Women, how many legit messages do you receive from OLD?

[JuneJulySeptember]

I'm just curious.

 

How many legitimate messages do you receive from 'quality' interested men? Not just in hooking up or sex. Guys who...

 

-Have pictures

-Have a college degree and/or a steady salary job (apparently)

-Write with decent english and have a decent put together profile

-Read your profile and write a message

-Does not have a really weird profile

 

You get the point. How many messages would you say you receive from such men in a week/month? It doesn't matter how unattractive his pics are or how bland/arrogant/lame his profile is as long as he meets the above.

 

I'm not judging or asking how many you reject, I want to know for my own reasons. Thanks.

Edited December 1, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[Phoe]

Well, I think it's quite subjective on what one would consider "quality".

 

 

I got about 8 messages a day. Maybe 1 would be sexual, and maybe another one would just be "hi" and nothing else.

 

 

So maybe 6/8 would be decent and polite.

 

 

I can't say anything about the college degrees or jobs, because I didn't look for any of that. The guy I ended up dating does not have a degree and did not have a job at the time I started dating him. But the guys were polite, and their English was decent.

 

 

Overall, I don't remember judging their profiles on anything, other than whether they seemed to have a positive attitude. I remember seeing a handful of profiles while just browsing that seemed VERY negative and pessimistic. While browsing I would send messages to the guys who seemed nice and happy, the guys with very negative profiles I did not send a message to.

Edited December 1, 2014 by Phoe

[rdet123]

I didn't get on my online profile for 24hrs and came back and had 19 new messages. Granted a few of those were with guys I was already talking to. I probably only replied to 5 of those 19, just from looking at the profiles and seeing if we would get along or not. I didn't browse to see if they had a degree or anything, just mainly like what Phoe said, if they were positive in their profile. If they aren't then i'm quick to pass them

[insert_name]

Yes I would like to know also. In the other thread about who has it tougher the word 'mostly' was being used a lot when referring to inappropriate messages received by women, there was not much candidness about how many of those messages were actually from decent guys.

 

If you are talking 6-8 decent unsolicited messages A DAY (ie all the girl has had to do to garner those messages is put up a profile) then thats 30 odd quality unsolicited messages a week. Man, thats nuts. All of a sudden I don't feel so bad about lack of success on OLD. How are you supposed to compete with that?

[JuneJulySeptember]

I got about 8 messages a day. Maybe 1 would be sexual, and maybe another one would just be "hi" and nothing else.

 

So maybe 6/8 would be decent and polite.

 

I didn't get on my online profile for 24hrs and came back and had 19 new messages.

 

OK. That's helpful. Thanks a lot gals.

 

Yes I would like to know also. In the other thread about who has it tougher the word 'mostly' was being used a lot when referring to inappropriate messages received by women, there was not much candidness about how many of those messages were actually from decent guys.

 

If you are talking 6-8 decent unsolicited messages A DAY (ie all the girl has had to do to garner those messages is put up a profile) then thats 30 odd quality unsolicited messages a week. Man, thats nuts. All of a sudden I don't feel so bad about lack of success on OLD. How are you supposed to compete with that?

 

Yea, that's explains a lot. I totally underestimated the game. I think I'm already done for.

 

Of greater concern to me is how that skews the 'non-online' dating world. If women, even in the different world or OLD and bars, have so many options, then how do certain guys who have less pull ever get dates?

 

But the numbers don't add up. There's still one single man for every single woman. It's crazy.

[Mangina]

I send them all the time and I never get a response no !matter what I say

[insert_name]

OK. That's helpful. Thanks a lot gals.

 

 

 

Yea, that's explains a lot. I totally underestimated the game. I think I'm already done for.

 

Of greater concern to me is how that skews the 'non-online' dating world. If women, even in the different world or OLD and bars, have so many options, then how do certain guys who have less pull ever get dates?

 

But the numbers don't add up. There's still one single man for every single woman. It's crazy.

 

I think you would be surprised. I am online because I don't like approaching IRL, I don;t know what to talk about and worry that every conversation with a girl has to start with something insanely witty or funny or you will get dismissed or ridiculed straight away. I go to bars and clubs a lot though and often find myself people watching and I find that guys who I would rate as not particularly attractive seem to have success by randomly walking up to attractive/average girls and engaging them in conversation. I wish I knew what they said because they always seem to get the girls attention. It has made me realise that my preconceptions about women and looks are applicable only to online forms of dating and in real life most guys have a chance of winning a girl over, as long as they are casual, natural and not excessively awkward or whatever.

 

So I would say that you are likely to have more success in real life because a lot of guys are like me and don't like approaching and it drastically cuts down the number of competitors, plus women are more receptive to guys in real life because they can read them better etc.

 

OLD is an anomaly really, its not 'real life' because the market forces are so different due to the overwhelming number of guys for each girl. As a man your market value will almost always be lower online so by doing OLD you have to be prepared to lower your standards compared to real life. A lot of guys report that they do much better in real life than OLD so you should really give that a try.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I think you would be surprised. I am online because I don't like approaching IRL, I don;t know what to talk about and worry that every conversation with a girl has to start with something insanely witty or funny or you will get dismissed or ridiculed straight away. I go to bars and clubs a lot though and often find myself people watching and I find that guys who I would rate as not particularly attractive seem to have success by randomly walking up to attractive/average girls and engaging them in conversation. I wish I knew what they said because they always seem to get the girls attention. It has made me realise that my preconceptions about women and looks are applicable only to online forms of dating and in real life most guys have a chance of winning a girl over, as long as they are casual, natural and not excessively awkward or whatever.

 

So I would say that you are likely to have more success in real life because a lot of guys are like me and don't like approaching and it drastically cuts down the number of competitors, plus women are more receptive to guys in real life because they can read them better etc.

 

OLD is an anomaly really, its not 'real life' because the market forces are so different due to the overwhelming number of guys for each girl. As a man your market value will almost always be lower online so by doing OLD you have to be prepared to lower your standards compared to real life. A lot of guys report that they do much better in real life than OLD so you should really give that a try.

 

I've done 'real life' dating for two decades plus. The reason I never did OLD was because I thought it would be like it is turning out. But it was good to do just to say I did it.

 

But really though, if a woman has her pick of more handsome, taller and interesting men in OLD, then why would she settle for a lesser man in the real world.

 

But then how have I ever gotten a date, let alone a girlfriend?

 

What I think the answer is, is that I needed to find a 'maybe' girl (one who wouldn't reject me on looks right away) and step in and charm her and pull the trigger in a short time frame. You can't really do that online because the time frame is too short, so looks is the only screen. That process comes with a lot of rejection and ego bruising as well, but it has worked.

 

The more I think about it, I am fortunate to have ever had a girlfriend. With a different twist, it could have been totally off.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I receive about 10 messages a day but only about 1 meets your criteria. I also get a lot of messages from guys that are quite a bit younger than me (under 25) and I don't even bother opening those.

[chphan]

How could you be getting 10 messages a day? That doesn't make sense. I thought females get their inbox flooded with 100 messages.

[mariekatie]

How could you be getting 10 messages a day? That doesn't make sense. I thought females get their inbox flooded with 100 messages.

 

That's true, females do get 100+ messages per day but most of them are just out for sex. Some are "spam" message which they copy paste to many other girls as well. Out of 100, I would say there's only 10 or lesser guys that are legit. I've talked to many guys but most of them fade away after chatting for a day. Some desperate-to-please-you, some horndogs. Well basically it's easy to get messages but hard to get a "good" message.

[Chemist]

Phoe can not be the norm.

 

 

I have a nice detailed profile. Maybe it shows I am a little too work oriented as I describe mostly what I do and not who I am, which is something I have been to apathetic to fix because I have found better success IRL not on OLD.

 

I am certainly a happy guy, with a PhD (which is off stated in my profile, no arrogant PhD waving), a job. Hobbies like my guitar.

 

I just am a little chubby and I have gotten in over one year, 2 messages initiated by girls. Both girls, I met, and both were weird with low confidence. I know I am not attractive, but the quality difference between OLD and in person that I can attract is insane. My personality is a winner, my chubbiness is a hindrance for OLD. So in short, maybe if you're having troubles finding 'quality' messages, may try reading the profiles and not just picture searching, and sending a couple messages

[Andy_K]

Not a girl, but this is something I've chatted with a lot of girls about. It will vary depending on the population density of your location, but generally works something like this:

 

Unattractive girls/women get no messages, or 1/2 a day tops

Attractive ones will get 8-10 messages a day

Exceptionally attractive ones can get exponentially more... 20, 30, 50... the sky is the limit.

 

And if they're just looking for sex, you can multiply those numbers by 50 or 100. No joke.

[Toodaloo]

Phoe can not be the norm.

 

I don't think she is either!

 

I signed up on Saturday and so far...

 

Within 24 hours... nadda

Within 48 hours... I sent a message he looked and nadda, 1 more "view" from the only person on the site who looks like a psychotic killer and is into clubbing, drinking and football... not my scene at all...

Within 36 hours... sent 2 more messages and viewed a few (about 5) more profiles still waiting for the deluge of men rushing to message me and harass me with all these messages...

 

I had my profile checked before it went up. Its catchy, fun etc. I had my photos checked before they went up. They are good apparently... I am supposedly attractive with great tits... Although they are not on show... Thats where I am going wrong... I should get a wonder bra on and do a selfie on my bed! Or in a bikini on the beach...

 

My ex's in general are all very good looking and handsome men. It has been commented on several times that I pick "the lookers". That said separated man is as ugly as sin and one of my other exes was no oil painting... both I adored far more than the lookers. So I am reading the profiles and not just going on looks... Based on the past as well I must be a "looker" to some extent to have attracted such handsome exes.

 

The messages I have sent are to, 1 very good looking chap, 1 OK looking chap (looks a bit beefy and overweight) and 1 really not all that good looking and a bit baby faced, gangly with a big nose chap...

 

So all this rubbish about women having it so much easier and just having to sit back and ride the wave of horny men chasing them down is balls. Utter balls.

 

As for the messages I am actually finding it really difficult to come up with something to say, its not like you can see that they are having a good or bad day. There is no body language to read or react to. At the moment its really random stuff. I know I am a random kind of person but you know what actually speaking to human beings is SO much easier... Walking up to a stranger is so much easier and far more natural than this.

 

On a more positive note I am going off to try monster truck driving with my brother soon... Random I know but far more interesting than my current experience of on line dating.

 

Insert_name I will tell you what they say... They say Hi are you having a good evening? Hi my sister would love those shoes where did you get them from? Hi what you you think of the music tonight? Hi do you know where the loos are? Those guys accept that there may be something or there may not but what the heck lets just say hello and try our luck. If the girl turns out to be a bitch they don't care because they don't want to date a bitch anyway...

[Andy_K]

What site are you on? You'll get results like phoe on pof and okcupid. If you're on a much more obscure site or a paid one, you're obviously going to get less traffic.

[Toodaloo]

What site are you on? You'll get results like phoe on pof and okcupid. If you're on a much more obscure site or a paid one, you're obviously going to get less traffic.

 

I am on a paid one and it is slightly more obscure.

 

I figure £30 a month is a small price to pay for the security of being able to report any offensive members (they get removed straight away) and to get away from the boobs and cheap shag mentality of pof...

 

My ex also enjoyed finding new partners on pof while we were together and I had a stalker earlier this year hence going some where a bit "safer"...

 

We shall see.

 

I entered into it not expecting anything. If I hear nothing at all within a month I shall just leave the profile dormant.

 

I prefer actually talking to people to be honest. I know I am quirky and eccentric but its actually in a very positive way. I know I am hard work because I have lots of energy and am quick to catch on and learn things and respond but I do shut up occasionally. I have come to realize that I am a tad unique in my approach to life and the way I view the world. Those who meet me love me for it. No one is going to get that from a profile that says I am "nice". Everyone is "nice" to someone...

[FitChick]

Some women like quantity, so join free sites. I prefer quality and am willing to pay. Saves time in the long run.

[Toodaloo]

Some women like quantity, so join free sites. I prefer quality and am willing to pay. Saves time in the long run.

 

This is what I am hoping...

 

Update profile has just been veiwed again... Gosh its just too much to keep up with lol

[insert_name]

I don't think she is either!

 

I signed up on Saturday and so far...

 

Within 24 hours... nadda

Within 48 hours... I sent a message he looked and nadda, 1 more "view" from the only person on the site who looks like a psychotic killer and is into clubbing, drinking and football... not my scene at all...

Within 36 hours... sent 2 more messages and viewed a few (about 5) more profiles still waiting for the deluge of men rushing to message me and harass me with all these messages...

 

I had my profile checked before it went up. Its catchy, fun etc. I had my photos checked before they went up. They are good apparently... I am supposedly attractive with great tits... Although they are not on show... Thats where I am going wrong... I should get a wonder bra on and do a selfie on my bed! Or in a bikini on the beach...

 

My ex's in general are all very good looking and handsome men. It has been commented on several times that I pick "the lookers". That said separated man is as ugly as sin and one of my other exes was no oil painting... both I adored far more than the lookers. So I am reading the profiles and not just going on looks... Based on the past as well I must be a "looker" to some extent to have attracted such handsome exes.

 

The messages I have sent are to, 1 very good looking chap, 1 OK looking chap (looks a bit beefy and overweight) and 1 really not all that good looking and a bit baby faced, gangly with a big nose chap...

 

So all this rubbish about women having it so much easier and just having to sit back and ride the wave of horny men chasing them down is balls. Utter balls.

 

As for the messages I am actually finding it really difficult to come up with something to say, its not like you can see that they are having a good or bad day. There is no body language to read or react to. At the moment its really random stuff. I know I am a random kind of person but you know what actually speaking to human beings is SO much easier... Walking up to a stranger is so much easier and far more natural than this.

 

On a more positive note I am going off to try monster truck driving with my brother soon... Random I know but far more interesting than my current experience of on line dating.

 

Insert_name I will tell you what they say... They say Hi are you having a good evening? Hi my sister would love those shoes where did you get them from? Hi what you you think of the music tonight? Hi do you know where the loos are? Those guys accept that there may be something or there may not but what the heck lets just say hello and try our luck. If the girl turns out to be a bitch they don't care because they don't want to date a bitch anyway...

 

Thanks for awareing me about opening lines I guess I'm just making excuses to convince myself that theres no point in even trying. Come the new year I am going to try and raise my game on that front, like you say if the reaction is bad then it really is no loss.

 

Sorry to hear you are striking out with OLD. It sounds like you probably may need to work on your pictures, its not good to think in superficial terms like that, but as men typically message first all you want to do is bring them to your profile and you should start seeing better results. By that I don't mean slutty sorta stuff, just flattering clothes that accentuate your figure or whatever. I can only speak for myself but a bugbear of mine is how women often have really unflattering profile pics, kissing the dog on the sofa is a classic. Bad lighting, pulling really ill advised faces. Well done photos with a classy look and maybe a touch of make up should be a good guideline I think to get people to your profile.

 

As for the profile itself, again purely imo but its always nice when a girl tries to show a bit of character and has a quirkiness about her because most female profiles are so bloody DULL. Its like they really do believe that all they have to do is put up a few lines about how they like to travel and thats the sole extent of their input.

 

And yeah, welcome to the club on the message crafting front. What exactly do you say?! Thats where my resentment comes from at the role of the man as the traditional initiator because every time we want to message a girl we have to spend time coming up with something to say that is witty, references something in her profile and stands us apart from everyone else. I'm not lying when I say sometimes it takes me up to an hour per girl to find that hook and spin something that I find quite amusing out of it......and then I get no response. Such is life I guess!

[Phoe]

Phoe can not be the norm.

 

What's not normal about my experience? Just curious!

[LoverOfDance]

I think I get like 15 to 20 messages a day. POF has started deleting some of my messages it seems because I'm not reading them. I think I'm definitely quite picky.

 

Not just based on looks but also profile content as well. Plus I'm a black girl who would rather date outside my race but apparently black men love black women a lot so 75 percent of my messages are from black men. This is why I have almost 130 unread messages in my inbox.

 

It's a little frustrating to be honest cause I can't stop the black men from messaging me. Just seems like ppl tend to assume that just because I'm black I would want to date a black man.

[chphan]

That's true, females do get 100+ messages per day but most of them are just out for sex. Some are "spam" message which they copy paste to many other girls as well. Out of 100, I would say there's only 10 or lesser guys that are legit. I've talked to many guys but most of them fade away after chatting for a day. Some desperate-to-please-you, some horndogs. Well basically it's easy to get messages but hard to get a "good" message.

 

The fade away is probably a normal thing that I now accept and really don't get all excited anymore whenever on a rare occasion I get a response back.

 

In a sad way I pretty much always anticipate a fade away now. =(

It's like they are just testing to water by responding back but not putting much of an effort.

 

It's kind of hard to maintain a conversation or effort when the response back is only 1 or 2 sentences long. And this is from females that put in their profiles of looking for guys that can hold a conversation. lol

[Chemist]

What's not normal about my experience? Just curious!

 

Overall, I don't remember judging their profiles on anything, other than whether they seemed to have a positive attitude. I remember seeing a handful of profiles while just browsing that seemed VERY negative and pessimistic. While browsing I would send messages to the guys who seemed nice and happy, the guys with very negative profiles I did not send a message to.

 

I am both of those things, with other positives, and I have a message rate (where initiated by girls) of 0.5/year. And by the qualities of which you rate ours, I shouldn't have even replied. They ended up being oddballs after meeting though.

 

Also, I thought you mentioned somewhere that you respond to most messages where they were not just hi and were not sexual. Based on my response rate (I have a format for a message, but maybe that is my problem), it has little to do with quality of message or profile, and everything to do with pictures.

 

My msg format is

 

Greeting (maybe tailored to how the girls profile is)

Something I liked about your profile

Something I have in common with it

Something interesting I found that you didn't have listed but relates.

Good bye.

 

One paragraph, not too long.

 

So to me, you're an outlier in responses.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I've pretty much hit the limit of the amount of women I had contacted in my geographical area with hardly a response. It's funny seeing them constantly logged into the site as if they have become permanently afixed to the dating site.

Some have been on the site for years, I'd sometimes even resend to some of those women after a few months occasionally,

as if I've never emailed them before just to see if they bite.

 

I mean, seriously? What's it going to take to at least get a lunch date ? lol

Edited December 3, 2014 by LookAtThisPOst

[Toodaloo]

Thanks for awareing me about opening lines I guess I'm just making excuses to convince myself that theres no point in even trying. Come the new year I am going to try and raise my game on that front, like you say if the reaction is bad then it really is no loss.

 

It really is a load of balls that they are talking about, every day general stuff. There are no witty one liners or amazing opening lines. It is literally Hi then something along the lines of are you having a good evening. The "where is the loo" one is great as you can go back after and say thanks and initiate from there. You are no longer a "strange face" as they have already had a brief interaction with you. Instead of trying to "pull", try to get to know people instead. Works wonders, makes you far less "desperate" and therefore far more attractive. I talk to strangers all the time. There was one guy at the weekend in the supermarket... I was pulling silly faces at a little child and he thought I was pulling them at him! So I apologized and we had a very brief conversation in which I was full of cold and feeling very silly but had he just given me one tiny hint I would have been all over him like a rash he was so gorgeous - didn't realize that until he opened his mouth... He waited around but not long enough for me to try and make a move so lost that one... Go for it is my advice. You will probably be blown out 100 times but really who cares?

 

Sorry to hear you are striking out with OLD. It sounds like you probably may need to work on your pictures, its not good to think in superficial terms like that, but as men typically message first all you want to do is bring them to your profile and you should start seeing better results. By that I don't mean slutty sorta stuff, just flattering clothes that accentuate your figure or whatever. I can only speak for myself but a bugbear of mine is how women often have really unflattering profile pics, kissing the dog on the sofa is a classic. Bad lighting, pulling really ill advised faces. Well done photos with a classy look and maybe a touch of make up should be a good guideline I think to get people to your profile.

 

Well I am wearing hardly any make up - rarely do! They look ok and one in particular is really nice. I am not photogenic as I feel very uncomfortable around cameras. The clothes I am wearing show I have a waist and big bust with out flashing tons of skin or looking slutty. Its only been up a couple of days, during which I have been really ill so I am not worried. Its just another way to meet people and I am not expecting anything from it. To be honest I would rather concentrate on getting fitter again, as that has flat lined over last couple of months, and getting out doing things. I think I have already said that I am more excited about trying to drive a monster truck with my brother!

 

As for the profile itself, again purely imo but its always nice when a girl tries to show a bit of character and has a quirkiness about her because most female profiles are so bloody DULL. Its like they really do believe that all they have to do is put up a few lines about how they like to travel and thats the sole extent of their input.

 

The word "nice" has not been used once in my profile on purpose. I think I would vomit if I saw another "nice". It is very active and up beat. Yes I am lovely and nice but they can find that out when they meet me. It is quirky, nothing like the others on there, and adventurous.

 

And yeah, welcome to the club on the message crafting front. What exactly do you say?! Thats where my resentment comes from at the role of the man as the traditional initiator because every time we want to message a girl we have to spend time coming up with something to say that is witty, references something in her profile and stands us apart from everyone else. I'm not lying when I say sometimes it takes me up to an hour per girl to find that hook and spin something that I find quite amusing out of it......and then I get no response. Such is life I guess!

 

So far I have commented on the length of someones little finger, a kilt and a breed of dog... Not doing terribly well am I!!! See in real life I could make those things into a full blow conversation and have fun with it, play with it. But over the internet its damn near impossible... I am a very flirty sort of person and some of the things I say really do need to be said in person for it to come across in the way in which it is intended, hence I am not saying them in the messages. Ah well. I haven't logged on for a while, neither have the last 2 people I sent messages to so I guess we all have lives beyond internet dating!

 

Good luck. Practice talking to people. Its fun even if nothing comes of it.