xtopher65 Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 A woman will say or do almost anything to relieve her guilt in times like these. Feeling guilty for women is one of the worst feelings they have. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sober and dry Posted February 8, 2015 Author Share Posted February 8, 2015 towardthefuture she can try to make her backup plan but I hope that's not going to happen. But if this is just the only thing I can get out of the meeting, damn that was 3 ****ing hours wasted... I don't know anything about what happened to that dude and at this point I couldn't care less with that. The coffee meeting was my idea. xtopher65 I wouldn't care if this was some kind of guilt relief for her, but if it was good for her. I mean she can have it, her emotion or lack of it doesn't hurt me that deep now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sober and dry Posted April 22, 2015 Author Share Posted April 22, 2015 (edited) I have already opened 4 topics and don't know were to post this but I need to get it out there somehow... Guess what, again?... Yeah I lay down again on the road to get run over a little more. I'm seriously starting to think that I need some help or something like that. Unfortunately I think that I don't have the means for it. Last time I saw her was one month ago, and this week would be (again) one month of NC, plus 21 and 22 of all months are always hard days for me because it was our day. I still don't have the strength needed to go through this days without doing something stupid... So today after the gym I thought that I had seen her and her mother passing by me on their car. It was the last straw and toke away my last strength and I msg her... This was our messaging. Me: Hi, how have you been? So you pass by me and didn't said nothing... Bad vibe... Her: Hi. Not good... And you? Seriously? Sorry... Where was it? Me: What's up? I'm good. Well sincerely I think it was you and your mother in the car, but it was very fast so I'm not sure. It was that or just wishful thinking. Her: Oh well, just a lot of work... I'm very tired... Lol was it today? I think it was just wishful thinking, I'm still at the office Me: That's too bad... Good luck then. Yes, just some minutes ago, so it's clear... Shame on me then... Her: (work talk) eh none of that, no shame on you... Me: (work talk) Yes, clearly shame on me... You have not left my head yet, what do you want... Shame on me. Her: (work talk) Yeah I know what it's... Shame on me too... Me: You too?! Damn we are good then... 21 and 22 I spend the night just dreaming about you, what do you think about it?... How can we take care of that? xD Her: Lol. You too?! It's simple, we just don't sleep those days xD Me: Sorry love, it makes me feel even worst, no good. We really need to have some solution for this... It's terrible... Me (again lol): I remembered that song, sleeping with ghosts you know. Do you want to share your dream? Her (1h later): I believe it... sleep for me is a concept that doesn't exist... Cut the head, is it a plausible solution?? Me: Right, I understand, fortunately the body just shuts down and eventually you fall a sleep, sooner or latter. It looks like we are on the same boat, however it seems that neither of us have any other option than just get trough all of this... Damn, we look like just two kid who lost their first love. Hmm it doesn't seem very practical or efficient, either way, if you find out any way please let me know. I can't understand what the hell are we doing to our lifes but well, show must go on. End of time for my stupidity broadcast, don't want to disturb you anymore, I just didn't want to share this with anyone I know so you were the only one left. 1h went by and I just hope she doesn't answer me and we don't talk again for at least a little more then a month... wtf... EDIT: Nop I'm wrong again, we continue so I will update this once we stop... At least just for my "journal". Edited April 22, 2015 by sober and dry Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 What is your plan, what are you trying to accomplish with this? Are you trying to win her back, or trying to be her bitch? I wish the best for you and hope that you figure this out, Because I can't tell from these texts what you're all about. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sober and dry Posted April 23, 2015 Author Share Posted April 23, 2015 What is your plan, what are you trying to accomplish with this? Are you trying to win her back, or trying to be her bitch? I wish the best for you and hope that you figure this out, Because I can't tell from these texts what you're all about. Well DrReplyInRhymes that's the rub. I don't have any plan nor am I trying to accomplish nothing with. At worst this was just me unloading on her as she always asked me to since the BU. I just said what I wanted without thinking of her feelings or regretting it, like I never did with her in this last 8 years. Why do you say that I'm trying to be her bitch? At the worst option (I think that could be a veryyyy long stretch), at least in my mind at this point, if I'm trying to get her back I'm, at the same time, sabotaging myself, so that may be not bad at all. It may be hard for someone who doesn't know me very well to notice it but, I have a very wicked way of saying some things, so please understand that in this bolded parts I'm truly being very sarcastic and ironic. Also, just to let you know, this wasn't drunk texting. This is the full version with my sarcasm and irony bolded. Just as a curiosity, we developed this wicked way of using sarcasm and irony together, that's why she uses the exact same terms that I did (and vice-versa) as a acknowledgment. Me: Hi, how have you been? So you pass by me and didn't said nothing... Bad vibe... Her: Hi. Not good... And you? Seriously? Sorry... Where was it? Me: What's up? I'm good. Well sincerely I think it was you and your mother in the car, but it was very fast so I'm not sure. It was that or just wishful thinking. Her: Oh well, just a lot of work... I'm very tired... Lol was it today? I think it was just wishful thinking, I'm still at the office Me: That's too bad... Good luck then. Yes, just some minutes ago, so it's clear... Shame on me then... Her: (work talk) eh none of that, no shame on you... Me: (work talk) Yes, clearly shame on me... You have not left my head yet, what do you want... Shame on me. Her: (work talk) Yeah I know what it's... Shame on me too... Me: You too?! Damn we are good then... 21 and 22 I spend the night just dreaming about you, what do you think about it?... How can we take care of that? xD Her: Lol. You too?! It's simple, we just don't sleep those days xD Me: Sorry love, it makes me feel even worst, no good. We really need to have some solution for this... It's terrible... Me (again lol): I remembered that song, sleeping with ghosts you know. Do you want to share your dream? Her (1h later): I believe it... sleep for me is a concept that doesn't exist... Cut the head, is it a plausible solution?? Me: Right, I understand, fortunately the body just shuts down and eventually you fall a sleep, sooner or latter. It looks like we are on the same boat, however it seems that neither of us have any other option than just get trough all of this... Damn, we look like just two kid who lost their first love. Hmm it doesn't seem very practical or efficient, either way, if you find out any way please let me know. I can't understand what the hell are we doing to our lifes but well, show must go on. End of time for my stupidity broadcast, don't want to disturb you anymore, I just didn't want to share this with anyone I know so you were the only one left. New update How funny it's, as soon as I post here that she didn't replied me she does... So this is the update, sorry... Her: Yes, eventually the body shuts off but the head never shuts down... Unfortunately that's also what I think and how I see the same things... You don't disturb me, don't say that. I understand, besides, nobody can understand it... And I like you to share it with me... Me: Very well, that's interesting, it shows that in fact there really was some connection between us and that, curiously, we still on the same page or something like that. Just as the song I told you before "soulmate dry your eyes cause soulmates never die", or just don't exist... All of this is in fact very sad but it can be good to wake up for life and stop believing in a pink world or in santa claus, at least for me. True, nobody around me can understand anymore, either way I doubt my mental sanity long long time ago, so maybe the other persons are right. It's virtually impossible or at least very rare that a single person can hold a reality that no one else sees and I think this says a lot about "us", it simply took us a looooooot of time to give up or something like that. I think that I'm just disturbing you with this because I'm just saying sh*t and at best I'm just relieving your guilt or just making you move even further from me. On second thought, maybe that is why you like me to share this. Her: Please you can doubt a lot of things, but never doubt that there was in fact a connection between us. There still is or we would not be having this conversation... I still think soulmates exist and I lost mine, just like as I totally lost my mental sanity. Or something like that... You are not disturbing me, I always liked to know what you think. And you are not relieving nothing, as I already told you I live with my guilt and I choose to live with it all days. And you are not moving me even further... And that's what it's. I think she totally missed my point and her mask FINALLY fell off. I have not yet decided if I will reply her, I think I wont but if I do I will just keep my inversion. It would be something like: "Yes, the only thing I don't doubt is there was something between us, but for everything else, I'm sorry or maybe not, but as for now, I do. Well, as I told you before if you don't choose to be happy and live without all of that I won't speak to you." After reading my possible response I think that I will not send it because it serves no purpose to me. Tomorrow I will decide. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 Dude....... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sober and dry Posted April 23, 2015 Author Share Posted April 23, 2015 Dude....... Lol, what? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 Lol, what? All of it. It's just cringeworthy man. You need to summon up some self-respect and dignity and stop chasing and kissing her ass. You've been doing this crap for months -- stop. Show some modicum of self-control. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sober and dry Posted April 23, 2015 Author Share Posted April 23, 2015 All of it. It's just cringeworthy man. You need to summon up some self-respect and dignity and stop chasing and kissing her ass. You've been doing this crap for months -- stop. Show some modicum of self-control. Wth... Why you say that I'm chasing and kissing her ass? I thought that I was just coming down on her. If I'm this time I really can't even see it... Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 Wth... Why you say that I'm chasing and kissing her ass? I thought that I was just coming down on her. If I'm this time I really can't even see it... Dude, you're talking about dreaming of her -- if that's not chasing, I don't know what is. Every time you respond with this stuff, you're just being your own worst enemy. I don't get why you continue to go down this rabbit hole time and time again. Just don't respond. There's no need to explain, there's no need to try to coax her into interacting with you a certain way, just stop. Like you've said, you've started multiple threads about this doing the same stuff. Stop communicating. It's not doing you a lick of good -- it's just keeping you in the muck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sober and dry Posted April 23, 2015 Author Share Posted April 23, 2015 (edited) Dude, you're talking about dreaming of her -- if that's not chasing, I don't know what is. Every time you respond with this stuff, you're just being your own worst enemy. I don't get why you continue to go down this rabbit hole time and time again. Just don't respond. There's no need to explain, there's no need to try to coax her into interacting with you a certain way, just stop. Like you've said, you've started multiple threads about this doing the same stuff. Stop communicating. It's not doing you a lick of good -- it's just keeping you in the muck. Sorry if I'm behaving like a stone or just stupid, but well, that's just how I am now. I do see why you would think that it was chasing, but I simply said the truth without trying to get something out of it (I think). Believe me when I say that now and during this last texting I really don't give a pee about what she is thinking/doing or whatever, I just said what I wanted and also got something I wanted. Maybe that something is in truth nothing or despicable but it made me fell good. As matter of fact I think I just, unintentionally, ended up giving her some breadcrumbs and getting some kind of ego boost if I can say that. Maybe I'm just all messed up and I just don't see what I'm truly doing. You know what would be perfect? She blocks me or anyhow I can't contact her by any means... Any way I will not send her nothing, at least until the next brain fart I guess... wtf... Funny, I talked about the other threads because I couldn't decide where to post this posts and ended up posting here. But I never thought that all of those threads I'm just doing the same stuff. Bottom line is, all of you must be right but I just can't see/do it. I'm sorry, thank you all for the patience. Edited April 23, 2015 by sober and dry Link to post Share on other sites
Author sober and dry Posted May 7, 2015 Author Share Posted May 7, 2015 (edited) I figure out what was I doing the last time we texted. Simon Phoenix you were right, I was just trying to push her buttons knowing that now she couldn't do what she used to do when we where together and that made me feel good. Yes, it's maybe a lot childish, mostly stupid and apparently unnecessary. I know that know. Funny thing, I read someone here saying that after some time, memories start to fade and I was like "hum?!". Well that's true and I'm starting to feel it. Some days ago I found myself grasping a particular memory and after trying to I was not able to get it back. Today I found myself trying to remember the last time I saw her and guess what? It took me literally hours to remember the date. Pretty crazy right? Well in fact I don't care if it's sick or weird or whatever, I just know it's good for me and that's all that matter! I do not blame her or me for what I will say next, it's just factual and the lesson is, I most never forget the next things I'm going to say. A friend of mine I didn't saw for more then 5 years (because of her in a way) said a lot of stuff about life and this kind of situation that was true in a very harsh way! It made me a lot of good. I think it made me take a huge step ahead and I'm starting to fell better and seeing a lot of good and kind of new things in my life! Believe it or not the BU is making me learn and re-learn a lot of good things. Some of them things I had lost and forgot because of her or myself in the RS. In short: I'm seeing a whole new perspective in my life! Besides many other thing this is what I think the most important: I'm starting to really appreciate the love of all my friends. They have helped me a lot along this path and keep doing so, but now in a very different way. By just having fun with me and making things together like friends are suppose to do! I had long forgot what this all means and it's making my life a lot better! I'm appreciating the single life in many ways. Not because of the possibility of dating other womens, in fact I'm not eager at all to do it! I'm appreciating the freedom of the single life and seeing that I have lost a lot of it in this last years. Always sucked up by the RS and this girl, only. Now I can do whatever whenever I want, I'm the owner of my life right now and I'm starting to take full control of it! Alone, better and good I know that it's possible to go downhill again but I will try not to and keep appreciating this new smooth sailing from here on out! What you think of that? Edited May 7, 2015 by sober and dry Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 As long as you stay out of contact with your ex, I think you're on the right track. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sober and dry Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 Well I have some more "dumb" questions... I know that I shouldn't worry about this but I think it's probably best to have a "plan". My b-day is coming. In a conversation we had after the BU she said that she cares about it a lot and at other time she talked like she wanted to get me a specific gift, a damn CD that I would probably love to have but not from her. This is probably BS and I know it's best for me not to heard a single word from her and worst still to see her. So for the first part it's easy, I can just block her mobile number (that's all she have left unblocked) but what can I do if she appears out of nowhere? I don't want to be rude and say something like "yeah, yeah, go fff yourself..." and trash the said gift in front of her (even worst that would be what she wants from me apparently)... I can't force her to give me a safe distance (maybe mace would help or a taser) So, seriously, what can I do? If she appears what can I do? Any ideas? Her family and friends are not blocked anywhere and I guess some of they will probably say something as usual, should I block them too? I can only hope that my friends kidnap me out of the blue that day But I spend this last 8 years kicking them out to the curb to spend all my b-days with only that nice person so they probably wont even notice it's my b-day... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sober and dry Posted May 21, 2015 Author Share Posted May 21, 2015 Anyone? I would appreciate some ideas please! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sober and dry Posted May 24, 2015 Author Share Posted May 24, 2015 Today I had a unexpected test... I went to a shopping mall with a friend to buy some footwear for me. As we are going from shop to shop a familiar shape appeared in front of me. I instantly recognized it, it was her mother. After a second look I also saw her grandparents and her little cousin... My heart rate exploded as I saw them and pass by them far away as possible. I immediately got off the mall to get a smoke and relax. I was felling a turmoil but eventually, with the help of my friend I went back and bought the nicest footwear I ever had! After all it was hard... I do thank god because she was not there, it would have been much harder! I felt bad for not even saying "hello" to them, but well I think it would be even harder to do so, I guess it's a win for me. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Today I had a unexpected test... I went to a shopping mall with a friend to buy some footwear for me. As we are going from shop to shop a familiar shape appeared in front of me. I instantly recognized it, it was her mother. After a second look I also saw her grandparents and her little cousin... My heart rate exploded as I saw them and pass by them far away as possible. I immediately got off the mall to get a smoke and relax. I was felling a turmoil but eventually, with the help of my friend I went back and bought the nicest footwear I ever had! After all it was hard... I do thank god because she was not there, it would have been much harder! I felt bad for not even saying "hello" to them, but well I think it would be even harder to do so, I guess it's a win for me. Why dont you go back dating? You need to give those women a real chance and not comparing them to your Ex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sober and dry Posted May 24, 2015 Author Share Posted May 24, 2015 I appreciate the advice lolablue but I don't feel in proper shape to do it. For example last weekend I was on a night out with a group of friends and I met 2 new hot girls that was with us, yet I didn't felt any interest... Maybe I need to force myself, IDK... Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 I appreciate the advice lolablue but I don't feel in proper shape to do it. For example last weekend I was on a night out with a group of friends and I met 2 new hot girls that was with us, yet I didn't felt any interest... Maybe I need to force myself, IDK... I cannot know instead of you, of course. You only do what you feel is right for you. You shouldn't force youself, but maybe "hot girls is not what you need. Maybe you need to upgrade the level of women you meet. Instead of "hot girls in a bar", look for a decent quality woman. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sober and dry Posted May 24, 2015 Author Share Posted May 24, 2015 Yes that's very true. The level of the girls I have met this last months fit in the "hot girls in a bar"... I fell the need to meet decent quality womans, that is very true also. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author sober and dry Posted June 9, 2015 Author Share Posted June 9, 2015 (edited) So, my b-day today and I was right in what I said here earlier Her: Hi. I hope everything is fine in there. I just want to wish you a happy b-day. Kisses Me: Yes it's, I hope everything is fine there. Ok, thank you. The only one for a change... Oh well. Kiss Her: I'm glad, around here everything is fine too. Sorry, no matter how much it costs, I was unable to not wish you congrats and the best of all, as much cliché it can be... Tomorrow there will be more, you will see Me: A lot of things change others not at all, but everything is fine I live well with everything now one thing, I would like to talk to you about some things that I have in my house it can be personally, by sms or not at all, your choice Her: It's not true... I have learned that we can't live well with everything, at all... Ok, to me it's however you wish, we can meet or talk by sms. It can be as you wish Me: I think it's interesting how we swapped our life postures with each-other, any way I will keep telling you what I have told you before some times now, there are two ways, accept it or fight it. Easier said than done but it's what it's, doing nothing about it is ridicules and it's here that we see who have something inside. I could continue to lecture but I think we know each-other all too well to know what would be said from here on out. I think it's better we meet, what you think? It must be soon, sorry. Her: Yes... Ok, is it possible next week? I have a lot of work until next monday... Me: Yes but not later, so if in the meanwhile you know we cant meet next week please let me know and we take care of it any other way. Good luck to that Her: Ok. Thanks. Have fun I loved her cold, empty answers and her drama thing because now I see it for what it's I suppose. A cold, heartless person with a need to make a drama out of her own ****, isn't it? Unfortunately I guess the same can be said about me but it's not what I want to be... Oh well, let's move on! She wished me a happy b-day and so I used it to have a little convo. This week I'm going through all my clothes and I already found out a costume of her. I also would like to find out a g-string of hers xD as it's all I know that I still have from her. I want to give her clothes if she wants it and let her choose from "our stuff" that I still have home because I want to trow it all to the garbage ASAP. Maybe I could have thought it better or asked for opinions but I think you all are tired of me and my stubbornness... Any way I would love any opinion in this and I have a question, what's the best way of doing this? Edited June 9, 2015 by sober and dry Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Why are you talking to her again? I mean dude, why do you keep going in circles and doing the exact same crap? You're the only one holding yourself back at this point. And why are you meeting with her? Dude, it's really hard to want to help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. It's like laundry -- wash, rinse, repeat. I'm not sure what you are asking, but if you want to get rid of stuff just send it to her without an announcement or donate it to charity. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sober and dry Posted June 10, 2015 Author Share Posted June 10, 2015 (edited) I'm truly sorry Simon, I know what you mean with trying to help someone who doesn't help themselves and I really appreciate all the inputs. Well I guess that I just kind of snapped with the happy b-day msg and took the opportunity to agree in meeting to give her cloth and also having her choose if she wants some of "souvenirs" she gave me in all this time before I trash them all. I wanted to give her the opportunity of choosing from "our souvenirs" I have from her out of respect to the RS. The same goes for the cloth. I thought that I can be with her without it affecting me much also. The first time I dropped her clothes at her door, but it was an act of need and rage, and I don't see this need or will anymore. Anyway, it was a very, very striking relationship and also a big part of my life 8 years is a lot, 31% almost, but hell, it's just stupid isn't it? Besides now I see that if I go with what I had in mind, it will probably turn into a drama or cold situation and I'm not up for it. Even worst, probably I will be making myself a fool AGAIN... Right? Edited June 10, 2015 by sober and dry Link to post Share on other sites
DexterLS Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Yep. You are being very stupid and you know that already. Have a little dignity and stop all of this crap and concentrate on yourself, for once. 8 years is a lot yes and it's hard. I am in the same situation as you. My girlfriend of nearly 7 years cheated and dumped me for someone else. Of course it's hard and yes I did all the wrong things too but I have had enough. I am not going to chase her again and I hope you do the same. Initiate No Contact as soon as you can and let this go. You will thank us later. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
imbax Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Happy birthday man! Every day is hard as it is. Please refrain from contacting her unless she wants back in 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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