fellini Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 WOW! Where do you get the balls to speak for "the vast majority" "We", "US", im being existential? If you know what that means Ill presume you also know what a US/THEM discourse is and how it works. My point was nothing less than simple: I find it unfortunate that the phrase "heavy lifting" is used. AND I GAVE MY OPINIONS WHY. You do not get to take a simple opinion, launch yourself as the spokesperson for ALL of LS and then call me "existential" and WORSE, accuse me with such a simple post as I made about MY VIEW of HEAVY LIFTING to saying that I think I am better than "the rest of US" i.e. your private vast majority vs. ME. You have serious issues about your role here in LS, and it is because of posters like you that I left LS many months ago. And I can see LITTLE has changed, and none for the better. I think the vast majority of us understand what we mean by "heavy lifting". I think you do to but you are trying to make some existential point about how much better you are then the rest of us BH's. Link to post Share on other sites
badkarma2013 Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 WOW! Where do you get the balls to speak for "the vast majority" "We", "US", im being existential? If you know what that means Ill presume you also know what a US/THEM discourse is and how it works. My point was nothing less than simple: I find it unfortunate that the phrase "heavy lifting" is used. AND I GAVE MY OPINIONS WHY. You do not get to take a simple opinion, launch yourself as the spokesperson for ALL of LS and then call me "existential" and WORSE, accuse me with such a simple post as I made about MY VIEW of HEAVY LIFTING to saying that I think I am better than "the rest of US" i.e. your private vast majority vs. ME. You have serious issues about your role here in LS, and it is because of posters like you that I left LS many months ago. And I can see LITTLE has changed, and none for the better. Fellini.....As i have said many times..."if have YOU never been to BEIRUT...dont EVER tell me what you think it was like.." You fellini ..have experianced Betrayl ( Beirut if you will)..but seem to want to forgive the extremist (you WW) for example, for the damage that occured... For some of here ...INFIDELITY is a DEALBREAKER...NOTHING MORE NOTHING LESS...It will never be discussed or negotiated....Never If that is what you are referring by nothing has CHANGED...I would hope that if you were gone for 5 years and made the decision to return...it still has members who stand up for themselves and lets NO ONE male for female rule them... Infidelity is a CHOICE NOT A MISTAKE...Make it with me and many others here and then the choices are mine...NO forgiveness ..No reconciliation ...MO MORE MARRIAGE... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fellini Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 I think you are completely missing the point Karma: The poster insulted me for a post that has nothing to do with anything you have said. If some people here think an affair is a deal breaker: PERIOD that is their right. What they do not have the right to do is publish a post in LS insulting another BS by saying that I "think I am better than everyone else in LS". CLEARLY this poster has baggage. THERE IS NOTHING in my post which even remotely provokes that attack on me personally. When I said NOTHING has CHANGED Im talking about how some posters on LS think they have the RIGHT to ATTACK and INSULT other posters EVEN if they are BS's just because they do not agree with them. It's not like I told the poster he had no right to his opinion: I bent over backwards in my post saying I, ME, MY - at no time did I presume to say my opinion is the only acceptable one. I left LS many months ago PRECISELY because of posters like him who attack people for having an opinion they don't share, and my point is THINGS in LS have not changed and I have no interest in being here if other BS's think they have a right to belittle my opinions. Fellini.....As i have said many times..."if have YOU never been to BEIRUT...dont EVER tell me what you think it was like.." You fellini ..have experianced Betrayl ( Beirut if you will)..but seem to want to forgive the extremist (you WW) for example, for the damage that occured... For some of here ...INFIDELITY is a DEALBREAKER...NOTHING MORE NOTHING LESS...It will never be discussed or negotiated....Never If that is what you are referring by nothing has CHANGED...I would hope that if you were gone for 5 years and made the decision to return...it still has members who stand up for themselves and lets NO ONE male for female rule them... Infidelity is a CHOICE NOT A MISTAKE...Make it with me and many others here and then the choices are mine...NO forgiveness ..No reconciliation ...MO MORE MARRIAGE... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jm2013 Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 I think you are completely missing the point Karma: The poster insulted me for a post that has nothing to do with anything you have said. If some people here think an affair is a deal breaker: PERIOD that is their right. What they do not have the right to do is publish a post in LS insulting another BS by saying that I "think I am better than everyone else in LS". CLEARLY this poster has baggage. THERE IS NOTHING in my post which even remotely provokes that attack on me personally. When I said NOTHING has CHANGED Im talking about how some posters on LS think they have the RIGHT to ATTACK and INSULT other posters EVEN if they are BS's just because they do not agree with them. It's not like I told the poster he had no right to his opinion: I bent over backwards in my post saying I, ME, MY - at no time did I presume to say my opinion is the only acceptable one. I left LS many months ago PRECISELY because of posters like him who attack people for having an opinion they don't share, and my point is THINGS in LS have not changed and I have no interest in being here if other BS's think they have a right to belittle my opinions. I like your posts Fellini. I think you should just stick around and ignore the people who need to be ignored. Your contributions help people in need which is far more important right? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 I think the heavy lifting shifts. As I've said more times than I can count, I think a successful reconciliation take two things: (1) A truly remorseful wayward spouse and (2) a truly forgiving betrayed spouse. And #2 cannot come before #1. I think showing true remorse is tremendous amount of heavy lifting. It requires transparency of the wayward's darkest moments. If they want to reconcile, they have to bare their worst side, and god forbid they falter. Deserved or not, it's a heavy burden and a tall order. If they do it successfully, the burden then shifts to the betrayed, to forgive a betrayal. It's a debt that really can't be repaid. Well, maybe some do. I think there's plenty of heavy lifting for both parties. Kudos to both if they manage it, which I would imagine requires that both parties eventually put their burden down, allowing their partner to do the same. I think it's a beautiful thing, actually. I don't see much of it here but I suppose those that have done it don't stick around here posting very much. Good for them. This is an excellent post, BH, in my opinion. At first, I did much of the "heavy lifting" after d-day. But after a certain point, my H took on some "lifting" as well. Not to say that my "lifting" was over and done...I continue to this day to work on myself and our relationship, as does my H too. This work brings us closer together. I do feel though, like BH pointed out, that a WS needs to show remorse through actions before a BS can even consider reconciliation. That being said, for some reconciliation is not an option no matter what the actions of a WS. Totally understandable, everyone is different and has different beliefs and experiences. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author OverIt75 Posted December 1, 2014 Author Share Posted December 1, 2014 I like your posts Fellini. I think you should just stick around and ignore the people who need to be ignored. Your contributions help people in need which is far more important right? I second this. Fellini, your posts have helped me from the very beginning. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
badkarma2013 Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 I think you are completely missing the point Karma: The poster insulted me for a post that has nothing to do with anything you have said. If some people here think an affair is a deal breaker: PERIOD that is their right. What they do not have the right to do is publish a post in LS insulting another BS by saying that I "think I am better than everyone else in LS". CLEARLY this poster has baggage. THERE IS NOTHING in my post which even remotely provokes that attack on me personally. When I said NOTHING has CHANGED Im talking about how some posters on LS think they have the RIGHT to ATTACK and INSULT other posters EVEN if they are BS's just because they do not agree with them. It's not like I told the poster he had no right to his opinion: I bent over backwards in my post saying I, ME, MY - at no time did I presume to say my opinion is the only acceptable one. I left LS many months ago PRECISELY because of posters like him who attack people for having an opinion they don't share, and my point is THINGS in LS have not changed and I have no interest in being here if other BS's think they have a right to belittle my opinions. ***************************************************************** Now with that being said ,i agree...to attack someone personally is not only wrong but totally UNHELPFUL....My apologies for missing that portion of the dialog ..... I HAVE RARELY AGREED WITH YOU OR YOUR OPINIONS ON INFIDELITY.....BUT I HAVE THE UP MOST RESPECT FOR YOU AND HOLD YOUR OPINIONS IN HIGH REGARD.... That is what ..IMO ..is missing here.. BY the way,...I have Never seen you steer someone WRONG...and that is saying alot from me... Link to post Share on other sites
Selfish Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 This is an excellent post, BH, in my opinion. At first, I did much of the "heavy lifting" after d-day. But after a certain point, my H took on some "lifting" as well. Not to say that my "lifting" was over and done...I continue to this day to work on myself and our relationship, as does my H too. This work brings us closer together. I do feel though, like BH pointed out, that a WS needs to show remorse through actions before a BS can even consider reconciliation. That being said, for some reconciliation is not an option no matter what the actions of a WS. Totally understandable, everyone is different and has different beliefs and experiences. I don't know Bittersweetie. How can you claim anything you did was thee heavy lifting? I think WS could be said to do heavy lifting. I just don't see how anyone can say they do THEE heavy lifting. That is the difference to me. You know to beat a dead horse. I still say being sucker punched with an affair and trying to stay afloat is a far heavier load than being honest and transparent. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 I've noticed that the definition of heavy listing depends on the mindset of the person using the word. It can mean showing real remorse, working to be trustworthy, being honest, accepting punishment indefinitely, or lots of other things. Link to post Share on other sites
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