...

[SJOYCED]

Well I don't know any of you at all. And maybe this is all a put on but I'd appreciate any input at all from "anyone".

 

My story is long.

 

The guy I'll be talking about has been my friend for 2 1/2 years. I met him in college.

 

I'm only 17. Yes I did graduate early.

 

But he is now 30.

 

We've been friends for quite a while now. My parents and his had no problem with us being friends.

 

We aren't necessarily asking to sleep together etc,

 

To be able to go places with him and his friends. We had before and now all of a sudden we can't.

 

He's not normal... or what you cna call a normal guy.

 

When he was much younger he had a bad accident and was in a comma for years... I think about 6 or 7. and had to real learn everything all over again and does not remember much of his past.

 

He's emotional level is pretty close to mine.

 

All of his friend are around 20ish and yes I'm a bit young I'll be 18 in a couple months.

 

His family had thought I was the greatest before and my family loved him. But now since we decided we had feelings for eachother they hate us. his parents can't stand me and mine are the same way towards him.

 

the problem is my parents have done this with just about everyone I've known. They want to choose my friends etc.

 

The guy has discussed with my dad that he wants to know the rules... the guidelines and he will follow them and if not then he doesn't deserve me if he can't just wait.

 

The guy (Andy) and I haven't even decided if the feelings we have are friendship or love. We want to be able to go and do more things.

 

We just want to have fun.

 

We go to college together and have for a while.

 

I feel torn.

 

My father and mother and his parents are driving us nuts.

 

If it doesn't turn into a deep relationship I'll have a life long good friend.

 

I don't like having to decide.

 

I'm supposed to have a talk with my dad and he wants to know what I see in him.

 

I feel torn and just confused...

 

ive talked about it with andy and we're going to go with what happens and what they dish out and just keep communication real heavy and stay open with eachother.

 

But we also wanted to get other information....

 

i dunno....

 

I wont give up Andy especially his friendship but I dont want to lose my family either.

[Victor]

Because you are already in college, I'd say you have enough good judgement to make your OWN decision. Even though you aren't 18 yet, I don't think you have to listen to your parents about who you are going to date, etc... Explore with your friend Andy more, decide what you both want, and best of luck!

[Tony T]

Until you're 18, your parents pretty much call the shots. That isn't but a few months away.

 

What I read here between the lines is that you're actually wanting to gradually shift this into a romance, or at least leave that possiblity open. My gut feeling is that you're already falling for this guy.

 

While from both of your standpoints, there is not problem here...and I really don't see one either...many adults, especially those who have watched you grow up from birth, would have a problem with you having a romantic relationship with a guy that much older.

 

It's not so much the age spread as it is the fact that you are now 17, a teenager. They aren't considering his past medical situation, coma, etc., they are just thinking that a grown adult is going to rob their little girl of a significant part of her teen years. When he is 35 and you are 23 or so, it seem nearly as bad to them. They may very well feel a more experienced older man could lead their daughter to do things she may not be ready for. Doesn't make any differents what your intentions are, it's just how they feel.

 

They are also probably thinking that it's sort of an ego trip for you to have the attention of an older man. They don't understand that you have real, genuine feelings for this friend...and there's a real good possibility they could turn stronger.

 

When you talk to your dad, listen to what he has to say intently, don't interupt. Ask him questions. Don't fight or argue. Then present your side very calmly and rationally. Let him know you really understand his position. Then make sure he understands yours.

 

If you relate to your parents as an adult, they won't have much room to say much.

 

For many young girls, being around a guy who is a bit older is very refreshing. Females tend to mature a lot faster than males and you don't sound like guys your own age would interest you all that much anyway.

 

You have to do whatever you must, involve this guy in lots of family activities, so they can grow to trust him and see that he's not the stereotypical child molester they may have in the back of their minds.