Drunken Mistake with an engaged Friend

[Askewed]

After thanksgiving had a sort of friends thanksgiving/movie night/drinking night. Long story short by the end of the night it was myself and her awake eveyone else passed out. We have always had a flirty banter but about 2 weeks before something changed and i guess the flirting had been serious. I havent had any action in almost a year have been trying to get my life back on track, her and her man have been having some issues. We started making out, talking about how we have been eyeing the other for a while but able to contain it her being enganged, me being a generally good guy(guess im not). There was some touching but all above clothes.

 

The other day we met up to talk...and we were fine. until it was time to go and we kissed again. We generally agreed theres a spark of something between us, but while i seem to keep giving in, i dont want her and him to end he is a great guy and a good friend to me.

 

IS there anyway we can fix this. We are trying to figure out ways to avoid the situations, we have cut back on the flirting to a point to avoid temptation but not arouse suspicions.

 

I know it must sound juvenile but im a young man in my early 20s and never had this experience before. have always been able to flirt and keep it at that just something happened this time playing with fire and i got burned. would love to salvage our friendship though especially since we ahve alot of mutual friends and it would just make situations awkward.

[d0nnivain]

She is the one who has to fix this. At the very least she needs to put her wedding plans on hold while she figures out what she wants. Her FI might decide he wants no part of her after he learns about this.

[herself]

Haven't you ever gone on hiatus with your friends though where you just got really busy with your life and just let a few months go by then caught back up?

Cause that's what needs to happen here. You need to tell her you value him as a friend and want them to last and you don't feel right about it.

Tell her you need space between you and tell her even though you want to be friends in the future, you want it to be back to normal and to avoid this path.

Say it graciously but be very direct and strict enforcing its for both of your own good.

Then....drop off for a bit...avoid her and him...get your head straight...this isnt deep feelings its chemicals in the brain and endorphins and lust.

 

She won't take a stand, you have to. And the easiest way is "hey guys I've got a lot going on, with xyz, been busy with work, family...hope to catch up after the holidays..." get away right now to avoid the whole scene...block her from cell after you've explained to her you really need to...and let things die down during this break or it WON'T end. Ever.

[jackslife]

There are always other woman out there, but true, good friends are hard to find.

 

I think this is lust. If you were seriously into this girl you'd be begging her to break off the engagement. If he is a true friend, you should be telling him that his fiance is sniffing around other guys.

 

Avoid her like the plague but tell your friend that you got a bit drunk and did a tonsil box with his girl. Then back off and leave them to sort it out.

 

You showed poor judgement here, but the situation isn't irredeemable. A drunken snog is a mistake, sleep with her or keep seeing her behind his back and you will regret it.

 

Tell your friend then give them some space.

[blondie51]

Do you have feelings for her? She shouldn't be getting married if she is kissing someone else , this obviously was not a one time thing because you kissed twice. When you're truly in in love , you dont even consider anyone else. She should take a break from her engagement and think about what she wants, while you do the same.

[carhill]

OP, you're young, horny, no action for the last year and she's female. For some guys, it takes nothing more than that for boundaries to disappear. Good learning experience. Take a break from any alone stuff and keep social interactions light and move on, seeking out single young ladies to flirt with and satisfy that horniness. This kind of stuff happens all the time. You'll be tempted many times in life. The good news is you kept your clothes on. Take that and move on. Good luck and welcome to LS.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Step away from the girl! This is a bomb waiting to explode.

 

If she really is having issues with her boyfriend then she's very vulnerable right now which means you need to stay clear of her until she can sort her sh*t out. If the boyfriend really is a good friend to you then you owe it to him to keep your distance.

 

Besides, do you really want a girl who will run off and make-out with someone else at the first sign of trouble in her relationship? Don't be naive into thinking that isn't possible if you were to end up together.

 

It's called self-control. She clearly needs to be schooled in it and you need to exercise it.

 

Good luck.

[Standard-Fare]

You guys are at a critical turning point here where this either a) fades away as a blip or b) inflates into a real "thing" that would threaten the engagement.

 

Unless this girl and you had serious feelings for each other (which it sounds like you don't), it isn't worth stepping into this ocean of complications and drama.

 

No more "meetups." No more hanging out alone together. Keep your distance for a while, and only hang out in group settings. This probably doesn't even need to be a discussion with her, since she also knows it's inevitably the right path to take.

[Askewed]

I realised i was walking into being a backup man. Even thought it was neither of our intentions. After a few meetups with best intentions that ended up in make out sessions i think we had progress today. We were both reluctant of cutting off communication for a while. But Homegirl didnt want to choose and if i made her i know it wasnt going to be me. More or less told her us not talking for hours everyday is gonna suck but its what must be done.That we were medicating the burn and its gonna sting like ****, but its better than leaving it open and letting it fester.

 

I feel better because She doesnt need me mucking around in her engagment, and i dont need to be stuck as plan b.

 

Hopefully in a few days we have had time to work things out on our own and we can figure out how to mend our friendship.

 

Thanks for the Help

[GirlStillStrong]

If you want it to stop you need to stop drinking together/in the same places, stop being alone together, she needs to tell her BF the truth, and you need to set some life goals for yourself and evaluate whether your lifestyle and friends are going to help you attain them.