Forgoing new friendships for dating

[LookAtThisPOst]

I was wondering, are some people so focused on finding a mate that they will forgoe new friendships if a relationship doesn't become of anything?

 

For instance, if someone goes to a social gathering with the soul intention of finding a mate, but let's say that one day nothing happens, but yet they meet new people. For some, is meeting new people and making new friends they aren't willing to be open to? If so, aren't they just short changing themselves by throwing the baby out with the bath water?

 

Just an example, I've actually known a woman who headed off 5 mile walking group to have men show up and quit after 1 mile because there were no "cute ladies" were there. Actually turned around and went back to their cars.

[kolleamm]

I really wouldn't sacrifice any oppurtunity I had to make friends, it may not be as good as finding a girlfriend but they would still be useful. Those friends however would need to benefit me in some way, either emotionally or help

expose me to more women, if it's just us hanging out without any real goal then there wouldn't be much point.

[cptkurt]

I personally have no interest in meeting new friends who are women.

[sillyanswer]

I was wondering, are some people so focused on finding a mate that they will forgoe new friendships if a relationship doesn't become of anything?

 

For instance, if someone goes to a social gathering with the soul intention of finding a mate, but let's say that one day nothing happens, but yet they meet new people. For some, is meeting new people and making new friends they aren't willing to be open to? If so, aren't they just short changing themselves by throwing the baby out with the bath water?

 

Just an example, I've actually known a woman who headed off 5 mile walking group to have men show up and quit after 1 mile because there were no "cute ladies" were there. Actually turned around and went back to their cars.

 

Perhaps it depends what else they did with the rest of the evening. What if they got back in their cars and went somewhere else to continue their search for soul mates?

 

For myself I'm not especially looking for new friends. I have enough already, and having more will either mean diluting the time I can spend with my current friends or eat into the time available for dating.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Perhaps it depends what else they did with the rest of the evening. What if they got back in their cars and went somewhere else to continue their search for soul mates?

 

For myself I'm not especially looking for new friends. I have enough already, and having more will either mean diluting the time I can spend with my current friends or eat into the time available for dating.

 

Right, but if those friends knew people that were single, they'd eventually get them to come out or what not (introduce you to them). I just noticed with these Meetups, a lot of people join the groups, but never go to the actual events. Or perhaps show up one time and never see them again. Happened at the Halloween party, got to know a couple of women at the event.

 

When I got home, contacted them to say how nice it was to meet them and if they plans on going to future Meetups. No response or sometimes they would come up with excuses not to come. Some aren't willing to stick it out past a single event to attend additional events.

[todreaminblue]

Normally if i go to an event it is to do with a community spirit.....and in that ...i am not looking to hook up but simply to participate and support......i have met many good people this way......heard some interesting stories..also had some really uplifting times........shared some struggles......shared hopes.....even dreams...and these times to me are priceless.....

 

 

i think the attitude that if you go to an event to get something out of it...you get what you put into that event is my belief.......i hardly ever have had a bad time when i go out....i always find something positive in anything i have gone too...i don't forgo anything......especially when meeting new people....if i am down or feeling awkward i will leave early but thats not anyone elses fault....i still find positives in any event i attend even if i leave early...i just know when its time for me to leave...i dont expect to be entertained when i go out or have benefits other than the pleasure of spending time with others meeting a soul mate really doesnt come into play..because if god wills it i meet them anyway..however long or short it is its always a pleasure to meet new people even if i hardly say a word...i am listening...observing and reflecting...deb

[LookAtThisPOst]

A very good way of putting it. Some tend to go, get a scan of the room (or the RSVP list before going) and think, "Nah, no can do" and they disappear of the planet. Sometimes the following year you'll see them pop up again I guess hoping that "special someone" will be there waiting for them.

 

But, I've learned to appreciate those that stick around and you get this "Cheers" feel to things. You enjoy coming back to the same people over and over at times. A place you can call home.

 

Normally if i go to an event it is to do with a community spirit.....and in that ...i am not looking to hook up but simply to participate and support......i have met many good people this way......heard some interesting stories..also had some really uplifting times........shared some struggles......shared hopes.....even dreams...and these times to me are priceless.....

 

 

i think the attitude that if you go to an event to get something out of it...you get what you put into that event is my belief.......i hardly ever have had a bad time when i go out....i always find something positive in anything i have gone too...i don't forgo anything......especially when meeting new people....if i am down or feeling awkward i will leave early but thats not anyone elses fault....i still find positives in any event i attend even if i leave early...i just know when its time for me to leave...i dont expect to be entertained when i go out or have benefits other than the pleasure of spending time with others meeting a soul mate really doesnt come into play..because if god wills it i meet them anyway..however long or short it is its always a pleasure to meet new people even if i hardly say a word...i am listening...observing and reflecting...deb

[sillyanswer]

Right, but if those friends knew people that were single, they'd eventually get them to come out or what not (introduce you to them). I just noticed with these Meetups, a lot of people join the groups, but never go to the actual events. Or perhaps show up one time and never see them again. Happened at the Halloween party, got to know a couple of women at the event.

 

Maybe, but they'd still have to make those new friends first. Perhaps that's not the search strategy they want to use, and neither of us know if their method is successful.

 

When I got home, contacted them to say how nice it was to meet them and if they plans on going to future Meetups. No response or sometimes they would come up with excuses not to come. Some aren't willing to stick it out past a single event to attend additional events.

 

In relation to not replying to you or giving excuses, that just means they didn't fancy you. You know this.

 

In relation to not going to repeat events with the same group, there are other meetup groups they could try full of people they've never met. That sounds like a better strategy (opportunity to meet many people) than going to the same event hoping to meet whoever is 'new' to that group. I'm not really sure why you don't get this.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Just because you meet somebody and they're nice and stuff like that doesn't mean that there is enough there to form a friendship from! Friendships take time and maintenance and if the connection is not really there then why go through the motions, I think a lot of the people you are talking about have a great social life and friendships but are just lacking in the mate department!