Tigerman Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 (edited) I was on here a LONG time ago,got over her and dated someone else...who was SO much better then the last GF. Anyway..I will try and explain it as best as I can but try and keep it short.We dated for over 2 years..shes 57..i"m 57.She has 3 children,2 moved out with one in college.Now we started out slow,made sure thing's were to both out lining and moved forward.She would spend the night's with me when her son was home from college..( Don't ask..a RULE of here's..) I just think she didn't want to see her son that she moved on from his Dad.....ANYWAY,thing's were ok then during a talk one afternoon I asked her why she found it so difficult to say I love you sometimes..she admitted she loved me BUT kept me at arm's length...HUH..? wth does that mean..?.. LOL.. When I first told her I loved her..( after about 9 months of dating..) she looked at me and said she wasn't ready to say it back BUT don't ever stop saying I LOVE YOU to her..!! I never did stop saying it to her....( Yes I know..this story is going all over the place...lol..). She always wanted a few night's during the week to herself which I kinda understood but didn't,sometimes because she would say.." I love coming home to see you here.." strange...Seems thing;s started to fall apart but I can't pinpoint one thing...a lot of small thing's I guess. ANYWAY I packed my stuff up and left her because she never made sense in the thing's she would say.." You have so much patience with me..then say some thing like.." Your so quick to judge.." She would ask sometimes what I was thinking because I was so quiet sometimes and I would always tell her.." Let me make sure I get the words right and how I want to say it BEFORE I say something wrong and start a fight"...NO,she would say..I want to know NOW..HUH..? Again..I thought it better that we end it and move one...emails went on off and on for over 3 months..I kept writing it's over.I don't know who you are. Well over a dozen times I asked her to stop writing and finally she did...then after about 1 month she tells me her son was in a car accident and I asked of he was ok and we talked for a few days.I realized it was a mistake and AGAIN said please don't write to me. She found out was having some small health issue's and rushed over to see how I was..( I did have to go to ER..) and again,we talked.AND again another letter stating.."PLEASE,NO MORE writing..!!" I found out she had breast cancer and told her through a friend I would pray for her and hoped she made it through. Well guess what..? she start's emailing AGAIN asking for a final FACE TO FACE to talk about what went wrong or if we can't agree...then agree to disagree...I am so lost with this I honestly don't know what to do.I kinda know this will just end up to a finger pointing argument but there are SO many thing's I would LOVE to say to her..." ( HOW can you say you love someone then keep then at ARM'S length like you stated..??!?!?!? What do you think that does to a relationship your trying to build on...!?!?!?"...) Will I get an honest answer..?? who know's.... Ok ladies and gent's..I leave my fate in your ideas....Let me know what you think and why... Edited November 28, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator paragaphs Link to post Share on other sites
chados Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 I was on here a LONG time ago,got over her and dated someone else...who was SO much better then the last GF. Anyway..I will try and explain it as best as I can but try and keep it short.We dated for over 2 years..shes 57..i"m 57.She has 3 children,2 moved out with one in college.Now we started out slow,made sure thing's were to both out lining and moved forward.She would spend the night's with me when her son was home from college..( Don't ask..a RULE of here's..) I just think she didn't want to see her son that she moved on from his Dad.....ANYWAY,thing's were ok then during a talk one afternoon I asked her why she found it so difficult to say I love you sometimes..she admitted she loved me BUT kept me at arm's length...HUH..? wth does that mean..?.. LOL.. When I first told her I loved her..( after about 9 months of dating..) she looked at me and said she wasn't ready to say it back BUT don't ever stop saying I LOVE YOU to her..!! I never did stop saying it to her....( Yes I know..this story is going all over the place...lol..). She always wanted a few night's during the week to herself which I kinda understood but didn't,sometimes because she would say.." I love coming home to see you here.." strange...Seems thing;s started to fall apart but I can't pinpoint one thing...a lot of small thing's I guess. ANYWAY I packed my stuff up and left her because she never made sense in the thing's she would say.." You have so much patience with me..then say some thing like.." Your so quick to judge.." She would ask sometimes what I was thinking because I was so quiet sometimes and I would always tell her.." Let me make sure I get the words right and how I want to say it BEFORE I say something wrong and start a fight"...NO,she would say..I want to know NOW..HUH..? Again..I thought it better that we end it and move one...emails went on off and on for over 3 months..I kept writing it's over.I don't know who you are. Well over a dozen times I asked her to stop writing and finally she did...then after about 1 month she tells me her son was in a car accident and I asked of he was ok and we talked for a few days.I realized it was a mistake and AGAIN said please don't write to me. She found out was having some small health issue's and rushed over to see how I was..( I did have to go to ER..) and again,we talked.AND again another letter stating.."PLEASE,NO MORE writing..!!" I found out she had breast cancer and told her through a friend I would pray for her and hoped she made it through. Well guess what..? she start's emailing AGAIN asking for a final FACE TO FACE to talk about what went wrong or if we can't agree...then agree to disagree...I am so lost with this I honestly don't know what to do.I kinda know this will just end up to a finger pointing argument but there are SO many thing's I would LOVE to say to her..." ( HOW can you say you love someone then keep then at ARM'S length like you stated..??!?!?!? What do you think that does to a relationship your trying to build on...!?!?!?"...) Will I get an honest answer..?? who know's.... Ok ladies and gent's..I leave my fate in your ideas....Let me know what you think and why... it was a little confusing to read but i assume she didnt give you what you wanted. and i feel like you didnt talk to her about keeping you at arms length. im guessing now but it doesnt feel like she could say she loved you after 2+ years?. maybe she wasnt over her past relationship in a way. i know it sounds strange but even though she probably loves you and is a grown woman she can still have big problems forgetting the past. maybe it was her first love? maybe they were together for 20 years? i dont think you should settle down for anything else then what makes you happy and if you feel that she isnt even trying then i say move on. Link to post Share on other sites
LifeGoesOnMan Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 It doesn't matter how old you are, the game never changes, she doesn't want to commit to you but she expects your commitment in return... Its called being strung along dude. Plz don't take offense to this but you are too old to be playing this game, hell I'm 27 and refuse to play these games with anyone anymore. Life is too short for this kinda non-sense, you should know this by now. Link to post Share on other sites
chados Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 yeah she seems very lonely. something is missing and i dont think its something you blame yourself for. its easy for some people who havent dealt with the past to be confused, am i just lonely and need someone there for me? or do i love this person. i've felt this myself even with someone i liked more then the other person. because it took me probably more then 6 months while dating the new one to realize how much i loved the other person. even if we dont want to be with the first person it can still take a lot of time to get over the fact that they arent there anymore. i wasnt thinking about my ex yet i just wasnt ready. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tigerman Posted November 29, 2014 Author Share Posted November 29, 2014 Should we do a face to face..? She said she will listen...( The responses you all sent was PERFECT..!! )... Link to post Share on other sites
chados Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 Should we do a face to face..? She said she will listen...( The responses you all sent was PERFECT..!! )... Well I mean that's up to you. Do you feel it's worth it? Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 No dude. Trust your gut. Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 If I try to read between the lines.. you still have unsolved feelings in this. Not necessarily romantic feelings, maybe more like bewilderment. You could ignore her completely if you're done. If you don't, then you'd be stringing her along. Even if she contacts you, you have to be cruel to be kind. When you reply, you give her hope. On the other hand if you should consider giving it another chance, this would be my advice: When people get older, they become set in their ways, and less tolerant of different behaviors. Other people's set ways just look like eccentricities to us. And probably vice versa. Then sometimes there really are eccentrics. Maybe not right for you, and you can walk away, but understand there may not have been anything malicious or insincere. In your comment about having to think of the right answer before answering what you're thinking, there is already resentment there. She asked you that question, to get to know what's on your mind, to reach out. This is how women work on the relationship, they ask what you're thinking. You answer, with something that's actually an accusation. Your answer was basically saying she has made you afraid to talk. Then when she countered your accusation with her own form of aggression, insisting on you answering now, then you conclude with "HUH". I think by that time, things are already on the way out. Anyway, the damage is probably beyond repair. That's my opinion. When people start to take little jabs at each other by instinct, at that point it's hard to turn back. So my advice is to ignore her completely. She knows where you stand. So if you just ignore her, she'll know why. If you talk to her, you confuse her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tigerman Posted December 3, 2014 Author Share Posted December 3, 2014 When we first met I told heard that sometimes it takes me time to make sure what i want to say to a question because in my past,I have just quickly answered,leaving people hurt and confused...and she said she will respect that.She would ask me sometimes about what was going on and say.."Well,I will have to change the way I do that.." but in the same day say.."Well I am set in my way's." HUH...?? Talk about confused..Like I asked her .." Are you happier with me in your life or out of your life..?" I don't know she would say...HUH..? There's plenty more examples but I don't know what to say or do... Link to post Share on other sites
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