when bringing the subject "marriage" up to my man, he runs away....

[maja]

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We live together and love each other deeply. We talk about being with one another in the future, but every time I bring the “marriage” subject up, he runs away. He’s very career driven and plans on being a multi corporation owner. He is already a CEO…..Anyhow, when we first met, he told me he doesn’t want to get married till he’s 35 which is 6 years from now. At first it didn’t bother me, but lately I hear it more and more. The other day, I asked him if he sees his future without me and he ran faster than a bullet. He told me “what kind of trapped question is that?” he didn’t want to answer and when I said maybe it’s because he’s not sure if I’m the one, he kept saying how would I know, that I can’t read his mind, that he loves me and that I should not worry about that at all. What do you guys think? why do men run away from subjects like that?? please try to help me to understand this?

[HoldOn]

Have you ever heard the story:

A man goes to the doctor and he says "Doctor, my arm hurts whenever I lift it." So the doctor says, "Don't lift your arm."

 

So, if your man runs away evry time you talk about marriage, then don't talk about marriage.

 

I think you should not bring it up. He already told you that he doesn't want to get married until he is 35. You can't change a person. He has already made this decision. Did you think he was lying or something.

 

Plus you are already living with him. What incentive would he have to marry you?

 

How old are you, would it kill you to wait 6 years.

 

Nagging him about it will not work. But after you've been dating two years you could tell him how long you'll wait for a ring. Say, I'll wait six more months or something and then I'm gone. But that's not really fair is it, since he told you from the beginning that he wouldn't get married until 35, anyway.

[maja]

Thanks for your reply HoldOn, but i don't understand why you say "what incentive would he have to marry me becasue he already lives me with"! maybe becasue he loves me, or that he can't see himself without me in his life? I mean just becasue he lives with me should not stop him from proposing right? I can wait few years for the wedding but i don't want to wait 6 years for the engagement....that's why i ask, how do i change his mind? See i think the reason why the whole engagment and marriage subject arises and it's becase all of our closest friends are getting married this summer and that subjects lingers around all the time.....

[moimeme]

People who stick to a plan just because are not great deals in my book. If he's already living with you and positive he wants you in his life, then why wait six years? I would only suppose that he's hedging his bets; he thinks maybe he might change his mind at some point but is hanging on to you 'in reserve'.

 

I do think couples should live together, but my caveat is that they do so as part of the engagement and not before.

 

So now you have to figure out whether you're willing to be the reserve gf until he figures out if he actually does want to marry you or if you don't want to take that gamble.

[HoldOn]

Haven't you ever heard the saying ... why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. He already has everything he wants... I am not saying it is a good reason but it is his reason. I am saying that you can't change his mind for him, he has to figure it out for himself. So give him a deadline and if he misses it move out because he'll probably never marry you. Sorry, for being so blunt. Good luck!

[SoleMate]

He runs because he is afraid of the pressure you may put on him to marry. He's been clear about saying that he does not want to marry until he is 35. Whatever his feelings for you are, or your wishes and hopes may be, in his book, they are not enough to make marriage a sensible response.

 

You can ask him to meet your needs. He can then say Yes or No. Then the question is, will you continue to be with a man who puts his plans above your heartfelt need? You provide him most or all of the comforts of marriage that a man enjoys - but he does not provide the reverse to you. Lots of women put up with this deal - I wouldn't. It's a personal choice.