Hung up on High School sweetheart

[Blueman11]

We met in Junior High. She was an 8th grader, myself a 7th grader. We dated for a month. Nothing serious here, but this is how our story begins. She broke up with me and then later moved to far away. No big deal. By my sophomore year she moved back and it was funny to joke about how we dated. She had a boyfriend though from another town. We were friends and hung out with the same crowd. I honestly never saw myself with her because she was taken and I was just enjoying my high school days. She was always around when our group of friends were hanging out. By the early spring she and her boyfriend broke up and thats when we started hanging out more often I guess you could say. It was really fun and I honestly didnt think too much of it. Then I started to get feelings and I could tell she was too. 2008- I finally asked her out and thats when our real dating relationship started.

 

We spent the whole summer together and everything was great. We dated my whole junior year/her senior year. 2009- By the time of graduation for her, things started to get weird between us and a few weeks after she graduated she told me she wanted to go on a break. I was upset,but I couldnt do anything. A week later she ended it completely. I was heartbroken. That whole summer going into my senior year was a disaster. We had the same friends so obviously it made things hard. We had the on and off again texts and random little hookups but she ended that because she knew it was just old emotions and didnt want anything more. During that summer I found out she had been hanging out with an older guy. Riding around town and what not. The rumors started coming in and that hurt to hear even if they weren't true.

 

Finally I started football practice in August which took my mind off a lot. We still would talk a little but nothing of importance. Labor day weekend came around and she was back from college which was only 30 minutes away. We hung out that whole weekend and something sparked for her and she asked for me back. Being young and vulnerable, I said yes and was extremely happy. She was my first love. First everything. She was having troubles in college and dropped out and moved back. We dated my whole senior year.

 

2010- After I graduated I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. We rented a house together and lived there until the fall of 2011. We had a dog and basically had our own little family. I knew I had to get going on something with my life and she was tired of living in our small town so we decided to move away. We moved into my moms basement. I started college the spring semester of 2012. Things were good, but living with someone else's family can eventually wear on you. We just didnt have the money to move out and be able to support ourselves with all the bills that would come with it.

 

By the fall of 2012 she needed a break from living at my moms. We were still together but I told her she should go back to our hometown and get away from it. She worked back home and made some money and got a break from the situation. By January 2013 she moved back and had started going to school. She was trying to get into a medical program at the local college and I thought things were back on track for us. By the end of the spring semester she was done with classes and just working and waiting to see if she got into the program. She did and I was really happy. Things were finally coming together. I was working and volunteering with a fire department with hopes of furthering my career because thats what I went to school for, Firefighting.

 

A few weeks before we had set our vacation time to go back and visit our hometown, I noticed things were changing between us. She was going out with her friends more and started to sleep out on the couch because she said she was up watching tv late. I wasnt stupid. Ive been down this road before. I had a feeling of what was coming but I denied it. All I could do was sit there and just hope it wasnt true. Surely she isnt going to leave me again.

 

So here we are on vacation. Its suppossed to be fun and everything. Visiting family and just enjoying the free time. Nope, she didnt give me the time of day and was ignoring me for some reason. I finally asked her what was going on and she said she just wanted to be alone and figure stuff out. Figure what out? I thought we were on vacation, whats going on with us? About halfway through the vacation she couldnt take it anymore and broke up with me. The living at my moms was destroying her and affecting our relationship. I was doing the best I could and trying to support her in everyway. It just wasnt enough.

 

I wasnt really upset for some reason because I knew it was coming. We had a long talk and basically I cried and told her I loved her and was always gonna be there for her. I was puzzled with where she was gonna go and then she told me that she met a couple who needed a roommate. Pretty interesting because she had to have been searching for weeks prior. Let me remind you that we are still on vacation.

 

We drove in the same car for this long trip back to our hometown. The day was nearing when we had planned to leave. I was a mess by then. Completely broken and so confused with my life. I ended up driving back with her for the 8 hour trip. Talk about awkward. When we got back, my mom had heard the news and decided to neatly get all her stuff into one pile so it would be easy to leave. Maybe a little too much and not how things shouldve been done, but it happend. Ex girlfriend was pissed. I was hopeless. Caught in between my ex girlfriend and my mom.

 

She left the house and was going to come back the following day to get her stuff. I had to go to work the next day and I just told myself things were gonna be okay, Ill get through this. The work day ended and she was back to get her things. Thats when a real fight between my mom and ex started. My mom was defending me and saying how good I was to her and didnt know how she could do this to me…..again. Ex texted me and told me what was going on. I was furious. I came to the house and tried calming my mom down and by then the ex was gone.

 

She came back the next day when my family was gone so she could get her stuff in peace. I was there and being the stupid nice guy that I am….I helped put some boxes into her car. We talked a bit and then I said my goodbyes and wished her luck. It was over and I had no idea where I would go from that point in time.

 

The next day I woke up and the depression hit me. It was real and everything we had before was over. I called into work and said I couldnt come in because I was going through something. I debated what I should do. I knew I couldnt stay in that same area and let what happpened during the high school years happen again. I decided to move back to my hometown. I had to resign from the fire department and quit my job all in that same day. I packed up my stuff and moved back home the next day. So much craziness in such a short time.

 

I was on the road to recovery and I knew my dad would help me with it. I had to be put on some medication which made me numb to basically everything. After awhile I didnt want to be dependent on something like that to get me through my troubles. I got off the meds and started trying new ways to keep me happy and forget my heartbreak. I had all the support of my family and old friends. I decided to do the no contact thing with the ex and really try to move on. Not on purpose or reasons for the breakup, but I broke my phone which turned out to be one of the best things for me. She didnt have my number and I had no idea she had been trying to text me.

 

 

About 3 months after the breakup she messaged me on facebook and was so upset that I could ignore her like that. I told her the situation and we eventually exchanged numbers. Stupid right? Maybe, I dont know.

 

To sum this up a little. She came back over the summer of 2014 and we hung out for a bit and are now friends. She moved to another state from the previous place we were at after her visit and has been there up until now. She recently has told me that she was moving back to where I am now because of missing the family and just wanting to be close to them. Yes, we are friends now but there will always be that awkwardness. I honestly never really felt like the door was closed on our relationship. Ive been on dates with other people and Im sure she has too. I just havent connected with anyone and she has said to me neither has she.

 

I still care about her a lot and I probably always will. She was my first love and first everything. She has told me she cares about me and never once thought she wouldnt want me back. When she pictured her future I was always in it. My problem is that I have been waiting on a firefighting job and have been put on hiring lists which just sucks. A lot of waiting. I have basically decided to move back to my moms because of a job opportunity and to make some cash while I wait for that call from the fire department.

 

Literally the day after I decided that, she texts me and says she moving back. Weird timing right? I cant help but think maybe its a sign. Its definately something. Either a good time to get the hell out of dodge or a reason to stay and not give up so quick on that fire department and maybe that old flame. We have both made it clear that we care about each other and have said that theres always that chance of getting back together. I feel its not in my control. Its up to her to prove herself and pull the trigger to get me back.

 

People can say im weak and too nice of a guy. Thats fine. I know I am. But I cant help what the heart wants. Maybe its because I havent met someone else to show me that there is a better love or whatever. I dont know. I just know I have loved her since I was 16 and she has been my best friend ever since then even after all the ups and downs of our relationship. I guess Im just looking for some advice. Maybe someone to tell me its gonna be okay, ive been there before, this is what I did. Something, anything. Im just a litle lost….so here we are coming up on 2015. A 7 year roller coaster that I cant seem to find my way off of.

Edited December 1, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Robert]

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