Together forever

[Versailles]

Congratulations and I'm glad to hear of at least one more potential happy ending! While I fully agree with the rest who mentioned that you need to consider long term plans and the kids who innocently got caught up in all this, I think you deserve to feel happy and positive too! Just don't overindulge in the joy for now and remember to plan ahead for your future together wishing you all the best!

[AlwaysGrowing]

Together forever and happy ending. Your words, your POV.

 

Do you usually put the cart before the horse?

 

This is the opposite of forever...or together....or the ending.

 

This is the beginning. Nothing has happened to suggest any of those words you have used to describe your situation today.

[No Limit]

at least he did not just use you and discard you.

 

Give it a few months.

 

 

Good luck OP.

[MissBee]

Yeah - wrong priority

 

Start planning for you marriage.... How are you both going to fix the issues that made you go outside your marriage in the first place.

 

Interesting distinction too.

 

OP seems more excited about planning the wedding than the marriage itself , the latter of which is more important.

 

I do hope OP that you take some time to think things through and make sure your priorities are well organized and that you're not being impulsive and caught in these fairytale ways of thinking about "happily ever after" and "can't wait to plan the wedding" over real issues like: blended families, couple's counseling, preventing future infidelity, thinking of how to create a stronger marriage on your second go etc.

[evanescentworld]

A man who divorces his wife and marries his mistress, merely creates a vacancy.

 

if he can cheat with you, he can cheat on you.

 

Just a thought.....

[georgia girl]

lightglow,

 

 

I hope for your sake that this is your "happily ever after." However, I think that you've put the cart before the horse. Its great to be hopeful and excited about a relationship, but it appears this may be a bit premature?

 

 

Divorce, even for people who want the divorce, is extremely hard. You both have a great deal of emotional stuff to go through before you come out on the other end of your divorces. And to that end, it seems like in your previous posts your MM wasn't divorcing? Just please measure all of your hope against your reality so that you're not horribly disappointed.

 

 

Cocorico and Goodyblue - both who ended up with their MM - seem to have great advice for how to make relationships started as an affair work long-term. I would think they would be a great source as you go through the next few months.

[Lightglowabove]

Thanks for all the good wishes for me and my MM. We have our ups and downs but we love each other with all our hearts and we want to be together for life.

 

Hopefully the ex won't interfere since she's not too smart, but we'll see.

[beach]

Thanks for all the good wishes for me and my MM. We have our ups and downs but we love each other with all our hearts and we want to be together for life.

 

Hopefully the ex won't interfere since she's not too smart, but we'll see.

 

Careful there - she may be smarter than you think.

[Lightglowabove]

Careful there - she may be smarter than you think.

 

True true! Just going by what my MM says about her. He hates her to death and thinks she's very dumb - but we will see.

[jellybean89]

hates her to death? Yet took her on a vacation to Aruba? Really?

 

I agree - you are putting the cart way before the horse. It is absurd and immature to propose marriage to someone while married to someone else.

 

Planning the wedding? What is there to plan? Its not a first marriage for either of you - and really, going to the courthouse is just fine.

 

what I don't think you are seeing is that you are rushing head long into something that has the potential to emotionally harm CHILDREN. I think so many OW get caught up in the whole 'competition' with the wife...and like someone else posted....you will overlook all kinds of red neon flags in order to not 'fail' after all the destruction that the affair has caused.

 

If you don't do what is required PRIOR to marrying, you will be in the same position as his alleged soon to be ex wife is....married to a cheater who is proposing to his mistress.

 

STOP and slow down. There is NO rush to wed. Both of you need to grieve the ending of marriages and deal with the issues that lead to cheating.

 

You are doomed to repeat history if you don't get to the roots of the issues.

[Lightglowabove]

hates her to death? Yet took her on a vacation to Aruba? Really?

 

 

.

 

Yup! A lot can change in 9 months - BELIEVE ME!

[beach]

I'm hesitant to think this will go well moving forward.

 

How come you have to be the one to move to where he is? Will you have work and a way to support yourself when you move there?

[Lightglowabove]

It's as pink and fluffy as candy-floss, and has about as much substance....

 

Believe what you will and I'm more willing to think positive of our outcome than think negative. We are working together on this and I thank all of you who have supported me. Yes, we have our distinctive problems and are working towards solutions. Just because I don't go into detail nor answer all questions, doesn't mean I'm not thinking of everything everyone has said.

 

I know the odds are against us but so far, so good.

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

It's unrealistic to claim his ex is the source of all your problems. Do you really think it's going to be smooth sailing once she's gone? This guy dumped you in October; you can't blame the wife for that. Meanwhile, you sound borderline delusional. Even the best relationships take a lot of hard work. You have a tremendous amount of obstacles ahead and you're saying "happily ever after" and "together forever".

 

I'm unsettled by the way you talk about his ex. She's so incredibly stupid and "hates her to death"? Why do you have such a poisonous hatred for someone who never harmed you? It's not healthy or normal.

 

My parents are still together, but I can tell you that of my friends whose parents divorced, the ones who were teens/young adults when it happened took it the hardest. It had a huge impact on their own romantic relationships. Please don't pretend that your children are thrilled by all this. Even if they aren't miserable it's a huge adjustment.

Edited December 8, 2014 by chimpanA-2-chimpanZ

[MuddyFootprints]

Try practicing some grace and class at this point. It will demonstrate a little humanity and maturity on both your parts.

Edited December 8, 2014 by MuddyFootprints

[anika99]

So is he getting custody of his kids or is he just going to abandon them to this crazy BW who slams their heads into doors?

 

 

I've read your past threads and to be honest both of you sound like really poor candidates for having a successful relationship. You are a serial cheater who has had numerous affairs and he is a cheater who changes his mind as often as the weather changes. I'd advise you not to marry him but I don't think I need to because I don't think he's really going to marry you. I still have doubts that he's even going to divorce.

[CALOVELY]

Believe what you will and I'm more willing to think positive of our outcome than think negative. We are working together on this and I thank all of you who have supported me. Yes, we have our distinctive problems and are working towards solutions. Just because I don't go into detail nor answer all questions, doesn't mean I'm not thinking of everything everyone has said.

 

I know the odds are against us but so far, so good.

 

Just remember that a man who bad mouths his wife and mother of his kids the way this guy does really shows the levels he is willing to sink to. Not content to just hurt her with cheating/lying, nope, gotta call her stupid to the OW and talk about how he hates her. That's a special kind of cruel. Hopefully you won't be on the receiving end of this further down the road but remember your post about how you gloated and felt superior if you do.

Edited December 8, 2014 by CALOVELY

[sunshine008]

I've read this whole post and I want to say good luck with the whole situation. I'm not going to pull you down because you have MANY obstacles ahead of you and I wish you good luck with all of them. There are many things to think about but the main thing is to communicate all the time with your MM.

 

That being said, he seems to badmouth his ex and you're caught in the middle. Remember, you only hear one side and it's HIS side. So no one here should make you feel bad about things you "hear" about his ex. This is such a common misconception. You hear bad things and assume she's bad. But it's HIS opinion, so keep that in mind. I don't believe you think the ex is the source of your problems...you never said that. And I also don't believe you're gloating and feel superior (it actually sounds like HE is). But, take everything your MM says about her with a grain of salt. Remember, HE said these things, not you.

 

Hopefully, you will have a happy ending to your story and I'm routing for you. Because from all these posts on this specific forum, that ending is few and far between.

Edited December 13, 2014 by sunshine008

[truncated]

If I were in your position, I would be asking him to attend counseling on his own before he even thinks of marriage. The fact that he is willing to jump in to it so fast is really troubling. The same could be said for you as well. Ask yourself what the rush is.

 

Ask him ( and yourself as well)why he wants to get married so quickly. No one is saying you have to stop seeing him, just that you both need time to settle psychologically before getting married again. If you look at it in terms of wanting to have the best possible long term outcome for your relationship, it just makes sense.

[Lightglowabove]

Sunshine, you are right. Those are his words, not mine. I actually talked to her two times, and she was fine.

 

Truncated, he started counseling so thank you for that suggestion. I think that can only help us in the long run. You're right, we have much to think about and get through and being hurtful to people doesn't help anything.

[Cali408]

Congratulations, I hope it's everything you hope it to be!

[Poppy47]

True true! Just going by what my MM says about her. He hates her to death and thinks she's very dumb - but we will see.

 

That's a very disrespectful thing for either you or him to say about his wife.

 

It sounds to me like you are gloating because you have won some great prize. I would be very careful of him.

 

If he says that about her.... what's in your future my dear?

 

Remember there IS no honour among thieves.

 

Poppy.

[sunshine008]

That's a very disrespectful thing for either you or him to say about his wife.

 

It sounds to me like you are gloating because you have won some great prize. I would be very careful of him.

 

If he says that about her.... what's in your future my dear?

 

Remember there IS no honour among thieves.

 

Poppy.

 

Poppy, that's my point - Lightglow did not say it, HE did. It is all from his point of view. She has only listened from HIS point of view. His ex could probably be a very nice person and from Lightglow said, she has talked to her and liked her. Don't lump her in with the hideous things he has said. And it doesn't sound like she is gloating. I think HE is!

 

 

Lightglow, be careful of his words. Gather your own opinion and trust your gut.

Edited December 13, 2014 by sunshine008

[jellybean89]

Thanks for all the good wishes for me and my MM. We have our ups and downs but we love each other with all our hearts and we want to be together for life.

 

Hopefully the ex won't interfere since she's not too smart, but we'll see.

 

I would bet when he married his wife, they loved each other 'with all their hearts' and want to be together for life....and see how that has turned out.

 

I know you think you have 'beaten' her and won this great prize - the cheater. Just remember, he has cheated on his love (his wife) and the mother of his kids...and you willingly participated in his betrayal of her....he knows he has a partner in crime with you...and he may one day come to resent you (especially if you are bad mouthing the mother of his kids to him....he may think he can do it <which show how little class he actually has>..but if you do it, he may become defensive of her and that will upset your perfect world).

 

remember the phrases:

 

if he can do it with you, he can do it to you

when a mistress marries the affair partner, there creates a vacancy for the role of mistress.

 

You can't say "he loves me, he won't cheat on me" when he willingly chose to do that to his wife/mother of his kids. The very fact that he 'proposed' to you without being free to actually marry you shows how utterly stupid he is, and for you to accept this proposal, it says a lot about your character.

[Lightglowabove]

I would bet when he married his wife, they loved each other 'with all their hearts' and want to be together for life....and see how that has turned out.

 

I know you think you have 'beaten' her and won this great prize - the cheater. Just remember, he has cheated on his love (his wife) and the mother of his kids...and you willingly participated in his betrayal of her....he knows he has a partner in crime with you...and he may one day come to resent you (especially if you are bad mouthing the mother of his kids to him....he may think he can do it <which show how little class he actually has>..but if you do it, he may become defensive of her and that will upset your perfect world).

 

remember the phrases:

 

if he can do it with you, he can do it to you

when a mistress marries the affair partner, there creates a vacancy for the role of mistress.

 

You can't say "he loves me, he won't cheat on me" when he willingly chose to do that to his wife/mother of his kids. The very fact that he 'proposed' to you without being free to actually marry you shows how utterly stupid he is, and for you to accept this proposal, it says a lot about your character.

 

All duly noted Jellybean, believe me. I have heard this countless times (as many OW have). But if we don't try, we will never know.

 

His divorce will soon be final and mine is already. He lives in CO and is planning to move here with me (with his kids). I don't think I've "beaten" anyone. My life isn't about that. I'll be with him tomorrow and we have tons to discuss. I don't want to go thru life shying away from something I believe in. If it doesn't work out and I get hurt, I get hurt, but at least I know I tried (and that's what MY life is about).

 

I'm taking a break from LS, since he will be here but thanks for listening everyone. Bye!

Edited December 14, 2014 by Lightglowabove