texting or calling every day in a ldr [Updated]

[jeffmoore790]

people say you dont wanna tetx or call very day because it can be suffocating or clingy since you see each other to in person

 

but if you are in a ldr is it that bad to text or call everyday?

[kolleamm]

It's absolutely necessary. Without it your relationship will fail guaranteed. Talking everyday is not as bad as you might think. I've had ldr and we did talk every day. It didn't get boring but after a while you begin asking yourself whether the distance is really worth it because you realize you haven't had any physical contact with the person in a while or ever.

 

So talking everyday to them I believe is essential but the bigger problem is the lack of physical contact which takes its toll after a while on both sides.

 

If you are both dedicated then there should be no problem.

 

Good luck.

[Frank2thepoint]

When I was in a LDR, my ex and I texted daily, talked almost daily, and Skyped once a week. It helped a lot because even though we weren't physically in close proximity, we were still able to share and learn about each other. So I would say yes, daily contact is needed. But not the whole day entire day. 30 minutes to an hour of contact is good. Leaves enough time for each of you to experience things during the day and talk about it the next day.

[assiral]

I used to feel like this, but then we you and/or her have something interesting to share, it's okay to call everyday. My SO and I talk nearly everyday on the phone, for about 1 hour and a half to 2 hours, but just because a lot happens in our daily routines so we just have a lot to talk about, plus the famous "talking about nothing" and just laughing. We text every day and Skype whenever we're both at home with time to actually "see" each other (i.e. not doing anything else while talking). I'll tell you for sure that it greatly improves the relationship opposed to staying home wanting to talk to that person but not calling him/her. If you want to talk to your SO, just call/txt/Skype them

[d0nnivain]

Talk to your partner about what level of contact you both want.

 

 

I did an LDR over 20 years ago before technology & we wrote letters to each other every day to stay connected.

 

 

When you are closer in geography you have tactile sensations to bridge the gap if you don't talk on a given day. Without that you have to be more diligent about communication & making sure the other person knows they are on your mind.

[Gloria25]

I'm sorry, but I don't see how talking every day with someone in a LDR situation is gonna give you the same insight, attention, closeness, etc. that you would normally get if you were in the same AO as the other person.

 

And, just like daily, endless communication with someone in your AO - IMO, it is suffocating and just puts pressure on you to come up with things to talk about.

 

People that live together and/or are married talk and see each other every flippin' day. But, IMO, it's not the same as dating. They have no choice "but" to chat mundane stuff with each other (i.e. good morning, how did work go, etc.) Does it enrich the RL, IMO, nope...actually, IMO, it makes the RL more mundane.

 

Ever know of military couples? When they come back from deployments, there's always an "adjustment" period. My gf speaks/spoke to her husband and kids every day, but when she comes home it's stressful having to get adjusted. Same when I don't see her in a long time. When we make time to see each other in person, it is a world of difference - actually IMO, we have to "force" a meeting in order to keep the connection alive....cuz, chatting everyday ain't gonna cut it.

[acrosstheuniverse]

People that live together and/or are married talk and see each other every flippin' day. But, IMO, it's not the same as dating. They have no choice "but" to chat mundane stuff with each other (i.e. good morning, how did work go, etc.) Does it enrich the RL, IMO, nope...actually, IMO, it makes the RL more mundane.

 

Oh I completely disagree on that one! To me, it's exactly the mundane stuff that really gels you as a couple, it's kinda like, anyone can go on fancy dates dressed up or have sex with some random person after the club or have a holiday fling, it's the general day to day stuff that makes a relationship so special, choosing to share the really mundane stuff with someone else precisely because being around them makes it all feel awesome rather than boring. The past five or six nights running I've laughed so much with my boyfriend I've had to use my asthma inhaler, just staying home and talking about nonsense and our days and other things, you don't really know if you'll work on that level until you live with somebody because it's hard to tell before cohabitation whether you'll get on each other's nerves or have nothing to say to each other. But when you have that chemistry, the daily chit chat is so satisfying, the way it can go off in so many different directions and you're never sick of talking to each other.

 

I think it enriches the 'right' relationship... if the relationship isn't right to begin with then it will make it seem mundane and boring. I've been with guys where even two days holed up together in the house has felt too long, and guys where you could spend a week solid at home just hanging out together and have the most incredible time.

 

If I was in an LDR I'd be trying to bring each other into those daily chit chats that you miss out on when you don't live together. Eating meals together on Skype, talking every day (although not all day, I agree that's too much), watching a movie together on Skype etc. If you're not into someone enough that you don't mind not hearing from them for a whole day, meh. I just don't see how the chemistry with that person and desire to be with them is strong enough to last the distance.

[mammasita]

Talk to your partner about what level of contact you both want.

 

 

I did an LDR over 20 years ago before technology & we wrote letters to each other every day to stay connected.

 

 

When you are closer in geography you have tactile sensations to bridge the gap if you don't talk on a given day. Without that you have to be more diligent about communication & making sure the other person knows they are on your mind.

 

When I first joined the military, I was in an LDR with a boy I met in basic training. This was before the popularity of cellphones and texting. I eventually got a cell phone (1997 style brick lol) but texting wasn't a thing. I literally wrote him a letter every night before I fell asleep.

 

Yes OP, I believe daily contact is important. You don't havre to sit on the phone for 3 hours daily, but a few emails/texts a day and at least a weekly phone call/video chat. LDRs are incredibly difficult to begin with, without communication you have nothing.

[FitChick]

Some sort of contact to let them know you are thinking of them so they won't forget about you is fine.

[skela]

I don't know if the contact has to be daily but definitely more than when you are able to physically be with the person. It's harder to maintain a connection when there is distance and very easy to lose it.

[alexwood]

yes its very important

[alexwood]

I don't know if the contact has to be daily but definitely more than when you are able to physically be with the person. It's harder to maintain a connection when there is distance and very easy to lose it.

 

 

tru ethats why tetxing is important

[HeavenOrHell]

Daily contact was essential in my LDR, but daily calls after 4 years did get a bit samey unfortunately, but talking online each day for varying amounts of time was good and then just having 2 or 3 calls a week worked fine for a while, with video calls now and again.

[Els]

We talked everyday for the 2 years we were LD, before we reunited. Well, okay, I suppose there were probably a handful of days when we didn't talk due to certain circumstances, but most of the time if we could, we did. It definitely made the LDR easier to bear.

 

I don't think the right girl for you will consider you 'clingy' or 'suffocating' if you talk daily. But of course this has to be within reason - most people would consider talking for 5 hours a day everyday to be way too much. Maybe 15-30 minutes a day or so, or longer if you're just leaving Skype on instead of talking all the time.

[LittleTiger]

Five year LDR here and we talk at least twice a day, on Skype if possible but otherwise on the phone. Our relationship wouldn't have survived without this level of communication.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Personally, my partner and I not only stay in touch via texting/email daily but we also talk every night before bed.

 

That's what WE want and need for our relationship and after two years, it hasn't gotten old or boring or jeopardized our relationship in any way. In fact, it has done the complete opposite.

 

Having said that, not all of our conversations are epic for one reason or another. These days, those kinds of chats are usually reserved for the weekends when time and energy are in abundance. At the very least, we are committed to calling each other daily if only to say good night.

 

I think staying connected with your LDR partner is VERY important however there is no rule book that will outline the do's and don't of how to navigate a LRD and especially how often you need to talk on the phone to make it work. That is up to each couple individually. What works for one may or may not work for another.

 

Have the talk with your partner and see what transpires. Then map out a "plan" for yourselves and see how it goes. There is no harm in tweaking things as you grow in your relationship.

 

Good luck!

[acrosstheuniverse]

Personally, my partner and I not only stay in touch via texting/email daily but we also talk every night before bed.

 

That's what WE want and need for our relationship and after two years, it hasn't gotten old or boring or jeopardized our relationship in any way. In fact, it has done the complete opposite.

 

Having said that, not all of our conversations are epic for one reason or another. These days, those kinds of chats are usually reserved for the weekends when time and energy are in abundance. At the very least, we are committed to calling each other daily if only to say good night.

 

I think staying connected with your LDR partner is VERY important however there is no rule book that will outline the do's and don't of how to navigate a LRD and especially how often you need to talk on the phone to make it work. That is up to each couple individually. What works for one may or may not work for another.

 

Have the talk with your partner and see what transpires. Then map out a "plan" for yourselves and see how it goes. There is no harm in tweaking things as you grow in your relationship.

 

Good luck!

 

I remember when I did a short-term LDR (we were eight hours away from each other, he'd only just gone into the military right after we'd made it official after a few months dating... he ended up quitting while he still could and coming back home), we'd always speak on the phone at bedtime every night, no matter what was going on. I would crawl into bed, turn the lights out, and we'd speak, so with my eyes closed his voice was the last thing I heard before I fell asleep. I really felt like it was the closest thing possible to falling asleep with him, it really worked for us across the distance. I like that tradition you have there

[spanz1]

I think it is pretty important EVERY day in a ldr. And I do not like txt or phone....video conference is the way to go. Seeing the person on Skype is 4x more effective communicating than a call.

 

 

you can text or send pix during the day, but at night, after you both have time to settle in, you should make time for video chat. And if you miss it, do it early the next morning.

[tikay00]

Yeah, when there's no physical contact, you pretty much have to contact each other daily. In a LDR, not talking 1 day = a week in a regular relationship. Night time "good nights" or convos are a must.

 

But unlike most in here, towards the end of my LDR, it did get very mundane, and we didn't really have a lot to talk about anymore, and the distance was driving us both nuts. It gets to a point where you're laying in bed talking to your S/O, and dying for them to be in the bed with you, and vice versa.

 

Also, arguments in a LDR isn't as easy to repair as a regular relationship, because you can't physically hug them, look them in their eyes, and all that. You can't surprise them at their house, and tell them to put something nice on, so you guys can go out. The excitement wears off after a while.

 

I think we stuck it out for the 7 months we did, because the daily texts and calls just became routine, and I was scared to not receive those anymore. Don't get me wrong, the love was real, but after a while it just couldn't be for us.

 

And in a sense, I think the long distance did draw us closer emotionally, and mentally, because it was only our thoughts, and words. But who knows, it's those little things like holding your S/O while you guys are just snuggling on the couch that are so crucial. So many fantasies of me feeding her ice cream while we're watching a movie, but we couldn't, because we were so far away.

 

And we never had the chance to meet up in person. Biggest regret of my life. Not because I didn't love her enough, but because of work, and my finances at the time.

[Giggle]

I've done the military thing. For 8 years. There was never any real adjustment period for us when he got home. And it's so different now with the cellphones. My ex and I didn't one for years and didn't have picture messaging until the last year we were together. In 99, we played a non-graphical game together and emailed and icq, but that was a small fraction of our day. Deployments were usually a daily email and a sporadic call. One deployment there was a month I didn't hear from him and we sent snail mail letters. His last deployment had him with email all day long, but still not more than a handful or so.

 

Vastly different my bf now where we text back and forth all day long. I've counted 300 messages and the day wasn't over. Little stupid things. And pictures of what I'm doing sometimes. Yesterday he got several of my kids and me making ornaments. And then an unusual silence on his end of 5 hours because he was hanging out with his brother who was visiting from the other side of the country.

Just happens to be how it worked out for us it has been like this for 9 months.