I wish I met my MM 10 years ago.. If only he was the man I married...

[jellybean89]

OW should NEVEREVEREVER have a child with their MM. I do not care the circumstances. You are talking about actively screwing up the life oc a potential human being. Jesus. Get a dog. And therapy.

 

We may not agree on much, but I 100% agree with your post ^^

[Versailles]

Just thought I would post an update. D is official now, just need to get things sorted out regarding the house and car with ex H. While I am certainly happier now that I am no longer tied to H, it's frustrating dealing with admin matters like the house and car... Not to mention the financial aspects of it..

 

Anyway back to MM, I don't know what is happening... We have barely seen each other in the last 2-3 weeks.. Both of us have been busy with work and I don't even dare to go see him in his office now as his boss happened to ask him whether he knew about my divorce as he had seen us chatting a few times. I'm sure it was a casual question but to avoid any potential issues, we've agreed to keep a low profile. So... We're too busy to go for lunch, can't see each other in office, can't go for dinner together and can't meet on weekends... About the only option left is chatting via text during work days and we are both too busy to do much of that either..

 

At my gloomiest moments (like right now), I wonder if MM is just a figment of my imagination and I'm just communicating with a ghost... I think I might prefer it if he was just my imagination.. At least my imagination wouldn't keep him away on weekends i hope we have time next week or the week after for at least a lunch together... I know I ought to be asking him what's going to happen to our relationship now and should we just end it or something...I'm getting tired of his level of nonexistence... But everytime I see him, I am so happy that I can't bear to spoil anything (same for him I guess), and we just spend time happily together pretending that nothing else is happening. Plus I just can't bear to bring up anything which might upset him... He just updated me that his mother in law is hospitalized and may have only 1-2 months left to live.. I suppose I should just wait till that event happens and let our relationship die off naturally... I'm assuming he will break everything off then since he has to concentrate on being the support for his family.

 

I've tried to distract myself by trying online dating sites but my heart is just not in it... I can't find anyone who is very much like him... Sigh... I realize that I've only been replying to people who remind me even a little bit of him.. Same height or even the same favourite book or movie..

 

I wish there was a better word to describe myself but I suspect the prime word would be lovelorn at the moment. Feeling lost and very depressed... maybe I should try getting a new hobby or something..

[minimariah]

Versailles - did you and your MM make any plans about being together? is divorce something he has in his future plans?

[Versailles]

Hi minimariah, no, divorce was never in either of our plans. He had always said he can never hurt his son. On my part, I had wanted to try and stay in my marriage as I generally do not believe in divorce. Anyway ex H did something absolutely unforgivable and that was the catalyst which made me decide to give up once and for all. Whether MM existed or not was immaterial in my decision to go ahead with D.

 

I suppose for MM and myself, I always knew things would end between us someday when he finally decides to choose responsibility over love. I had always thought that day far in the future but it's probably coming sooner rather than later. Well.. Despite knowing all this, I always entertained the hope that we could be together and his family need not know about us. I have no intention of replacing his family... I just want to be part of it, secretly since it can't be open. But anyway, I know it is a fantasy...

[Versailles]

I'm trying hard to make myself accept that things will end soon between us but it's so very, very hard when I love him so much. Its so tiring crying myself to sleep these days...

 

To anyone who might be reading this and who is a Christian, would you help me pray that I can get over MM and find someone like him who is available and who loves me and whom I can actually have a family and spend the rest of my life happily with?

 

In my saner moments, I would really like to go back to being a normal person with a normal relationship and not feeling so guilty that I don't want to go to church.

 

I still can't help wishing that I had met MM first.. I think we would have been very happy together.. But what's past is past...

[Eighty_nine]

I'm trying hard to make myself accept that things will end soon between us but it's so very, very hard when I love him so much. Its so tiring crying myself to sleep these days...

 

In my saner moments, I would really like to go back to being a normal person with a normal relationship and not feeling so guilty that I don't want to go to church.

 

I still can't help wishing that I had met MM first.. I think we would have been very happy together.. But what's past is past...

 

If you know that it's coming (and I think you're right), why don't you take some control and power over your own life and end things first?

 

And you are right... being in an affair or even just a bad relationship does take away your ability to function as a "normal" person. Don't you want that? Won't the inevitable suffering of a break-up with him be worth the eventual normalcy?

 

From experience, it is. The pain is so intense it's hard to stand at times. But it subsides, as does everything, and it's worth it.

Edited March 9, 2015 by lissvarna

[Versailles]

Hi lissvarna, you're right and I probably should take things into my own hands and initiate the breakup first. But I just can't bear to... I really love MM very much.. I just want to hang on to him as long as possible and treasure every moment we have together..

[Versailles]

My situation is unfortunately beginning to get more complex now... While MM and I continue like nothing has changed, we know things are changing (MM's mother in law, my divorce) and there's also a seating change in the office which now makes it very inconvenient for me to go and look for him..

 

The news is more or less out in the office that I'm divorced and now one of my colleagues in another office has suddenly started emailing or texting me everyday since I met him at a company event last week. MM doesn't know about him since this other guy is based abroad and only came back for the event last week before returning to his home turf.. On one hand I feel like telling MM about him so that MM will be jealous and hopefully spend more time with me, but on the other hand, MM might take this as a sign for him to exit... which do you think is more likely? I'm not considering this other colleague at all and ignored most of his emails unless it relates to work.. (Plus I heard he has a girlfriend already and I am NOT stepping into any other relationships as a third party)

 

The other part that makes my life more complicated is a hole I dug for myself... Met 2 guys (in real life) whom I got to know online while in a bid to distract myself from MM. The attempts completely failed and I couldn't stop thinking of MM at all.. Problem is that now both of them are keen to meet up again and I'm wondering how to avoid them without sounding rude... Or maybe I should continue to meet them and see if they can manage to distract me from MM..

 

Great.. Everything I do seems to revolve only around my MM...

[the_artist_1970]

My situation is unfortunately beginning to get more complex now... While MM and I continue like nothing has changed, we know things are changing (MM's mother in law, my divorce) and there's also a seating change in the office which now makes it very inconvenient for me to go and look for him..

 

The news is more or less out in the office that I'm divorced and now one of my colleagues in another office has suddenly started emailing or texting me everyday since I met him at a company event last week. MM doesn't know about him since this other guy is based abroad and only came back for the event last week before returning to his home turf.. On one hand I feel like telling MM about him so that MM will be jealous and hopefully spend more time with me, but on the other hand, MM might take this as a sign for him to exit... which do you think is more likely? I'm not considering this other colleague at all and ignored most of his emails unless it relates to work.. (Plus I heard he has a girlfriend already and I am NOT stepping into any other relationships as a third party)

 

The other part that makes my life more complicated is a hole I dug for myself... Met 2 guys (in real life) whom I got to know online while in a bid to distract myself from MM. The attempts completely failed and I couldn't stop thinking of MM at all.. Problem is that now both of them are keen to meet up again and I'm wondering how to avoid them without sounding rude... Or maybe I should continue to meet them and see if they can manage to distract me from MM..

 

Great.. Everything I do seems to revolve only around my MM...

 

What kind of vibe are you giving off where unavailable men think its OK to text and contact you? I would seriously look at my boundaries if I were you, especially at work. So you have two guys you met online bidding for you, a MM and a co-worker? Maybe it's time to do some IC to determine where this strong need for attention you have came from and learn how to change. You are in for a world of drama if you continue this cycle.