confusedwife14 Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 or at least your true love. What do you do? Link to post Share on other sites
Dontfindme Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 Pray that it's a soulmate you won't have to get married to. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 or at least your true love. What do you do? Run to him. This frees your husband to find someone who knows the difference between fantasy and reality... Mr. Lucky 9 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 or at least your true love. What do you do? You tell your husband it is over and you file for divorce. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 What others have said: End your marriage and at least be honest to the person to whom you ostensibly offered a vow of fidelity. Unless vows don't mean anything to you - and then you cheat, lie, and engage in an illicit affair where many get hurt and damaged. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 or at least your true love. What do you do? It's a difficult situation, confusedwife. It is indeed confusing. What you do is to stay absolutely true to your own values, integrity, highest vision of your own self. Do NOT compromise those things. You have the inner strength to NOT make decisions and choices that go against your own higher, wiser self. You find whatever opportunity for your own growth is being presented to you in this scenario. You don't just let your in-the-moment emotions and passions lead you away from your own self. It's an extremely difficult and delicate inner situation. Be kind with yourself. And stay true to that self. Great big hugs. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 As we mature we learn a myriad of things about ourselves, about our relationships, what makes us happy, on and on. Sometimes those things years down the road don't mesh with what we once thought were our ideal. Nothing wrong in that. People may describe/belittle the term 'soul mate' as cliche, but so is 'I love you.', doesn't really matter. Life is short, follow what makes you happy, not some duty you bound yourself to before you knew who you were. Go after it. See where it takes you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 Life is short, follow what makes you happy, not some duty you bound yourself to before you knew who you were. Go after it. See where it takes you. Is this regardless of the vows, promises and commitments we made to the people around us - spouses, children, etc. - that we're supposed to love and protect ??? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 Soulmate is a bunch of bull****. Trust me, the grass is NOT EVER greener on the other side. Once the honeymoon stage wears off, he will be a regular guy who probably has bad habits, and other human flaws. You are living in a fantasy world. So here are your options: 1. Honor your vows and dump the soulmate. (ha ha) 2. Or, leave your marriage and run off into the sunset with the wonderful new boy toy. Just make sure you pad your ass for the fall that IS going to come. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 Is this regardless of the vows, promises and commitments we made to the people around us - spouses, children, etc. - that we're supposed to love and protect ??? Mr. Lucky It is whatever you decide it means for you. If you made a vow at 20 and at 35 you recognize the fault in that vow, so be it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 It is whatever you decide it means for you. If you made a vow at 20 and at 35 you recognize the fault in that vow, so be it. Have you destroyed your family? Is that why you are so nonchalant about it? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 You can't know that from where you're standing, this is mostly just a fantasy...it's not going to be a bed of roses going to him, being with him, after all this longing and yearning. This is just the normal cycle in many relationships...because most relationships shouldn't last forever and most people don't end up together for the right reasons, people are typically still figuring things out in life when they are young er and less experienced and getting married. It's normal to have these fantasies or hope things will just magically work out a certain way...that's why you see so many people divorce and then fall back into the same cycle with someone else and new...overlooking the real life factors that should concern them but are ignored for the moment. I think it's safe to say emotionally you are out of this marriage, or at least romantically...and look I know you can love two people at the same time, I understand where you are coming from, but you can't selfishly hold onto to two people because the likely scenario is you are not in-love with your husband (which is obvious) but in-love with the idea of being with someone else...which is fine, that's normal inexperience and fantasy, people miss the spark and the fantasy...relationships get old and withered and redundant, some having longer life-cycles than other, don't force yourself into feeling like you've got to make a marriage last forever like so many others. Have the courage to move on with your life, not just for yourself but for the care of your husband and hope that he can be happy and find someone else for him after the time you've spent together...because once you start crossing wires (which you already have) it just becomes more complicated and "confusing" and honestly you won't be happy in the end. Anyone who is cheating/having an affair, it's not the worst things in the world...but it hurts the people that you're with when they find out, it's obviously a brutal betrayal in their eyes...whether it's an emotional affair or physical affair move on from that relationship, you are only going to make the pain deeper and last longer, but if it wasn't "normal" to an extent...so many people wouldn't be doing it, it's not like society itself provides much of a choice...the reality is, it's never an easy choice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
misty12 Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 Soulmate is a bunch of bull****. Trust me, the grass is NOT EVER greener on the other side. Once the honeymoon stage wears off, he will be a regular guy who probably has bad habits, and other human flaws. I don't believe in soulmates (seriously.. there are over 6 billion people in the world). However, It's not true that the grass is not ever greener on the other side. I know many people who are in very happy 2nd marriages and were miserable in their 1st. The thing is that unless there are true dealbreakers in your current marriage, it's impossible to know if you'll be better off with someone new until the infatuation stage is over and you are living with that person. It's a risk that you take and you have to determine if it's worth the risk. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 as another post indicated, with over 6 billion people on earth it's likely not your soulmate. it's just someone who has come along and shown you the qualities your current relationship is lacking. and you're looking at them like a savior and god-send. they are just illuminating the issues that are wrong with your current relationship. it likely means you need to work on what you have or move on to someone who can provide you with what you need. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Molly Hooper Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 Cliche's of "soulmate" and "true love aside" - If you TRULY feel that way about someone else, then it probably wouldn't feel like there is even a choice - you would HAVE to be with this person. You would tell your husband it is over and you would file. If you are uncertain of your feelings and just know that you're starting to feel a strong pull or temptation, you immediately get counseling and go from there. I wouldn't end a marriage without being certain it isn't something lacking within that is pulling you outside. If you're saying you feel more for this other person than you have ever felt for another being EVER (not just more for this person than you do for your husband RIGHT NOW), then it is definitely worth your attention. This is your one life to live. You can listen to everyone's advice, but at the end of the day, it is your heart and your life. Make sure that you follow that, but also be prepared for the consequences of your actions. If this is just a fling or temptation, you may find yourself feeling the exact same way down the road. You also may not. We can only advise based on our own experiences and beliefs. Link to post Share on other sites
Mal78 Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 or at least your true love. What do you do? Is the feeling mutual with *said* soul mate? Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 define "soul mate," please. Is it sexual chemistry you have for/with the other person? Is it someone who "gets" you? Is it someone who has shared goals and visions? I've never bought into the whole sole mate thing, because I don't trust the romantic notion that flavors it. Because if that's your definition of what makes a relationship worthwhile, you're ****ed when reality walks in the front door and you don't know how to respond to that when the relationship was about fuzzy hearts and lovey-dovey crap. that's not to say there aren't people in my life who I feel our relationships were meant to be, including my husband, because there are far too many "it could've turned out differently and we would have never met if X had happened." No romantic factor involved, just a sense of amazement that the relationship beat the odds and will continue to do so because of the paths we've come from. so ... define "soul mate" and base your actions on that. Just make sure that it's not based on a feeling, because feelings lots of times change when the situation changes. Link to post Share on other sites
A.Moscote Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 Oh look at all the pessimists here.. or at least your true love. What do you do? Try to pursue it of course..not everyone had the luck of finding their soulmate and true love. You are a lucky confused wife. Myself for example, is very lucky. I've found three soulmates, and is in relationship with all three of them currently. (Of course I need to be extra careful because of that.) Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 The chances that this person is truly all that compatible is probably an illusion or delusion. Yes, you can have near-instant infatuation, but it really takes time and lots of experience together to be sure that the compatibility is real. Is this remote possibility worth leaving your marriage? If your marriage is that bad, why haven't you already left? But if it is bad, leave, take a chance on this new person, but don't be surprised if the delusion fades with more contact. My wife and I are together and stay together because we want to, are happy together, and feel we are ideally matched. If we truly believe we'd be happier elsewhere or with someone else, we would encourage the other to pursue it. Life is too short to live unhappily and have regrets. But if you do pursue someone else, you could end up less happy and regret leaving your existing relationship. There's no guarantee you can get it back once you throw it away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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