Flu and TDAP shot before letting anyone see new baby?

[preraph]

All I can say is when I go see someone's baby, it's not because I have a blind desire to see the baby but because I'm going as a courtesy to the proud mom. I would do her a big favor and not take any chances by not going at all until she feels the baby is reinforced by steel and completely bulletproof. And Donnivain is right about the immunity, but if it as doctor's orders there might be some reason, an immune issue or whatever.

[pink_sugar]

Jesus, helicopter parenting at it's finest. I can see this poor kid growing up with mommy doing everything. I will never get the flu shot as it's so rare that I get the flu it's not even worth feeling flu-like symptoms after the shot. No thanks.

[bathtub-row]

They do have the right to ask. You have the right to ask anything you want. GH101 also has the right to say no.

 

I ask people to remove their shoes in my house, which is my right. If you don't like my rule...you have the right to not visit my house. (yes, if you have a medical reason, Im willing to make exceptions)

 

I don't understand the anger at this family. She just had her second kid, during flu season, in an area with a whooping cough outbreak. She got advice from her doctor and hospital and she decided to follow it.

 

GH101 this is not to you, it is to general population...If you don't want to get the immunized fine, don't. But understand if someone makes it a requirements to visit their house, don't be angry, either get them or don't visit.

 

If their child gets sick, the people that brought in into their house will not be the ones sitting in the hospital, paying the medical bills, missing work, worrying about recovery, it will be this mom and this dad. They have every right to try their best to reduce the chances of having to go thru that.

 

There are way to many parents, who don't care much about their kids. Sad but true. Lets not be so hard on the ones trying to do what they feel is the right thing.

 

Requiring someone to take their shoes off is a lot different than requiring them to introduce a virus into their body. Of course they can ask that, but they have no right to get pissed off if people don't want to comply. Because of the way they're reacting, it's obviously not an option in their minds. Either you do what they want or they're going to get pissed off and offended. Thats not really a request. And in that sense they have no right to do that.

[sweetjasmine]

Jesus, helicopter parenting at it's finest. I can see this poor kid growing up with mommy doing everything. I will never get the flu shot as it's so rare that I get the flu it's not even worth feeling flu-like symptoms after the shot. No thanks.

 

How is it helicopter parenting? It's something that's recommended by the CDC. And OP said there have been pertussis cases in the area they live in. It's a reasonable precaution.

 

I don't know, maybe more infants do need to be hospitalized and/or die before people start taking serious infectious diseases seriously again. Anyone want to volunteer theirs?

[bathtub-row]

All I know is that shortly after my son was born, my husband and I both came down with a horrible case of the flu. I could barely take care of my son, I was so sick. But my son never got the flu. When I asked about it, I seem to remember my doctor telling me that it's very hard for infants to catch the flu. However that was over 20 yrs ago and I don't fully remember the conversation. If others say that babies can catch the flu, then I'm sure it's possible. I don't know why my son didn't catch it.

 

As far as this couple is concerned, I think they're making too much of an issue out of this. It's like an attention-getting/control tactic. The fact that they're acting cold toward to OP is very telling. Kids are born every day. People visit them every day. If they're that paranoid, then they should just tell everyone to stay away.

[GH101]

They do have the right to ask. You have the right to ask anything you want. GH101 also has the right to say no.

 

I ask people to remove their shoes in my house, which is my right. If you don't like my rule...you have the right to not visit my house. (yes, if you have a medical reason, Im willing to make exceptions)

 

I don't understand the anger at this family. She just had her second kid, during flu season, in an area with a whooping cough outbreak. She got advice from her doctor and hospital and she decided to follow it.

 

GH101 this is not to you, it is to general population...If you don't want to get the immunized fine, don't. But understand if someone makes it a requirements to visit their house, don't be angry, either get them or don't visit.

 

If their child gets sick, the people that brought in into their house will not be the ones sitting in the hospital, paying the medical bills, missing work, worrying about recovery, it will be this mom and this dad. They have every right to try their best to reduce the chances of having to go thru that.

 

There are way to many parents, who don't care much about their kids. Sad but true. Lets not be so hard on the ones trying to do what they feel is the right thing.

 

I just wanted to say she didn't have the baby yet. He is due in a few weeks. They started talking about these shots back during Labor Day. She sent an email a few weeks ago discussing it again. I haven't really talked to them since.

[GH101]

Well, the first pertussis vaccine can be given at 2 months, and the flu vaccine can be given at 6 months, so it's not really an issue after that.

 

 

 

That's perfectly reasonable, especially if you've had reactions to vaccines in the past. I agree that you should definitely consult your doctor if you're even considering getting a booster. It may not be a good idea for you to do it, regardless of your cousin's wishes. And I agree they shouldn't feel insulted by your deciding not to get a booster. It's still your decision.

 

 

 

It's immature to follow recommendations from your doctor and the CDC?

 

 

 

You're free to expose your baby to pertussis and whatever other illness you like, I guess, but you don't have a right to expose someone else's newborn to serious diseases.

 

 

 

Not true at all. An average of ~6,500 infants are hospitalized with influenza each year in the US, and half of them are under 3 months of age.

I

 

I have seen babies out and about that are under 2 months. A teacher brought in her three week year old the other day at my aunt's school.

 

Out of 100,000's babies born every year in the U.S., only 6500 have been hospitalized, sounds like a small number.

[GH101]

How is it helicopter parenting? It's something that's recommended by the CDC. And OP said there have been pertussis cases in the area they live in. It's a reasonable precaution.

 

I don't know, maybe more infants do need to be hospitalized and/or die before people start taking serious infectious diseases seriously again. Anyone want to volunteer theirs?

 

I never said they're have been percussis outbreaks. My cousin said they're have been. I don't hear anybody around here having it. I just think asking occasional visitors to get shots is a bit much.

[eye of the storm]

GH, it sounds like you have made up you mind to not get the shots. That is fine. You do not have to.

 

As far as... I got the flu, my baby didn't, I saw an a teachers infant out and about...That is their choices. This set of parents made a different choice. And they have just as much right to it as anyone else.

 

It drove me nuts how people tired to parent my kids when they were small. I was teased and made fun of because of how I fed my kids. Because I kept a copy of their shot records on me when we traveled. Because I took them to the doctor when I felt they needed it. I had a SIL put soda in my daughters bottle at a party because she hated how I fed my kids. i had a MIL bring the flu into my house after I begged them not to. I had to hoc stuff to pay that bill and beg my boss to not fire me. I was concerned about my son's development and had people I barely knew calling me telling me I was over reacting and so and so's kid did the exact same thing and they are fine...blah blah blah. Turned out my son needed surgery and therapy after the surgery to rehab.

 

They didn't have the term helicopter parent back then but I was called some nasty names. Here is the thing though, they were (and still are) my kids. I have to parent them my way. I can't parent them the way other people want me to or how the lady down the street does. I had to do it my way, and we all survived. They and I had to take the consequences of my choices, both good and bad. The people trying to tell me how to parent, didn't have a dog in that fight. They didn't pay my bills or buy the meds. They didn't miss work over this stuff, it was all me.

 

Unless a parent is endangering their child, I keep my nose out of how they parent. And the reason is because they are the ones who will have to deal with the results of their choices.

 

I have a friend who did not let her baby leave the house for 6 months. (except dr visits) I thought it was overkill but...not my kid. So I visited her and kept my mouth shut.

 

I don't care if nobody on the planet is getting these shots. These parents are making a choice to have this be a requirement until their child can get their shots. And they have the right to do it.

[GH101]

GH, it sounds like you have made up you mind to not get the shots. That is fine. You do not have to.

 

As far as... I got the flu, my baby didn't, I saw an a teachers infant out and about...That is their choices. This set of parents made a different choice. And they have just as much right to it as anyone else.

 

It drove me nuts how people tired to parent my kids when they were small. I was teased and made fun of because of how I fed my kids. Because I kept a copy of their shot records on me when we traveled. Because I took them to the doctor when I felt they needed it. I had a SIL put soda in my daughters bottle at a party because she hated how I fed my kids. i had a MIL bring the flu into my house after I begged them not to. I had to hoc stuff to pay that bill and beg my boss to not fire me. I was concerned about my son's development and had people I barely knew calling me telling me I was over reacting and so and so's kid did the exact same thing and they are fine...blah blah blah. Turned out my son needed surgery and therapy after the surgery to rehab.

 

They didn't have the term helicopter parent back then but I was called some nasty names. Here is the thing though, they were (and still are) my kids. I have to parent them my way. I can't parent them the way other people want me to or how the lady down the street does. I had to do it my way, and we all survived. They and I had to take the consequences of my choices, both good and bad. The people trying to tell me how to parent, didn't have a dog in that fight. They didn't pay my bills or buy the meds. They didn't miss work over this stuff, it was all me.

 

Unless a parent is endangering their child, I keep my nose out of how they parent. And the reason is because they are the ones who will have to deal with the results of their choices.

 

I have a friend who did not let her baby leave the house for 6 months. (except dr visits) I thought it was overkill but...not my kid. So I visited her and kept my mouth shut.

 

I don't care if nobody on the planet is getting these shots. These parents are making a choice to have this be a requirement until their child can get their shots. And they have the right to do it.

Okay, when you visited that baby that wasn't allowed out of the house for 6 months, did you have these shots or did those parents require it.

 

I respect them and understand. I am not arguing with them. I will wait until March. I wanted to discuss with others what they thought. I wanted to know if other moms to be were requiring shots and I didn't realize. Obviously, my cousin's are in the minority. I am disappointed and offered alternatives such as mask etc.

 

Do you think they should be mad at us for respectfully refusing to get the shots?

They haven't invited us over and the baby isn't here yet and have pretty much stopped talking to us as much. Kind of the silent treatment, but no arguments or dialogue about this issue have been happening.

[Art_Critic]

No way in heck would I go get a flu shot for that, I've gotten the flue and got sicker than I have ever been by getting one...

 

I don't inject anything in my body like that unless I absolutely need it, I think politely saying you will come by when they feel it is appropriate is all you need to do

 

Now the tetanus shot.. well.. I'm up to date on that thanks to driving a nail thru my hand with a nail gun a while back ago...

[GH101]

No way in heck would I go get a flu shot for that, I've gotten the flue and got sicker than I have ever been by getting one...

 

I don't inject anything in my body like that unless I absolutely need it, I think politely saying you will come by when they feel it is appropriate is all you need to do

 

Now the tetanus shot.. well.. I'm up to date on that thanks to driving a nail thru my hand with a nail gun a while back ago...

 

Oh you got sick from the flu shot?

 

So, I guess if you were me you wouldn't get the TDAP either? You only got it because of the incident with the nail gun?

[Art_Critic]

Oh you got sick from the flu shot?

 

So, I guess if you were me you wouldn't get the TDAP either? You only got it because of the incident with the nail gun?

 

Yeah.. but according to the med professionals you can't get the flu from the flu shot but besides me I know of a couple of others it happened to as well.. I think it's just big brother covering their butt so people will go out and get them.. they have their purpose and are needed in society.. it might be that you can't get the flu from a properly prepared flu shot but who knows if the one I got was properly prepared.

 

and yeah I wouldn't have gotten a tetanus shot if I hadn't had to.

[whichwayisup]

Yeah.. but according to the med professionals you can't get the flu from the flu shot but besides me I know of a couple of others it happened to as well.. I think it's just big brother covering their butt so people will go out and get them.. they have their purpose and are needed in society.. it might be that you can't get the flu from a properly prepared flu shot but who knows if the one I got was properly prepared.

 

and yeah I wouldn't have gotten a tetanus shot if I hadn't had to.

 

I know many who still get the flu even after getting the shot. Getting the shot doesn't 100 percent guarantee you won't get it but IF you get it apparently the severity of it is less cuz of the shot.

[eye of the storm]

GH101, I don't know if they are mad at you or not. Without talking to them, it really is hard to guess.

 

I hate assuming other peoples thought process because I am usually wrong.

 

Here are some options. Others, not you, are being aggressive with them about the shots and they feel attacked. Because they feel attacked they have decided to reduce contact with people who are not on board with what they are doing.

 

or

 

you did not come off as "I respect your rights to want this but I just can't comply" as you think and you upset them

 

or

 

They are just looking for a reason to cut down their contact with you for any number of reasons that have nothing to do with this.

 

or

 

they are dealing with personal issues that are taking up all their attention and they are not contacting anyone right now. Sometimes when I am stressed I "hunker down" and focus inward. My friends have learned when they don't hear from me for a few days/weeks they call me and check on me. So far, the count is 0% because of them. They have an older child they are prepping for a younger sibling, she could be having health issues, they could be fighting, they may be having financial issues....

 

The reasons they are not contacting you are wildly variable. And may not have anything to do with you. Or they may.

 

I would call and just say...haven't heard from you guys for awhile and just wanted to check to see if you are all ok.

 

I hope all is well with them, and you and they are able to get past this.

[pink_sugar]

Yeah.. but according to the med professionals you can't get the flu from the flu shot but besides me I know of a couple of others it happened to as well.. I think it's just big brother covering their butt so people will go out and get them.. they have their purpose and are needed in society.. it might be that you can't get the flu from a properly prepared flu shot but who knows if the one I got was properly prepared.

 

and yeah I wouldn't have gotten a tetanus shot if I hadn't had to.

 

This! My mom had a severe reaction to the shot, vomiting, diarrhea etc, but the doctor insisted that it wasn't because of the shot. I mean, come on. Like an allergy shot, the flu shot works by administering a strain into your system so your body builds immunity and a lot of times the strain administered is an old strain, so I don't see how it will prevent new viruses.

[GH101]

This! My mom had a severe reaction to the shot, vomiting, diarrhea etc, but the doctor insisted that it wasn't because of the shot. I mean, come on. Like an allergy shot, the flu shot works by administering a strain into your system so your body builds immunity and a lot of times the strain administered is an old strain, so I don't see how it will prevent new viruses.

 

Exactly, I believe the flu shot is debatable. I heard the shot is less effective this year. Sorry to hear about your mom, I'm sure it was from the shot. I don't see how the flu shot can predict what strain will be going around this year.

 

Again, if I got the shot it would be because I wanted to, not to see a baby.

I could get an allergic reaction and I would just be thinking I didn't want the shot to begin with. I don't understand what me getting these shots has to do with me visiting a baby. I offered to wear a mask or not hold him. If I'm not sick, how could I make the baby sick? I just think it's ridiculous to think the day after I visit, I will have a huge outbreak of the flu. I'm not saying it can't happen, but alot of things can happen. I just think there's only so much you can worry about. Babies can get sick from anything and anyone, so being concerned about ppl getting vaccinated with shots that may or may not prevent diseases is overkill.

Edited December 7, 2014 by GH101

[ufo8mycat]

I just think there's only so much you can worry about. Babies can get sick from anything and anyone, so being concerned about ppl getting vaccinated with shots that may or may not prevent diseases is overkill.

 

yeah they do, but we KNOW a number of vaccines prevent disease so I don't think it is overkill. There is a good reason you have probably never met anyone who under 50 that has had diphtheria, polio or small pox

 

It is a pretty common thing here for people handling newborn babies to have had a pertussis vaccination. Many virus' have contagious incubation periods so while you may not feel sick you might unknowingly be sick.

 

Babies with whooping cough are heart breaking to observe and it is generally VERY preventable. In my state we have an epidemic of pertussis due to lower vaccination rates. This isn't a "kids need to get dirty to build an immune system" situation. This is a brand new baby that is vulnerable to getting sick.

 

You have received some really good advice in this thread but I don't think it is that uncommon for a parent to be concerned about their newborn (pending) and preventing diseases that really are awful.

[Lostinlife4now]

That's what we thought too. That babies need germs to build immune system. She claims her hospital is strict and her doctor told her to tell everyone who will see the baby to get the shots. Yea, we're not going to get them because she wants us to. We just won't see the baby I guess. Thanks so much for replying.

 

 

You should tell her..>A hospital is THE WORST PLACE FOR GERMS!!!!!!

[autumnnight]

If it were me, I would send a nice card, check on her on FB, compliment the pictures, and wait until the baby is bit older to see him/her.

 

I do not have the luxury of spending all sorts of money on shots in order to say hello to a baby and maybe hold it for 5 minutes. I would never go to someone's house with a hint of sickness, and I would absolutely wash my hands. But asking me to have something medical done when I do not even live in the house is a bit much. I'd just be kind in other ways until the baby was older.

 

We live in a world where more and more people really do expect the rest of the world to revolve around them. It's amazing to me.

[GH101]

If it were me, I would send a nice card, check on her on FB, compliment the pictures, and wait until the baby is bit older to see him/her.

 

I do not have the luxury of spending all sorts of money on shots in order to say hello to a baby and maybe hold it for 5 minutes. I would never go to someone's house with a hint of sickness, and I would absolutely wash my hands. But asking me to have something medical done when I do not even live in the house is a bit much. I'd just be kind in other ways until the baby was older.

 

We live in a world where more and more people really do expect the rest of the world to revolve around them. It's amazing to me.

 

Completely agree.

[DaisyLeigh1967]

They have no right to ask that of people. I personally don't want germs introduced into my body and somebody's newborn isn't any incentive to do that. They're obviously very immature. As others have pointed out, babies need to be exposed to things. Actually, I think babies are immune to the flu virus. Don't quote me on that but I think I read it somewhere. You can google it. Anyway, how many babies have you ever known to come down with the flu? I personally never have.

 

 

 

 

Yes actually they do have a right. But the person being asked also has the right to refuse and see the baby later on. Asking is not immature. In fact, this is a more common thing doctors and even the cdc recommend.

 

 

And yes, babies can and do get the flu. Just because you've never seen or heard of a case does not mean it's a lie. And RSV is dangerous too.

[autumnnight]

I'm sure lots more people ask this than they used to. Just like lots more parents call up their kids' bosses and college professors and rail at their kids' preschool teachers than they used to. It's something I can't really relate to because I had my kids before the helicopters started landing

 

But seriously, I'd just send a gift and congratulations and see the baby later rather than pay for having an injection put into MY body.

[GH101]

We saw the baby in the hospital, now we'll probably see them again in March. They know we didn't and won't get shots. It is what it is. The baby is adorable and we're glad we were able to see him. I guess they don't want germs in their house. They never told us we couldn't come, but maybe it is implied.

Edited January 19, 2015 by GH101

[GH101]

Okay, so here's an update, we haven't seen the baby since he was born. We haven't been invited over. Unfortunately, our grandma passed away last month and they brought the baby to the funeral/wake. I didn't really go near him and I was distracted by my grief. I was VERY close with my grandma. I have a thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/familial/family/521011-cousins-don-t-care-about-me on the family message board about how these cousins that I was once close to before this whole shot thing, couldn't have cared less about me at the funeral. He didn't totally ignore me, but his wife did.

My cousins weren't that close to our grandma , but I was very close to her and they knew that. When she died neither of them called me or my mom to express sympathy. When I saw them at the funeral/wake he said hello and talked to me a little, but she didn't say one word to me. It didn't seem like she was mad at me though. She is a very serious person to begin with and you can't always know what she is thinking or feeling. However, I was very disappointed in both of them. I wanted them to call me and see how I was once they heard the news. It was extremely strange she didn't talk to me at the funeral/wake. If they were mad about me not getting the shots, this was not the time to hold a grudge. I was devastated about her death and really could have used the support.

So, now I guess I will just pull back since I see they don't care about me. I am upset about it and don't think they should be mad at me because I didn't want to inject my body with stuff and if they are mad the funeral was not the time to show it. Again I am not sure if they're mad at me, but we haven't been the same since the shot thing. We never really discussed it, just mentioned it and emailed me briefly before the baby was born about it and that was it.

What do you all think about this? Am I overreacting? Should I be mad?

Edited March 28, 2015 by GH101