time without being emotionally invested in it, to spend one more weekend with her (I don't care what it might cost me). So that I can drop her off at the airport, give her a big hug before she goes through the security and whisper in her ear - "I never wanna hear a word from you, you broken narcissistic psychopath. You are dead to me." Apparently, being figured out is their worst nightmare.

 

Gawd I feel so much better today.

[Chin Up]

Congratulations, The shiny rose colored glasses have finally fallen off.

 

Welcome to the club *pat on the back* . You're seeing her, and the relationship in a more objective way now. The mental pedestal you had her on is starting to crumble.

 

Feels good eh?

 

Keep posting your realizations about her! It helps get it out and seeing it, in words, just makes the realizations that much clearer. I go back through my thread now and then to remind myself of his BS and my own bad judgement.

 

You're still going to have crap days, but now that you're starting to see she wasn't a perfect little princess, you can stop blaming yourself and making yourself insecure with a load of negative self talk. You've caught the first glimpse of a speck of light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Keep venting and doing things that make you happy/feel good about yourself.

 

It gets easier from here. For real.

[Invictus01]

Congratulations, The shiny rose colored glasses have finally fallen off.

 

Welcome to the club *pat on the back* . You're seeing her, and the relationship in a more objective way now. The mental pedestal you had her on is starting to crumble.

 

Feels good eh?

 

Keep posting your realizations about her! It helps get it out and seeing it, in words, just makes the realizations that much clearer. I go back through my thread now and then to remind myself of his BS and my own bad judgement.

 

You're still going to have crap days, but now that you're starting to see she wasn't a perfect little princess, you can stop blaming yourself and making yourself insecure with a load of negative self talk. You've caught the first glimpse of a speck of light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Keep venting and doing things that make you happy/feel good about yourself.

 

It gets easier from here. For real.

 

You know, after the initial burst of anger, I really feel sad. For her. Don't get me wrong, not sad as in "let me stick around and help you with your mental issues" sad. No, thank you, I am not a farking masochist. But let me explain.

 

A couple of months into dating her, I told my best buddy, and I quote, "Her mom did one hell of a number on her self esteem". There is a whole lot of red hot hate on her part towards her mother for not being there for her as a child, putting her down all the time, putting the job of nursing her brother back on his feet on her after his mental break down a few years back and just simply being a bitch to her. I met her mother during that dinner back in October. The woman got zero emotion in her. We spoke for 2 hours, I don't think I saw a smile or heard a change in the pitch of her voice. I mean, a complete and total zombie. So, I thought it was just a self esteem issue. Instead, her mom just completely psychologically destroyed her, erased any ability to feel any emotion. And so, she turned her daughter into a narcissist. Narcissists do not experience deep emotions, they simply can't.

 

And here is where the sadness comes from. Yeah, sure, in a few months, she put me through an incredible high and a pretty much debilitating low. And it will probably take me quite a bit to put my **** together and rebuild myself enough to get past through all this crap. But here is the deal. Feeling highs and lows, no matter what they are, is what makes the difference between feeling alive and simply existing. I know I am capable of feeling them while she, on the other hand, can't. Can you imagine going through your life being numb to just about anything around you and needing others energy just to go on? I will patch myself up in a few months and will be alive while she will continue her empty existence for the rest of her life (in a huge part due to what her mother did to her). And THAT is sad.

Edited December 4, 2014 by Invictus01

[Chin Up]

I was sad after, too.

 

I think in the beginning of a b/u a persons thoughts, feelings and actions are motivated by WANTING the relationship back. You've loved this person, "warts and all", but at some point a person realizes they don't have to turn a blind eye to those warts anymore, and you know what..they're pretty f*ckin gross now that you're looking at them.

 

After feeling so much anger, you're bound to feel sad, but I think it's all part of the process. It was a shift, and now your thoughts, feelings, and actions are the starts of ACCEPTING the relationship is dead. Yeah, it's sad, but it's a different kind of sad now. No longer grieving what could have been, but what is.

 

Don't believe me? Take a look at your last 3 posts. You hadn't mentioned wanting her back, hopes of reconciliation or how much you miss her.

 

 

..... .....!!! see!

 

 

You're getting there, it's just slow and subtle.

[Invictus01]

I was sad after, too.

 

I think in the beginning of a b/u a persons thoughts, feelings and actions are motivated by WANTING the relationship back. You've loved this person, "warts and all", but at some point a person realizes they don't have to turn a blind eye to those warts anymore, and you know what..they're pretty f*ckin gross now that you're looking at them.

 

After feeling so much anger, you're bound to feel sad, but I think it's all part of the process. It was a shift, and now your thoughts, feelings, and actions are the starts of ACCEPTING the relationship is dead. Yeah, it's sad, but it's a different kind of sad now. No longer grieving what could have been, but what is.

 

Don't believe me? Take a look at your last 3 posts. You hadn't mentioned wanting her back, hopes of reconciliation or how much you miss her.

 

 

..... .....!!! see!

 

 

You're getting there, it's just slow and subtle.

 

I don't want to reconcile or want her back for one reason. Once I understood who she is, I understood that we didn't have a relationship to begin with because she is incapable to feel things that are needed to have a relationship, like being in love or compassion. She just can't, her brain isn't wired for that. You can't have something back that didn't exist in the first place. What she gave me was a show (after all she was a theater major) How could there be a relationship when one person just can't be in it?

 

She would make an excellent f@ck buddy... but even then she'd find a way to screw you over 'cause that's pretty much what she is wired to do - feed off other people's energy and drop them for find a new source. I feel sorry for anybody who gets together with her. It will be the same ending over and over again. In the universe she is in what she is doing is completely normal and she just doesn't understand that something is off with her. That condition is not treatable. I guess once somebody kills your soul, nothing can't bring it back to life.

 

And that's what feel sad for - her not being able to feel what normal humans can and should feel. To be mad at her is like to be mad at a person with a mental illness. What normal human being is capable of that?

[Invictus01]

DAY 17: I feel like $hit... again... I don't want her back, I don't want anything to do with her. I want myself back. I wanna stop thinking about this crap. It just needs to go away. That is all.

 

Tomorrow can't happen soon enough. I am gonna go and hang out with all my friends. Real friends.

[Invictus01]

Here is what she did to me. People go into a freakin' psychiatric treatment after this kind of stuff...

 

Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse, Part I: Blindsided

 

Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse, Part II: The No-Contact Rule

[Invictus01]

DAY 18 : Ah, yeah, and here is the day. The day of my trip back to visit her that we planned 5 weeks ago and she was soooooooooooooo happy about. The trip where I'd go to a nice dinner with her and tell her how much I am really into her 'cause, you know, I can see how much she is into me and probably wants to hear things like this more often... Don't know if I should laugh, cry or shake my head in disgust. Lots of mixed feelings once I get to the airport and then land over there. In a month and a half I went from having the one to realizing the one was a fraud... What a great feeling.

 

On this note, I will make this trip the best one yet. Vegas style debauchery shall begin in about 12 hours! Bring on bars, lounges, cigar bars and strip joints. I do not care. Single life, here I come!

Edited December 5, 2014 by Invictus01

[Invictus01]

DAY 19: Yesterday, I broke down while on the plane to the home town. Tried to hide it as much as I could, I am sure people thought I was out of my mind. I pretty sure I am too.

 

I am staying at my buddies place. Had a long dinner and a discussion with my buddy and his wife about what happened. And I think his wife just can't comprehend what I am going through. That I dealt with an equivalent of a human zombie and she (temporarily) sucked life out of me. Dude, it was only 6 months, what the hell is wrong with you??? I don't know, that's the problem. Another friend of mine who is an army medic told me that what I am going through really reminds her of PTSD. Well, I guess dealing with a sociopath would that to you.

 

Tonight is the night to party it up. Gotta get my party face on!

[Jet Lag]

And I think his wife just can't comprehend what I am going through. That I dealt with an equivalent of a human zombie and she (temporarily) sucked life out of me. Dude, it was only 6 months, what the hell is wrong with you??? )

 

Unless you have been through heart break, I think it is very hard to understand. I'm 48 and would not have understood before this relationship ended.

[Invictus01]

Unless you have been through heart break, I think it is very hard to understand. I'm 48 and would not have understood before this relationship ended.

 

Well, it isn't just a heartbreak. I think unless you went through a relationship/dating situation with a sociopath, it is really tough to explain what it is like. If somebody tried to explain this to me 7 months ago, I'd probably think they are nuts. How is it that a person who for 6 months stayed in touch with you on daily basis all day long, basically loving everything about you, can drop you within 2 weeks, ending everything with a text and go completely silent? You can't explain this to a normal human being. That all of it was just a game to her. Once she knew she got me, in her mind she won, it was time to drop me. My buddy's wife told me I should go to her restaurant and demand some sort of an explanation. I was like - yeah, the girlie probably got a restraining order on me 'cause in her mind I did something so horrible, it justified dropping me like that.

 

While on this trip, I found out that just about every female in my circle of friends back home questioned her behavior, motives and just about everything else and urged my friend to talk to me about walking away from her because things didn't add up. Apparently, I was blind all this time.

[SoThatHappened]

Man, the details of your story mirror mine so closely. Big age difference, young girl, short relationship, her loving everything about you, then bam! Gone.

 

I also would have never understood this level of heartbreak, and before I met my last ex, I would have never thought I'd experience that level of hurt either.

 

You're completely right about it not being just heartbreak. Getting hurt by someone who shows signs of being a sociopath / narcissist / bi-polar / BPD is so much different than anything I've experienced. Add that to the relationship still being in the honeymoon phase with no reason to end, and yeah, it'll send you for a loop.

 

Hang in there man.

[Invictus01]

Man, the details of your story mirror mine so closely. Big age difference, young girl, short relationship, her loving everything about you, then bam! Gone.

 

I also would have never understood this level of heartbreak, and before I met my last ex, I would have never thought I'd experience that level of hurt either.

 

You're completely right about it not being just heartbreak. Getting hurt by someone who shows signs of being a sociopath / narcissist / bi-polar / BPD is so much different than anything I've experienced. Add that to the relationship still being in the honeymoon phase with no reason to end, and yeah, it'll send you for a loop.

 

Hang in there man.

 

Yeah dude, I thought I was just a rebound... This whole story is way beyond that. It is to the point where you start questioning your own sanity. You think back over all that time and you are like - was any of that true? anything at all? Did I even meet her parents, who were those people?!? Crazy.

[Invictus01]

NC DAY 22: I guess it does get better with time. It is a warped definition of better but I take it for now. I kinda knew that once I get through the first 3 weeks when we get past Thanksgiving and my trip back to visit her that we planned together, things should improve a bit. Not sure if a normal person would consider it an improvement but it just feel like I am a bit more zombie like as opposed to a completely disoriented wounded animal running wild. Yay for improvement.

 

I am a bit more stable and my mind isn't all over the place. I am actually being able to do some work for once. I bet my boss should be happy about that, he was probably wondering what the bleep blop I have been doing for the past month or so. My eating and sleeping habits are still all over the place though. Barely ate anything yesterday and slept less than 5 hours last night. Some of the belt holes all the way up my belts haven't seen this much action in quiet a while if you know what I mean!

 

I still feel like she is winning 'cause I spend so much mental capacity thinking about the whole thing and reading up on sociopaths. It is like my new obsession. Criminal Minds and CSI : Las Vegas in real life where I was one of the damn episodes....

[SoThatHappened]

Stick with it man. The pain you've been going through is weakness leaving the body. It's one of those sayings that's really true.

 

I hear you about the lack of appetite and lack of sleep. I had to punch a new hole in my belt. I was 135 lbs. before it happened, then went down to 122. On a 5'8" frame. That's not healthy.

 

However, there were days when I would pig out, and days here and there where I still couldn't eat. That was around the 2 - 3 month mark. That's when the finality of things really set in and I realized it was truly over.

 

You may have already hit that realization point. If not, just be ready for it. It's a b!*ch!

 

Complete and absolute NC really does help you move on. Sure you're always wondering what she's doing rather than knowing, but you can change your imagination regarding what she's doing. If you KNOW what she's doing, you'll just dwell on that.

 

Keep it up.

Edited December 9, 2014 by SoThatHappened

[Invictus01]

Stick with it man. The pain you've been going through is weakness leaving the body. It's one of those sayings that's really true.

 

I hear you about the lack of appetite and lack of sleep. I had to punch a new hole in my belt. I was 135 lbs. before it happened, then went down to 122. On a 5'8" frame. That's not healthy.

 

However, there were days when I would pig out, and days here and there where I still couldn't eat. That was around the 2 - 3 month mark. That's when the finality of things really set in and I realized it was truly over.

 

You may have already hit that realization point. If not, just be ready for it. It's a b!*ch!

 

Complete and absolute NC really does help you move on. Sure you're always wondering what she's doing rather than knowing, but you can change your imagination regarding what she's doing. If you KNOW what she's doing, you'll just dwell on that.

 

Keep it up.

 

To be honest, the realization point happened last week when I read up on sociopaths and such and quickly realized that, well, there was no relationship to begin with. I was falling in love with somebody who listened to me really carefully, morphed herself into what fits your likes and presented herself to you just out of boredom, just to push my buttons. And once she was done playing, she ushered me out of her life with such brutal force, there is not a single doubt in my mind she never gave an ounce of $hit about me. Normal people just don't do that. Once you get all that... what is it exactly you are holding to? Yep, absolutely nothing.

 

The problem is that even though your brain gets it, your mind is trying to reconcile all the facts against what you believe you saw and all the memories (wtf, we never fought even once! remember all the fun we had together! We had our place we always went to when I went back, the place where we met!) and $hit just doesn't make sense and all sorts of confusion happens. That is why even though I know what she did, I still almost started sobbing while I was walking by all places we went to together in my home town when I was there this weekend. It is impossible to explain what those people do to a normal psyche once they are done with you unless you went through it...

Edited December 9, 2014 by Invictus01

[Invictus01]

NC DAY 23 : In the last 2.5 days I have done more work than in the previous month. For once, it is nice to be productive and not a complete pile of crap. I am sure all my co-workers and customers are happy about it too. They probably wanted to hear from me in a while. Went through my email over the last 3-4 weeks. Of course, now I am getting into emails dated before the grand mind f@ckery I went through started. Don't wanna think about it, but I do.

 

Not gonna lie, I kinda hoped to hear from her while I was back in town. A part of me was hoping that all this isn't real, that it is some sort of a test. I had a couple of things at her place too. Not a sound from her. I forgot, as don't exist as of 3 weeks ago. Although this probably will make it easier to move on.

 

I can't stop thinking how much she got into my life in short 6 months. She met all my good friends, knew all my interests. When she went to Europe in September she invited me to go with her (probably cause she knew I couldn't) ****, she met my buddy's kid 2 weeks after he was born. When I stayed at her place a couple of months ago, I was updating some person finance stuff on my laptop and she saw everything - what I have in my accounts, which accounts, what I got in the stock market... Fer f@ck's sake, I met her parents that weekend at her and their request... That was 2 weeks before she started the discard. She knew ALL that but for some reason, she told me she was really hurt that she wasn't my Facebook friend. Huh? Now I realize she really wasn't hurt by ****, all this was just a game. Was any of this for real? Anything? I have no idea how long it will take me to reconcile all this within my head.

 

Got my Christmas bonus today. F@ck it, Vegas for my birthday next month. Hangover style!

[SoThatHappened]

Dude, as much as it hurts (and I can relate to every single thing you've posted), you have the absolute right attitude.

 

I promise you that you'll be over this. I'm 6 months out from and 7-month relationship with a possible BPDer and I can tell you that the pain is gone, the appetite is back, and I'm really thankful I dodged that bullet.

 

At your stage, I was still devastated, hurt, confused. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep (without the aid of alcohol), didn't want to do anything, etc. Eventually my head caught up and I wanted to just bitchslap my heart and tell it, "What were you thinking?!"

 

I'm not 100% over it and I'm not 100% back to my normal self, but I'm close.

 

Instead of staying in contact, begging, pleading, etc., you're doing all the right things. Keep it up and you'll get past this.

[travelbug1996]

Was this a sexual relationship? How often did you see each other? What was the amount of distance?

 

Did the two of you agree to be in a monogamous relationship?

 

You mention that she described you as a friend after 6 months. I'm not sure if I would jump to accusing her of being a Narc when you may have put the cart before the horse. After all it was long distance, how many of those actually lead to someone moving?

 

I think she only saw you as a friend and you assumed it was more. That doesn't make her a psychopath. That makes you a person that got blown away in the fantasy instead of staying in the reality.

 

I don't think you should be so hard on yourself or plan some revenge on her. It may not have been deliberate and you read too much into the daily texting and communication.

 

That's why I'm very careful of men that want to constantly text and call. Its easy to get emotionally attached to people and that's something you have to be very careful of. Its safer to get emotionally attached when there is a clear committment on both sides. Doesn't sound like you had that. Hang tight buddy.

Edited December 11, 2014 by travelbug1996

[Invictus01]

Was this a sexual relationship? How often did you see each other? What was the amount of distance?

 

Did the two of you agree to be in a monogamous relationship?

 

You mention that she described you as a friend after 6 months. I'm not sure if I would jump to accusing her of being a Narc when you may have put the cart before the horse. After all it was long distance, how many of those actually lead to someone moving?

 

I think she only saw you as a friend and you assumed it was more. That doesn't make her a psychopath. That makes you a person that got blown away in the fantasy instead of staying in the reality.

 

I don't think you should be so hard on yourself or plan some revenge on her. It may not have been deliberate and you read too much into the daily texting and communication.

 

That's why I'm very careful of men that want to constantly text and call. Its easy to get emotionally attached to people and that's something you have to be very careful of. Its safer to get emotionally attached when there is a clear committment on both sides. Doesn't sound like you had that. Hang tight buddy.

 

It was a sexual relationship. We saw each other once a month. We live a 2 hour flight away from each other.

 

Well, you see, I have many many female friends. I don't have a single one from whom I receive 100 texts on a daily basis for 6 months straight (literally, even when she was in Europe for a week she would get online and email/message me), including good mornings and good nights. I don't have a female friend who tells me that she can't wait to see me every time we schedule a meet up. I don't have a female friend whose co-workers tell her that they are so happy she met me because she is happy again. I don't have a female friend who acts like a girlfriend with me when we are out with my friends and all my friends refer to her as "girlfriend" (although maybe all my friends misread the whole thing too). I don't have a female friend who invited me to go to Europe with her and her family. I don't have a female friend who wants to ditch her family during Thanksgiving to come visit me (and insists on it when I ask her if she is sure about it). I don't have female friends whose parents insist on meeting me 'cause they have been hearing about me for a few months. I don't have female friends whose mothers tell them that this isn't going to last and one day she will end up with her ex. What would she care, we are just buddies after all! If all that is how female friends act... I must have been confused for the last 37 years of my life and maybe I just don't have female friends.

 

I think I have made it rather clear over the course of 6 months that I had no desire to be just her buddy. And it's not even thousands of dollars in airfare and entertainment I spent. I do not give a flying plane about that, luckily I can afford it. But even if despite everything I saw and heard in that time frame, all of this was just a pigment of my imagination, it might be just me, but declaring me as her buddy (and use that word for the first time in 6 months... I would think if we were friends, I'd hear it way earlier) and cutting off all communication knowing that in less than 3 weeks I was going to be in town on a trip we planned together and all this could have been done in person? Alright, buddy, I guess I was just blind, my bad.

 

There isn't going to be any revenge. No point. I am not sticking around as a buddy. No woman ever means it after what we had over the course of 6 months. About 99.9% of the time, if a woman wants you as a friend, she will tell you that pretty quickly, like when you ask her out the first time or after you go out the first time. And if after what she had seen from me in 6 months, she took all of it as a friendly gesture... It isn't fair to her to have me around as a love sick stalker friend and it isn't fair to me to expect me to be her "great friend".

 

P.S. She couldn't wait to get out of town she is living in. She had an opportunity to move to a city 200 miles away from me where we could see each other every weekend.

Edited December 11, 2014 by Invictus01

[travelbug1996]

So it still doesn't sound like you had established a monogamous committed relationship.

 

That's why as women we are learning to be clear about that kind of stuff cause a guy will act like our "man" (have sex spend time etc.) and still since there was no conversation about monogamy, assume he is single.

 

Next time be direct and ask for what you want. Seeing someone once a month to me would not be a relationship. Stay away from that long distance BS.

[Invictus01]

So it still doesn't sound like you had established a monogamous committed relationship.

 

That's why as women we are learning to be clear about that kind of stuff cause a guy will act like our "man" (have sex spend time etc.) and still since there was no conversation about monogamy, assume he is single.

 

Next time be direct and ask for what you want. Seeing someone once a month to me would not be a relationship. Stay away from that long distance BS.

 

So, as a woman, after 6 months of what I described above, instead of trying to have this conversation with the guy to clarify things if they were unclear to you (because that conversation was going to happen the next time I was gonna see her, that was my plan), you would just drop the guy out of the blue, walk away and act like your good buddy doesn't exist? Oh, and throw away his gifts too. That's how it is handled?

 

P.S. When we met, it was like some sort of a movie moment (her words). That's why I even tried a long distance relationship. 6 months to the day after that movie moment, I sent her flowers saying that it was 6 months since our movie begun. Definitely something a buddy would say.

Edited December 11, 2014 by Invictus01

[Invictus01]

Sooooo...

 

After more than 5 weeks of complete and deafening silence from my newly found "buddy"... nothing on Thanksgiving she was supposed to spend with me... nothing during my trip back to my home town 3 weeks ago that we planned together and I was supposed to spend with her... nothing on any other day. Guess who decided to send me a "Merry Christmas" message last night... on What's App... just like we talked about it back in October... I was supposed to send her a picture a day when I went to Europe to visit my family... Of course it was my "buddy". Just a few hours before getting that message, I had a complete break down with my sisters, just crying my eyes out, repeating "Why did she do this to me?" over and over like a complete nut.

 

Everybody told me that if/when she shows up back in my life, she will act like nothing ever happened. Like she never left. I often wondered how long it was gonna take her to do that. I knew it was gonna be some day that had some meaning. Was it gonna be when I go to Europe (when I booked the flight, I talked with her to see what she thinks about my options)? Was it gonna be my birthday? Was it gonna be the Valentine's Day? Was it gonna be in May, the weekend we met? I KNEW it was gonna be some day that would remind me of her.

 

Aaaaand... I didn't reply.