The waiting situation

[Panthers987]

Hi, I'm in desperate need of some advice/help. Ok so here's my situation and how it all started: Around late July my friend sierra introduced me to her friend Jennifer (we all go to different schools and we're all the same age, 16) me and Jennifer hit it off from the start, we started talking a lot and after maybe 2 or 3 weeks of talking I started to have a crush on her, but then a couple days later her guy best friend (that shes known for 3 years) asked her out and they began to date. I figured something like this would happen and i figured all hope was lost so I just kept talking to her as a friend. Around mid-august Jennifer then started to throw hints of flirting with me and I didn't know if I was just over thinking it or something so I showed my friend Sierra to see if my suspicions were true, and they were. So after finding that out i began starting to have a crush on her again. After about a month of me and her talking and flirting, I figured i just couldn't handle it anymore and decided to tell her that i had feelings for her. It was around mid or late September and i finally had told her and what the most shocking thing happened, she told me she had feelings for me too! When she told me that my hopes sky rocketed, but nothing really happened after we confessed to each other, she didn't break up with her boyfriend or anything and we just acted like nothing happened. At that point I was pretty much hoping that she and her boyfriend would break up eventually, cause all i want is to be with her, she's absolutely amazing, better than any girl I've met. So now we're here in late November, me and her are still flirting, shes still dating her boyfriend. The waiting game is really frustrating to me, sometimes I really doubt myself that we will ever date, sometimes I have to lie to myself to keep me into believing that they will break up eventually, and I don't wanna do anything that can cause them to break up cause that's just plain wrong. So now I ask you guys for help/advice: Should I just give up and face the fact that they're gonna stay together for quite a long time? or should I just hang in there and wait a little longer and if so how long should I wait? Also note that before Jennifer and her Boyfriend started dating, they were best friends for about 3 years. Thanks for reading.

[StalwartMind]

Teenage love and infatuation is most certainly a period where feelings and relationships can be quite chaotic at best. It's totally possible she likes you and would want to be with you, but some thing is still making her stay with her current boyfriend and friend of 3 years like you say.

 

It can be easy to give you a standard response that, this period of your life, most have very little clue of what they truly want, it's quite a mixed bag of emotions, feelings an desires that can seem all over the place. Very few at that age actually know precisely what they would want, and even then, some can change their mind back and forth rapidly.

 

All depending on each individual situation of course, the waiting game is typically only going to make you end up on the losing side of things. While she is enjoying and exploring relationships, you are sidelined in the hope of her coming around and turning her attention to you. It could happen, everything is possible but the best favor you could do yourself, is start teaching yourself that it may very well not happen. The question then of course is, "What are you going to do now?". Well it's most certainly important to process your thoughts and feelings, it's perfectly alright to feel whatever you may be. There isn't really any right or wrong.

 

It's all a part of becoming a young adult, and it can be a turbulent time indeed, especially if one is on the emotional side of things. I can't recommend you to make an effort to be even more direct with her, in case that might break them up, regardless if this naturally benefits you. This may sound incredibly dull, but being a better man is highly valued. Oh and as far as to good guys finish last, nah that's not true. If you and her are meant to have a relationship, it'll happen, you very much are in control of how possible that will be. In the end it's up to you to figure out, whom you are and what you want to do. The only thing that really matters is how you choose to approach things and learn from them. So draw up a plan and stick to it and adjust accordingly.

 

I'm not going to tell you there will be other girls, because that's a given, you know best how you feel for this one, so once again, make a choice rather than be inactive, either way things will progress to the next step.