Why is she pushing me away? [Updated]

[UncertainBadger]

I'm going to sum this up quick and easy.

 

I was in the friend zone for two months with my long term ex I broke up with a year ago, I asked for time to concentrate on work and it's been roughly two weeks without any word. I heard through a friend she's been asking about me/says she misses me, the only bit of contact she's made is commenting on a status I put up and liking two Instagram pictures I posted days prior which I had ignored entirely, so things have been going pretty good so far.

 

I've kept myself busy out the house and working on myself, upgrading my look/personality/likewise, even my confidence has been given a boost, I'm optimistic that this can work out in my favor.

 

There's word she'll try contacting me sometime soon, maybe a few hours, maybe a few days. I was going to follow a plan a similar forum gave where I keep things short and positive, no compliments, then hit out with a flirty compliment a few days after and build attraction that way, but I'm after more opinions to how I should go about this since there's so many different people saying different things.

 

What should I do?

Should I be friendly or distant?

How long should I aim conversation to go for?

 

Many thanks.

Edited August 9, 2014 by UncertainBadger

[ThorntonMelon]

This is all game theory crap.

 

If you want someone back, you shoot straight with them. I mean, you don't have to propose marriage on day 1, but what are you looking for with all this strategic nonsense?

 

I wouldn't tell her she was the love of your life anytime soon, but other than that, do what feels right. After all, you're much improved, right? So if it doesn't work out the way you'd like it to, you have the confidence to just move on.

 

I feel very strongly in these situations that the alpha play is to be fun and warm and your normal stuff but no games at all. Just be honest about yourself, but let her do the emotional pursuing. That doesn't mean being aloof or hesitant or rude or anything. Just don't talk too much about your feelings until she's laid out her thoughts.

[leoc1973]

I don't know if its the way you worded it or if I am an idiot but I am confused. You broke up with her a year ago? 2 weeks ago? you were in the friend zone so you broke up with her? Why play games with someone you dumped. Just tell her how you feel. Usually the dumpee is already in a lot of pain. Why add to someone's pain that you love?

[UncertainBadger]

I don't understand it, I honestly really don't.

 

Even though I've put this in the second chances thread before I make some sort of move I've noticed lately she seems to just be pushing me away, conversation has just dimmed more and more to where we are now.

 

What should I do about it?

[d0nnivain]

What's the status of your relationship? Are you dating? Married? Flirting?

 

The answer will inform the advice you get.

[dumbass2]

Yes, we need a little more info. How long together? How long broken up? Why the break up? Are you sure YOU'RE not pushing her away by being too needy and trying to force things? This is usually the case if you are the dumpee.

[UncertainBadger]

Apologies for the late reply, just been busy trying to sort out other things.

 

We were together just roughly six months but the breakup was really out of nowhere, no GIGS, with her ongoing issues with depression she didn't want to drag me down with her, I couldn't really do much about it. We've been broken up just over a year, again with her issues with depression playing a part in why I couldn't get her back.

 

I haven't really pushed her in any way shape or form, I am over the breakup but I still want her back, to some degree maybe I'm not trying hard enough.

 

I could also suspect with how long it's been I'm not really viewed highly in her eyes enough to be considered a possible boyfriend again, the last time she ever said anything along the lines of flirtatious was early August (Where she said I am actually quite attractive) but since then, not really anything of the sort.