Live in boyfriend wants me to get rid of my pets!

[writergal]

I really don't understand why you posted here OP, asking for advice if you already knew you were going to lock up your cats and leave your dogs outside (Texas or wherever, it's still cruel because it's not like Texas is a dry state. It's a humid state.)

 

Frankly I think your pets would be safer if they were all rehomed, if the alternative is being locked up for hours on end (which doesn't actually solve your boyfriend's problem of your cats playing with his personal items since they'll have free reign of the home while you're both asleep and at work during the day). Your boyfriend needs to put his fragile items away or place them out of your cats' reach.

 

I'm curious what drew you to adopt 3 cats and 3 dogs? Did you rescue them? Inherit them? Why 6?

[TigerLilly78]

This is a sticky situation part of me is like well he did move in knowing you had this many pets but another part of me is like they are destructive so he has every right to be upset. You will never find a apartment that will allow 6 pets if any a lot of apartments these days are no pets no exceptions. So that said ide say the best thing would be to start looking for ether another roommate who is ok with this many destructive pets (not likely to find) or try to fix things with your bf and start getting rid of a few. Seams like your going to have to compromise or risk losing them all im afraid..ide be pissed to if a family heirloom got broken cause of some one elses pets..

[TigerLilly78]

if your taking care of the pets and they are good ie not being abused or neglected then keep them! they are yours, they were yours, he knew this before you came along. Your pets are not at fault.

The min they started being destructive they are at fault as well as the OP its one thing to move into a house with well behaved anaimals but not when they destroy your things...

[Anela]

The min they started being destructive they are at fault as well as the OP its one thing to move into a house with well behaved anaimals but not when they destroy your things...

 

My sister destroyed things of mine, and nobody threw her out. I've accidentally broken things - everyone does. If a child damaged something, are you supposed to hoof them out into the back garden? Of course not.

[writergal]

The min they started being destructive they are at fault as well as the OP its one thing to move into a house with well behaved anaimals but not when they destroy your things...

 

It's never the animals' fault. People are always the ones to blame. Both the OP and her boyfriend have lived together for 2 years and not once during this time, did it occur to them to put away their fragile items, or at least put them on shelves out of the cats' reach? When you adopt a pet, you are responsible for that pet's well being AND for pet proofing your home. If you can't be responsible enough to pet proof your home, you have no business owning a pet.

 

That's why animal shelters exist by the way. People like the OP's boyfriend decide one day they don't want the responsibility that's involved with pet ownership so they get rid of their dog or cat as though they were returning an item at Target.

[loversquarrel]

I think people should take better care of each other before they are allowed to take care of other species.

[writergal]

I think people should take better care of each other before they are allowed to take care of other species.

 

Agree 100%. So much animal abuse and neglect goes on in homes. Dogs get euthanized just because of their breed deemed vicious by other humans, or cats are cruelly declawed so that they won't ruin someone's furniture (when all that person had to do was buy their cat a scratching post).

[Graceful]

Graceful, my boyfriend and I are in our mid forties. My parents were in their mid forties as well when I was born. They live 700 miles away from me, so I only see them once a year at best. They are still active despite my mom's dementia. My dad drives, they shop, go out to eat, and go on cruises every summer. My dad still mows his own yard and was even up on his roof last week working! They are not bedridden or in wheelchairs. They have a cat and take care very good care of her.

As for my cats, they would only but placed in the bedroom for a few hours. They would have the run of the house at night and during the day when we're at work. The same thing goes for the dogs. Inside at night and during the day while we're working.

 

Thanks for further explanation, but you are talking out of both sides of your mouth, I am sorry to say.

 

Your OP states you didn't know your parents situation was so bad, and you also said that "last thing they need is to be burdened" with your pets. The very idea that your father goes up on the roof is proof positive that you are in denial about how elderly they are, and do not take their well-being into account. Do you think going up on the roof means he has all of his faculties? Really? Does he have anyone with him when he goes up on the roof or is he waiting until the day he falls when someone will call 911 so he can be taken to the hospital? You see them once a year "at best" --- tells me all I need to know. No, I did not mean to imply they are in wheel chairs, I know many spry older people -- but honestly? I never confused a 90-year old with a 60-year old, or even a 70-year old. My ex's grand dad was in his nineties, still driving ... scary shizz.

 

I also have to ask why you didn't clarify that you had a proposed "solution" in your OP instead of asking this forum for suggestions. As a few others have said, why are you asking if you already had your mind made up? Your BF also sounds like an immature twit, if all he does to "support" your pets is to get on the floor and play with them. No monetary support? No help with vet bills? No nothing? You don't need or want anything from him? What a dream boat.

 

 

Your relationship sounds depressing to me, for people who are well into mid-life, you both sound like you think you are in your twenties. It's sad that you find yourself in a situation such as this, over your pets, and still insist that you get along great ... that's not getting along great. It's dysfunctional.

 

He made an ultimatum. He was livid (your word) when you returned from your elderly parents (!!) with your pets. He unilaterally proposed you get rid of 2 of your pets. He is not speaking to you. What more do you need to see out of your rose-colored glasses? TAKE THEM OFF. If you put your cats in a BR every day, and your dogs outdoors, even for a set period of time, and you can live with yourself, and your BF will stop the hissy fits, then it's your life and you don't really need anyone here to tell you what they think or what to do.

 

As for the ability to wear flip flops today, I certainly do envy you. But that still does not justify leaving animals outdoors ... and if I lived near you and saw you doing that every day, I'd report you. I had a neighbor who did that, and after crying my eyes out watching that dog outside all the time, I reported the people. The dog disappeared, finally, following my call, and I was able to breathe a sigh of relief. No one here is saying you are cruel, but only you can decide what it means to do the right thing. GL.

[TigerLilly78]

My sister destroyed things of mine, and nobody threw her out. I've accidentally broken things - everyone does. If a child damaged something, are you supposed to hoof them out into the back garden? Of course not.

 

 

No matter how much we might love them or wish they were the truth is pets are not people. They do not have the reasoning and intelligence people do for the most part. So yes it is partly their fault as well the owners need to train them not to do what would come naturally to them and thats marking their territory be it pissing or being destructive thats the humans role in it.

 

Yes ive also accidentally broken things but ive never peed on the new carpet or started chowing down on a irreplaceable item one is a innocent accident the other is not. I haven't read thu anymore of the OPs posts haven't had time in between getting dinner ready here.

 

But I do believe she has to many animals over all and it would be in her best interest to rehome a few. I can understand were the BF is coming from other then him getting mad that the parents wouldn't take some of the animals I hes being reasonable in only asking her to rehome 2 to be honest..

 

I don't believe just moving them all into the back yard is the solution at all rather reduce the number so everyone can live in peace. I love animals I have one myself ONE cause I know if I ever had to move how hard it would be to find a place for anymore. Not to mention when you start getting to many its harder to show them all the affection and proper care they need.

[Quiet Storm]

There are still things you can do to mitigate the impact the pets are having on your relationship. You have options.

 

1) put all valuable or important items out of pets reach

2) make sure the dogs are getting a lot of exercise, they will sleep more and be less destructive

3) vacuum way more than once a week. I have two dogs and a cat and usually vacuum every day, never less than every other day. Deep clean the carpet at least once a month with a carpet steamer.

4)anticipate what will annoy your BF and be a buffer between him and the pets

5) explain to your BF the pets are your responsibility and their fate is not up for debate

6) don't offer to leave your home when you don't even have a place to go. For someone that loves their pets, why would you risk none of them having a home? Get a roommate, cut your expenses, get an extra job, ask landlord to give you a break on the rent, etc.

7) do you really want to be with a guy that doesn't share your love for pets? It's causing unnecessary stress in your life, and there are men that genuinely love pets and would be helpful, not demanding

[preraph]

In retrospect, I don't know one guy I'd give up any one of my pets for. That's a big no for multiple reasons, the most important of which is perhaps that it shows he does not give one s**t about your feelings and the loss and sadness it would cause you.

[TigerLilly78]

In retrospect, I don't know one guy I'd give up any one of my pets for. That's a big no for multiple reasons, the most important of which is perhaps that it shows he does not give one s**t about your feelings and the loss and sadness it would cause you.

 

Not wanting to live with a house full of destructive animals doesn't mean he doesn't care about her he only asked her to rehome 2. People can go over board with animals and it starts just like the OP is saying. Im not calling her a animal collector but once you get more then you can control it start becoming a problem. Seams shes now hiding them in bed rooms and things have a watch on animal planets rescue shows and you will see what I mean..

[loversquarrel]

Thanks for further explanation, but you are talking out of both sides of your mouth, I am sorry to say.

 

Your OP states you didn't know your parents situation was so bad, and you also said that "last thing they need is to be burdened" with your pets. The very idea that your father goes up on the roof is proof positive that you are in denial about how elderly they are, and do not take their well-being into account. Do you think going up on the roof means he has all of his faculties? Really? Does he have anyone with him when he goes up on the roof or is he waiting until the day he falls when someone will call 911 so he can be taken to the hospital? You see them once a year "at best" --- tells me all I need to know. No, I did not mean to imply they are in wheel chairs, I know many spry older people -- but honestly? I never confused a 90-year old with a 60-year old, or even a 70-year old. My ex's grand dad was in his nineties, still driving ... scary shizz.

 

I also have to ask why you didn't clarify that you had a proposed "solution" in your OP instead of asking this forum for suggestions. As a few others have said, why are you asking if you already had your mind made up? Your BF also sounds like an immature twit, if all he does to "support" your pets is to get on the floor and play with them. No monetary support? No help with vet bills? No nothing? You don't need or want anything from him? What a dream boat.

 

 

Your relationship sounds depressing to me, for people who are well into mid-life, you both sound like you think you are in your twenties. It's sad that you find yourself in a situation such as this, over your pets, and still insist that you get along great ... that's not getting along great. It's dysfunctional.

 

He made an ultimatum. He was livid (your word) when you returned from your elderly parents (!!) with your pets. He unilaterally proposed you get rid of 2 of your pets. He is not speaking to you. What more do you need to see out of your rose-colored glasses? TAKE THEM OFF. If you put your cats in a BR every day, and your dogs outdoors, even for a set period of time, and you can live with yourself, and your BF will stop the hissy fits, then it's your life and you don't really need anyone here to tell you what they think or what to do.

 

As for the ability to wear flip flops today, I certainly do envy you. But that still does not justify leaving animals outdoors ... and if I lived near you and saw you doing that every day, I'd report you. I had a neighbor who did that, and after crying my eyes out watching that dog outside all the time, I reported the people. The dog disappeared, finally, following my call, and I was able to breathe a sigh of relief. No one here is saying you are cruel, but only you can decide what it means to do the right thing. GL.

 

while I agree with most of your post, I have to ask... How did wolves ever survive all of these years in the great outdoors??? It's not like people here are suggesting leaving a Chihuahua outside all day as potential prey for a hawk. Domesticated animals evolved from the wild because they found out how easy it was to survive from leaching off of humans.

[KatZee]

while I agree with most of your post, I have to ask... How did wolves ever survive all of these years in the great outdoors??? It's not like people here are suggesting leaving a Chihuahua outside all day as potential prey for a hawk. Domesticated animals evolved from the wild because they found out how easy it was to survive from leaching off of humans.

 

And if you knew something about animals and domestication you will know that once an animal is completely domesticated and 100% reliant on a human being, they are completely useless in the wild.

 

You're not talking about a wild animal. You're talking about animals raised from infancy to adulthood by a human hand.

 

This is why people are strongly discouraged from feeding wild animals, you never want them thinking it's ok or safe to approach humans. It's dangerous for the animal and the human, and it's why so many bears, deer, alligators/crocs are shot and killed after being fed by humans.

 

A domesticated pet would starve on the street. It would have no clue how to forage for food or even protect itself from other predators. neutered cats are not even accepted into cat groups they are outcast and bullied.

A declawed cat would be at utmost disadvantage. Thinking a domesticated animal is ok on the street is a very big misconception.

[Simon Phoenix]

(Texas or wherever, it's still cruel because it's not like Texas is a dry state. It's a humid state.)

 

Actually, pretty much anywhere from Austin/San Antonio westward is pretty dry. Just FYI. Texas has a lot of different hot climates, as you would expect a huge state to have.

 

That being said, I think their issues go way beyond pets.

[Anela]

while I agree with most of your post, I have to ask... How did wolves ever survive all of these years in the great outdoors??? It's not like people here are suggesting leaving a Chihuahua outside all day as potential prey for a hawk. Domesticated animals evolved from the wild because they found out how easy it was to survive from leaching off of humans.

 

Coyotes kill small animals - dogs, and cats - and large birds have been known to attack small dogs.

 

Animals bond to their humans. They don't leach off them.

[BC1980]

Basically, the OP has pets, and the BF doesn't want the pets. They have tried compromises that haven't worked. This issue will only escalate, so it's time to breakup or make peace with things the way they are.

[sober and dry]

Couldn't agree more!

[Nyc_user]

Put a leash around your bf's neck

Show him who the pack leader is

[BC1980]

while I agree with most of your post, I have to ask... How did wolves ever survive all of these years in the great outdoors??? It's not like people here are suggesting leaving a Chihuahua outside all day as potential prey for a hawk. Domesticated animals evolved from the wild because they found out how easy it was to survive from leaching off of humans.

 

Domestic animals mostly evolved because humans realized they were useful to them. Take a cat for example. Humans domesticated cats because they were good at killing vermin. They used them on ships because they killed rats. It's obvious why farm animals were domesticated, and it's not to benefit the animals. I'm not an expert in wolves or domestication, but I'm sure the coat of a wolf allows it to live outside in freezing temperatures. Anyway, this is way off topic

[lollipopspot]

This is a sticky situation part of me is like well he did move in knowing you had this many pets but another part of me is like they are destructive so he has every right to be upset. You will never find a apartment that will allow 6 pets if any a lot of apartments these days are no pets no exceptions. So that said ide say the best thing would be to start looking for ether another roommate who is ok with this many destructive pets (not likely to find) or try to fix things with your bf and start getting rid of a few. Seams like your going to have to compromise or risk losing them all im afraid..ide be pissed to if a family heirloom got broken cause of some one elses pets..

 

She had all these animals before this guy came along, and I'm doubting there are any behavior changes, so I suppose she can go back to how she lived before, whether apartment or roommate or just paying more.

 

From what the OP has described, they are not "destructive" pets in any way that isn't normal. You have to expect that you will occasionally have vomit on the carpet, possibly some scratched furniture (if you have a cat), some knocked over things, a bathroom accident if the pet is ill or old, etc. To expect anything less, well...one shouldn't have a pet. If a family heirloom gets broken by a resident small child or a pet, that's on the owner of the item. It needs to be kept away. And small kids are way more destructive than pets, and also have bathroom accidents. Would you get rid of a child? No? Then you shouldn't rip an animal away from his or her own family of his or her own kind to bring them into your home where you devalue them as lesser than family.

 

Not wanting to live with a house full of destructive animals doesn't mean he doesn't care about her he only asked her to rehome 2. People can go over board with animals and it starts just like the OP is saying. Im not calling her a animal collector but once you get more then you can control it start becoming a problem. Seams shes now hiding them in bed rooms and things have a watch on animal planets rescue shows and you will see what I mean..

 

She doesn't have more than she can "control" from what I've seen. And with 6 animals in a 4 bedroom house she's not a hoarder. Unless they are crated 24/7 they are going to get into things. ONE animal is going to get into things. That's why precious things need to be kept out of reach.

 

THIS is the level of destruction she describes:

One of my cats knocked over a handcrafted walking stick that belonged to his grandfather. They ripped a feather off and a piece of wood broke off.

 

Well, he's careless for leaving his special "walking stick" standing there so someone can knock it over (a human could also have done this by walking by it and knocking it!), and of course they're going to play with a feather. Being careless about how he leaves his stuff when he lives with others, and then blaming someone else for how he left it precariously, and being so torn up about a stick - in the end it's just a stick, a material possession, not a living being - is not attractive either. He's prioritizing his stuff that he doesn't even bother to protect over living beings.

 

These are sentient, independent beings with bodies. You cannot control another being to the degree that you think you can. If one does, they're being abusive or have an extremely lethargic pet who is going to be killed by the owner when the pet is sick or aging and has accidents. Something will get knocked over if it's left standing precariously. A tail can knock a cane over. Animals, and humans, have accidents. If one thinks they can maintain their house exactly the same with or without an animal, then they shouldn't have animals.

 

These folks are clearly not a match. I wouldn't be with him not because of his feelings about animals, however, but because he's anal and insensitive. But this is my value: I prioritize living beings above things, and if I have something I really like, then I keep it away from little hands and paws.

Edited November 27, 2014 by lollipopspot

[Els]

I don't think he's being unreasonable - not everyone is cut out to share their home with 6 pets (actually, my guess is that only a minority of people are, especially if the pets are all dogs/cats which roam the house freely as opposed to caged mice). But I don't think you're wrong to stand your ground either, this is a decision you have to make based on what you value and there is no right/wrong answer.

 

Long story short, I think you two are just incompatible. Even if you were to rehome the animals, it wouldn't work because you would be constantly resenting him for it.

[lollipopspot]

I don't think he's being unreasonable - not everyone is cut out to share their home with 6 pets (actually, my guess is that only a minority of people are, especially if the pets are all dogs/cats which roam the house freely as opposed to caged mice).

 

I agree that it's not for everyone. But because these pets were there before he was, I think he's insensitive and unreasonable to insist that she get rid of a couple, as a condition that they stay together (which is what I gather, given the fallout when it turned out the parents couldn't take them). If you partner up with someone with dependent kids or loved pets, and you don't want to deal with it, then you don't insist that they get rid of those dependents (in the case of a child that they go live with someone else), or make your staying conditional on it unless there is far deeper trouble than these pets display (like severe aggression). It's not fair to the person who already made a commitment to a dependent. You deal with it or leave, not make the partner's life miserable with figuring out which pet to abandon. Actually, the commitment of someone who would dump a "loved" pet easily shouldn't be trusted anyway.

Edited November 27, 2014 by lollipopspot

[Els]

 

A domesticated pet would starve on the street. It would have no clue how to forage for food or even protect itself from other predators. neutered cats are not even accepted into cat groups they are outcast and bullied.

A declawed cat would be at utmost disadvantage. Thinking a domesticated animal is ok on the street is a very big misconception.

 

Right. Which begs the question of why do people even think declawing cats is okay????

 

Where I live, the vast majority of people let their cats come and go as they please. So yes, they do live a semi-wild existence. But to be fair we have no native land predators AND, more importantly, declawing your cat is illegal here. As it is in many other countries and as it should be IMO.

 

I fail to see how anyone can claim to love an animal and then do something so completely heartless and inhumane to it.

 

http://cats.about.com/cs/declawing/a/declawing.htm

[Els]

I agree that it's not for everyone. But because these pets were there before he was, I think he's insensitive and unreasonable to insist that she get rid of a couple, as a condition that they stay together (which is what I gather, given the fallout when it turned out the parents couldn't take them). If you partner up with someone with dependent kids or loved pets, and you don't want to deal with it, then you don't insist that they get rid of those dependents (in the case of a child that they go live with someone else), or make your staying conditional on it unless there is far deeper trouble than these pets display (like severe aggression). It's not fair to the person who already made a commitment to a dependent. You deal with it or leave, not make the partner's life miserable with figuring out which pet to abandon. Actually, the commitment of someone who would dump a "loved" pet easily shouldn't be trusted anyway.

 

Sadly, the fact is that in the honeymoon phase, people often overlook things that would bug them in the long term. This applies to many other things besides pets, and is why people are advised to spend a significant amount of time together before they marry.

 

To clarify, I absolutely did not advise her to abandon her pets.