anne1707 Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 So you only now do what you have said you would do repeatedly over the last 18 plus months. Why is it different now? What has changed that will make you keep to full NC now when you haven't before? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted January 7, 2015 Author Share Posted January 7, 2015 Ive been in NC most of the year. Saw them once in April. When did he randomly text me November and now saying that they'd split? Because I can't stand him honestly & ive got no wish to be involved with him. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 But whenever he texts you, you respond. You did it in November. You have done it now. You respond every time he starts contact again. This is not NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted January 7, 2015 Author Share Posted January 7, 2015 I didnt respond Friday or yesterday. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 But you HAVE responded to him in since he texted you after the marriage split. Stop splitting hairs Betsy. You are still not doing NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted January 7, 2015 Author Share Posted January 7, 2015 Yes very vaguely. And now never again. I'm not really here to argue anne. I get maybe people are bored of my posts. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 It's frustrating because the story never changes. I wish you could finally be strong Betsy for your sake and the sake of your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Selfish Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 Yes very vaguely. And now never again. I'm not really here to argue anne. I get maybe people are bored of my posts. Do you post to entertain people? You have said the samr thing over and over again for 18 months. Prove us wrong this time. Come back in three months and let us know you in know way had a back door open for him to contact you. There is a part of me that thinks despite the fact you may not like him as a person you enjoy the fact he wants you. Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 Hang in there Betsy, do the best you can. Sometimes it takes a while to work up the nerve to escort someone from our life. It sounds like it has been some time of no contact before this. Just get back on the wagon, it will be ok. Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 HI Betsy, Don't "escort " him from your life, give him a great big boot in the bum. You sound as though you want to be polite to him when he texts. I could be wrong. While you keep replying, no matter how infrequently, he will keep contacting. That is the only message some MM understand. I know you are trying hard. Poppy. Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 One of the messages I ignored was ' the French love it I thought you'd be all over it' He was talking about porn on the telly Made me quite sick the way he thinks that he can speak to me, we haven't spoken in months. Ugh I'm so annoyed that I answered . What the hell was wrong with me?? Must of lost my mind. And he's an ugly git. This caught my attention. Betsy, very generally there are only two circumstances where someone can say something sexually offensive to you. The first - which doesn't apply here - is that the person doesn't know you well and either misread or ignored signals of how far he/she could go with you without offending you. In that case, shame on him/her. But, if the person knows you and engages in offensive language with you, they are seeking positive reinforcement. That is, even if you react negatively, you will respond. They do it deliberately and manipulatively, so again, shame on them. But here's where you also shoulder some responsibility. At some point you engaged in this behavior with him. Maybe at some point, dirty talk was a part of your repartee with him or maybe he could always get you to have a strong response when he used offensive language. Either way, you have the ability to deter the behVior permanently by either making the response so aversive to him that it's no longer desirable for him to do so (which could be difficult) or by simply turning off your response. Let me explain. I had a friend who disliked another friend in our group. In one on one conversations she would disparage the other friend. Now, she had good reason to be upset but her fight was not my fight. One stinking time, I listened sympathetically. That set her off to every interaction, she would invariably turn the conversation. I decided I had enough. The next time she tried it, I ended the conversation by saying I had to go and got off the phone. The next time we were together and she started, I made an excuse and left. The next time, I changed the subject. I did it every single time for long enough that she finally got the message. She could deliver the stimulus all she wanted, there would be no response. She hasn't squeaked about the other friend to me for years. I suspect you don't like his language but you like the attention so I not sure you will shut this down. But if you want to, that's how to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
irishguy Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 I think its time you got a new number .easily done 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 How far do you think he'll go? I'm assuming he knows your husband and knows where you live. Add to that he is no longer married and doesn't have anything to lose. Aren't you worried he could blow all of it up to smithereens?? You seem to be unusually calm for someone who is being harassed by a now single and available AP 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted January 11, 2015 Author Share Posted January 11, 2015 How far do you think he'll go? I'm assuming he knows your husband and knows where you live. Add to that he is no longer married and doesn't have anything to lose. Aren't you worried he could blow all of it up to smithereens?? You seem to be unusually calm for someone who is being harassed by a now single and available AP I have thought about this. His behaviour has been really weird and not like him. I didn't like his tone. I find it all really odd and I wonder why he WAS talking like something was still going on when there wasn't. I do hope that he doesn't try to come to my house or anything like that, I know that break ups can drive people crazy. But I'm not involved with him he certainly wouldn't have been doing this all the time had his wife not of left him. I'm so glad I've blocked his number. I owe him nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 I think the problem is you have continued to engage this guy. You sure say things that allude to a continued relationship. You say it was over, but you've maintained contact with him the entire time. You say you have done or will do things that you won't follow through on. Honestly ask yourself, why would he think it was over while you continued to engage him? Even if you were saying its over, your actions were saying NO ITS NOT OVER. This guy is a loose cannon and he will likely drop the dime and tell your husbands, ask yourself "what does he have to lose" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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