If a marriage proposal is declined and the man then goes NC, is that fair or harsh?

[denise_xo]

I agree with the general sentiment that he's under no obligation to keep in contact. It makes sense that he wants to move on with his life when he realised that his priorities weren't the same as your friend's. If he's in a new relationship, it's also quite reasonable that he doesn't want exes to be part of his new life.

[Fiorella87]

update from just a couple days ago:

 

Ok so my friend was just quickly looking at his profile out of curiosity, only to see new pictures of them and his status now updated to engaged.

 

She's ok that he found his happiness but is surprised that he was able to recover and propose again. But yes, she did said that though he was a good bf then, she still wouldn't have been the one for him.

Edited January 3, 2015 by Fiorella87

[stillafool]

Oh good for him and his new gf. Hope they are happy. Now your gf can stop stalking his profile and move on with her life. It's good that both of them ended up happy (your gf with her bf and her ex with his new fiancee).

[optomistic_nonsense]

Ok so....boyfriend proposes to GF after being with her for 3 years give or take. GF says "no" because she's nervous. BF has since moved, found a new relationship, and GF and/or you feel as though he's acting harsh.

 

I don't mean to sound course but...I really don't see anything wrong with this situation, unless there's much more we as an audience don't know.

 

I do however find it hard to believe that after being w/someone for THREE YEARS, you'd feel nervous. May I ask the age of this man and woman? To say "no" based on feeling nervous...to me that's not a reason to decline a marriage proposal if you are truly in love with that person. I feel as though something's missing from this story, but based on the description given, I'd say he's acting pretty normal. I'm sure he was crushed that this woman whom he thought loved him deeply declined the proposal. It'd be like a slap in the face IMO.

[Fiorella87]

Ok so....boyfriend proposes to GF after being with her for 3 years give or take. GF says "no" because she's nervous. BF has since moved, found a new relationship, and GF and/or you feel as though he's acting harsh.

Yes, that was her reason when she declined it. She didn't feel the same way and wasn't sure if she wanted to make such commitment. From what she told me the day it happened, she did loved him but just couldn't accept his proposal (and felt guilty for leading him on when he once brought up a conversation of wanting to form a family but thought he was just talking) and was trying to be nice when turning him down but yes it still hurt him. At the time they were both 24 year-olds. Now the guy is 30.

 

But yes he has now moved on and is engaged to another woman just recently.

[Diezel]

But yes he has now moved on and is engaged to another woman just recently.

 

Good for him. Looks like he dodged a major bullet.

[Zahara]

She was shocked to lose him not only as a bf (she didn't said no to the relationship)

 

But yes, she did said that though he was a good bf then, she still wouldn't have been the one for him.

 

Yet she kept the relationship going for 3 years?

 

So when she declined his proposal, knowing she wasn't the one for him, she would have still dragged him along in the relationship?

[samaraa]

Ok so my friend was just quickly looking at his profile out of curiosity, only to see new pictures of them and his status now updated to engaged.

 

She's ok that he found his happiness but is surprised that he was able to recover and propose again. But yes, she did said that though he was a good bf then, she still wouldn't have been the one for him.

 

Glad your friend decided to leave him alone. It's best for both of them.

 

But despite assurances that this was all friendly and light, I'm skeptical. Stalking ex's FB profile is unhealthy, especially after he already rejected contact. She saw "new pictures" of them together--had already seen photos of ex with new gf, when she'd decided to contact him anyway! Questionable motivations written all over it.

 

I wonder why your friend was "surprised that he was able to recover and propose again," especially after all these years. She thought he'd never move on? Maybe a deep part of her hoped he wouldn't? Those questions aren't for answering here, but some she might need to honestly face.

 

Perhaps your friend isn't "ok that he found his happiness," as she claims. It might be beneficial for her to seek professional counseling. Either way, she definitely needs to keep away from the ex and stop viewing his FB profile.

[changchewsoon]

update from just a couple days ago:

 

Ok so my friend was just quickly looking at his profile out of curiosity, only to see new pictures of them and his status now updated to engaged.

 

She's ok that he found his happiness but is surprised that he was able to recover and propose again. But yes, she did said that though he was a good bf then, she still wouldn't have been the one for him.

 

Your friend has some serious issues, she needs to leave him alone and work on herself. Seriously.

[MJJean]

My friend declined her then bf's marriage proposal way back in 2009. They had been together for a slightly more than 3 years at the time but their relationship didn't ever recover afterwards. Her reason was that she was nervous about it and even though she loved him, didn't really feel the same way.

 

They only lasted for a couple months but when they broke up, he immediately went NC and till this day they haven't been on speaking terms. Even though the guy already has a gf, when my friend tried sending him a friend request recently and thought after a long while he was over it, he declined it. Isn't this too harsh? If it's already been years, should he welcome her as a friend? They were best friends before dating.

 

At the time, my friend was trying to make him feel better and thought they can at least be friends but he refused and didn't take it well. She was shocked to lose him not only as a bf (she didn't said no to the relationship) but also as a friend. Basically to that guy it's like she doesn't exist. I think that's harsh. My friend never cheated on him and was a good gf. Only thing she did was decline his proposal but to treat her like she doesn't exist anymore? Isn't this too much?

 

I don't think it's harsh at all. Relationships don't live in stasis. They either grow and evolve or die. By turning down his proposal she was letting him know the relationship wasn't going to grow and evolve. The relationship was, really, a dead end. Why on Earth would he want to stay in a dead end relationship with her or be her friend when he could make a clean break and move on with his life?

 

update from just a couple days ago:

 

Ok so my friend was just quickly looking at his profile out of curiosity, only to see new pictures of them and his status now updated to engaged.

 

She's ok that he found his happiness but is surprised that he was able to recover and propose again. But yes, she did said that though he was a good bf then, she still wouldn't have been the one for him.

 

WTactualF? Someone should tell this girl that she isn't the only worthy fish in the sea and that it's no surprise that after 6 years he found love with a good woman who wants to marry him and have a life together.

 

Someone should also tell her to stop stalking his FB profile. She turned him down. He moved on and wants no contact. Case closed. Where he is, what he is doing, and who with is none of her business. He let go and moved on, why didn't she?

 

Yet she kept the relationship going for 3 years?

 

So when she declined his proposal, knowing she wasn't the one for him, she would have still dragged him along in the relationship?

Right! Did no one tell her the purpose of a relationship for most people is to determine if the couple want to marry? She honestly had no clue, even after he mentioned a future together and a 3 year relationship, that he'd either want to get married or move on to another relationship that would lead to marriage?

 

Your friend has some serious issues, she needs to leave him alone and work on herself. Seriously.

^^ Truth.

[preraph]

It's a lot of hurt to have a proposal refused. Granted, someone shouldn't propose if they have any doubt the woman will say yes. If there's doubt, then it's not time yet, you know. Should have talked all around the subject by then, made sure goals are lined up and you agree on kids and finances.

[dancehead]

I have just been rejected for marriage by a girl I have had an on-off relationship with for over 10 years. We had been seeing each other again really just for sex for 6 months. I wanted more but she was keeping me secret. I won't write much as it needs its own thread but basically the reason for the rejection was that she has met a new guy a month ago that I didn't know about. So I not only lose her as a future wife, I lost her to a new guy. That hurts.

 

She wants to be friends! But I only feel like NC, still talking to her will hurt too much. Some women can seem to do friends with exes and think there is nothing wrong with it. The pictures she paints of it are far removed from my reality. It makes me question if the 'love' she had was real in the first place if she can switch so quickly from lovers to friends.

[elaine567]

I have just been rejected for marriage by a girl I have had an on-off relationship with for over 10 years. We had been seeing each other again really just for sex for 6 months. I wanted more but she was keeping me secret. I won't write much as it needs its own thread but basically the reason for the rejection was that she has met a new guy a month ago that I didn't know about. So I not only lose her as a future wife, I lost her to a new guy. That hurts.

 

She wants to be friends! But I only feel like NC, still talking to her will hurt too much. Some women can seem to do friends with exes and think there is nothing wrong with it. The pictures she paints of it are far removed from my reality. It makes me question if the 'love' she had was real in the first place if she can switch so quickly from lovers to friends.

 

Only the dumper wants to be friends, usually to salve their own conscience, the dumpee usually cannot handle being friends.

[Mittens]

Your 'friend' sounds like a massive egotist to me.

 

First, she rejects his marriage proposal and then is annoyed when he promptly dumps her and doesn't want to stay in contact.

 

Second, she knows he is in a relationship but still sends friend requests and then wonders why he doesn't respond.

 

Thirdly, she's amazed that after 3 years he's got engaged. Obviously she thought that he was supposed to mourn her loss forever...

 

I'd tell her to grow up, and get her head out of her ****ing arse. She's not the special little princess she obviously thinks she is.

[veggirl]

update from just a couple days ago:

 

Ok so my friend was just quickly looking at his profile out of curiosity, only to see new pictures of them and his status now updated to engaged.

 

She's ok that he found his happiness but is surprised that he was able to recover and propose again. But yes, she did said that though he was a good bf then, she still wouldn't have been the one for him.

 

Your..."friend" sounds VERY self-absorbed. I mean gosh how dare this guy recover from HER AMAZINGNESS???

 

She's probably jealous too...why so much thought into her ex she rejected? Sounds jealous that he moved on and got what he wanted and she is still...the same.

[JS84]

I think it was inappropriate on her part. Especially since it sounds like he wanted nothing to do with her after his proposal was rejected and managed to move on. I'm glad she decided not to reach out further after her friendship request was rejected.

 

I don't care how "nice" you try to be when rejecting a marriage proposal, you're still rejecting a marriage proposal. I doubt that's something you really "get over". Your friend sounds a bit naive.

 

And who knows he might have gotten over it, he just doesn't want any type of contact with an ex he was close to now that he's engaged.