evanescentworld Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 Next time you run into him, you should look him straight in the eye, don't say one word and don't smile. And then look away. I'd say at this point, if he approaches you, get up and leave, or if you can't and he speaks to you, ignore him, don't look at him, don't respond and make as if he's not there. Do not bow your head to this man ever again. ABSOLUTELY!! Do not bow your head to this man, any man or anyone, ever again!! This is not a person you should ever let have any power over you. What he did was horrible. End of story. Good point. He has power, only IF you decide to give it to him. Make a conscious decision, here, now, that this will never happen again. He's goading you and intimidating you. Well, show him that he never can, and never will. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 How is he approaching you? You said it is a small town. He went to a gas station, just like you did. He went to a bar, again in this small town. You claim his wife doesn't allow him to go out - yet there he was, out. He has made it very clear to you what he think of you - he has TOLD you. Why can't you hear it? Why can't you accept it? Are you still married? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bambiwboone Posted February 14, 2015 Author Share Posted February 14, 2015 I at this point just need support. I have been doing...REAL No contact. I deleted all ways of communication. Deleted my fb and made a new one. I don't go out of my way to run into him. I don't look at his hour or work when I'm forced to drive by it. I don't look at her facebook. I try to distract my mind when it strays away. The last thing he said to me was, " I want to make this clear, the only reason I ever talked to you again was because I was drunk." Well I went out with some girlfriends last night and he was actually at the bar and grill we went to. So decided to stay as we didn't want him being there be relevant anymore. He then left. We proceeded to have a few drinks and was having a great night. Then he came walking back in. He proceeded to just stare me down the hole night. If I looked back he would just smile at me. Seriously? What is wrong with this man? Is he completely screwed up in the head. Anyway, I tried my best to avert any sort of eye contact with him. He would attempt to always place himself where he was in front of me. Eventually, it was to much it was time to go. I went to walk out. I looked back as I put my coat on and he was grinning at me. To be frank, it pissed me off. So I flipped him off and walked out the door:( I feel horrible for being so mean to him. I've been crying all day. But at that point I felt like it was time to stick up for me. I regret that choice today as now I know he will most certainly never speak to me again now. As well as it wasn't very mature. Why was he smiling and staring? I wonder does he want to talk to me again? My mind is all over the place ...any thoughts. My backstory is in the forums as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 You're doing the right thing with NC, this individual sounds like a total @$$h01e. You just need to take NC all the way. Get your girlfriends on board, and if you ever see him under the same roof as you, you leave, preferably with your friends. But if they refuse to come, then I'd recommend leaving on your own. True friends will help you with this. NC works best when it's total. That way you don't have to go through what you endured the other night. Why was he smiling and staring? I wonder does he want to talk to me again? My mind is all over the place ...any thoughts. Go NC so you will have ever decreasing interest or opportunity to consider such questions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Selfish Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 I can relate to this in a small way. And I'll explain some of the possible thought pattern behind it. Having an AP is an ego boost and also a control thing. He wants to be the one to push and pull you. He wants you to want him. It may habe become about the chase now. And the sad thing is he maynot even realize this about himself. That is why when he has you he pushes away. He is a broken person. Stay strong. And remember, like anything, if you break NC don't be too hard on yourself. It is about picking yourself up if you fall. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bambiwboone Posted February 14, 2015 Author Share Posted February 14, 2015 I have never been more destroyed feeling in my life. I wish I could make him feel for even a min how I feel. Then maybe he would just go away It's hard to wish someone away that you really don't wish to go away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bambiwboone Posted February 14, 2015 Author Share Posted February 14, 2015 You're doing the right thing with NC, this individual sounds like a total @$$h01e. You just need to take NC all the way. Get your girlfriends on board, and if you ever see him under the same roof as you, you leave, preferably with your friends. But if they refuse to come, then I'd recommend leaving on your own. True friends will help you with this. NC works best when it's total. That way you don't have to go through what you endured the other night. Go NC so you will have ever decreasing interest or opportunity to consider such questions. They are definitely on board. They hate him with a passion. It's to the point now where they don't really feel sorry for me! Which I get. Someone can only let something happen so many times before they are the dumb ones Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 (edited) I have never been more destroyed feeling in my life. I wish I could make him feel for even a min how I feel. Then maybe he would just go away It's hard to wish someone away that you really don't wish to go away. let him come back when he is single sorry, but candidly, I am looking at the worst sort of husband in him, his wife at home while he goofs around on a night out you are doing well in not colluding with his grinning at you and all that, now wait Edited February 14, 2015 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 I have never been more destroyed feeling in my life. I wish I could make him feel for even a min how I feel. Then maybe he would just go away It's hard to wish someone away that you really don't wish to go away. He said some really horrible things to you previously and you want him back? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bambiwboone Posted February 14, 2015 Author Share Posted February 14, 2015 He said some really horrible things to you previously and you want him back? I don't know if I want him back. I know it hurts when he is gone:( Link to post Share on other sites
Author bambiwboone Posted February 14, 2015 Author Share Posted February 14, 2015 let him come back when he is single sorry, but candidly, I am looking at the worst sort of husband in him, his wife at home while he goofs around on a night out you are doing well in not colluding with his grinning at you and all that, now wait He's not a monster. He can be a really great person. Deep down I can see some good in him. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 Every abused woman believes that her abuser is really a good guy deep down. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 I thought it was awesome that you flipped him the bird! Link to post Share on other sites
Author bambiwboone Posted February 26, 2015 Author Share Posted February 26, 2015 Thank you All. Sorry I tend to come on LS forum and then stray from it because it hurts to read so many stories just like mine. We all want to be one of a kind you know! Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted February 26, 2015 Share Posted February 26, 2015 So does this mean you are back in affair with him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 I have to take breaks from LS as well. It gets to me after a while, and I'm i. A decent spot right now. This is NOT how a healthy relationship forms. Even for an affair, you are being abused. Don't you see that you deserve better than the occasional breadcrumbs of decency he offers you? I have a former friend who constantly gets involved in relationships with either abusers or drunks. She ignores or intentionally overlooks the signs. She's been doing this for 30 years. Married three abusive men. Divorced them. I finally gave up being her friend, she is so desperate for a man she will settle for anything. Don't be that person. Trust me, you will eventually lose all your female friends, since they get tired of the same drama day after day. Link to post Share on other sites
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