1980alence Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 I have an above average libido, and I’m wondering how to find out if a girl I’m interested in also likes regular/frequent sex (before we actually start). My last gf wanted it like monthly, but it took years to find out the truth. She said she’d always been that way – it wasn’t a problem with us. So is there any way to ask what a girl really wants in that department when you’ve just started dating? Any way to tell otherwise? I want to avoid dating someone for 6+ months just to find out that they don’t really like sex very often, but were trying to hook me into a long term relationship. I’ve had a couple gf’s even admit that they did just that in the past. I don’t dig casual sex much and get easily attached, so it’s a bit of a conundrum for me. I’ve learned that girls purposely cater to a guy’s desires in the beginning then slow down when the relationship gets serious. I’d rather avoid that whole situation and not even get serious with a girl if she doesn’t truly like regular sex. Any ideas?
Thegreatestthing Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 You can just ask how often do you like sex,say it jokingly. I'm wondering the same thing about a friend of mine,I can't tell how sexual he is.
Author 1980alence Posted December 1, 2014 Author Posted December 1, 2014 You can just ask how often do you like sex,say it jokingly. I'm wondering the same thing about a friend of mine,I can't tell how sexual he is. Thanks for your reply! I can see how it could be a tricky subject to ask a guy - he might want to exaggerate... I'd personally answer honestly if I was asked outright. If a girl asked me what was the most and least frequent I'd be happy with, they'd probably get the information they needed to make a choice. I'd answer 5-14 times per week, for example. So when would be a good time to ask this sort of question of a girl? First date too soon? Second? I get so hung up on girls that I don't like to date casually or be talking to more than one at a time...
somedude81 Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 I made a very similar thread a while ago How do I find a woman with a really high sex drive? I have the same problem you do. My sex drive is a bit excessive. You may be able to talk to her and ask how often she prefers to have sex. Though the best way may just be to sleep with her and then see how excited she gets about sex and feel for how much she wants it. 1
Author 1980alence Posted December 1, 2014 Author Posted December 1, 2014 I made a very similar thread a while ago How do I find a woman with a really high sex drive? I have the same problem you do. My sex drive is a bit excessive. You may be able to talk to her and ask how often she prefers to have sex. Though the best way may just be to sleep with her and then see how excited she gets about sex and feel for how much she wants it. Thanks for the link! Reading through your thread now. Lots of predictable advice. Lots of people saying obvious things like, "it waxes and wanes so there's no hope" - of course reality exists and ppl can change, but I know for a fact that some women average higher than others. My goal is to at least start with a good match. I can work with the other stuff.
Author 1980alence Posted December 1, 2014 Author Posted December 1, 2014 Somedude81, I have to thank you - you really went through the gauntlet in that thread to get a few good nuggets of information that actually answered the initial question. I've been in a few long relationships (up to 4.5 yrs), and I don't think you were ever unreasonable in the thread. I have learned that women can change though, and external factors do indeed affect their mojo more than they affect the average man's... I dated one girl who suddenly just got permanently bummed that she wasn't richer and her libido switched off. That was around the 3 yr point :/. If we had been a better match I would have stuck it out and helped her through, but I ended it for a few other reasons as well.
somedude81 Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 No problem. I'm still inexperienced regarding relationships and women. Once I realized how much I enjoy sex with a woman I care about, it only seemed natural to find a woman who would want sex almost as much as I do. People on this forum can be harsh to me, but every once in a while some some really good stuff comes out. I'm glad the thread was helpful.
Author 1980alence Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 ...Though the best way may just be to sleep with her and then see how excited she gets about sex and feel for how much she wants it. I think this is probably the best answer, after reading a lot. So many women seem to be freaked out by numbers and any expectations. I used to think you really could talk about anything, but even breaching the subject can do permanent damage - at least it has with a couple women I've tried to talk to.
preraph Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Since everyone seems to judge others using theirs as the "normal" baseline, there is only one way to find out, Dude. And never forget that women become way more interested in sex if they're in love and you're doing all the right things outside of bed too. And many many women need to be with a guy for awhile without a bunch of problems before they will really let go and trust them with their most intimate selves. 2
Jules Dash Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 I never really even thought about how to ask this question. Usually after the first major makeout session or two, me and my date will just start discussing what we like during sex and I would ask how often they like sex or she would ask me. It was always a very natural and easy conversation. I have had an awkward or bad situation arise just from asking. I would just ask straight out after things get really heavy or actual intercourse occurs.
PogoStick Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Just ask her. Tell your date, Sex is really important to me and I like to have it OFTEN. What about you? If I'm feeling a girl on the first or second date I do have this conversation. I get it in the open quickly.
somedude81 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 One more thing. A womans sex drive can be affected by her partners. If a man has a high drive, and frequently and respectfully initiates sex, most likely the woman's drive will increase. I'll never forget my ex randomly telling me while we were out on a walk that she's amazed out how much sex we've been having and that's she's never done it so frequently before. 1
Under The Radar Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 I had an ex that stressed the importance of make up sex ...... break up sex ...... and then having sex with you one more time AFTER the break just to show she could still get you back. She took grudge ****ing to a whole new level. Man, those were the days
kaylan Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 I have an above average libido, and I’m wondering how to find out if a girl I’m interested in also likes regular/frequent sex (before we actually start). My last gf wanted it like monthly, but it took years to find out the truth. She said she’d always been that way – it wasn’t a problem with us. So is there any way to ask what a girl really wants in that department when you’ve just started dating? Any way to tell otherwise? I want to avoid dating someone for 6+ months just to find out that they don’t really like sex very often, but were trying to hook me into a long term relationship. I’ve had a couple gf’s even admit that they did just that in the past. I don’t dig casual sex much and get easily attached, so it’s a bit of a conundrum for me. I’ve learned that girls purposely cater to a guy’s desires in the beginning then slow down when the relationship gets serious. I’d rather avoid that whole situation and not even get serious with a girl if she doesn’t truly like regular sex. Any ideas? Honestly, you never know until you sleep with her for a while...over the course of a few months or several months. Its one thing for a person to say this or that about their sex drive. Its another thing for it to be a reality. Sometimes their drive just is what it is...sometimes they bait and switch...sometimes the chemistry isnt right for their to be the right sex drive....and sometimes the novelty of a new lover has worn off and they arent the kinda person to actively try and keep spice in the bedroom. A lot of things can happen. You wont know someone's sex drive though until you sleep with them for some time and have good chemistry with them as well.
Author 1980alence Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 Thanks for all of the responses everyone! I asked this on the men's health forum and got an interesting response that I wanted to share: How do I ask/find out about a woman's sex drive? | Men's Health That's great that you really want to stick to one woman and want to make sure she's right for you sexually before even getting started. It's just really hard to tell. Come to think of it, what I CAN tell you is that the majority of women are not interested in looking at pictures of the nude male physique, but if you found one that DOES enjoy male nudity (frontal), you're likely to have a live one! If I were a guy trying to get a feel for a woman, I'd probably get on the subject of movies and somehow jokingly say, "I bet you'll be seeing the sequel to Magic Mike when it comes out, huh!" I'd watch her reaction closely. If she's like, "Oh yeah!" then she's got a fire going. If she says, "What?! No way," then I think she will be a tough one to keep aroused.
Redhead14 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 I have an above average libido, and I’m wondering how to find out if a girl I’m interested in also likes regular/frequent sex (before we actually start). My last gf wanted it like monthly, but it took years to find out the truth. She said she’d always been that way – it wasn’t a problem with us. So is there any way to ask what a girl really wants in that department when you’ve just started dating? Any way to tell otherwise? I want to avoid dating someone for 6+ months just to find out that they don’t really like sex very often, but were trying to hook me into a long term relationship. I’ve had a couple gf’s even admit that they did just that in the past. I don’t dig casual sex much and get easily attached, so it’s a bit of a conundrum for me. I’ve learned that girls purposely cater to a guy’s desires in the beginning then slow down when the relationship gets serious. I’d rather avoid that whole situation and not even get serious with a girl if she doesn’t truly like regular sex. Any ideas? Call me at 555-1212 LOL . . . it's a tricky thing, but make remarks jokingly, if she chimes in, you'll get a sense for it. 2
central Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Before you ask her how often she likes sex, ask her how long her longest relationships lasted. For those that lasted over 2 to 3 years, then ask how was the sex in the last few months to a year before breaking up - and how and why they broke up. There's a hormonally induced higher libido during the first 18 months to 2+ years of a new relationship. After that, sex falls off in most relationships. You want to try to find out their libido level once past that point, and what affected it. If the relationship remained great for a while after the hormones wore off, but the sex declined, their real baseline is the amount they wanted sex then. So even if you date a while, you can't be sure the libido you experience will last - if it's higher than you want, perhaps it will decline to a level you find comfortable in a couple of years. But it rarely if ever increases, no matter what you do. 2
GG3 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Please do not try the magic mike tactic. LOL. I wouldn't say yes to that and I'm a nympho. 4
GG3 Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Ask about past relationships and "what is the freakiest things you have ever done?" If she has some stuff to say I think that will tell you. 1
venusishername Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 So when would be a good time to ask this sort of question of a girl? First date too soon? Second? I get so hung up on girls that I don't like to date casually or be talking to more than one at a time... Please do not ask her this question so soon. I would wait until you are pretty damn close to if not already having sex. That question would totally rub me the wrong way if right off the bat. I actually shared voluntarily with the guy I've been seeing for under a month the frequency of sex that I like. He seemed pretty happy with that! The difference is we have already been physical. I don't think I would even say anything if we hadn't. If it's such a pressing question to you, I'd really wait before bringing this up. Is it going to be a dealbreaker for you?? If not, don't even bother mentioning. 2
CaliGypsy Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 One indication is her interest in the subject, and the ease that you can discuss it with her. For me , also , I find it's easier at the age I am now. I found expressing myself when I was younger wasn't as easy. Being with someone who wasn't kindred didn't help either. Being able to communicate is key to a mutually satisfying sexual relationship IMO. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 The bottom line is that you will never know what kind of libido anyone really has until you're already neck deep in the thick of things. I'm a woman with a very high sex drive. After being in a sexless marriage for way too long, I came out of that relationship realizing just how important sex and sexual intimacy is to me and my relationships. When I started to date again, I had the exact same thoughts as you; how do I find out a guy's sex drive sooner rather than later so I can avoid getting stuck in yet another sexually frustrated relationship? Let's face it, it's all good in the beginning. Everything is new and exhilarating. Things are hot and heavy and it's easy to get caught up in the excitement of a fresh relationship. You're both star-crossed lovers wearing rose colored glasses which means you're WAY more inclined to say and do whatever it takes in the heat of the moment to get what you want/need. The test is AFTER the honeymoon phase comes and goes and when the dust finally settles. In MY humble experience, I've met many men who talked a really great talk about how virile they were but very few came come close to living up to their sexual prowess. Can you imagine my surprise? It's not long before the "real" guy appears who is quite content with his beer, baseball and the occasional blowjob leaving me to wonder "What the hell happened?" Moral of the story? If you're lucky enough to find a someone who is comfortable telling you how often they enjoy sex, take it with a grain of salt. This is another good example where actions speak louder than words. Good luck. 5
Rejected Rosebud Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 But sometimes sexual incompatibility kills some women's libido, I mean if it's not a very good experience she can kind of shut down that way but possibly remain attached and want to stay with the guy - while with the right guy she could be a sex fiend! 2
bolase Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 For what it's worth (I agree with other posters like Michelle above in their sentiments), I find a correlation between men who truly enjoy food and those who enjoy sex, like in a special way where they really appreciate intricacies and devour things letting you know how much they are enjoying it... I mentioned this to a guy friend and he said omg same, so perhaps there's something in it? My last boyfriend was straight a into his dinner, no imagination when it came to cooking kinda guy..appreciated nice restaurants but more for the atmosphere than food...no passion or appreciation for it. Same in the bedroom. 1
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