they're friends; and we're lovers

[birdbud]

i'll try and keep this brief, maybe just to get the story rolling

 

so: i met guy A and B around the same time about 8 years ago. we are all in the same work industry and social group, and due to these factors, all travel quite a bit.

 

over the years, guy A and i have formed a rather on-again/off-again relationship. we love each other deeply (at least i love him very much so. i can picture my life with him) and when we are together, it is magic. we can go years without speaking, and be right back at the same point when we finally see each other.(but we've never spent months on end together. brief visits, work events etc. days sometimes weeks. but not long) sometimes i will have another boyfriend, or he will have some other girlfriend, and even when that has happened in the past, we are respectful and kind, and deep friends, but go right back to being in love, if not from a distance, when the others fade away.

(we are both currently single and talking frequently but live 10 hours away from one another. )

 

guy B and i have been close, close friends for many years. so close i would call him "brother" to friends i'd introduce him to. i moved to the same town after not seeing this friend of mine for several years, and before long we were right back to that same close friendship - we spend 90% of our time together now for over 8 months and have gone into business together, and ultimately - inevidabely - the feelings started to change, settle and become so comfortable it seems i have found myself in some sort of pseudo relationship. we've been intimate, tho somewhat timidly.. sometimes i will stay at his house, in his bed... we havent spoken about it,but both of us seem happy and cautious in the sort of comfortable natural direction that is happening.

 

ive slept with both of them. and i dont think either know it.

is it possible to be in love with two men at once? am i a horrible person for this? i feel like im cheating on both of them without being in a relationship with either! to compound this problem, i cant even seem to figure out what i want. both of these men have so many good things i love so much about them, and both of them i cherish their friendships.

how would i even bring this up to either of them without sounding whoreish?! should i? guy A and guy B are rather good friends, themselves (guy B lived with his recent exgf at guy A's house!! they were room mates! guy A has told me stories about how terrible guy B's exgf was!!) am i just incredibly whoreish?! is it possible for me to be considering a Polyamorous relationship with BOTH of my dream men?! would the suggestion be just incredibly whoreish?!

 

i'm so confused. a conversation may help

 

o. i'm making dinner for thanksgiving in two days at guy B's house. aaaand guy A just called up to see if he could come for the holiday to be with us. uhm.

 

i feel like a whore.

[preraph]

Of course you can love two people at once. Each love is different. Not everyone can, but sometimes it happens. If the LDR guy was around, you'd probably be focused on him, but he's not and frankly, it doesn't sound like he ever will be or he already would have tried to make this work by coming to you, so I think you should develop this relationship with the partner and keep quiet about the other guy and, in fact, tell the other guy you are in an exclusive relationship and don't see him during this. He will respect you more for it if the other relationship doesn't work out, and it's the only fair thing to do to your partner. You have to sacrifice a little for love, you know.

[Ducky71]

If you feel you have to deceive one or both of them, then maybe it's time to re-evaluate your situation.

 

 

Saying that you care deeply for someone, then deceiving them is a complete contradiction.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

If I could add a few words, maybe try to understand this before

You open your mouth to bring this up and both of them call you a whore.

However, it's very possible for polyamorous relationships to exist,

Shoot, you may even be surprised they might be all for it.

 

Try to test the waters by talking around the bush,

judge their reaction; if it's negative, then SHUSH.

We can give you advice about being with 1 person at a time,

But let's face it, some situations work out in triangles, and it isn't a crime.

 

I'd hate to base something I say off a movie I saw,

But watch "Savages" and see how the dynamics work in awe,

Could you do a relationship like that? Can you be open and share?

Is there love and understanding all around, or would it be a nightmare?