I fell off the wagon and saw MM

[joodee]

So I fell off the wagon and saw MM, I took his phone call yesterday (haven't taken any for awhile), and he kept saying he wanted to talk about stuff and missed me horribly. I thought I was strong enough to tell him I really don't want to see him anymore to his face, and really be proud of myself, but noooooooooo.....

 

I saw him yesterday, and when I went home and went to sleep (I worked last night, so I saw him during the day), I had nightmares about him and other women (he's a major cheater, duh on my part), and I woke up so depressed and couldn't stop crying. Then I saw him again for lunch and he asked if I was ok, I said I didn't want to talk, but after winding up in bed I told him I really need to see change, I don't want to continue on.

 

He then kept telling me he wanted only me and wants to work it out and keep talking and that he missed me terribly. I got mad and brought up how I believe his W still loves him (even though they don't live together and now hardly see each ohter) and that I can't stand how he had other women in love with him while with me (the ones he slept with while with me and hid from me.) He says I'm the only one now and that he only wants me, and then he said "I can't help how they feel about me." I was speechless for a moment, then said "well you must have done things to let them fall in love with you." And I left without saying anything else. How can he say that? He who says he misses me so much won't even take responsibility for his own actions!!! Like he had nothing to do with how other women feel about him?

 

He texted me with XOXOXO later while I was at work, but I didn't respond.

 

HELP!!!! I feel like calling (and I feel like taking his calls, cause I KNOW he will start calling first thing in the morning, he's persistent), but this is bad, cause if I do I'll be back to feeling bad and having more nightmares again. I want to tell him to realize what he's doing, but then I will lose all self-respect.

[WithOrWithoutYou]

Don't beat yourself up about it. What is done is done.

 

I looked at a couple of your past posts. I take it this guy is still married to wifey, and has not filed yet, or shown any signs that he is serious about doing so?

 

If that is the case, text him back. Text him this:

 

"You know I love you, but I cannot do this, and if you are not serious, I need to move on. If you are serious, we have a chance, but I cannot and will not do this anymore. If I am really the only one, and that includes your wife, call me once you have filed for divorce. Until then, please don't call or write."

 

Once that is sent, go back to no contact, and be serious about it.

[SadAndLonely]

I think you should text him and tell him that you miss him terribly, want to see him every free moment he has, get married, settle down, and have a bunch of kids. Nothing scares men off faster than that.

 

Men tend to want what they can't have, which is why I don't think it's a great idea to tell him that it's over. I read about a lot of women here doing it, and as soon as they do, their men are all over him. Start calling him 10 times a day just to "talk". After about a week he'll want to get as far from you as possible, and then you'll be free.

 

I wish I were kidding about all of this, although maybe I'm just really tired.

[kkat]

I haven't had coffee so cannot offer any advice, but whatever you do, don't beat yourself up about it. Giving yourself additional blues over what appears to have been a bit of a slip is not going to help. You gave in, you saw him, now you'll decide best how and where to go from here.

 

If it makes you feel any better, I didn't actually make it through Day 1 without contact (there was a message left). It's harder than it sounds I guess.

 

You've been doing really well and don't let what happened in one day take that away from you.

 

Good thoughts.

[lynnered]

Originally posted by SadAndLonely

I think you should text him and tell him that you miss him terribly, want to see him every free moment he has, get married, settle down, and have a bunch of kids. Nothing scares men off faster than that.

 

Men tend to want what they can't have, which is why I don't think it's a great idea to tell him that it's over. I read about a lot of women here doing it, and as soon as they do, their men are all over him. Start calling him 10 times a day just to "talk". After about a week he'll want to get as far from you as possible, and then you'll be free.

 

I wish I were kidding about all of this, although maybe I'm just really tired.

thats funny!!

but i don't think it will work!!

I've told my XMM honestly i want to get married 1 day,have a kid ,build a life ...

he wants that to one day!!with me !!

not every situations the same !!

i do like the calling 10 xs a day ,that would scare anyone off!!

joodee,

it will be OK just next time you think of seeing him ,read this post ,how it made you feel !!

i love my XMM&i know he loves me BUT,when i have physical contact with him ,

it upsets me i cannot deal with as long as he's married anymore ,

i don't know how long youve been involved but it took me almost 4 years to get to this point,

i told him I'm not asking you to leave ,I'm telling you i cant be involved as long as you are married,

i know he loves me we have great communication ,that used to keep me but its not worth all the pain ,when he leaves to go back to her ,

i love WithOrWithoutYou s text message i would use that word for word,

if i fall down 6 times i get up 7,

i almost "fell"this week ,but something came up ,he actually called we discussed it ,he actually agreed it would be better if we waited ,

and i feel if your MM truly loved you he would respect you &wait ,

my xmm is actually making plans,(we only talk by text message )for future,i don't innate these "talks"and i even write him you weren't like this when we were together,from his words i can tell he cares ,

and again the respect ,he has apologized for his part in this situation ,and does not want me going through this anymore,

anyway you deserve for him not to be pulling you back ,if he truly cares i think he would back off until is divorced or in process,

i wish you the best its not easy !!!

[fanou22]

Record his phone calls and play them for him. Then tell him that if does not leave you alone you will take them to his wife.

[lynnered]

Originally posted by fanou22

Record his phone calls and play them for him. Then tell him that if does not leave you alone you will take them to his wife.

LOVE IT!!!!!

[joodee]

Thanks all for responding, I feel so much better knowing I am not alone out here/there, you all know what I mean. I like the idea of recording the calls and then give them to wifey, and he's such a wimp, a coward, he wouldn't try to stop that.

 

That's the feeling that I'm getting right now...that he's really a coward.

 

You all put a smile on my face, I feel like I have some strength again to get back to NC and stand up for myself if I should fall - definitely no more "in person". If I think of NC as a daily thing, that I hope will pull me through to the other side, which I hope will be indifference to him.

 

Thanks again for all the thoughts!

[joodee]

He has two kids and doesn't really want anymore, and I do, and he knows it. I could use that line - "I want kids yesterday!!!" That WILL scare him off!

[Mr Spock]

Men tend to want what they can't have, which is why I don't think it's a great idea to tell him that it's over. I read about a lot of women here doing it, and as soon as they do, their men are all over him. Start calling him 10 times a day just to "talk". After about a week he'll want to get as far from you as possible, and then you'll be free.

 

 

 

 

That's the proper RX.

[lynnered]

You can take from every experience what it has to offer you.

And you cannot be defeated if you just keep taking one breath followed by another.

Oprah Winfrey

[Mr Spock]

I really don't care much for Oprah Winfrey, she operates so far out of the realm of reality it's pointless to listen to her.