Me and ex went out, got a bit drunk, ended up kissing.....but not back together

[eastern_mystique]

Hey,

 

My ex broke up with me about 2 weeks ago. We were together for about 3 months, he's 18 and I'm 19. Our relationship was intense and moved a little bit too fast, but we were mostly happy. Our breakup happened quite suddenly; a few days before he told me that he didn't feel the same anymore and that the 'spark' wasn't there. We've remained close ever since, he did give me the whole 'lets be friends' line, but I think he actually means it. I know he likes another girl who likes him, he told me (that's how close we are) but according to his two closest friends, they don't think it's serious and if anything happens it'll just be a minor fling.

 

Anyway, he invited me out last night with one of our friends and we drank quite a bit. Towards the end of the evening I came onto him (I knew what I was doing but the normal braking mechanisms that apply in these kind of situations was rendered useless by the alcohol). He responded and we kissed four of five times. When we left later on we were holding hands. The fact that we could walk in a [mostly] straight line and have a coherent conversation, made me feel that maybe this hadn't all come about because of the drinking. Anyway, I tried to talk to him about us getting back together, but he said that he wasn't in the right state of mind to really decide at the moment, which was fair enough.

 

Today we talked at college and he said that even though he knew what he was doing and he enjoyed it, he did regret it when he got home, and he felt bad for giving me mixed signals, that it happened because he lost all inhibition. He said that for us to get back together now would be 'too soon', so I stupidly asked when would it not be too soon and he said he didn't know, he doesn't even know if we'll get back together. He said he still feels the same as when we broke up, and for the moment all he wants us to be is friends.

 

To be honest, even though I've tried not to, I do feel upset about it....and a bit used. The overall feeling I get is that he still wants me to an extent and there are some feelings......but he just doesn't want a relationship with me, not right now. The maddening, frustrating thing is that I know what went wrong in our relationship and that it could be fixed...(one of his friends told me today that about a month ago he'd complained that I was rushing and pressuring him too much, which was news to me)......but he's not at 'that place' at the moment.

 

So, I guess what I want to know is what should I do? If he'd said that there was no way in hell we'd ever be together again, then I could walk away and start to move on. But even he doesn't know what will happen with us. I suppose getting back together after two weeks was somewhat wishful thinking. Because things are so open ended with us and up in the air, I feel a bit stuck - can't leave but can't stay either. I tried doing the NC thing after we broke up to give him space and time, but it's hard when we see each other all the time, although to my credit whenever we do talk, it's usually him initiating contact. Should I seriously try and do no contact for as long as I can? He knows I want him back (after things went awry last night, I thought what the hell, may as well lay all my cards on the table), but if I make myself unavailable and perhaps start dating other people, would he maybe start rethinking things? We are very close, and still have a kind of emotional intimacy that neither of us have with anyone else, and I really do feel that at some point we'll be together again (and he knows I feel this way, which could be harming my chances possibly). Is it that he's too young, or not mature enough? If I backed off, would that make him more likely to give us another chance? I do wonder if what's he going through is some kind of phase, I mean how come you go from caring about someone to not caring about them nearly as much? The only thing I can think is our relationship was too much for him and it burnt him out.

 

Anyway, I would really love some advice, whatever it is - thanks.

[Sue22]

It sounds like you both have feelings for each other and the flirting (which was still natural given that you hadn't been apart for that long) and the subsequent kissing was just a result of those feelings. If he says there is no way in hell you guys will be togehter again, maybe he'd be interested in being friends. I know from experience that it is possible to be friends after a breakup. If you want to get back together, keep yourself available for friendship and see what happens, but it might be good to not make out or anything again. Why buy the chicken when the eggs are free, so to speak?