Live in boyfriend wants me to get rid of my pets!

[rester]

I would never suggest getting rid of your pets, so I'm going to say that's not an option. I also think your boyfriend should have thought about this more, or planned for it more, and talked about this more, but that can't be changed now.

 

As a compromise, could you discuss somehow keeping your pets away from things he finds sentimental or valuable? Or moving his things to areas that can be considered off-limits to the pets? It seems like his major gripe is that his stuff is getting ruined. While it's easy for anyone to say, "it's just stuff", it's obviously important to him and something needs to be done to protect it.

[writergal]

If you re-home the BF.. could you get in a roomate/ tenant to help with the rent? Is your place a 2 bedroom?

 

^^This is your solution OP. Get a new roommate who loves cats and dogs (but doesn't have any of their own). Tell your boyfriend to move out by January 1st. You can easily find a new roommate via Craigslist over the next month.

[writergal]

I would never suggest getting rid of your pets, so I'm going to say that's not an option. I also think your boyfriend should have thought about this more, or planned for it more, and talked about this more, but that can't be changed now.

 

As a compromise, could you discuss somehow keeping your pets away from things he finds sentimental or valuable? Or moving his things to areas that can be considered off-limits to the pets? It seems like his major gripe is that his stuff is getting ruined. While it's easy for anyone to say, "it's just stuff", it's obviously important to him and something needs to be done to protect it.

 

If his stuff is getting ruined then he needs to move it out of the way of the cats' reach. When I had two cats, I knew having floor plants wasn't smart b/c my cats would dig in the dirt and spill it everywhere. So I hung my plants instead. So it is possible to keep your 6 pets and make changes so that everyone is happy. Really, your boyfriend needs to participate more in your pets' lives as a caregiver and walk the dogs if he doesn't do that already, or help you keep the house clean. Heck, add 1-2 more litterboxes so that the cats don't have any accidents. Also, cats puke up their food when they eat too fast, are allergic to the brand of cat food, are sick, or have a hairball.

 

There are pet gates that Petco and PetSmart sell for both cats and dogs. Also, if the cats had a cat tree and the dogs were regularly walked or taken to the dog parks on a schedule then they could run themselves ragged and be happy.

[SoThatHappened]

Ditch the guy. His extreme anger over this is not cool.

 

Yours pets will be there for you through anything. Sounds like this guy wouldn't be.

Ditch a person you love for pets? They'll be with you through anything? Sure they'll be with you through anything, for only a few more years. Cats live to be what, 14? Dogs maybe 12?

 

I can't feel good about suggesting you rehome any of your pets because your boyfriend dislikes them simply because his extreme anger about it gives me the impression that he's an awful jerk and you'd be better off without him.

Try living with 6 pets you don't like who ruin your stuff and smell up your place. Then you can say whether or not this guy is an awful jerk.

 

Trust me. Dealing with pets you didn't want (but accepted) and who constantly trash your home really wears on a person. It wore on me, and I got frustrated cleaning up puke and watching my place get trashed. You'd say I was an awful jerk too if you saw me get mad a couple times after years of dealing with it. Trust me, I'm not a jerk, but things can make your patience wear thin until you inevitably snap and let off steam.

 

Don't rehome your animals. They are your family. I think your boyfriend is being totally unreasonable. He knew you had 6 pets when you two moved into that house a year ago.

 

...

 

If your boyfriend gives you the "it's me or the pets" ultimatum again after you get home this Friday from Thanksgiving, choose your pets. Boyfriends come and go, but pets are forever.

Just, wow... Don't even know how to respond to that without getting a post deleted. Pets are forever?

 

Again, OP, I recommend doing anything you can to make the situation more "liveable", for lack of a better word.

 

Pet-proofing the house and placing the litter box(es) in an area that sees little to no traffic (garage, utility room, etc.).

 

Sure, he accepted you and the pets that came with you. Doesn't mean he has to be happy that his stuff is getting trashed. It's not like he's abusing the animals!

 

Give him a little slack and do what you can to make the situation better.

[Art_Critic]

It wore on me, and I got frustrated cleaning up puke and watching my place get trashed.

 

Are you still with the girl ?

[writergal]

Pets are forever?

 

Clearly you are not a pet person so I can see why my sentiment doesn't jibe with you. But yes, pets are more than just an animal that poos and pees. They are great companions and if taken care of, can provide a lot of love and friendship and healing to a person.

 

Pets are forever is an expression meant to convey to the OP that they have a special meaning in a person's life and shouldn't be rehomed just because someone living with them like the OP's boyfriend, no longer wants them in the house.

[Rejected Rosebud]

 

Try living with 6 pets you don't like who ruin your stuff and smell up your place. Then you can say whether or not this guy is an awful jerk.

 

Telling her she is full of deceit and a liar when her ancient demented mom and caregiver dad didn't take 2 pets is pretty much awful jerk move, even though I do question what were YOU thinking, OP? Yes, it does sound like OP has too many pets for the situation. Obviously he knew this when he moved in. She loves living with all her pets, he hates them, I think it's pretty clear that these 2 are incompatible, plus I still think he sounds like an awful jerk!

[SoThatHappened]

Are you still with the girl ?

No, but not because of the pets.

[Art_Critic]

No, but not because of the pets.

 

then clearly in that case the pets outlived the relationship, I don't know if you had asked her to get rid of them but if you had and then you break up... well... you should get the point.. pets are family...

[writergal]

No, but not because of the pets.

 

I can guarantee you the pets were the reason, but you didn't see it that way.

[rester]

Don't rehome your animals. They are your family. I think your boyfriend is being totally unreasonable. He knew you had 6 pets when you two moved into that house a year ago.

 

Your boyfriend sounds like a real ass for expecting your 92 year old father to take care of two of your six pets while he has to deal with taking care of your 90 year old mother who has dementia. Your boyfriend sounds really self-centered. Rehome him!! Maybe a shelter for narcissistic men has a spare bed for him.

 

Your boyfriend doesn't help you with the expenses for pet food or vet bills, or yard upkeep or litterbox cleaning. Am I right?

 

The right kind of boyfriend would make time out of his schedule to take your 3 dogs to the dog parks in your city, or walk them with you or by himself around your neighborhood. He'd also brush your cats and clean their litter box. That's what a good boyfriend does - he pitches in and helps out. Does your boyfriend do that?

 

I agree with all this.

 

 

I think you need to come home Friday prepared with a "to do" list for your boyfriend, of things he needs to do to help you with your pets if he wants to be in a relationship with you. Like, a pet-nuptial agreement (ah yes that's cheesy but you get the point). Always, ALWAYS have a pet-nuptial agreement before you move in with a significant other if you or they have pets. If you don't, then these kinds of situations happen.

 

If your boyfriend gives you the "it's me or the pets" ultimatum again after you get home this Friday from Thanksgiving, choose your pets. Boyfriends come and go, but pets are forever.

 

If the OP is really looking for a compromise, coming up with a "to-do" list for her boyfriend to take care of her pets is not a good idea, in my opinion. It's probably just going to push him farther away.

 

 

If his stuff is getting ruined then he needs to move it out of the way of the cats' reach. When I had two cats, I knew having floor plants wasn't smart b/c my cats would dig in the dirt and spill it everywhere. So I hung my plants instead. So it is possible to keep your 6 pets and make changes so that everyone is happy. Really, your boyfriend needs to participate more in your pets' lives as a caregiver and walk the dogs if he doesn't do that already, or help you keep the house clean. Heck, add 1-2 more litterboxes so that the cats don't have any accidents. Also, cats puke up their food when they eat too fast, are allergic to the brand of cat food, are sick, or have a hairball.

 

There are pet gates that Petco and PetSmart sell for both cats and dogs. Also, if the cats had a cat tree and the dogs were regularly walked or taken to the dog parks on a schedule then they could run themselves ragged and be happy.

 

I don't agree that a compromise, which is what the OP stated she is looking for, means giving the boyfriend more responsibility for the pets. Yes, he's being unreasonable, but unless the OP is looking to end the relationship over this, I think she needs to help keep the pets from ruining his stuff, as that seems to be the main problem here. And the boyfriend needs to take some responsibility by keeping his stuff safe, as well.

 

It's pretty easy for everyone to say the guy's being a jerk and to ditch him, and yes, he's being a jerk when he doesn't understand that her elderly parents can't take in any more animals. It's ridiculous for him to get upset about that. But unless I've read the OP wrong, she's looking for advice on how to salvage the relationship.

[Anela]

Ditch a person you love for pets? They'll be with you through anything? Sure they'll be with you through anything, for only a few more years. Cats live to be what, 14? Dogs maybe 12?

 

And anything could happen with the boyfriend!

 

My one remaining dog is almost sixteen, and he goes almost everywhere with me. I would never regret having him in my life, and wouldn't shove him out in favour of a man.

[writergal]

Hmm, well the compromise needs to be that the boyfriend moves his stuff to safer areas of their house and stops harassing the OP to get rid of her pets. The OP and her boyfriend need to have equal responsibility of taking care of the 6 pets. Otherwise, this relationship is doomed.

[writergal]

And anything could happen with the boyfriend!

 

My one remaining dog is almost sixteen, and he goes almost everywhere with me. I would never regret having him in my life, and wouldn't shove him out in favour of a man.

 

I agree with you Anela. I would never get rid of my cat in favor of a man either. Not worth it.

[Art_Critic]

My one remaining dog is almost sixteen, and he goes almost everywhere with me. I would never regret having him in my life, and wouldn't shove him out in favour of a man.

 

I had a dog that lasted through 1 marriage and about a half of a dozen relationships..maybe more...15 years...

 

So yeah... pets are family..

[loversquarrel]

How are either of these people jerks/narcissistic??? She wants pets, a lot of them. He tried to live with many, discovered he couldn't. He is leaving the relationship because he can't deal with it. It's as simple as two people who can't be together due to their differences. A lot of judging going on here that isn't necessary.

Edited November 26, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[writergal]

How are either of these people jerks/narcissistic??? She wants pets, a lot of them. He tried to live with many, discovered he couldn't. He is leaving the relationship because he can't deal with it. It's as simple as two people who can't be together due to their differences. A lot of judging going on here that isn't necessary.

 

Her boyfriend is acting like a jerk for expecting her elderly parents to take on two pets, when the problem is that HE doesn't want to deal with the pets anymore. And he knew she had six pets when they moved into their house together, so he has no right to demand that the OP get rid of her pets just because he's tired of living with them anymore.

 

If he refuses to pitch in and help with the pet care, and the OP doesn't need to give up her pets, then the only solution is that they breakup and he moves out. The judging is necessary because it's not like the OP sprung her 6 pets on him. His demands that she rehome some or all of her pets is selfish and unreasonable. It just is.

Edited November 26, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Copelandsanity]

How are either of these people jerks/narcissistic??? She wants pets, a lot of them. He tried to live with many, discovered he couldn't. He is leaving the relationship because he can't deal with it. It's as simple as two people who can't be together due to their differences. A lot of judging going on here that isn't necessary.

 

 

Yeah, it's an incompatibility issue. The fact is that the OP's pets are more significant to her than the BF, and BF's vision of their life together is with less or no pets. There is no quality relationship with these issues present.

Edited November 26, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Art_Critic]

How are either of these people jerks/narcissistic??? She wants pets, a lot of them. He tried to live with many, discovered he couldn't. He is leaving the relationship because he can't deal with it. It's as simple as two people who can't be together due to their differences. A lot of judging going on here that isn't necessary.

 

 

I think the jerk part comes in with his reaction to her elderly parents not being able to take the pets.. nobody has called him a jerk because he doesn't like pets, he showed his ass with that one...

Edited November 26, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[shutterbugg]

Wow. A lot of different opinions on here which gives me a lot to think about. I take care of all the animals and pay for all their expenses. I don't need his help physically or financially to take care of them. The funny thing is, the animals love him and he will get down on the floor and play with them. He just has a problem with them ruining his stuff. Which I do understand. I think I just need to find a way to keep the cats in one of our 4 bedrooms and possibly leave two of the dogs outside.

[newmoon]

i have 3 dogs and they are part of my relationship package. you have to take the pets and me, together, that's it. i think something else might be going on here, b/c this was already part of your life when you met, and even after moving in together. 2 years with your pets and he still hasn't grown attached to them? serious red flag. i have had bf's bond with my pets after a few months, and after 2 years i would fully expect that they would be treating them just as i do. you don not have a situation here worth compromising on; you have a bf who is using this as an excuse to get out of a relationship that may be tiresome for him by now. i would bet anything that the pets are not the issue, and the relationship is. the pets are a very great excuse. and, please don't make threats you don't keep - if you say you will move out, do it. the worst thing you can do to yourself is make empty statements where the other person knows you aren't really being honest and will sacrifice for their happiness. you're in a failing relationship imo

[Raena]

I currently have 1 puppy (about a year old) and 2 older cats. I live with my child and let me tell you what.... I get annoyed with the chaos. I can't imagine living without them, nor can I stand the constant messes they make. I can feel for both of you in this situation. 6 pets is a LOT to take care of. I have a hard time keeping up with the 3 I have, I can't imagine doubling that amount. It must be constant chaos in your house.

 

That being said, I understand both points of view here. It's upsetting to deal with the messes they make but they are your family and you don't just give your family away.

 

You are going to have to come to some kind of solution to this. It's up to you to figure that out. What can you live with? Do you love this man enough to want to do whatever it takes to make it work? Does HE love YOU enough to come to some kind of compromise?

 

Are you going to be able to take 6 animals to an apartment? Most places won't allow you to have that many pets for a reason.... they destroy homes when not properly taken care of. It seems to me that if you leave him, you may have to consider re-homing some of them anyway unless you are just lucky enough to find a place that will let you keep them all.

[SoThatHappened]

Not hijacking this thread, so I'll respond to Art Critic and writergal, and then provide more insight for you OP because I've been in your boyfriend's shoes and I'm wanting to help.

 

@Art Critic, I understand that pets outlived my relationship, so I can see your side there. Never asked her to get rid of them. I had a dog that lived to be 13, only to watch him get run over in the street. He lasted through a lot in my life, so I understand that pets are family. However, people are more important to me than pets. That's me. If we were right for each other, I'd have outlived her cats. Cats had nothing to do with it.

 

@writergal, you're very opinionated and seem to know everything about me (i.e. that I'm not an animal lover and the reason why my ex and I didn't work was because of the cats). You should use these powers of yours to work a psychic hotline instead of telling me who I am and why my relationship didn't last. I'd love to say more, but don't want to get banned... so I'll leave it at that.

 

OP, you love your pets. I believe you have more than you should, and I sympathize with your BF getting frustrated at that many pets, all the while ruining his stuff.

 

Again, what's more important to you though? Him, or your pets?

 

He sounds like a decent guy, honestly. In your first post you mentioned that he offered the house to you and would move out himself. Doesn't sound like a narcissistic jerk to me. He also seems to like your pets. Not the jerk others have made him out to be... like they truly know this guy. Sheesh

 

He's frustrated about the pets and I can completely understand that. I'm not writergal, so I'm not going to assume I know you/him and everything going on in your relationship. But, I have to ask if there are other things wrong with your relationship? Maybe the pets thing is just piling on onto an underlying problem?

[rester]

Wow. A lot of different opinions on here which gives me a lot to think about. I take care of all the animals and pay for all their expenses. I don't need his help physically or financially to take care of them. The funny thing is, the animals love him and he will get down on the floor and play with them. He just has a problem with them ruining his stuff. Which I do understand. I think I just need to find a way to keep the cats in one of our 4 bedrooms and possibly leave two of the dogs outside.

 

This is pretty much what I was saying. If you have a house with four bedrooms and it's just the two of you and the pets, it seems like you'd have a lot of room to keep the things he considers valuable safe, if that really is the main concern.

 

If keeping two dogs outside would jeopardize their well-being, though, I wouldn't do that.

 

The fact that he is not being reasonable about your parents not taking the pets is a separate issue. He's being a jerk about that and should have more understanding that it is not in their best interest to take the pets.

[Copelandsanity]

i have 3 dogs and they are part of my relationship package. you have to take the pets and me, together, that's it. i think something else might be going on here, b/c this was already part of your life when you met, and even after moving in together. 2 years with your pets and he still hasn't grown attached to them? serious red flag. i have had bf's bond with my pets after a few months, and after 2 years i would fully expect that they would be treating them just as i do. you don not have a situation here worth compromising on; you have a bf who is using this as an excuse to get out of a relationship that may be tiresome for him by now. i would bet anything that the pets are not the issue, and the relationship is. the pets are a very great excuse. and, please don't make threats you don't keep - if you say you will move out, do it. the worst thing you can do to yourself is make empty statements where the other person knows you aren't really being honest and will sacrifice for their happiness. you're in a failing relationship imo

 

6 pets - 3 dogs and 3 cats - is a monumental difference compared to just 3 dogs. I can easily envision a situation where the BF may love animals, and tried like hell to make it work, but just couldn't. And bottling up his thoughts for so long caused him to reach the end of the line and snap.