He scares me, is this normal?

[claudiathorpe]

I met a most wonderful man, we've been together for 2 years and well, I am not a pretty woman at all and he is just the most gorgeous man you could ever lay your eyes on.

He's just absolutely beautiful. My problem is I hurt him so much , I was scared of falling for him feeling he was out of my league and I got scared and cheated on him. He forgave me and I did it to him again and yet again he forgave me.

 

So many women flirt with him constantly and he never cheated back, he's been completely faithful to me, I don't deserve a man like this, he's not only handsome but so kind to me. So why does he scare me like this?

 

I don't want to lose him.

[Barby]

Girl you better get it together and get some self esteem before someone else comes along and takes him. You're trying to sabatoge this so that *he* won't be the one to hurt you...but come on.....

 

I suggest either personal therapy or some serious inner soul searching and lots of making up to him and showing him how special he is to you!

[claudiathorpe]

He really is special to me, I don't want anyone else to have him EVER. But what if he leaves me some where down the line? Why would a man that looks like him want a woman that looks like me?

[Barby]

Why would a man that looks like him want a woman that looks like me?

Because maybe he's not SHALLOW like some people! Maybe he saw your beauty within and fell in love with the person you are inside.

 

Seriously if you don't get a grip then you will probably lose him without question. People resent being cheated on and treated badly, another peice of advice, don't be overly jealous or possesive or that too could push him away.

[claudiathorpe]

No he's not shallow at all, he is always telling me I am beautiful, I tell him he's crazy and he says that hurts, but I cant help the way I feel.

I do get horribly jealous and possessive but he NEVER gets mad at me, he just reassures me of how much he loves me. Why would he still be so kind to me even after I hurt him?? He never goes out without telling me where he'll be AND he's always where he says he will be, I have access to his email, voicemail, just everything. Why does he do this?

 

He just scares me I've never known such a wonderful man.

[Barby]

Why does he do this?

 

Because he loves you obviously you must feel you don't deserve a man who's actually "a good guy" or else you wouldn't doubt all these things about him. I don't know you or what you've done but maybe it's time you give yourself a chance to be loved and allow him to love you without you trying to damage that. Stop seeking the bad in him when obviously he is a good person and by the time you find the "bad" you'll probably have pushed him away already.

 

 

Do yourself a favor and chill..accept his love...his word....and the fact that you are beautiful to him.

[claudiathorpe]

I don't want to end up pushing him away, all your words are true. Do you think it is too late to show him how I feel or will he eventually give up on me? Have I already done too much damage to our relationship?

[InLimbo2]

You are doin it again in this post - looking for the negative, a hint that he'll change his mind and leave.

 

Did you ever watch Sex And The City? The relationship between Ms Uptown Charlotte and the short pudgy bald Jewish guy? They both *knew* on the surface she was outta his league, and she blurted it out and he split - only then did she humble herself and realize just what she had after it was gone - and managed to win him back.

 

We see people every day - couples that appear mismatched on "looks league" - there is a reason - they love each other.

 

Relax and enjoy the love of a good man!

[whichwayisup]

He really is special to me, I don't want anyone else to have him EVER. But what if he leaves me some where down the line? Why would a man that looks like him want a woman that looks like me?

 

He's told you why he loves you. Just wish you would believe in yourself. He isn't going to leave you - That is your fear. You don't feel beautiful - Yet he thinks you ARE! These are your own issues that have to be dealt with. You need to learn to love yourself, look in the mirror and FEEL GOOD about that face looking back at you and smile!

 

He can prove his love to you daily, but you won't believe it until that love comes from inside you. I suggest therapy and do it soon.

 

You have a keeper there, and he isn't going to go anywhere. Include him in this process. Tell him how you feel and that you are going to work on yourself so you will feel better about you. This isn't about him and I think he knows that. He has stuck by you because he loves you.

[claudiathorpe]

I am trying to relax and sometimes I do, but then I get so insecure and we argue a lot. Well I yell at him......he just gives me this look like he thinks I am insane but he never leaves my side, he'd at times joke saying "You're nuts but I love you anyway". I try not to be offended or maybe he does think I am crazy?

 

I know I have found a keeper but if you could see some of the women that go after him, I don't feel like any woman could take him BUT I do feel like he'd just leave on his own one day.

This is the man I've wanted my whole life and now I've found him I can't seem to keep my mind straight.

[papafrita]

in my humble opinion, dont make this about him only.

 

I agree with whichwayisup on you won't believe it until that love comes from inside you.

 

unless u have a very strong argument that u havent yet exposed about ur inner fears of losing him, all what u have said just claim for some self esteem adjustment.

 

I dont know u but i think u need to build up some confidence. Remember ur life is now, and this guy, I am sure is not Mr Perfect, but he made a choice. He choose you and this very moment he is trying to be accepted by u.

 

Ur not accepting him entirely, ur not letting this man to get into ur life.

Pls give him a chance.

Cos u say u love him but ur not doing anything to stand up for ur beliefs. Maybe only for the beliefs that support the idea ur some spinster material.

 

He is not able to do anything to help u without ur consent. BUT falling deliberately in panic will be ur choice only. Life is not as simple as "ugly" girl+"handsome" guy= Failure. Most of the time is :I consider myself not worthy+A guy who claims the opposite= kick him out cos that cant be remotely true.

 

Please consider ur current attitude. And "best" of all for someone in ur shoes--- he will always believe ur wonderful! Yeah its scary he's got faith in u. I think u are capable of learning how to accept these new facts in ur life so u can move on away from ur fears.

[claudiathorpe]

I am paying close attention to all of this wonderful advice, I am trying to spend more time working on our relationship than I am trying to find a fault in it.

 

But we got into an argument last night and he isn't very pleased with me, I know he will forgive me for getting so angry because he always does, but I know I need to stop being so jealous.

 

My jealousy is getting worse, he doesn't have ANY female friends because of me, is this wrong of me?

[papafrita]

Only once u move forward to the point where there is nothing wrong with u, in general terms, so u totally deserve to have a healthy relationship where love and being loved is not a chance, but the rule, u can start dealing with consecuences of ur acts.

 

Not saying i have the last word on this, but do u mind to read the paragraph above once again? Cool.

 

Now, welcome to the place where no matter ur look, ur social status nor ur annual income matter cos even when u are aiming at ur inner problems and insecurities usually our partners end up as targets. And i think this is where u should focus now: u have had a couple ---or some upsetting attitudes towards ur bf. But i wanted to point out that we have all done such once in our lives. So, start thinking about fixing some bad habits of urs.

 

Just start appreciating the facts of ur love life, no need to adjust urself, like pretending to be someone u "think" he would love more to be with. Remember, he likes to be with u.

 

Dont be afraid like hes got a hidden personality and one day he will just spit at u how lousy he felt all this time, "tolerating" u, and dealing with " ur issues". Thats torturing urself. Stop projecting those unplesant situations in ur mind and pls go back to the real scenario, where he is anyway waiting for a nicer reaction to ur environment, which he is part of. I am sure he is waiting for u to connect and stop dealing with demons like jealousy, daily arguing and unpleasant situations in public (i added this up).

 

Just one thing, and thats all real, give urself a deadline, talk openly and honestly to him about ur intentions, if u really have them, to experience this relationship in a different way. Give him some hope and joy as well, cos obviously u both have experienced frustration at any point till now.

 

This is not about discipline, he will not punish u and walk out of the door, all this in a soap opera way. Drama only comes into our lives if that's part of our standards.

 

Pls, respect him, we all deserve to be respected, he is not a target.

[claudiathorpe]

Yes we are practically arguing everyday, it's becoming frustrating.

I do love him so much but I feel like I have done so much we are just doomed. papafrita he loved me so much and I just know I have ruined a lot of that feeling over time he's come to change, not at all in a bad way he is still as respectful and kind as he was from the start. Just that it has changed and I can see it.

 

Can he ever love me like he once did?