Tired of thinking about this 24/7, this everythig but a LDR is consuming me

[papafrita]

I just wanted to say that i feel so discouraged right now to keep on emailing to him. I been trying to stick to my hunches, that we got a chance, but i cant stop turning back to " I need some proves around, thank u". We met on sept 2004 in my back-packing trip to Europe, we spent one week together along with other people during the grape harvesting season.

 

Our connection was immediate and all was very, very intense. I just didn't want to jump in cos i was aware of this fast crush wouldn't last, trying to be rational. Obviously, we ended up having a nice last nite, and so on, it felt such an honest experience for each other. We had a great spiritual connection, ok go on realistic people, beat me up :-P I am so damn realistic as many people out there, this just moved my world, and i tried to stay conscious of geographical limitations. I am back to my country, he stay there to visit his family, and we started emailing. It was great, very intense communication, also chatting and whatever technology may help us to feel closer to each other.

 

Then, cos of his job, he found a chance to go to Africa (yeah) and stay for a big company over there, 4 months. Then what? I have no idea. All i know is that i thought it was over, cos things just brought us to the point of politely leaving the field with no further damage. Thats what i understood. It was clear for me that things were over, cos come on, i just said to myself, he is going into this phase of working abroad and last thing he'd be concentrated in (or should be) is to check his email. God he is working his a** off over there 13 hours a day/7. Its like, ok girl, leave it like a very nice memory. But just couldn't.

 

And then he started forwarding one email per month to his dearest ones , and guess what i was included. So it confused me to death, cos i was left very affected, i didn't want to walk out, but i felt it was the most rational move. I told him on one of our last conversations: "ill miss u", and he said "don't say that, god, cos u don't need to see or have someone close to u, to feel that person". I have to confess i didn't want to show myself too desperate to have him with me, i didn't feel like with any right to ask him for anything.

 

Then two months went by and i got an email from him last Thursday, saying i shouldn't be thinking he forgot about me, that he doesn't remotely wanted to believe i forgot about him (sorry I'm vocabulary challenged today), he wrote not in a friendly but in a romantic way. I was just like " why did he emailed?" i was so frustrated, i came through a lot to try to wipe him out of my system, and i just don't know what to think ,if u ask my heart i do believe we have something so strong, but it hurts me so much not to have him any closer, worse,to feel like we ain't got a chance. I wish he wrote more often, i replied to his email, but no response so far (its been a week from that).

 

Just wanted to have some support, some 2nd thoughts, some ideas, just to stop talking to myself, not a good advisor right now. I feel so damn empty.

[Fun2BMe]

He might have sent that email when he was drunk or not thinking straight. Or he might have sent it to "just check" to see if you would respond for his ego. You should forget about him and not make excuses that he is too busy to respond or write or call you. It is too hurtful for you and if he was more consistent, it would be worth your emotions but it is more hurtful than anything else.

[RecordProducer]

I agree with Fun2beMe. Man's nature is such that they don't wait for signs from women in order to make the second step. If he ever wanted to be more than he was to you, he would have shown that. I understand that you clicked, but either the timing or the person was not the right one. He might as well be in love with someone else. One email per month means nothing.

You feel that he is missing in this "relationship." This is a one-sided crush so you're not in love really. Use that advantage to move on. If he ever looks for you, you can always go back to him (if you're available). If you force things, you might bring into your life a man whose feelings are not so deep and won't develop as much as yours will. A man who doesn't love you with all his heart is the last thing you need in your life.

Nothing is going on actually. Do you want to go back to your teen age when you were happy that someone looked at you or emailed you?

Sometimes we think we met the right person, but the feeling is not always mutual. No matter how spiritually and sexually connected you thought you were, he obviously doesn't share your opinion at this moment.

You didn't expect anything from this relationship before when it was fresh; don't start expecting now, just because you feel lonely. Mr. Right will show up sooner or later. When you least expect, when you think that you can't be all by yourself anymore, when you see couples around you and envy them, and start thinking that perhaps you should settle for less - don't! Because the right guy for you (not a perfect one) will show up and you will need a heart available for him to reside in it.

[papafrita]

I agree with u RecordProducer. I wasnt even looking out for someone by that moment then, things just got to this point cos i had too much free time to think about it. Sorry if I appeared very emotional,but thats cos i wanted to be honest and get the most down to earth opinions. I think i read the signs the wrong way, so far. But most of it, I totally agree this was one way thing and i regret not having been more clearer and ask proper questions at the right time, cos now all i have is conjectures.

[RecordProducer]

Don't regret anything. You didn't need to ask the proper questions on time. Questions like "where do we go from here?" and "what will happen to our relationship in the future?" wouldn't change anything. Besides, men can be vague or untruthful about their feelings and plans with a woman sometimes, especially if you force them to give you straight answeres. The best way to get the truth from them is to say and do nothing. They often say what we want to hear. So nothing would have been different no matter what you did.

I get the impression that he's the adventurous type of guy. (I don't know why, but people who go to Africa to work always seem adveturous to me).

Over-emotional is every woman's middle name and it's normal to idealize a man when you're lonely. It's probably some genetic inheritage we pull through our veins for milleniums since the times when a woman was alone with her little ones in a cave waiting for her man to bring food. Woman tend to be emotionally dependent on her man. On the other hand, men seem to be independent by nature and only when they are deeply in love they act the way we want them to.

[papafrita]

and the thing is i was backpacking with my former bf and he never had a hint about it. Now my former bf wants to come over and see me for last time before he goes back to college next fall (Sept). It was such a hard work to make him realize there was nothing from me towards him, cos i didn't find it right to have him as a spare car part.

 

he is coming anyway but under different terms, finally. Still i don't expect too much of a change in his attitude, its been too early since break up. I made myself clear enough and we are moving on to very good friends-ville. I am happy things turned out this way cos i really appreciate this guy, but not to consider him a couple.

 

sure, u can call this other guy adventurous if u want. but its a matter of perception. Way before practicing extreme sports was radical and so on since it included a complete approach to life, now its part of our culture and we all know someone doing this. Choosing a field where u have to move on geographically fast its another lifestyle we don't usually share and i don't know if its completely enough argument to call him adventurous. Not justifying him anyway. But i agree there are not thousands answering "yes" on the Would-you-go-and-work-in-Africa? poll nowadays. Anyway, what is adventurous for u?

 

When i said "guess what , i was included" referring to monthly emails i felt mostly surprised and kinda upset cos --over is over man! :-P

 

i don't really believe in "it ain't over till is over" cos it drives u to unnecessary tiring and stressing situations.

 

thank u for helping me get the house in order.

 

-----On the other hand, men seem to be independent by nature and only when they are deeply in love they act the way we want them to------

You tell me!!

[RecordProducer]

You're lonely and you desperately want to love someone. Believe me, I know the feeling too well. But you must be patient and wait for the right one. You won't wait for too long. Trust me!