My first day of online dating.

[guest569]

I do not like to question people but you just said on another thread that you are one of the unresponsive girls. well im one of the guys that writes to you. how do you know if the conversion flows well if you do not meet or even respond to my message?

 

I usually chat quite a bit online before meeting the person to get a good idea of how it might go, but meeting in person is still a big deal, there is a lot that you can't pick up from online interactions..

 

I did respond to messages and have ended up in a couple of relationships as a result of online dating. I have found love twice and been heart broken, and lately became unresponsive as I've become more comfortable being alone. I don't waste time unless its a person I could actually date or have a friendship with.

[smg15]

I'd like to share my first day of online dating. I have perused the profiles before, but never as a serious prospective single. So, I have literally paid my fee and here's how it went.

 

I put in a WIDE range of women. Kids are OK, as is any height, race, and body type, and education. These things really are OK with me. At least to start.

 

Firstly, I skipped the profiles of the women who are really pretty. This was about 20% or so of the ads. Some of them are well above average and I assume they get a ton of messages. Keep in mind, I'm skipping them for now.

 

I've also (for now) decided to filter by women who make too much $.

 

So, with that gone, I went at it.

 

First profile. OK looking, seems kind of down to Earth. Ok. Maybe some promise. Scrolling, scrolling. Damn. Eliminated by height.

 

2nd profile. Scrolling, scrolling. Not bad. Bam. Eliminated by height.

 

3rd profile. Same.

 

OK. I see how this is going, so I set women's height max to just under mine. Better, but I'm still getting eliminated by height every 2 out of 3 times. Furthermore, when I pass that, I'm getting eliminated by race a good amount of the time.

 

With screening for all that, and not really even screening for looks, just clicking random profiles really, I have maybe 3 out of 50 women who will give me a chance based on height and race alone. Keep in mind, they haven't even seen my picture or read my profile yet.

 

And after that, the 1 in 1,000th women who does accept, we're supposed to have some kind of 'connection' when we meet in person?

 

LMAO. This is gonna be ugly.

 

Usually 3 steps to a connection

 

 

1. Email exchange

 

2. The Phone conversation when you talk briefly and set up the date

 

3. Meet face to face and see how the conversation

 

 

 

 

 

 

If all those things go well it's usually a 2nd date

[Thegreatestthing]

Yes race is a big issue on OLD ,black women don't get messages at all, Im mixed race but easily pass as Turkish,Italian,Russian or something so I've often thought of just not filling out the race part.

 

I would try the free sites where there are no race prefs set.

 

A couple of more observations. Did a random search for 20 men versus 20 women out of curiosity.

 

Women care more about race than men. Not really sure why. White women typically wanted either white only, or white/latino. Asian women typically wanted Asian/White.

 

Men really didn't care about race as much. Out of 20 men, 1 guy preferred White/Latina, and then 5 guys preferred this mix which I called, AEFB. Which is basically all women except for black women.

 

Kind of f@cked up. But ironically two of the three black women I found in that sample set only dated white men.

[smg15]

Yes race is a big issue on OLD ,black women don't get messages at all, Im mixed race but easily pass as Turkish,Italian,Russian or something so I've often thought of just not filling out the race part.

 

I would try the free sites where there are no race prefs set.

 

on what site? Match?

[Thegreatestthing]

I dont know about match but I joined okcupid the other night and just didn't tick any of the race boxes.

 

And my oh my okcupid is completely different,much better looking people,much more cultured.

[smg15]

I dont know about match but I joined okcupid the other night and just didn't tick any of the race boxes.

 

And my oh my okcupid is completely different,much better looking people,much more cultured.

 

I can't believe OKC charges $20 now which is a joke

[Thegreatestthing]

They don't charge anything.

[smg15]

They don't charge anything.

 

I don't have anymore space in my mailbox and to increase space it's $19.95. They tried to send me a promo which was $15.95 but I declined

[Thegreatestthing]

Maybe you could delete most of your mail.

[smg15]

Maybe you could delete most of your mail.

 

 

 

I tried that but it doesn't allow me.

[sillyanswer]

A couple of more observations. Did a random search for 20 men versus 20 women out of curiosity.

 

Women care more about race than men. Not really sure why.

 

It could be, in part, that some men don't want to state their preferences in order to keep their options open.

[Art_Critic]

I'm essentially 40.

 

 

 

have you tried looking at profiles of your own age or older ? going 10 years younger at your age will be like shoveling sand against the tide.

The women who are 30 and available aren't looking for someone 10 years older or looking for a father figure.

 

Realistic expectations will get you farther.. as far as the height deal and being eliminated on height.. if you meet their other requirements most women will go out with you.

[JuneJulySeptember]

have you tried looking at profiles of your own age or older ? going 10 years younger at your age will be like shoveling sand against the tide.

The women who are 30 and available aren't looking for someone 10 years older or looking for a father figure.

 

Realistic expectations will get you farther.. as far as the height deal and being eliminated on height.. if you meet their other requirements most women will go out with you.

 

I go 12 years older on my profile and am in reality willing to go older.

 

If you read my OP again, I am not the one you should be telling to be 'realistic'

 

But that's OK. I realize how this game works. I've been playing for a long time.

[Art_Critic]

I go 12 years older on my profile and am in reality willing to go older.

 

but do you contact those older women ? you mentioned you are 40 but also mentioned the women in their 30's, you didn't mention women in their 50's..

 

I don't get why in essence you are judging or making fun of someone using OLD when they are just trying to find someone they click with, you are doing the same as they are.. just trying to find someone you click with..

 

OLD rejection sucks.. but you need to not take it out on the women of OLD..

If someone doesn't want you because of your height then count your lucky chickens, they weren't a match to you.

[JuneJulySeptember]

but do you contact those older women ? you mentioned you are 40 but also mentioned the women in their 30's, you didn't mention women in their 50's..

 

I don't get why in essence you are judging or making fun of someone using OLD when they are just trying to find someone they click with, you are doing the same as they are.. just trying to find someone you click with..

 

OLD rejection sucks.. but you need to not take it out on the women of OLD..

If someone doesn't want you because of your height then count your lucky chickens, they weren't a match to you.

 

Not judging.

 

Been playing this game for a long time. Just saying that is happened. To each their own.

 

Sometimes when you don't fit what 99 out of 100 women want it's a little frustrating. I certainly do not plan on whining about it.

 

Can you see why that would be frustrating when you are looking for somebody to make a real life compatibility connection with and the sheer number of women who will not accept your height and/or race prevents you from even really getting any kind of a good pool of potentials together before you've even spoken a word to each other?

 

BTW, I do understand that my physical attributes put me far from average and that it is kind of a 'it's your problem' kind of thing. C'est la vie.

 

OK, there was a tad bit of whining, but now I'm done. I promise. I mean, really whatever happens, happens. I literally expect zero dates. It's just a new thing to try.

Edited November 30, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[xxoo]

Can you see why that would be frustrating when you are looking for somebody to make a real life compatibility connection with and the sheer number of women who will not accept your height and/or race prevents you from even really getting any kind of a good pool of potentials together before you've even spoken a word to each other?

 

Probably OLD isn't for you. I don't think it would be for me, either.

 

Do you live in an area with a community of people your race? If so, do all the men your height/race have such a problem finding interested women?

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

Do you live in an area with a community of people your race? If so, do all the men your height/race have such a problem finding interested women?

 

I really didn't want to resort to just going after women my race who are shorter than me. But if I have to, I have to.

 

I mean, that really takes down the pool of potentials to make a connection. Not to mention that most women who fit that description live in the city, and I don't work there anymore. I'm too far for a lot of them to want to meet me.

 

I was just thinking yesterday as I was browsing profiles that I should find a new job closer to the city, just so I could open that pool of women my race up wider.

 

Seems silly, but that's the world I guess.

[xxoo]

I really didn't want to resort to just going after women my race who are shorter than me. But if I have to, I have to.

 

I mean, that really takes down the pool of potentials to make a connection. Not to mention that most women who fit that description live in the city, and I don't work there anymore. I'm too far for a lot of them to want to meet me.

 

I was just thinking yesterday as I was browsing profiles that I should find a new job closer to the city, just so I could open that pool of women my race up wider.

 

Seems silly, but that's the world I guess.

 

I didn't mean that you should date only women of your race who are shorter than you.

 

I'm asking if, within the community of men your race, do others your height share your struggles finding a partner? Or are most of them happily coupled up?

[smackie9]

#4 just because they want to see who is out there and meet someone.

Slim pickins is what I would say in my area lol.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I didn't mean that you should date only women of your race who are shorter than you.

 

I'm asking if, within the community of men your race, do others your height share your struggles finding a partner? Or are most of them happily coupled up?

 

Oh yea, they struggled. One of the guys is extremely charismatic, and has a lot of $ from a successful career, sharp dresser, whole nine yards, and he still struggled. It's SCARY how many women he could have gotten if he were taller and white. But anyway, this is all old news.

 

Listen, it really wasn't my agenda to get into the whole race and height. It's a dead horse. I was just posting my observations and maybe a little venting too.

 

Anyway, the initial screens are done. So, now comes the part where they ACTUALLY look at my picture and profile.

[smackie9]

Can we see?

[JuneJulySeptember]

Can we see?

 

Not a chance!

 

You don't know my history on this board. The piranhas smell fresh blood and they attack ferociously.

 

However, since you are from another country and I don't remember any history with you, if you send me a PM, I might consider privating you the link.

 

Are you a lady or a dood?

[FitChick]

Why don't you post the text of your profile here? You can still remain anonymous. Don't give out your username.

[jcrew11]

I've been hearing stories that traditional matchmaking sites give men free dates. Might give it a try. There's a site called "Its just lunch" that sets people up on blind dates. They usually have a lot more women paying than men in the database, so they give men free dates.

 

Try signing up and let me know if you can get free dates.

There are also wealthy matchmakers like "the millionaire matchmaker" that seem fun, and those gold-diggers don't care about your race or heigh as long as you are rich.

 

The bar scene is stupid. You will have better luck at Church, Meetups, Couchsurfing. If race is a factor, why don't you date within your own race?

[jcrew11]

Oh yea, they struggled. One of the guys is extremely charismatic, and has a lot of $ from a successful career, sharp dresser, whole nine yards, and he still struggled. It's SCARY how many women he could have gotten if he were taller and white. But anyway, this is all old news.

 

Listen, it really wasn't my agenda to get into the whole race and height. It's a dead horse. I was just posting my observations and maybe a little venting too.

 

Anyway, the initial screens are done. So, now comes the part where they ACTUALLY look at my picture and profile.

 

Women care a lot more about religion than race or height. If you are Catholic or Christian, then you will have more luck with Catholic and Christian women. Try going to church, most women prefer meeting men at church.