Space?

[shane86]

Hello everyone,

I am currently going through a convoluted form of separation. I am staying on the 3rd floor in a friends apartment while my wife and son live on the 1st floor. We still live in the same multi family home so that we can easily tend to our son who is 16m. My wife is dealing with a serious case of "i love you but i'm not in love with you". Leading up to this, i was oblivious to the fact that she felt like I was treating her in a way that was less than acceptable to her. I have been the primary source of income for our family for the last 15 months or so and I have been working a ton. Over the course of the last 3 months or so, she has been "testing me" by acting noticeably more upset than normal as she put it to a friend. Now as a man, I am no mind reader and respond much better with direct communication not through body language. I didn't pay much attention to her in regards to how she felt and didn't listen very well. I accept full responsibility for the things that she said I have done and the way that she said that I treated her.

 

That being said, I know that their are 2 sides to this story and she did things as well. We are now past the point of pointing out each others flaws and what we did wrong. I'm pointed in the direction of reconciliation and restoration while shes point in the direction of... well... I'm not sure, Space?

 

She's been asking for space and to be honest I'm not sure what constitutes space to a woman. To me it's when you have absolutely no contact with someone whatsoever. I have asked her what she would consider as space with no real direction. I even got her a really nice hotel room for the weekend in the city where she is right now, but does this constitute as space? I'm trying to detach but its hard when you have so many questions. Each day has been better and better in regards to me asking her questions about us. The past 2 days I haven't said anything about us.

 

Also, we are currently in couples therapy initiated by me. She hasn't tried to back out or make an excuse not to go. She has willingly gone every time so thats a good sign right?

 

thanks for anything you can send my way guys.

[GirlStillStrong]

No, "space" is not buying things or paying for trips. That is called "being a sucker." She wants space? Give her her space. Let her know what "space" feels like. Because she is contemplating a split. Sooner or later, you are going to need to give this to her. Better to do it now, of your own volition, than to have it, and more, forced upon you. Open your eyes, wake up from the dream, and let yourself start to process reality.

 

You may want to investigate what is codependence and whether or not you are codependent.

[CarrieT]

It means that she is probably already seeing other men but wants to keep you on the back burner in case these new potentials don't work out

[Hardgrind]

Shane, there are key phrases that a cheating spouse often uses that are large red flags:

A) ILYBINILWY. I love you but I'm not in love with you

B). He/she is "just a friend"

C). I need space to figure things out

 

 

Any one is a warning sign. Two or more and you can almost bet that there is an OM/OW in the picture