So what're my chances

[phi1618]

My girlfriend of nearly four years and I broke up about 6 weeks ago. I convinced her we could make it work, but she cut that off after about a week. She gave me mixed and strange reasons for the breakup, finally admitting to me that she didn't know why but that she just didn't feel the same way anymore. She gave me the whole "I love you, I'm just not in love with you" thing. Weird thing is, she's always been the one who was way more into the relationship and way more in love than I was. Took me about a year into the relationship--and breaking up with her once--to really truly recognize that I was in love. I'm not sure if she has GIGS or what. My friends date some of her friends, and they assure me that she isn't interested in anyone else.

 

After the breakup, I then did about 5 weeks of LC--only texting was to tell her happy bday and to ask her how she wants to go about exchanging our stuff. On the day we agreed to exchange our stuff I asked her if she wanted to catch up for a bit. She agreed to sitting in my car for a few minutes and talking. Because I helped carry her stuff in, that turned into 45 minutes of us talking in her apartment. I'm not sure how long we would have talked if her roommate hadn't come home. We then talked for about 15 more minutes outside and she said she enjoyed talking to me and missed me and wanted to go somewhere to talk more but said that that isn't fair to me. When I briefly asked how she was feeling about the breakup, she told me she felt like she was just in a weird place right now and that she was trying to be careful not to give me mixed signals (if she doesn't have mixed feelings, why would she have to try not to give me mixed signals?). She also said it was really good seeing and talking to me but also very hard because it made her think of our past.

 

Anyway, that was about a week ago and we haven't talked since. I am very much still in love with her and still want her back, despite trying to move on. What's my next step? Is there a chance to get her back?

[Invictus01]

You only have on move here - disappear. And see if she misses you enough to come looking for you. That's all you got here man.

[chados]

do not send her texts. do not wish her happy birthday.

 

same **** happened to me and she never really broke up. its over but always sent me these signals that it might work in the future. and she even said she

 

loved me so much still. that she wanted it to work out. she needed space. this is not the last time we will talk etc etc. i even told her im letting you go now while she replied after 15 minutes that i pressure her to make a decision right away. she then waited an hour for me to reply to this. she wanted the upper hand, she wants a break/breakup but she still wants to feel that maybe in the future.

 

 

listen, its normal to go through crisis when you have to make a huge decision in life or when you feel stuck in life because of someone else.

 

a person that doesnt love you at all anymore and the relationship was a good one tend to choose LC to let you know that they dont hate you and that they care about you. a person that loves you and just wants to explore things in life tend to stop contacting you because they are so confused and its to hard for them to talk to you.

 

 

i think you need to completely get out of her life and let her do mistakes. i've seen a woman having a 10 year relationship. she left him because he started to sit in the couch to much and life wasnt as exciting. well now she dated a douche, and then a super nice guy. but she always looks back and you can tell she isnt happy. she wants that person back but its to late.

[phi1618]

Update:

 

I stumbled into a conversation with her the other day. We caught up, but then the conversation turned to the breakup (bad I know, but in the moment it’s very hard to stop it from happening). Anyway, she told me that, prior to the breakup, she felt like we had forgotten about putting each other first and had forgotten about “the little things, the most important things.” Seemed very said/reminiscent.

 

Later on she told me that she’s "in a really weird place right now" because she's going through some "quarter-life crisis" and "needs space to figure herself out and to figure out her place here." To be fair, we both did graduate from college last May and enter the real world. She's living in a new city on the other side of the country from her hometown. Few of our undergrad friends live in that city, so I know she's been trying really hard to make friends. Unfortunately, I'm about 2 hours away in grad school (I live in the same city as her the rest of the year).

 

I’m not putting too much stock in the sad/reminiscent part of the conversation. Of course she’s sad, we dated for a really long time and truly loved each other. I’m more curious about the quarter-life crisis. Anyone ever gone through something similar? Is she hinting that when she does have things figured out that we may start dating again? Or is it a cop-out answer, and she really just doesn’t want to tell me the truth—that we’re over for good and she isn’t looking back?

[dumbass2]

Just curious, how do you stumble on to a conversation?

[phi1618]

She called me regarding an insurance claim. I interned in insurance in college and my dad has worked in insurance for years. I know the claim is legitimate--not some made up reason for her to contact me. I didn't read into it.

[chados]

She called me regarding an insurance claim. I interned in insurance in college and my dad has worked in insurance for years. I know the claim is legitimate--not some made up reason for her to contact me. I didn't read into it.

 

 

 

so whenever a problem comes up in the relationship she leaves you? i believe this is something that either has been going on for a while or shes just having a crisis where she has no idea whats important in life and yes it takes time to figure that out sometimes. you cant do anything but move on.

 

if you let go you will heal faster and definitely increase the chances of getting back together. nobody is more important then yourself.