LovelessChica Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 Hello LoveShack world, Where to start... Well, from the beginning I suppose; My name is CC I am 29 years old, I have been married for 10 years together for 14, (yes i started out very young.) And I have fallen out of love...* My story is very long, but i will make it short and sweet. We both have had are share in wrong doings, I am not going to sit here and make up excuses or say, "he was the one that did everything wrong," absolutely not, because we have both done things to get to this place. So let's start with me; I got married and I was barely out of high school, I was never the perfect house wife, nor did I try to be. As the years went by I got better at it, but I was really young and there were things I didn't know how to deal with and I dealt with them because I thought I didn't deserve any better.I always felt that I was never good enough for anyone else because of my fiscal aperance, I never felt smart enough I thought I was a no body and i deserved exactly what was coming to me. So when things presented themselfs, like that my husband was a drunk and I didn't realize after 6 months of being married, I dealt with it because I didn't know better, I thought even at a tender age of 19 I thought a marriage is supposed to be for ever and ever and I must endure all of it. Again, it wasn’t all his fault. (No i am not defending him, you really had to be married to me ). Even thought he was a drunk, he never abused me fisically. But he did emotionally abuse me. And now because I am an adult and understand things better* I will not tolerate it. He is now alcohol free, he has changed for the better, he is a better person all together. And so am I, I have a great job, I am not that lazy house wife anymore, I work hard everyday. I've also improved my fiscal aperance and i did it all for him in the beginning because i though something was wrong with me and this was my way of showing him my "love." *But, oh yes there is a but, because of all that I have been trough with him, and don't get me wrong im so happy for him that he has changed, but I am not in love with him anymore. Does this usually happen after a long marriage? Do people just deal with it and stay? Or do they say hell with it and walk away to find your true love? Does that even exist in real life? Do men and woman actually find that someone that you are meant to be with, the one that no matter what he or she does you love them? Or is that all just in fairy tales? Maybe I just want that, that love that makes your insides turn, that your body explodes everytime you see your significant other, because now all I see is someone I care about, someone that I love as a family member like a sibling, not that fire burning, soul hurting, timeless love. Does that exist anymore? Because if it doesn't please let me know and I will stop all this nonsense... and try and fall in love again, if that is even possible... Let me know your thoughts. Thank you. CC dreamer of love in MD. Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 What you are experiencing is fairly common, especially for people who have been together as long as you have. The fact is, the kind of passion you are describing usually burns out eventually unless you actively work on keeping it alive. Even the most passionate relationships suffer this kind of burnout. I would bet that if you leave your marriage and find someone else you feel "weak in the knees" for, eventually, that feeling will fade, too, unless you work on keeping it alive. I would suggest couples counseling for you two before you walk away in search of a fantasy that will inevitably be fleeting. If you have been together 10 years, there must have been something there, right? Why not work on finding out if you can get it back. It's probably just as likely as finding "true love" with someone else that won't eventually put you in the same situation down the road. At least if you work on it and it doesn't work out, you can say you did everything you could with no regrets. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
slizl Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 You CAN save this marriage! You have been together for a long time now and yes, the passion seems to have fizzled which is completely normal. You both have changed for the better and now you just need to invigorate the relationship! - Go out on a romantic date and have him wear a suit and you wear a dress and have him open doors for you and pull out your seat, etc. - Maybe try something new out in the bedroom that you have never done before - Give the guy a compliment or two and hopefully he will throw a couple your way as well - Go out of your way to be really nice to him and do some things for him and maybe this will encourage him to reciprocate 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelessChica Posted December 1, 2014 Author Share Posted December 1, 2014 Thank you for your responces, I did forget to mention all that you have put in your responces, like go on a romantic date, we did that, and it was all planned by me. We have tried counseling, both by a therapist and also by "God," we started going to church to try and fix it, i thought maybe if we get closer to God, find a religion it would help and again all planned and executed because of me. And don't get me wrong I didn't mind any of it because I felt I was really trying, but isn't this supposed to be a marriage between the both of us, aren't we supposed to be doing stuff together to try and fix it together. Or even better, aren't we supposed to talk about things together and fix it together, he never speaks he doesn't say anything, just nods and agrees with what I say, so I stopped completely. Believe me when I say this, I have tried 100% for both of us. A girl needs to be cared for, loved, thought of, but I always did all the romantic things in the relationship. For once I want to be thought of, for him to say get ready I'm taking you out. There is a saying that goes like this, a relationship or a marriage is 50-50 to make it 100%, but I like to think that a person should give there 100% always not just 50%. But I am not even getting 5% back from him, not even now that he has changed in other aspects of his life, I am still not at the top of his list, when he has always been at the top of mine even at his wrose, I always supported him, I would love just a little bit of it in return... is that too much to ask for... idk... Link to post Share on other sites
GirlStillStrong Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 I recommend you read Harville Hendrix. He knows all about what you describe. He has written some books but also provides lots of great info in articles on his website. Here is a link: Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. - Bestselling author of "Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples" Link to post Share on other sites
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