Devastated by wife's leaving with no warning.

[ralfgarnett]

Few hours past since she was here, and I feel empty. There seemed to be a finality about this evening that I don't want to face. Her response "okay" to my "we can't be friends". She wasn't flippant. Rather, she took it in stride and left.

And I ask what was her purpose in coming over? Just seems like another act of cruelty. She didn't need to bring those boxes over for me to stare at for the next month. There's no reason she couldn't take them to her relatives.

 

And what would she have gained by dinner? There's such a divide between us, surely she feels it.

 

Yet, I'm concerned I didn't leave the door open, should she in the future want to reconcile.

 

I can't believe how unrecognizable she is to me now; seems like 2 different people. The woman I loved would be incapable of hurting me so badly. It's impossible. I feel like I'm living a nightmare; can't be real. How could I be so wrong about her. I didn't imagine how loving she could be. I didn't imagine her planning for our future. I loved her so much, but that person has vanished. This is so saddening to me. I feel so alone.

 

 

God bless you mate I feel your pain so much more than you can ever know, I cant help you just as nobody can help me, but I want you to know that I am thinking about you in your turmoil, look after yourself the best you can and post when you can, if nothing else it is a form of release and you need to let out as much of your pain as you possibly can, good luck.

[Chi townD]

Dude, you just need to move on with your life. She's sleeping with someone else and rubbing it in your face. Why would you want that back?!?!

 

 

You need to start look towards the future. New people to meet and new places to go! This has knocked you down. I know, I've been there. But, you need to shut that chapter in your life and move on.

 

 

If you haven't talked to a lawyer, you may want to do so. You need to know what your rights are. If I were you, I would just have him or her file for you and have her served. Sometimes, that shakes up a WS and knocks them back into reality. Doesn't always work, but sometimes it does.

 

 

You should also expose her affair. If people ask her why you're getting divorced; believe me, she'll tell them all kinds of stuff and conveniently leave out the existence of this Merchant Marine. Then, he'll slowly get introduced to friends and family as "A friend that helped her out through all of her troubling times." and after a while, "Well, we started to develop feelings for each other"....blah....blah....

 

 

If someone asks you why you're getting divorced, just let them know the truth.

[Markym]

I certainly would expose her affair if anyone asked, but the question is should I take the initiative to expose it to her family whom I'm not that close with?

 

I also will give thought to initiating D. I did feel slightly empowered, albeit empty, when I advised her we would not remain friends. Interestingly, I have noticed a subtle shift in my own thinking. Whereas before, I only wanted to do that which gave me the best chance for R, I now want also want to do what's best for me if R just isn't meant to be.

 

I just received a text from her. It's remarkable how my emotions can vary all within a brief text. First, I was anxious when I saw it was her. Then I was excited because she started by saying something that was intentionally designed to connect with me, something that sounded like the W I loved and something I found funny. In fact, it's the first time she sounded like the W I knew before the bomb dropped 2 moths ago. She then said she hoped all was well. The end of the text then sent me into a tail spin when she said she'd probably stop over Sunday to start packing.

 

I waited 2 hours and texted back that Sunday should be fine, and asked her to please give me 2 hours notice or so. I was very tempted to respond to her humor, but I didn't want her to catch me eating the bread crumbs. Did I handle this o.k?

 

I can't legally keep her out of here. Our lease ends at the end of February. I hoped I would be out, probably mid Jan., before she started packing. I didn't expect any chance of R before then, so I shouldn't be further saddened by her text, right? Yet, I am.

[mard40]

I feel for you and understand that you think you want her back right now. She contacts you periodically to try to keep you on the hook. She'll reach back and give you a stroke every once in a while to keep you queued up as her backup plan.

 

She's afraid that if things don't work out with the sailor you may not be around to pick up her pieces. This woman betrayed you and threw you away.you think you want her back and you think if she did come back you would forgive her infidelity, but I think this would be very hard to do.

 

You've been thrown through a loop but hang in there.try to disengage emotionally from her and learn how to be your own confident happy self again. You don't need another person to be happy you can be happy with yourself. You were fine before you met her and you'll be fine after she's gone!

[Markym]

I so appreciate everyone's help; what a wonderful group of folks. Thank you all so much.

 

Now I'm wondering whether if would be more attractive just to be here stoically while she's packing. What if she asks for help carrying them? Should I offer to help? Oh my.

[Markym]

Obviously, if I'm not there, i don't have to deal with all the "what ifs". She certainly anticipates I'll be there. Not sure how she'll if i'm not?

 

Some have suggested "outing" the affair. I have dismissed such in the past, but find myself giving it more serious consideration. But I'm terrified of her reaction, and the impact on potential future R. I fear I wiuld appear vindictive, butter, and very nuch engaged, when aren't i "supposed " to be sending the oppisite message?

[dreamingoftigers]

I thnk my best strategy going forward may be to maintain no contact as I have since thanksgiving. She already has taken notice of this change, as she called frantically the Sunday after thanksgiving when I ignored her text. Our apartment lease ends in February. I may be able to move prior to that, at which time I will advise her she can pick up all her stuff ( I don't want to still be living here when she sends the movers in. Most of the furniture is hers). I'll then tell her I'll be moving forward with the divorce and have no desire to maintain a friendship. How's this plan sound? Is this my best plan if I hope for reconciliation? Do I tell her she can contact me in future if she wants to get back together, with no promises of where I'll be, that I'll be moving on? Please offer your advice folks. Thanks. I desperately want her back.

 

As much as I see she's a pretty unhealthy partner, you guys have no kids sobif you ant her back that badly, have at it.

 

Alcoholics are pretty poor self-managers, blameshifters and impulsive.

Often they are controlling too. Yay.

 

But this actually bodes well in your favor given your aim.

And she's having a textbook, escapist affair following the death of her father.

 

Reality smacked her hard and she's trying to toss away the pain in one throw.

 

It won't work.

He's still dead.

She just wrecked her marriage and threw herself into an impulsive relationship with LOL a sailor, whom I am sure has "thouroughly reasoned this out" LOL, RIGHT.

 

180. Divorce-busting 180.

 

You did it by fluke when you didn't respond to her text.

.

She checks to see if you still are predictable and safe for her.

She cares about you in that compartmentalized cheater spouse way.

If you arent where she left you, her brain will start looking for you.

 

Alcoholics typically wants to be liked, fun and credited with much more than they bring to tje table. Don't give her that. Pull back. Be busy. Make her wonder.

 

Seriously contact divorce busters.

I went through this crap with my own alcoholic husband. I didn't realize at the time that he had relapsed etc.

 

Alcoholics (I have found) seem to respond to changes in relationships dynamics pretty quickly for some reason. For instance I expected things to take about 6 mobths with my husband. It usually takes a max of two and usually changes start the week I inituate them.

 

Women take a bit longer than guys though.

She will blame you.

She's an alcoholic. She always will! (Unless she gets help or something. Maybe waking up and realizing she's lost a marriage to a LOL, sailor she met at a bar might do that!)

 

This is so short-term escapist that its a joke.

 

I am so sorry for your pain. I do know how devastating it is and that it looks like forever alone and scary.

 

But seriously, you have a LOT more power and offering than you realize in this situation.

 

Shes not going to move on by herself. Shes just not.

Shes only out there now because of her sailor-fantasy.

[Turtles]

Obviously, if I'm not there, i don't have to deal with all the "what ifs". She certainly anticipates I'll be there. Not sure how she'll if i'm not?

 

Some have suggested "outing" the affair. I have dismissed such in the past, but find myself giving it more serious consideration. But I'm terrified of her reaction, and the impact on potential future R. I fear I wiuld appear vindictive, butter, and very nuch engaged, when aren't i "supposed " to be sending the oppisite message?

 

It depends of the situation, but I can absolutely tell you that if my xW had not exposed my affair every way she could think of (although we were separated at the time we were still married so affair nonetheless) we would most likely have reconciled. Whether or not that would have been a good thing is a different sorry.

[Markym]

Dreamingoftigers, thank you! I would love to hear more from you, as you seem to have great insight into the mind and behavior of the alcoholic.

 

I agree, her affair with the 50 yr old sailor is absurd and laughable. I mean, WW is a highly educated 40 yr old woman with a successful career in health care. It's unimaginable to me that she's throwing our marriage away for the sailor. My barber told my story to a dock worker and he laughed his ass off; typical sailor **** perhaps.

 

One of the reasons I want to move slowly and perhaps not rush to initiate D is that in another month or so, the lake will freeze over; no more sailing for months. He owns a home hundreds of miles away. Of course, he may move in with her when she gets her own place soon, but time will tell. My hope is that tge affair may fizzle, and that she may see things differently. Until then, I will continue 180. I've decided I will not be there when she comes over Sunday. She'll text she's coming, and I just won't be there.

 

And thank you Turtles. You are the first to say you felt "outing" hurt your chances at R. It's all so confusing to me. I do feel I've made a subtle shift in my thinking. Whereas early on, everything I did and said was aimed at R, now I'm also going what's best got my own healing. I think 180 accomplishes that. Just not sure, given my circumstances, of the tough love approach where run to initiate D and out her affair.

[dreamingoftigers]

I knew that having an alcoholic Dad and husband would be useful to somebody somewhere.

 

Too bad it wasn't me!

[Markym]

Dreamingoftigers, one more thing, your characterization of WW having a textbook escapist affair following her father's death I believe may be spot on. A few wks after the bomb, I asked her how she was doing with her grief. Mind you, for the two weeks she was home before the bomb, I had not seen her shed one tear. In any event, when I asked her, she without hesitation looked me in the eye and said "I've found a distraction to that Mark". I don't know if this makes R more or less possible, but remarkable nonetheless.

[Friskyone4u]

Markym

If someone could write the textbook on what to do they would use your story. You are still looking for excuses and rationalizations for what she is doing and you are sitting there more worried about not pissing her off that extricating yourself from the **** sandwich she is feeding you.

Stop worrying about whether the OM is 50 years old , smells , or drinks. The fact is your wife is banging his brains out and likes it .

It is time for you to move from "denial" to "anger" and stop being content to be Plan B, which I doubt you are even that now. The more you tell her ok honey, go bang his brains out and I ll be a good boy and not tell anyone and sit here waiting the less chance you have of any form of R. You just refuse to believe you cannot nice her back

Sorry for the 2x4 but you are getting nowhere

[Markym]

So, got text from WW Sunday morning at 9 that she's be over at 10 to start packing if that was ok. I left and texted her at 9:50 "that works". The mistake I made was not telling her I had plans and to just let herself in. Had I done that, I would not have felt 3 hours later that my absence would be perceived as a transparent act of passive aggressiveness. So I texted that I didn't know before this morning when she was coming, and that I'd be back around 2:30 but not to wait if she finished. When I got back, she was gone. Perhaps my next mistake was texting her thanks for feeding the cats. That led to an extended light hearted exchange, driven by her, mostly about the cats, some humor. It was the kind of exchange we would of had pre bomb drop. She even referred to me as "honey" in one text. We have not had such an exchange in the last 2 months. I normally would not have so engaged, but I felt I needed to make up for my transparent passive aggressiveness by showing showing some light heartedness. Am I being too critical on myself on how I handled the day? Anything positive here? This is all so unnatural for me. A friend suggested to me that the only way to possibly draw her back us for her to believe I truly don't give a ****. He suggested by and large, wait a day before responding to her texts, if I respond at all, and always god short with her, yet polite. And share nothing with her.

[KBarletta]

He suggested by and large, wait a day before responding to her texts, if I respond at all, and always god short with her, yet polite. And share nothing with her.

 

This is good advice, except don't wait a day. Now that she's out, I would not respond to anything for a good, long time. NC for a few months, at least.

[Chi townD]

So, got text from WW Sunday morning at 9 that she's be over at 10 to start packing if that was ok. I left and texted her at 9:50 "that works". The mistake I made was not telling her I had plans and to just let herself in. Had I done that, I would not have felt 3 hours later that my absence would be perceived as a transparent act of passive aggressiveness. So I texted that I didn't know before this morning when she was coming, and that I'd be back around 2:30 but not to wait if she finished. When I got back, she was gone. Perhaps my next mistake was texting her thanks for feeding the cats. That led to an extended light hearted exchange, driven by her, mostly about the cats, some humor. It was the kind of exchange we would of had pre bomb drop. She even referred to me as "honey" in one text. We have not had such an exchange in the last 2 months. I normally would not have so engaged, but I felt I needed to make up for my transparent passive aggressiveness by showing showing some light heartedness. Am I being too critical on myself on how I handled the day? Anything positive here? This is all so unnatural for me. A friend suggested to me that the only way to possibly draw her back us for her to believe I truly don't give a ****. He suggested by and large, wait a day before responding to her texts, if I respond at all, and always god short with her, yet polite. And share nothing with her.

 

 

Yeah, don't respond to anything. I speculate that she left an item or two back at your place. They usually do this as an excuse for continued contact to set up a time and place. If you find anything of hers, collect it up and drop it off at a mutual friends house or something; or mail it to her.

 

 

Then, start making changes to the house. Put new paint on the walls. Color's you like. Take down pictures of you two together and put up artwork that you like. Remove anything that's going to remind you of her. Buy new furniture or move the furniture you have around. Make it an entirely new place for yourself. One thing that women pride themselves on is turning a house into a home. If she ever came back in there and saw all the changes you've made, that will probably shake her up to the fact that you're moving on without her.

[Markym]

I found myself anxious regarding whether I would hear from WW this Christmas Day. Just as I had given up, she texted me around 3 PM. You should know that WW is not religious at all, but her mother is. Anyway, the text read "Merry Christmas. From me, but also from my mother who seems concerned about you, on this, the holiest day of all. She's a pain in my ass". Unlike Thanksgiving when I ignored her text, I responded with a simple"merry Xmas to you both". I then received a reply "thank you. I hope you got to spend time with your family. Send them my love. I miss them". I didn't reply to that. What's interesting is that WW was never that close with my family. The truth is that we didn't spend that much time together with them, and WW never expressed much interest in such. So, one who was never very warm and fuzzy around them, suddenly misses them and wants me to send them her love? Also, why bother sharing her mother's feelings with me?

[oldshirt]

Don't try to read into it. Alcoholics are damaged. When someone is under the influence of chemicals or are under the influence of an addiction to chemicals, they can not think, act, feel or respond in a normal, healthy manner.

 

You cannot guess what they mean by the things they say or do because they are not firing on all cylinders at any given time.

 

You were polite and responded appropriately to her txt for Christmas. It was a Christian thing to do. Leave it at that and go on about your business and don't spend another moment wondering what an alcoholic's brain is doing.

[Markym]

I so appreciate everybody"s continued support. This has been a difficult few days. I feel like I've gone backwards in terms of my grief. It's so difficult still for me to believe this is happening; it doesn't feel like it should be happening. WW came over this morning to pack a few more boxes. She's planning to send her movers mid-Jan to move everything out. I'll move into my new apartment around the same time. She was rather pleasant with me today, but I was able to confirm what I had feared from a week ago. Last Saturday morning, she asked if she could come over that afternoon to pack, but then texted that "something had come up" , so she wouldn't make it over. I realized at the time that such coincided with the arrival of one my top 4 contending ships of sailor man. That ship arrived about 2 PM and departed about 11 PM. So today, while WW was here, I snooped in her bag and found 2 receipts dated the day the ship came in. The first was for a nice restaurant, 5:45 PM, clams and three glasses of wine. (2 glasses were here choice of wine). The second receipt was for the lounge of a nice hotel near the restaurant, 9:45 PM, 2 more drinks. So there you have it, meet for clams and wine, hotel sex for three hours, and a goodbye drink before heading back to the ship. Despite my discovery, I remained polite while she was here, and tried to keep my emotional distance. She said she loved me when she left. I just said bye. My God, I loved her so much. At 40 years of age, she is still the most physically beautiful woman I've ever known. But it's much more than my physical attraction. I'm crying now as I type. It's just that, pre-devastation day, I felt so secure. I've never felt more secure in ANY relationship, including my blood family. She was my home. How could she make me feel this way, and then abruptly leave after one night with the sailor. We don't talk about him anymore, but I sense her resolve to move on at this time. And obviously, the every ten day affair continues. How fulfilling this must be for her. Yet, this is what she left me for. I'm scared of what comes next after we are in our new apartments. All we'll have left in terms of necessary communication will be taxes and likely divorce. I still find myself wanting to pour my feelings out to her, but most everyone feels that such will only hurt any future chance of R. So, I stopped doing that a long time ago. I feel so helpless and alone. I want my wife back. I want to be happy again. I just don't see how I can get there without her. So many beautiful memories. I photographed many of her photos of us yesterday. Good thing, because she packed them away today. I always thought that we'd fondly look back upon them years from now. There's literally no where I can go, including mundane things like going to the grocery store, that aren't painful reminders of our time together. We did everything together, and I was so happy. I really was. I loved her so much. I keep thinking she'll snap out of this fog. Two and a half months out, Perhaps I'm still square in the denial phase. Please God, help me.

[DSP]

I feel like I've gone backwards in terms of my grief. It's so difficult still for me to believe this is happening;

 

Wayward Wife came over this morning to pack a few more boxes.

 

I snooped in her bag...

 

How fulfilling this must be for her. Other things and likely divorce.

 

I still find myself wanting to pour my feelings out to her.

 

I photographed many of her photos of us yesterday. Good thing, because she packed them away today.

 

I keep thinking she'll snap out of this fog. Two and a half months out, Perhaps I'm still square in the denial phase. Please God, help me.

 

Well here is the bad news:

 

Stop calling her the wayward wife. She's not wayward she is your stbxw. Sorry not trying to hurt you just want you to be honest with yourself.

 

You calling her WW is actually you holding onto hope she will return and say she is so sorry she made the biggest mistake of her life please take her back. You will heal quicker if you accept the worst fate that this is over forever.

 

Personally for me the WWS/WW stuff was just prolonged denial. You have to be real honest with yourself about the infidelity and loss of trust. Again everyone is different though. She did this before if I remember correctly and you took her back. She's doing it now and you want her back. If she did come back she is going to do it again. It's just too easy for her and she always has a safe place to land. That is why she said she loved you as she left. She wants that safe place to land IF this falls apart. So start by taking the safe landing away. Start to make that a reality for her. She probably won't say she loves you anymore.

 

Everything you are doing now hurts, because you have memories attached to her and she is gone. You have two choices. Either do these things with a friend (guy/girl) or a family member. It will replace the last memory. It isn't easy and it doesn't heal over night. It simply does not.

 

You snooped in her bag? What were you hoping to find really? Don't worry we've all been there. I did something like that too. One time. That was enough agony for me. Hope this was for you too. There is no joy there. Just like social media with her on it. No joy will be found there.

 

It is fulfilling for her. She is in the affairyland right now. She is having visions of her Old Spice sailor thinking of her as he fights off Moby Dick and hunts for Red October only to swoop back into her arms at a later date. It's a fairy tale ending to a fairy tale story.

 

Once the reality sets in I can only imagine she will be lonely again. Unless she is a sociopath she will miss the security you provided. That doesn't mean she will return and apologize for everything. Who knows how this is going to end.

 

I hate to say this, but you better prepare for the worst. It is over she is moving on and you are splitting your assets.

 

I understand your wanting to preserve memories, but please don't pour over them day after day. You will only prolong your agony. Box those pictures up and put them far away in a locked box. Come back in a year or two and take a look. You won't be feeling lost like you do now and it won't hurt at all.

 

At two and a half months out I can only surmise you are still in denial and will be here for a bit longer. I'm closing in on 6 months soon and I feel better. I left the stage of denial a bit after 3 months, but everyone is different.

 

At around the same stage you are at I poured my feelings out to my Ex and got humiliated. It was good; It was bad. Doing that does go against the divorce busting literature and 180 rules, but really it did help me heal a bit. So I can't say that is the greatest advice ever. Just don't think you are going to say anything that is going to make her change her mind. Make it the last time too or you will just look weak and defeated. You are going to look like a weak man anyways so do it for yourself and be done with it. If you accept that this is just to help you sleep at night then really what do you have to lose?

 

The good news? You are still alive. You still have your health. You will get better. This will get better. Start making it better by making new memories.

[Markym]

My emotional roller coaster of hell continues.

 

Let me start by saying I have outed her affair with my family. My 16 yr old niece even sent her a scathing message about what a horrible person she is. Seemed to really bother my wife. Regarding her family, I simply don't feel close enough with them to do the same. Not one of them has contacted me in the last 3 months since our separation. Incidentally. In 1 wk, we are both moving into separate new apartments.

 

So, three months later, I still have no idea where I stand in my wife"s mind. On 1-1, she came over to pack a little. Soon after she arrived, we got into a disagreement about money, and she said such was an example of what was wrong with our marriage. I responded by telling her to continue rewriting history, as the alternative is that she's simply a ****ing tramp.

She looked like she was gonna leave, but rather, she sat down with me and got a bit teary, telling me how distraught she's been, how maybe she needs medication, and how she needs to drink less. She also said that this is how must feel to be suicidal. She also questioned whether she hit rock bottom by the destruction of our marriage. But, then she questioned whether rock bottom would come when she destroyed sailor man's life. When we said goodbye that day, she said she loved me, that she wanted to remain friends, but acknowledged that I've told her in the past that such would not be possible for me. I reaffirmed just that, and she began crying as she left.

 

Now, I knew she'd be coming over agin this weekend to finish packing. What's remarkable is that in the intervening days, she left me voicemails to please call her. Normally,over the last three months, she texts, and always for some specific non relationship purpose. On two successive nights, I called her back, and she simply wanted to talk about her day like we would have in good times. She also repeatedly called me "honey" and "baby".

 

When she arrived today, she was pleasant enough and went about her business of packing for three hours. But rather than leave when she was done, she sat on the couch with me and watched an entire movie. She again continued to voice terms of endearment. She also squeezed my hand a few times, and once, kissed me. I didn't kiss her back. Nor did I feel if I did that it would have went anywhere but rejection. But I did feel an emotional connection that I haven't felt in awhile.

 

And now for the bad news: I saw that she was still texting sailor today. And I also found several hotel key cards in her car. And now, my investigator has a contact at one of the hotels who seems to think she's been in there regularly with two different guys!

 

This is tearing my heart out. If she really wants a strict friendship with me, then why the terms of endearment, and why the physical contact? Am I Plan B for her? Or, is she simply on a temporary frolic within the safety of a separation? She's also suggested I come over to her new apartment to see her ailing cat. Does she plan on making me one more guy she sleeps with on occasion?

 

She'll be over tomorrow for the last packing. But, I'm more concerned about how i should proceed come next week? I have no clue.

[A.Moscote]

If she really wants a strict friendship with me, then why the terms of endearment, and why the physical contact?

 

Were you a terribly bad husband? Or did the marriage was so toxic? I guess not for both. There must be good times and connection in the past, and you two must have gave some pleasures and endearments toward each other.

 

That is what I think she is looking for now, the good feeling you can provide and the emotional support, not surprising if physical as well. In your own word, a frolic. You can reciprocate if you want to get those too, but everyone here knows that both of you are not standing on the same ground. She can leave at any moment, and frolic any more men. While you will be left tumbled and devastated, pondering everything, and worst, blowing your chance to recover and start a new life sooner.

 

Contain you desires and emotions, and treat her just as acquaintance, respectfully just as acquaintance till this whole process settled. Whether to just be passive and keep your distance, or to directly remind her that all the endearment is not for her anymore, it is up to you. Don't reciprocate her, and be aware of the prolonged denial as was mentioned in DSP's previous post.

 

Good luck Markym, be strong and be the best man through out this time. It will contribute to your future.

[Mr. Lucky]

When she arrived today, she was pleasant enough and went about her business of packing for three hours. But rather than leave when she was done, she sat on the couch with me and watched an entire movie. She again continued to voice terms of endearment. She also squeezed my hand a few times, and once, kissed me. I didn't kiss her back. Nor did I feel if I did that it would have went anywhere but rejection. But I did feel an emotional connection that I haven't felt in awhile.

She can't play these mindf*ck games with you unless you allow it. And the simple question is - why would you ???

 

Your wife is a toxically flawed individual. While simultaneously sleeping with at least 3 other men, she's willing to use your convenient and willing shoulder to cry on.

 

Her actions fail to meet any definition of love, consideration or regard I can think of. She's a user, pure and simple. The more relevant question is this - how much longer do you want to be used?

 

Put her stuff in the driveway for pick-up. And for heaven's sake, don't be there when she comes by to get it...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Markym]

My grief feels so physical today; I'm in so much pain. I woke up thinking about the Viagra she stole from me on Saturday while she was making nice with me. It's preoccupied my mind all day. Does she have no moral conscience whatsoever? Has this been her all along and I never saw it? Is it her father dying? Is it the whirlwind affair fog? Her alcoholism? Deep rooted mental illness?

I simply can't believe she's capable of doing this to me? Her selfishness is so saddening. I didn't deserve this. (I'm crying now). 16 years, you just moved in, you were making plans for our future, your father died, and you left me. I'm still shell shocked. Why can't she at the very least show some compassion and tenderness. The person I knew was kind hearted and affectionate.

 

Friends, I feel compelled to confront her about the Viagra when she's over this Sat for the big move. This is so sick. Should I consider stealing it back? Should I demand she drive across town to get it, if it's not in the car. Threaten to call the police? At the same time, do I want to make a big scene on the move day. Is this the memory I want to leave her with? I made a real effort this past weekend to be cool, so that would be her last memory.

 

I don't see how I can hang in there any longer while she's ****ting on me. Don't get me wrong, if she came back, genuinely remorseful, I would want to try. But there hasn't been a hint of anything close to that over the last 2 months.

 

How do I show her I'm serious now about no friendship while leaving the door open should she have a true change of heart. What do I say to her? Do I say anything? Do I ignore any of her attempts to contact me, notwithstanding taxes, or genuine desire to be together again?

[clevelander321]

My grief feels so physical today; I'm in so much pain. I woke up thinking about the Viagra she stole from me on Saturday while she was making nice with me. It's preoccupied my mind all day. Does she have no moral conscience whatsoever? Has this been her all along and I never saw it? Is it her father dying? Is it the whirlwind affair fog? Her alcoholism? Deep rooted mental illness?

I simply can't believe she's capable of doing this to me? Her selfishness is so saddening. I didn't deserve this. (I'm crying now). 16 years, you just moved in, you were making plans for our future, your father died, and you left me. I'm still shell shocked. Why can't she at the very least show some compassion and tenderness. The person I knew was kind hearted and affectionate.

 

Friends, I feel compelled to confront her about the Viagra when she's over this Sat for the big move. This is so sick. Should I consider stealing it back? Should I demand she drive across town to get it, if it's not in the car. Threaten to call the police? At the same time, do I want to make a big scene on the move day. Is this the memory I want to leave her with? I made a real effort this past weekend to be cool, so that would be her last memory.

 

I don't see how I can hang in there any longer while she's ****ting on me. Don't get me wrong, if she came back, genuinely remorseful, I would want to try. But there hasn't been a hint of anything close to that over the last 2 months.

 

How do I show her I'm serious now about no friendship while leaving the door open should she have a true change of heart. What do I say to her? Do I say anything? Do I ignore any of her attempts to contact me, notwithstanding taxes, or genuine desire to be together again?

 

Hang in there... You just need to move on.. If you can, and when you do, most likely that is when she will want to come back, if she does.. Do not ask me why, but that seems to be how it works.. You need to really and sincerely move on.

 

Nothing you say will be magic words to get her back.. You do not want to be her friend either.. She needs to want you in a romantic and sexual way.. If she does you will know.