Lightglowabove Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 So guess what!?? My MM asked me to marry him! His divorce will be final in February and we'll start planning the wedding. After all this...finally!! His kids are thrilled and I am also. I can't wait to share my life with him. Has anyone else ever had a great ending to their MM story? Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 Sorry. Not Me! I have read a few happily ever after stories but some of them went through a lot of adjustments to get there. Poppy Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 Reading your previous posts it seems you are married as well, have you started divorce proceedings yourself? Also, I could not figure out if you are referring to the original MM. It seems you have other OM. Not sure how this addresses your need to have more than one man in your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lightglowabove Posted November 26, 2014 Author Share Posted November 26, 2014 Reading your previous posts it seems you are married as well, have you started divorce proceedings yourself? Also, I could not figure out if you are referring to the original MM. It seems you have other OM. Not sure how this addresses your need to have more than one man in your life. My divorce will be final the end of December. My MM lives in CO but we will make it work. Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 It's so nice to hear a better ending than all the doom and gloom around here. There are a few who ended up with their ap, although not the norm. Best of luck in building a good, solid future. Link to post Share on other sites
herself Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 It's so nice to hear a better ending than all the doom and gloom around here. There are a few who ended up with their ap, although not the norm. Best of luck in building a good, solid future. Could I play devils advocate? I want this to be a happy ending for you... But...I sense a red flag in jumping to marry so soon. Why not take some time, grieve divorce...date eachother? It doesn't make sense to not go through the steps. When I divorced I had left him...moved out of state...moved WAY on. Was no longer in love. Then...when we finally went to court we both hugged eachother and SOBBED. We experienced so much greif after. My friend months later dragged me to a divorce recovery group....I said... No way...I left him...Im not hurting...but guess what? I had SO much pain inside deep down, pushed down...it was healing. They suggested not dating for a year for healing and closure. Cleary the two of you wont stop dating but wouldnt it be nice to just relax, catch your breath, regroup? Also...if your plans are to be together, why is he still living there? Is he with his wife living with her rather? My gut tells me something is off. I hope Im wrong. Im sorry please feel free to disregard my post if need be. I mean well here. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
sagamore Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 Lightglowabove, I mean this to be kind. In your last few posts, a month or so ago before creating this thread, you were grieving over your MM having dumped you out of nowhere, right before your birthday. You said yourself that his behavior was a "red flag" - and that if he did this to you once, he could do it again. You were right. I know you're going to want to dismiss this advice. You'll want to tell me how things have changed since then, etc. But the fact is that he's not even divorced and already he is showing that you can't depend on him. If you want this relationship to survive, you will need to get into intensive couples therapy now (as well as individual counseling) and continue that through the divorce. But even then I don't think it will be enough. I predict that you'll be here in another month or so, heartbroken over his back-and-forth behavior. Think hard about what kind of life you can expect with this man. Very, very hard. I wish you the best. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
FusionCutter Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 For some reason, the word "Forever" always makes me cringe. OP. Just keep in mind your MM promised "together forever" to another woman prior. Just be careful. Good luck in your new life. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 (edited) Why would he propose when neither one of you are even technically divorced/available? Proper order is key and things are terribly out of order here. It's hard to be happy for you when it's not real or even possible yet. What's his hurry? Why couldn't he wait until you were both divorced? And he lives further away? Does that mean you have to move or will he? Do you have kids? Did he end up taking his wife on that vacation last spring? Does he still live with her? Have you seen the D papers? Edited November 27, 2014 by beach 4 Link to post Share on other sites
fellini Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 Actually, you have already being sharing your life with him. One very special part. Don't you think you need to spend say, 15 minutes finding out if in fact you want to share ALL yourself with him? And he with you? Don't you want to find out if picking his nose or scratching his testicles watching Monday night football is going to make you happy? Why is it that people marry, CHEAT - justify it by saying that Marriage wasn't all it was cracked up to be - run into yet another marriage without first deciding who sleeps on the left side of the bed near the window? So guess what!?? My MM asked me to marry him! His divorce will be final in February and we'll start planning the wedding. After all this...finally!! His kids are thrilled and I am also. I can't wait to share my life with him. Has anyone else ever had a great ending to their MM story? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 Comgratulations!!even though the relationship started as infidelity, at least he did not just use you and discard you. Most affairs do not end up like yours. Not to put a damper on your ecstasy but marriages founded on infidelity have a much higher rate of failure than not. You can research that one yourself and you will find that out . Hope you are the exception Link to post Share on other sites
Summer Breeze Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 So guess what!?? My MM asked me to marry him! His divorce will be final in February and we'll start planning the wedding. After all this...finally!! His kids are thrilled and I am also. I can't wait to share my life with him. Has anyone else ever had a great ending to their MM story? DMM and I are together and have been for a few years now. Here's my advice. Go to counseling. Both of you. Together. Apart. He left his W and moved out on his own, started the D, and through it all went to IC. When we started seeing each other I started and we went to CC too. We were both determined to give it our best shot and to not let past mistakes create future ones. It will amaze you the things that are stuck in your mind and could quietly undermine your future together. Realize from the start you might not make it. You'll hear loads of warnings about Rs that start from As and how your chances are slim. So what? What matters is that you give yourselves the best shot at it but know it might not make it. Here's why - it's amazing the pressure you feel once you're in an R that came from an A. You feel that after everything EVERYONE has been through you just can't fail. You must make it work. Guess what? It might not. Don't look for failure but don't ignore it either. DMM and I almost lost it a couple of times and I'll gladly admit the first time I was shocked at how much I didn't want to look like a failure after everything in his life was torn apart. Now I see us in just a regular old R and we're working our very hardest to make it work. We also know if it fails life will go on and we won't stay together because we're so afraid of the way it would look for it to fail. Don't rush too much. This is the first step to a life together so do your best to take a good firm step in the right direction! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 You never really answered one of my questions. Is this the original OM or one of the other ones you have mentioned over the past few years? Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 I ended up with my FMM too. We were very careful about how we did things. I moved across the country with my kids to be near him, we rented a house while he lived in his apartment a few miles away. We dated. We went to therapy. And there WAS tremendous pressure to not fail. It has been several years and we are honestly, truly happy. We work hard at it. We love one another enough to make it work. I can honestly say that my kids adore my guy, i adore him and he us. It is a good life. Things can work if you want it enough. Good luck and congratulations. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 (edited) So guess what!?? My MM asked me to marry him! His divorce will be final in February and we'll start planning the wedding. After all this...finally!! His kids are thrilled and I am also. I can't wait to share my life with him. Has anyone else ever had a great ending to their MM story? Hey Light, I'm just curious about if you're gonna be divorced December and him February why the rush to immediately jump from divorce to a new marriage? Why not have a long engagement and see how things go when you're outside of the A first? It would seem to me that things might have a better chance of working out in the long run if you guys slowed down a bit. Certainly marrying a year from now shouldn't change things but only make the foundation more solid, whereas rushing from divorce to new marriage and planning a wedding within months of your divorce can be a whirlwind where you don't have much time to think things through and then when it calms down you might face issues you hadn't seen. That's my two cents. Edited November 27, 2014 by MissBee 3 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 Why are you saying together forever when neither one of you is even divorced yet? I want to be happy for you but don't you see how completely out of order you're doing things? Get DIVORCED. Date. Get counseling. THEN decide if it's the best decision to marry. How can kids seriously "be happy" about it when Dad isn't even finished being married yet? That sends the wrong message to kids. Gt engaged before you're finished with the marriage? That just screams inappropriate and insecure to me. And are you expected to make that move for him? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
bambiwboone Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 NO, But congratulations. I'm very envious and we got very close. To the point of us figuring out finances and living situations. But he got scared I guess or didn't want me after two years. I am unsure really what the truth in his mind was. I'm sure you give allot of people hope. I'm glad you are happy! Congrats again. Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 So guess what!?? My MM asked me to marry him! His divorce will be final in February and we'll start planning the wedding. After all this...finally!! His kids are thrilled and I am also. I can't wait to share my life with him. Has anyone else ever had a great ending to their MM story? Well, insofar as it could be termed an ending - if anything, it was simply a blip, the story is far from finished - we did. He left the BW, set up home with the kids, and a few months later I joined them. Once the D was finalised, we got M pretty immediately - we'd been living together for several months at that point, and if we wanted to carry on living together, we needed to M for visa reasons. It's worked for us. I'd second the views about counselling, though, if that's not already underway for both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 I'd like to advocate for the MM's child.....you know, the one who had his/her head "slammed into a door" by the MM's BW. What steps have been taken to keep that child safe and in fact all 3 of MM's children safe? Has MM filed for a protective order? Doing so would be a great way to protect them.....and also incidentally to tend to prove the truth of MM's claims, which BTW aren't really passing the sniff test, with me anyway. This is the same MM you've been in push/pull limbo with for at least a year based on my brief perusal of your threads. In April you were enraged that he was taking his whole family to Aruba, including BW. In October you were furious over him ignoring your birthday. Now he's pacified you with a "marriage proposal". You say his divorce will be final in February....does that mean you've seen the actual stamped court papers? Unless you're fairly knowledgeable about the law, you may not be able to tell authentic court divorce papers from those that are....less authentic. Anyone can download a form, fill it out, sign it, and even forge signatures as needed. So yes, there are happy endings for OW and MM in an A. Just not very many. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 All as I can say is good luck.The guy has shown his character and it will be hard because of trust issues. When the newness wears off and all the excitement is gone its easier to do the next time around. I hope it works but have you thought of that? Link to post Share on other sites
glowing Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 I'd like to think we are a happy ever after story Married almost three years, together for 5. I still pinch myself when I wake up next to him every morning. Even with mundane, everyday life and bills and stress and angry exes, it's all worth it in the end. I hope the same for you guys Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lightglowabove Posted December 3, 2014 Author Share Posted December 3, 2014 We will be fine as long as the ex doesn't start any trouble. I can't wait to plan the wedding! Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 I ended up with my FMM too. We were very careful about how we did things. I moved across the country with my kids to be near him, we rented a house while he lived in his apartment a few miles away. We dated. We went to therapy. And there WAS tremendous pressure to not fail. It has been several years and we are honestly, truly happy. We work hard at it. We love one another enough to make it work. I can honestly say that my kids adore my guy, i adore him and he us. It is a good life. Things can work if you want it enough. Good luck and congratulations. This is interesting, could it be that the pressure of leaving has blinded you to future issues. This pressure to prove you made the "right" move can also become a trap. No one wants to be wrong so one would forge ahead rather then admit it. Not saying its the case, its just a very interesting comment. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 (edited) We will be fine as long as the ex doesn't start any trouble. I can't wait to plan the wedding! The ex is the least of your concerns IMO. It seems you glossed over any questions and concerns asking why the rush and why not wait to let things settle? Even with the ex, if you don't want trouble, chances are if you give it time before you two jump to remarry, she'll be less hostile towards it than if it seems like literally before the signature is dried on the divorce papers you all are remarrying. This just seems very rushed to me...almost like you're scared to wait because you're afraid if you don't hurriedly do it things won't last. But I'd rather wait a year personally and see how a normal, open R goes for a year before I jump from one marriage to another. Damn...don't you need a breather? I would. I don't care how crazy I am over a man, I'd hate to make a mistake twice so would much rather give myself more breathing room to do things right the second time around than jump the gun and possibly have two failed marriages under my belt, which could have possibly been avoided. Also: I find the happily ever after notion silly for grown women, esp one who is getting divorced, to think. No one knows if they are happily ever after until you're on your deathbed. Speaking like that makes it seem like you're living in a fairytale and not reality, which is that you can be happy but time alone will tell if it's ever after. And who cares about the ever after? Again why jump the gun to predict into infinity instead of paying attention to the here and now? Edited December 4, 2014 by MissBee 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 We will be fine as long as the ex doesn't start any trouble. I can't wait to plan the wedding! Yeah - wrong priority Start planning for you marriage.... How are you both going to fix the issues that made you go outside your marriage in the first place. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts